Jai

Oct 13 + Spiritual practice: just did a second evening meditation that was decent effort but a little frustrating. I'm a little off today. But my spiritual practice was solid. / Attitude of service: better today. Did try to go out of my way to be helpful. Put in good effort. Some mental/emotional from within pushback over some weird requests but I had good effort today. Was stuck a little bit in my own problems. + Life habits: Also good. Really good discipline. Didn't have a chance to talk to any girls. That has made me feel a little bummed. A little bit of a let down because I've been on a good streak for this. Funny how a little let down like this has me questioning it. Just not a lot of opportunities in this small city and it's like I have to go out of my way to even find girls to talk to. / Mental and emotional states: Good effort on my part. But a weird day. I felt a little in turmoil over a purchase I'm not sure will go so well. I ordered some clothes from a tailor I've done business with overseas but I'm worried he may cheat me. I guess there is some fear there. And this has kind of thrown off my day a little. Plus work was okay, but still some stress and complications. In the evening felt let down because I'd like to talk to girls but didn't see any. So problem is I haven't had the mental and emotional steadiness I've had recently. I was thrown off a little easily, even though I had good effort all day to stay connected. Plus maybe the whole girls thing is a distraction. Not sure but I want to bounce back tomorrow. Overall: weird day. Not the type of connected day I've been use to having. Mentally in inner turmoil worry a little about my own problems and fears. Also did a lot right today. I mean my overall habits are really strong. Spiritual practice is still the foundation. Just gonna be days like this.

Oct 12 + Spiritual practice: Good meditation this morning. I think I did a little chanting also, I guess some of these days blend together. Pretty consistent with my spiritual practice so that's good. / Atttitude of service: My actions were good, definitely was helpful. Internally though I was a little bothered at times. I didn't have the best day internally so I wasn't as positve as normal and I ended up doing okay for actions, but wasn't really dedicated and open to service. I still was helpful, but the internal orientation counts also. + Life habits: Pretty good. Talked to one girl, that went nowhere. that's okay though glad I'm putting myself out there. Still taking cold showers, waking up early, exercise, eating right, on retention. It's actually amazing how great my habits are. I've never been on a streak like this ever. 2015 was pretty good, but this is even better for me. It feels like I'm actually becoming that person that is a go getter. / mental and emotional states: Not where I want to be in terms of how i felt. But I did do a pretty good job of countering this and turning to God. So even if I felt a little off my actions were solid. - Didn't own up to overlooking something at work. Wasn't major but it was something that happened. I could've easily just said that I had overlooked something. I just fixed it and acted like no big deal. Overall: Want to improve tomorrow. Bring these lessons over and wake up and make sure to give it my all.

Oct 11 + Spiritual practice: good morning session. I also chanted a bit. My meditation is somewaht distracted at times becasue I'm wanting to date again and thinking about girls. It's okay to think about girls, just not during meditation. I am on a nice retention streak so I want to transform this energy. / Attitude of service: Good I guess. I mean I had good outward energy, but not a lot of real opportunities for service. Definitely want to keep the outward energy and the ability to be ready to help. + Life habits: Pretty good. Wake up at night 6:00 and that's sleeping in. Diet and exercise is good. Started talking to girls again. I have to look at that as a good habit. I have to put myself out there. No other way to do it. I have to put myself out there. What's nice is I get added benefit from this and I'm more involved socially in general. I like that feeling of being involved and interacting. Also this forces me to take more care in my appearance and dress nicely and have some style. All of this is good, it's too easy to fall back into bad habits or operating on less than where I should be. + Mental and emotional states: Big victory here. Woke up a little down from yesterday, and also had some regret and worry about leaving my last job. I really countered this nicely. In my thoughts I redirected myself toward God, strengthened my faith. Asked for a better way of thinking and having trust. This really turned things around. I want to live in gratitude and be excited about life. I have a lot to be excited about. So had a good day after that! Felt pretty connected and just had a nice day overall. Overall: Nice day off. Talked to 2 girls, went hiking and on a bike ride. Met up with some friends in the park. Met a couple new people. So overall feeling good about that. Didn't do a computer study session today. That's okay. Felt good to not be on the computer so much. Probably a good idea overall to have a little more time off of the computer. gonna speak with some friends tomorrow for our accountability group. Pretty much hit my goals for the past three months. Next three months I'm gonna set up nicely. Big part of this is meeting a girl. That will have the biggest and most important impact for me. So focus on that as well as keeping up my good habits, good spiritual practice and good effort at work.

