Spiral Wizard

Here is as clear of an answer as I can offer you through text: You cannot just exit the dream like that because the exit door is the eye of the needle of annihilating pain. God has left no other exit door for itself because otherwise you would take your ego with you. God must cleanse itself from all ego through annihilating pain before it can reclaim all of its power. There are completely intertwined. The problem is you’re trying to understand this from a mind that is running away from and avoiding pain… But THE ANSWER CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN PAIN! It will be a non-verbal answer. You are asking for a verbal answer. The answer will not be understood or logical for the mind. The answer will be the annihilation of your life. It will be a truth that annihilates you and no one be left. Can you sense this? The reason why you don’t understand who you are as an all powerful God right now, right here is because you are resisting your own Self/creation. Only by going through the fire of pain and fully coming in contact with this moment with all of its uncomfortableness can you reconnect with your own power! Your power hides in your pain. Once you reunite with your pain, you reunite with yourself. The closer you allow the pain to touch you, the more you will regain your power, clarity, and freedom. Again, this is not something I can fully communicate in words, but trust me with an empathetic guide who can non-verbally communicate this through his silent presence that’s speaking from this pain point you may start to feel this truth. Pain is the path. There is no way around it, NOT EVEN UNDERSTANDING! You will have to let all that craving go and meet the moment without any resistance to actually and fully become yourself as the pure white light (PAIN!) that has refracted into the colours and vibrations that make up this moment. This moment will collapse back into pure white light (God collected back into its full consciousness and power) when there is no more resistance to pain. Annahilation of your ego is what is pulling you back into this white light. Resistance to pain is what’s splitting the white light into all emotions like (red = anger, blue = sadness, yellow = fear), as well as thought, vibration, and the colorful appearance of a physical world. Of course, this is the last thing your ego wants to hear because it means that you have to let go your wish to become God and submit yourself to the annihilation of all your wishes/expectations/concepts/ideas/hopes/etc. (which are all resistance to this moment as it is), fully meet this moment with all of it’s uncomfortableness, completely forget anything and only know pain, be engulfed and swallowed by it, so that you may actually be annihilated back into God. This can be a grueling and gut wrenching process but rest assured, that’s just resistance - the pain itself is just cleansing you out. Only the ego perceives it as a threat. You ALWAYS have the choice to surrender into the next step. When relaxed, your being will breath in the new space and in time, divinity will inhabit the space that was once obstructed by ego. Appreciate and be humbled by understanding what powerful unconscious avoidance mechanisms you are up against! Your ego will not let this happen and keep circle jerking & trying to escape like you have been to avoid this at ALL COST. Good luck & God speed, it’s going to be your end.

Listen, this is as direct and honest of a signal I can share brother: Pain is the most essential path. All others dance around the fire, pain is the fire. Insight meditation is great, psychedelics are awesome, and they may all help you change your state and get valuable reference experiance but the most profound and real transformation as well as awakening process I’ve found is pain. It’s elegant simplicity because pain is in everything - we just don’t notice it. PRACTICAL SIGNAL: Go do the 30-60 day Vipassana retreat at TMC in San Jose this September. That WILL change your state. If you want to dip your toe in the water before, do a 14 day Vipassana beforehand. If you dare, go do 5-MeO-DMT. That WILL change your state. Also, in case you want to lose your virginity, come to Koh Phangan in Thailand. There is a huge alternative scene, hippy & tantra community and you can have a great life for cheap. You will get laid sooner or later you if you losen up. Then after, once your cravings have been satisfied, if you dare, let go of all that state changing and ‘trying’ and meet your boring ass, mundane, sober state and feel the fucking pain of that until you die into the moment. Thats the truest, deepest, and most innate love affaire I’ve found. The pain of the present moment, right now ❤️ There are a few guides who have helped me progress further than I ever could have alone. If you are serious, I could connect you.

Interesting! I felt the same thing after my recent awakening & almost annahilating pain process on LSD. But I didn’t dare to go all the way because it became too scary of a pain, I thought I was about to physically die, never return from this white hole / singularity and I didn’t want to let go of my mom as a separate Individuation in my dream as God. I’m curious, how would you describe what you discovered that made you think: if people knew, they wouldn’t want to continue? For me it was basically the shocking complete annahilation one has to go through. I almost didn’t want to continue but I saw that I had no choice, no matter what I do I’ll end up in pain. After integration time with my guide I’m starting to see how there was nothing scary about the pain itself except my resistance to it. So now I’m more in surrender with it. What’s been your experiance?