Good to see this log. I'm on day 30 and feeling free. I've done no fap before but have always been tightly wound. This time it feels different, probably because I'm not using no fap to give up porn. Haven't watched porn in over a year. Retention feels more natural now. I feel mastering this is part of my path of spiritual progress. My goal is really to retain until I meet a girl. I really just want someone to share sex with. Because right now masturbating alone seems pointless and stupid. I don't want to settle for anything but good sex with a girl I'm really in to. I'm hoping this lasts becasue I feel good and the discipline comes from it self. I'm not forcing it.

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Oct 10 + Spiritual practice: Had a longer meditation this morning than normal for a weekend. Really significant. Also feel the strenght of my sexual energy in meditation sometimes since I've been on retention for a month or so. Also did more chanting today. I do want to finish learning this chant and have one solid chant that I can do. + Attitude of service: Good I guess. Hard to judge today. No real opportunities for service like on days that I work. Oh but I was really nice to a receptionist that just got off the phone with someone who was really angry with her. So I lightened the situation and was friendly so that was definitely a good example of service. Pretty decent outward energy. + Life habits: Good. Eating clean, exercising, practicing retention, started talking to girls again, including good things in my life. Good discipline is now the norm. / Mental and emotional states: Not exactly the best today. Not bad, but not up to the high standard I want. Wasn't as energized today as recent days. Not as enthusiastic and optimisitic. So I didn't fall into fear exactly, but I wasn't where i was all week. That's okay, I jsut want to monitor this closely. My inner states are so important. If I take care of those the actions will take care of themselves. Overall, pretty productive day off. Ran some errands and I'm investing in a few things to upgrade my life. Going to dress nice with some nice suits I'm buying. Going to get a new pair of glasses also. I want to keep improving myself. Also I'm socially putting myself out there by talking to girls. This helps me socially in general. I don't want to recede from social situations. I want to really be friendly and outgoing. It just takes effort to talk to girls, so I want to keep this up so it becomes more and more normal.

Oct 9 + Spiritual practice: Good morning session. I should try to do a really solid meditation this weekend. Usually weekends I do shorter sessions so it would be nice to really have a good one. + Attitude of service: Good here. Want to be helpful at work. Never really sunk into inner turmoil, always had good outward energy today. Trying to do my best here. + Life habits: Strong. Definietly need a weekend to lower the intensity. This afternoon I was tired. Went hard all week. Really had a great week. Not a bad day at all. I've also started talking to girls which I need to make into a habit. It's time I meet someone. I've been improving my product and really building momentum in life. So I got a lot to offer and I just have to put myself out there. + Mental and emotional states: Good, never fell into negativity or low emotion/thoughts. Did get a little fatigued so that lowered my vibe a bit. But I can say I had an awesome bike ride after work where i just felt really connected. Overall: Really good day. I'm on a nice streak. Each day I'm growing. Big thing now is just trying to meet a girl to date. And really aligning my spiritual life with talking to girls and getting a solid sex life. So I guess I'll see if it happens.

Oct 8 + Spiritual practice: Really good. Another solid morning meditation. Had a friend over for an evening meditation and dhammatalk. Love sharing a spiritual path and connecting with friends. This is good so the foundation is good. Each day if I build this good results will come. + Attitude of service: Good today. Looking to be helpful. Made an error at work and admitted it. I want to be helpful not look good. I'm not out to get a promotion, or anything. Just want to contribute. It's better also to admit mistakes. + Life habits: Also really strong. Motivation for cold showers is back to where it needs to be. got a heater for the bathroom, good investment so I don't get afterdrop chills. Also started yoga in the mornings. That's going good. + Mental and emotional states: Also strong. Solid day here. Stayed positive and optimistic. Stayed focused and didn't get sidetracked. The awareness here is helping. Being aware here helps me avoid feeling insercure, or resentful or a host of other emotions. The point is to direct my inner state toward feeling connected. Overall: Moved forward today. Really strong day. I'm on a good streak this week. Want to keep it up on Friday. Being a little more social also and looking to talk to girls on the daily. I think a lot of people are looking to interact and just need someone to open it up. People are sick of this covid stuff. Other than that on a killer cold shower streak. Almost 5 months stepping into a cold shower every day. My retention streak is going good... which is basically being celibate. I like having control over this area of life... it's more freedom than control. I definitely want a relationship with a lady, but I'm glad I have this discipline. Anyway, nothing like taking cold showers and being celibate to test mental control. If I can do those two things then I can really aim and direct my consciousness. 27 days of being celibate so it's still new. The point is I'm not forcing it, not giving anything up. I have freedom and can really use this energy. I defnitely want to meet a girl but don't have to. I'm going to put in the effort but keep up with my disciplien until it happens

Oct 7 + Spiritual practice: Such a good meditation this morning. I mean really solid. Had a strong emotional connection with God. More than just mental focus and clarity. Just really felt the presence. + Attitude of service: better at work. initial reactions are good. Trying to contribute. Not having a bad attitude. Willing to stay diligent and work hard and be helpful. + Life habits: Really good. Cold shower today was better. More motivation, I really want to keep my cold shower streak alive. Also just want to keep up the streak of retention. I have freedom here it feels like. It's not a struggle, I enjoy the benefit and freedom. + Mental and emotional states: Not really any sign of negativity today. Wow, just realized this. Was really on the positive side the whole day. I hope to keep making this my default setting, positive and connected. Overall: So solid today. I got some good momentum and I'm riding a good streak here. I keep investing in God and keep getting rewarded. So I cannot compromise on God. That's what's got me here. Also, didn't feel any stress really at work. I feel more and more capable. Still working hard, but I don't have to prove myself anymore. If I can get to a place where I know I can contribute and not have stress then I can really settle in to life. I've been a bit on the edge with work... but things are looking up as I learn my job. The more I understand the less stress there is. So I want to keep this up.

Oct 6 + Spiritual practice: Good today. Nice morning session. Opened the way for a connected day. / Attitude of service: My actions were good, but my attitudes are not where they should be. With work often I have a somewhat confrontational attitude at first and not really excited about service. I correct it, but I want to be initially excited about service. Work never ends, there will always be more projects, that's just how it is. So no reason to not try to be of service and help others. I want a good attitude when I see an email request or something. Just another opportunity to be useful. + Life habits: Good. Discipline comes from a connection with God. I'm enjoying the benefits of these and it doesn't feel all that difficult. Retention is going really good. It feels like I have victory there... I'm able to really harness the energy. Also made an investment and bought a space heater, this way I can heat up my bathroom really hot so I can take cold showers and not have the bad afterdrop after. It's an investment but that way I don't have to heat my whole house. I can use this when I do yoga also. Don't like spending money but this will help me keep up a good habit. + Mental and emotional states: Felt good today. It feels like I'm contributing at work. I'm putting in good effort. My mental and emotional game is as good as it's ever been. I'm watching out for anything that may throw me off and dealing with it immediately. That's the good policy. I'm overall pretty excited and optimistic. Overall: Need to really trust God. And just keep doing what I'm doing. I'm starting to have more faith and believe in myself more. I feel more capable and confident. I need to let go of worry and fear of the future. Just keep investing in my relationship with God and keep working toward transforming my life. Just keep my work level up high.