@Yeah Yeah consider this: in order to leave this reality you have to ‘graduate’ this reality. Meaning, you must ‘pass’ / ‘master it’. So if you can’t handle & love this reality, if you can’t live in harmony in this reality, how can you expect to graduate to the next? It’s tricky, you CANNOT ESCAPE. You cannot escape into dying, that will just put you back where you started until you muster the courage to surrender to the pain that you are trying to escape from - because that will be your TRUE DEATH. True death does not mean running away from pain but fully surrendering to it. Not by force but through surrender to what is as you go about normally & responsibly handling your life. You will naturally elevate by loving this reality so much that it dissolves into death not the other way around. But this love cannot be faked (it’s not an active process you can do as an ego), love is the result of becoming aware of what’s blocking it: resistance to pain. As long as you are resisting this reality even a single bit you will remain here because you haven’t fully learned the powerful lesson of surrendering to the pain while living a normal life. This is a blessing, not a curse. Once you get this and practice this you will see why the universe/yourself requires you to do this before you move to the next reality. Otherwise you would not be able to handle the next reality. It’s your preparation for heaven. The moment you no longer want to leave because you’ve already created heaven within, is the moment you may be able to leave but you might choose not to anymore. So the core ‘lesson’ of our 3rd dimensional reality is becoming pure love which is complete unity. It’s the unity of polarities. Neither light nor dark. Unification of polarities is the same thing as saying annahilation of polarities.This process of annahilation is the pain process. They are just helt apart by resistance but as soon as you allow the annahilating pain & all the uncomfortable emotions they will naturally neutralize & annahilation you into the Tao which is ‘inbetween’ light and dark so to speak. The issue is that right now your life is in the dark and you are trying to chase the light because you want to escape the darkness in your life. But the counter intuitive move is fully meeting the pain of your life and no longer resist it - that is what will not only liberate you from recreating the situation you are in (meaning external things will improve because you suddenly see solutions you haven’t before) but you will also grow into the awake, mature, and integrated being you want to be. Practically speaking, this requires lying down and relaxing for multiple hours regularly and doing absolutely nothing: just opening, relaxing and allowing any feeling, even if it’s just numbness or tension at the beginning. And then you just stay with your awareness on the that, whatever it is: the boredom, the fear, the pain, that uncomfortableness, etc. This is a tough path, laced with self deception and resistance to pain at every corner - without a guide who has walked this path that can help you untangle your web of misunderstandings and hold space with his empathetic presence for your emotions, it’s honestly next to impossible… so find one.

@Leo Gura do you still hold the position from your video on infinity of Gods?

I agree with this after my solopsistic experience!

I had a solopsistic awakening on LSD and it changed my appreciation of what Leo is teaching very much. I remembered how I basically tripped myself into this life so taking LSD in this life was less of a trip and more of a becoming sober/conscious and remembering how this entire life was a trip of forgetting myself as God (meaning, the ONLY, ETERNAL, UNLIMITED, CONSCIOUS, BEING in existence). I knew that I've been waking up to this/myself for eternity through countless different forms and will continue to play this game of evolving through countless different forms (matter, plants, animals, humans, aliens, etc.) forever. God has literally evolved through the entire universe to become you and wake up in a new, unique way again as you and through you (if you do wake up! if not in this lifetime, this lifetime is in service of waking up another time in another form eventually). There was a feeling of being able to exit completely and die into the sigularity which seemed like a never ending orgasm of pure white light but after speaking with a wise guide who has walked the path I believe it will just continue forever. Meaning even if I die into the singularity I will eventually just pop out again. This is not a circle but a spiral in which I wake up to the truth at ever higher levels and integrate it into form in ever greater levels of embodied love. Without this experaince I couldn't help myself but see solopsism from the minds perspecitive but as Leo says, solopsism isn't an idea, it's direct consciousnes. And to be honest, even though in a way it is terrifying, it's not as bad as the mind makes it out to be. In fact, all that is bad about it is what the mind makes it out to be. Without the minds resistance to it, the direct conssciousness alone, is just fine. No big deal in fact because you are God and have ALWAYS been God, so it's not like a suprise - even though of course waking up is suprising - you are really just remembing what you have been.

Yeah… another perspective in a similar direction is: Its a cry for help. He‘s basically saying: hey I‘m overwhelmed by anger and pain and no one had empathy. I didn’t know how to handle it / process these emotions so now I‘m crying for attention and help even louder by doing outlandish shit/becoming a villain. And then the German nazi quote at the end says: hey peeps I helped you for years with my music, please now help me. I bet he has no one in his friend circle who truly cares for him or knows how to hold him in his feelings, he feels cut off and alone in his pain… that’s the perfect breeding ground for becoming traumatized and a villain in his case. So yeah, he needs clear boundaries/limits (like psychiatric hospitalization) that push him back into his pain instead of acting it out and then real fucking good therapy.