Oct 5 + Spiritual practice: Really strong morning practice. Not chanting regularly though. Monday's I'm in a hurry to get to work on time even though I get up at4:15am. Easier on days I don't go to work because I have extra time I save not driving. + Attitude of service: Generally good. Good effort. Good outward energy. Good job in general of trying to contribute. Have to admit though that sometimes my first thought at work isn't toward helping others, but I catch myself. Sometimes it just feels like there is more and more to do. And then I get a thought of not wanting to help. But got to catch that. Being helpful is the best strategy. + Life habits: Great today. Really sharp all around. Didn't wake up initially positive but I did a good job of getting into a positive space by having good habits and a sense of accomplsihment early. + Mental and emotional states: Good today. Left work feeling connected and energized. Really did a good job of keeping connected during the day. Stayed relatively free from stress and worry. So I can keep bringing this everyday. Overall: Solid day. Keep doing this. Even if I have an off day it is followed closely by a strong day. The point is to make each day a little better and move forward. Still got a long way to go to my goals and to build a great life, but I've already come a long way. My spiritual practice and habits are really good and I know the benefit that these will have.

Oct 4 + Spiritual practice: Not the same intensity as during the week but still a pretty good job today. Had a good morning practice so I'm happy with that. The point is to do this every day and keep the momentum going. + Attitude of service: Good outward energy today. Not stuck in self and my own problems too much. Had a good conversation with a friend and tried to be helpful. + Life habits: Pretty good as usual. Was like 30 minutes short on my goal for studying a computer course but that's okay. Still pretty good effort. My life habits are pretty good overall. Enjoying the discipline and benefits. Also good because I'm on a retention streak of 3 weeks. And it feels natural and not forced so I've grown with harnessing sexual energy. + Mental and emotional states: good. Never fell into a negative realm. Was pretty steady all day. So solid day here. Overall: Good day today. Gonna go into tomorrow strong and do my best. Each week I just renew my committment and each day I try to bring my best. So far I've been doing well. Able to meet the circumstances of the day. So not a whole lot to be worried about. Just got to keep God first. I think that is the real goal. Just keep God first.

Oct 3 + Spiritual practice: Really nice morning prayer session and really good meditation in the evening. I just settled nicely into a meditation and really felt the breath energy and a good amount of peace. I should get more weekend meditation sessions in. Good spiritual energy all afternoon. + Attitude of service: Good outward energy today. Spoke with a few people at the grocery store and I was really friendly. When I'm like that people reciprocate it back. That's good. I want to keep a good outward energy of love and not be stuck in my own worries and problems. + Life habits: This turned around the day for me. Woke up with a little of the funk from yesterday. Went and did my laundry early and still felt in a funk. So I did a prayer/contemplation session, took a cold shower and did some WHM breathing. Really energized me and changed the trajectory of the day to positive. I'm really doing well in this area of my life. My habits are really good and it's sustainable. I want to keep this up. + Mental and emotional states: Huge victory today. In walmart I went to try on a hat, when I got to checkout I realized I didn't have my sunglasses on my head, I thought I left them where the hats were. So I ran back to try to find them... and honestly on my way my first thought was "I'm not going to let this ruin my day" which is perfect. Obviously it would be a bummer if I lost prescription sunglasses. But I was going to roll with it and not let it affect my mental and emotional state which was pretty positive at the time. Turns out they weren't there so I was worried for a second, and then I realized they were on hanging on my shirt. So it worked out and it was funny. I'm also pumped about my instant reaction to stay positive in that situation. Overall: Really strong day. Turned things around with good habits and a spiritual practice. Want to keep it going. I've proven I can make it through off days or stressful days without a disruption to my general progress and trajectory. Even on bad or off days I'm really keeping things together with what i can control. Not everyday is going to be perfect. I just have to hold it together.

Oct 2 + Spiritual practice: Good morning practice, but again didn't chant. I may just have to lessen my meditation time or cut something else out. Not sure what to do. + Attitude of service: Good today at work. Really put in good effort to be helpful. Good outward energy. + life habits: up early, started doing yoga in the morning instead of running. I think this will be good for me now. Feels time for a switch. All habits pretty good. / Frustration/confrontational: Went to do laundry at the laundromat and it was about to close. This made me a little frustrated because they had a sign up saying the last load was after the time I was there but that they changed their hours. Negative for getting frustrated. Positive for recognizing it instantly and not getting more upset. So that was a decent way to handle it. / Mental and emotional states: Had a really strong day at work. Feeling a bit down now just because I'm pretty tired. Usually on Friday I'm more excited for the weekend, but today just a little worn out. That's okay, I have tomorrow off and have some time to get a few things done and have some time to myself. Overall: Good day, definitely moved forward. So I want to keep that up. Even I feel a little off my habits and spiritual practice is strong. That's why I've been consistenly moving forward.

Oct 1 + Spiritual practice: Solid meditation and prayer. Should probably get more consistent with chanting in the morning. I do want to improve this. I've kind of stalled out on learning more lines + Attitude of service: I took a better attitude today and was more positive and more helpful. Really sought out opportunities to do this. + Life habits: Got up on first alarm like normal. Did some yoga that felt good plus other exercise. Met with a friend after work. Solid life habits really help and I bounced back and had a better day today. + Mental and emotional states: Improvement over yesterday. I set an intention last night that I was going to wake up and get up right away and think about something positive. Gonna do the same tonight. Important to get out of bed motivated. All day I was pretty optimistic and pretty in the groove. Felt strong and capable. This is what I'm working toward, a kind of confidence and capability that this is my default setting. Overall: strong day. Felt good to bounce back. I'm seeing that's what usually happens. So tomorrow I want to repeat this.

Sep 30 + Spiritual practice: Good morning session. Good on the meditation and chanting. Prayer is meaningful. Solid effort today. / Attitude of service: Good but i got frustrated and it got to me a little. So yes I was doing service, but didn't have the enthusiasm today. So tomorrow I want to improve the enthusiasm. I want to feel like it's my purpose to serve and that that's something I want to do. - Life habits: Woke up late 2 days in a row. So I get a negative. Even though other habits were good. That threw my day off a little I think. I gotta get up on first alarm even if I don't feel like it. That's a victory itself. So got to get to bed earlier so there aren't any excuses. / Mental and emotional states: Felt frustrated and resentful. I did counter these and recognize these. That's the good news. Even as it was happening I saw it and recognized my error. I did a good job of turning to God for direction and strength. So I held it together pretty good. Overall: Even if I didn't feel the best today I had good actions and habits. My effort was good even if I woke up late. So even on an off day I had good progress. So want to take these lessons into tomorrow and improve.

Sep 29 Wow what a day. Yesterday felt a little off and that rolled over into this morning. I slept an extra 45 minutes till 5:00. But didn't really sleep the whole time, just kept hitting snooze which I never do. Better to just reset the alarm if I need more time. Point is that is a bad way to start the day. But I was still a little sore from hiking and I didn't have the juice to get up. When i did get up I rallied and did some exercises and took a cold shower. Also had a productive day at work. Felt like I had good focus and got a decent amount done. Felt more positive and connected today and less overwhelmed. So yesterday was just a somewhat off day. And I bounced back today and felt recconnected with my goals. Just more excited and more vitality. Obviously this is how I prefer to feel. + Sprititual practice: Good morning session. Going to do a quick meditation now. - Attitude of service: Generally good, but a couple exceptions. I have to admit that I felt bothered a couple times today at work. Just a little bothered by small requests. Thats the wrong reaction I want to have. I want to feel like I can do service and want to. Keep an excitement up for doing my best. / life habits: good but didn't get up on first alarm. Okay I guess because it rarely happens. Feel more motivated for tommorrow. + Mental and emotional states: Strong today. Came back today and was definitely on the positive side of things. On off days I just have to remember that I bounce back strong and just not let it affect me. Which it didn't really too much. My habits and actions are usually good on off days. Where I struggle is in doubt and questioning myself. It's like I need to stand up to doubt and not worry about the path I'm on. Just embrace the growth that I'm having. Overall: Good day. Definitely moved forward.

Sep 28 Good day for habits and action but I hit a little bit of an emotional snag in the early evening after work. Today I put forth really good effort, but I could be feeling a bit overwhelmed and the problem is that there is no end in sight. I think that is just kinda work or career in general. I just have to accept that this is what life is like. I've always valued free time and for now there isn't a lot of free time. It's just a cycle of weeks that are all pretty similar. All my habits are all pretty similar. But I've made a good effort of doing good things that are memorable in my free time to make me feel sane and to value my off time. So today I really hit a dip because I realized it's kind of like being on a treadmill and I just have to make the best of it. It's not that bad, it' s just I've always valued more free time. I also enjoyed my job more as a mechanic more than this computer job. Being a mechanic was more satisfying and felt more natural. Plus I got paid a lot better. I was naturally more excited about it than by doing this. But with that it took a physical toll. It was pretty brutal. But mentally there was no stress. This is the opposite. The difficulty is in the mental stress and staring at a computer. My body feels great, my habits are great, I have a great spiritual practice but I'm not as naturally fulfilled or happy with my work. So I just felt that today a little. I recognize it and want to get over it an move on so I can keep progressing. + Spiritual practice: Good. Good effort here. This is the foundation. / Attitude of service: Good but I didn't listen well in a meeting after work. Instead of listening to others I was in my head a little. I caught myself and was able to refocus which is good. But the point is that I wasn't naturally oriented toward others. Good attitude at work though. Definitely focused on being helpful. + Life habits: Good. Pretty good discipline here. Don't want to give this up. / Mental and emotional states: Not horrible here, but didn't have the control and direction I wanted. Got a little off track and distracted by feeling overwhelmed. I didn't go into a tailspin, but I'd like to keep better motivation and faith that it will all be worth it. Just need better perspective and a stronger commitment to my goal. If I have a strong commitment to my goal then I'll be able to make it through tough times better. So part of it could be just having a better vision of what I'm building so I don't get as down. Overall: I moved forward today, no doubt. Just have to not get discouraged. I think that is the word discouraged. Even on off days I'm doing a lot, progressing and trying my best.

Sep 27 + Spiritual practice: Did a quick session before going hiking at 5:30. Going to do a meditation now before bed. So still present in my life. + Attitude of service: Decent outward energy. Not a lot of opportunities for service tho. + Life habits: Good. Had a ton of exercise today. Hiked a mountain. Got up early. Ate clean. Stepped into a cold shower. Really strong day. + Mental and emotional states: Good. I didn't worry about Monday and work. Really just had a good day. Mondya is usually a strong day anyway. I like being free from worry on weekends. That way I can enjoy it. Had slight compare and despair where I was comparing myself to others. Just need to focus on my own progress and live in gratitude. Overall: Solid day. Was pretty productive after my hike and got a couple things done. Still have a lot of stuff in my personal life to do. I'm just busy and hiking takes up all day. Which is a good thing. I like the sense of accomplishment and getting outside. I felt really connected and great. My retention streak is now over 14 days I think. I'm going to keep this going. I like the energy and discipline. This is on my mind now more since I went on a date yesterday. I definitely want to improve my dating life. It's weird with Covid but I think I have to stop using that as an excuse. Problem is also it does seem like a distraction from work and from my spiritual life. So I have to make sure I keep my spiritual life first. Really connect and resonate spiritually and not let dating distract me from that. It should be an additive in my life not a distraction.

Sep 26 + Spiritual practice: Good but a different tone on weekends. I definitely maintained some good connection today. I got a good cumulative effect going and want to keep it up. + Attitude of service: good outward energy. Great conversation with a friend. I thought i was helpful to him and he was also helpful to me. Got a great new saying: "your vibe attracts your tribe" / Life habits: good, but I didn't get enough hours in for my computer session. Not the end of the world, but progressing with my skills is important. Also met up with a girl which is good. I think I definitely want that in my life. I feel like i'm heading in the right direction. I got some good sexual discipline with retention going and good energy. Next step is improving relationships. + Mental and emotional states: Really good. Hit a small lull in the afternoon but also bounced back good. I'm definitely in a good place of positivity. Overall: Solid day. Felt good to go on a date. Excited about life in general. I want to dig in and really build a nice life for myself. It's going to take a lot of hard work but I'm on my way. I can't turn back now. I got good energy and momentum. I got a good opportunity. The main thing is just keeping God first.

Sep 25 Today went well. Lately I have less natural motivation to get out of bed. I slept in till 4:30am lol. Still getting up early but I feel like I want more sleep. Usually the least I get is 7 hours. Most is 8, usually in between. But I'm never really tired. So I shouldn't worry about more sleep I guess because I'm never tired. Good effort at work today. All the work is never done, but I'm putting in good effort. So happy with how I handled a Friday. Also really good signs of connection. Really felt God's presence in my life. l really notice and feel a different consciousness. When I have strong mental and emotional states it really does feel like a slightly different concsiousness. And I also have real moments of peace. I'm not in conflict or turmoil, just a deep sense of serenity. So I'm building all of this. And the good news is that I'm doing it while under considerable stress at work. Not the worst job in the world but there's a lot going on and I'm adapting and growing spirtitually to meet the circumstances. So I want to keep my foot on the gas. It's taken me a lot of effort to get here. There is still more work to be done. And I'm feeling like I can keep building stronger and better states and really exist in a good spot. + Spiritual practice: Really good morning session. + Attitude of service: Good here. Good outward energy, trying to be helpful + Life habits: Good. good WHM, now doing pushups on a breath hold. Diet is really strong. I'm never hungry. Junk food makes you hungry. Really eating clean. + Mental and emotional states: Good here. Really positive all day. Good awareness and good direction. + Resentment: I'm saying good because i really notice subtle disturbances. Just asked God to take these away. They're barriers to my well being and bring me down. Got to catch these when they're small. Really good day, nothing to complain about, mostly things to be excited about.

Morning journal session I've had a really strong week so far so I want to finish strong. Today is an opportunity to continue the good track I'm on. I've had really good connection to God and high vitality and pretty positive. So with God I'm able to meet the challenges of everyday. I'm starting to see that this is sustainable, that I can put God first and keep good performance at work. So Friday is really just finishing the week strong. I can't let off my good habits. Lately I've had a temptation to sleep in. I worry a little if I don't get 8 hours of sleep. But usually 7 is enough. I want to keep waking up early to face the day and have time for all of my good habits in the morning. I'm also starting to resonate spirtuality more. I can feel it and I think it's becoming more evident to others. In the past when I've been really spiritually active over a prolonged period of time that's been the case also. It's like I give off a really positive energy and that's evident to others. It's like I have a contagious energy. I want to cultivate this more. The one year where I really had it was 2015 when I had a similar daily spiritual practice and took it really seriously. That year was amazing and I've doubted if I can get back to a similar place. Now it's feeling like i can. I've been a little over 5 months stratight of committed daily spiritual practice. I've definitely gotten closer to God and feel God in my life. I'm starting to attract people like i did in 2015. I'm starting to leave behind fear, worry, doubt, regret, etc. I feel better and more positive about life and the future. I'm really living each day out to the max. So now's the time to keep my foot on the gas. There's no going back. It's taken me like 5 years to get as consistent again. I've had a lot of trial and error in these 5 years, tried a bunch of different things, did grow spiritually some, had some periods where I was spiritually active. But i didn't have the consistency I do now. So that's why I recommitting. Each day I have to do it and grow. There are still some things I need to clean up and things I'm hanging on to, but I can totally overcome those also. They are just the next barriers to overcome. So I'm convinced that there is an even greater connection out there. I just can't give up. Have to keep with my spiritual practice and this path.

Sep 24 Turned off my internet last night so copy and pasting this in from last night. + Spiritual practice: Good today. Had a friend over after work and we did a meditation. It was really nice to hang out, chat spiritual stuff and meditate. Felt really connected today. It’s a good indication of the momentum I have and my daily effort. + Attitude of service: Good here. I tried to avoid resentment at work and did a good job. I didn’t get upset over some potential conflict at work. Keeping a good attitude of service. Each day I have to renew this because it’s tough to have this orientation. So I want to keep this up. + Life habits: Did some extra WHM breathing. Ate clean. Slept about 30 min longer since I didn’t sleep well. Good decision I had good energy all day. I’m getting a lot of benefit from these good habits. Plus riding a nice retention streak. + Mental and emotional states: Really good also. Stayed positive and optimistic. Wasn’t critical or cynical. Really felt connected. Didn’t feel overwhelmed at work. Just day at a time meeting the mental and emotional challenges and staying connected with God. Overall: Strong day. Good marks all around. Not a lot to complain about, pretty much good things in my day. Life feels good and heading in the right dirction. Just need to keep investing in God and do my best tomorrow.

Sep 23 + Spiritual practice: Good job this morning. Fitting chanting in right away after meditation. Still need to find a way to record it and have it on my phone. Felt connected during the day also. Was able to meet the circumstances of the day, maintain God's presence. I had a great bike ride after work also. Really felt like I'm on the right path. I'm getting more and more evidence that things are going in the right direction, just need to keep investing in God + Attitude of service: Good here, but not optimal. I had some moments of frustration today where I wasn't as eager to help. Maybe feeling a bit overwhelmed. I want to be genuinely excited about helping others and go after the opportunity. + Life habits: Good. Staying strong. Get an early start and I do some difficult stuff. Face difficult things early and do some good things and just keeep that momenutum in the day. + Mental and emotional states: Really good today. Faced with adversity at work I really held it together. I faced resentment and didn't let it affect me. Just maintained a good state. After work I really felt connected. Overall: Really solid day. This is what I aim for. It was difficult at times but I maintained and really felt good about it. Just want to keep it going. The whole thing is just having a spiritual practice to open a connection with God, practicing service, and trying to maintain the connection. Sounds weird but i got to follow this. Not worry too much about life, just worry about keeping up a relationship with God.

Morning journal session Going to journal some before work. Yesterday I had a challenging day. I didn't have my normal level of focus. Today I want to have a strong day. I'm putting in good effort with my habits and spiritual practice. There are always going to be tough days. So far I've done good with having consistent effort and not going into a tailspin over an off day. Right now what I can control is my effort today. So i want to keep my composure, work hard and keep focus. I also don't want to fall into worry doubt or fear. Those things can unplug my spiritual connection quickly. Also I have to be content with day at a time progress. That's what i've been doing. Each day I'm moving forward. In a life and spiritual sense but also with work. I'm learning more every day and I can't be upset that I don't know everything yet. It can be overwhelming but I want to keep progressing. The theme I've been contemplating and trying to live is just meeting the circumstances with God behind me. It's like these are the circumstances I have to meet. I can't complain about the circumstances I have to adapt by growing spiritually. That's the challenge. So today I want to do my best and practice acceptance. I want to stay positive about life and understand that i can adapt to life's challenges. Right now things can be difficult at times but I've been consistently been able to handle any situation. I just have to settle in and really do my best over 2 years and then see where I stand. That's a lot of time to grow and i want to just keep doing my best.