Unfortunately, this is not a sketch but a fairly accurate video. It’s crazy to see how our rigged society and survival needs lead people to sacrifice their integrity and double down on their narrow self serving lives. Even though not everyone goes to the extent of scamming people so directly, it’s a spectrum of corruption and we are basically all on it. Hypothesis for contemplation: the degree to which you deceive others, is the degree to which you deceive yourself! Scammers are really scamming themselves because you need such a dishonest mind to do this with zest that there must be staggering amounts of dishonesty within yourself. That’s the beauty of ego design, it destroys itself. It cannot sustain itself and eventually falls into annihilation. But it may take a long ass time. The key is not to be free of corruption but to be completely conscious of corruption and still completely love it. That is what allows the underlying pain - which caused it - to surface and be processed. This pain process in turn annihilates the part that wants to be corrupt.

Misunderstanding. What you are describing is chasing consciousness out of ego/suppressed pain. Not consciousness. Consciousness is inclusive of survival. If you can’t be conscious while surviving and embracing survival your consciousness is limited & conditional. I’m aiming for unconditional not conditional. Meaning, being conscious in ANY condition like survival. Consciousness is about your relationship to what happens not what happens. IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT HAPPENS if you are truly and unconditionally conscious. That’s it. Re-frame your entire pursuit towards this / measure your believes against this (unconditional inner peace / consciousness) and you’ll purge all your misunderstandings over time. Also notice how avoiding anything is resistance to pain. Enlightenment happens when there is no more resistance to any form of pain/unwanted experiance.

PS.: a few words on practical limitations: How effective a meditation retreat is, can vary incredibly. As mentioned, I’ve been to powerful Vipassana & Darkroom retreats but they usually didn’t have a lasting effect whereas I recently did a 1-on-1 retreat with a guide who I talked to every day for 1-3 hours and it CHANGED MY LIFE! It was the first retreat that actually has had lasting changes (now, months later things are still effortlessly deepening in certain regards). Main reason is because he carefully dismantled so many of my sticking points. I would say receiving long term 1-on-1 guidance from an enlightened guide was A WHOLE NEW GAME/chapter in my spiritual journey. It’s categorically different. I cannot emphasize enough how much more effective it can be compared to everything else like reading books and going to group retreats. The following is practically impossible without a guide who reflects your blind spots to you and ‘holds your feet to the fire’ because that is a feature of the ego (ignorance and unwillingness): I will still say it here so you may know it’s possible eventually: If you are willing to relax into the pain of your inability to create that a desired state and the pain of being separated from any desired state you will be liberated into a higher truth/consciousness. Pain is what unifies and collapses polarities, freeing up energy, lifting oneself effortlessly into a higher perspective / clarity. Pain processing is passing through the eye of the needle 👁️

https://www.actualized.org/insights/wrong-state I agree with a lot of what Leo says here. And I probably would have come to the exact same conclusions after my Vipassana, darkroom retreat and psychedelic experiences because they were so powerful! But, I’ve had wise guides who stirred me back to center. They were able to help me pull myself out of IMPOSSIBLE CONFUSIONS which I would have remained stuck in without their guidance. So let me share the bottom line of what my conclusions have evolved into: It may be next to impossible to actually have deep insight & emotionally liberating experiance unless & until you’ve been to an intense meditation retreat or took psychedelics. These things are DOOR/EYE OPENERS! Absolutely incredible and super helpful (potentially life changing). Realistically, yes! We are dependent on retreats & tools like psychedelics for a good chunk of our journey. However, don’t get stuck there and always see/inquire into how you may be able to become independent of any tools. Otherwise, they become crutches. Powerful tools have great potential for delusion & false conclusion. The counter intuitive thing is that the mind makes wrong associations. Meaning, if something produces a result it thinks that thing caused the result but that is not actually true, especially in this context. The more aware you become the clearer it will be that taking a walk, or breathwork, or meditation, or even psychedelics is not what’s relaxing, insightful, or transforming in and of themselves but it’s something YOU ‘DO’ or stop doing which actually determines all internal states. You are all powerful, you just somehow directed your own power against yourself creating conflicting forces. The long term solution is not to force states but to release what is blocking them from being available naturally without any effort or condition (conditions are tools like psychedelics or meditation, etc. ). Meditation retreats, psychedelics, breathwork, etc. seem to get the result (create the consciousness, insight, energy, etc.) BUT they actually just make it EASIER while the opportunity is fundamentally equal in every moment. Nothing is needed to change your state. Except your willingness to become aware of what’s LIMITING it (which is usually some sort of resistance to pain/discomfort/reality!). What makes all the difference in meditation has to do with honesty, surrender, willingness, and relaxation. This is what makes meditation retreats & psychedelics work. And funnily enough, the thing that makes it work is always possible! Meditation retreats and psychedelics just increase the energy and remove distractions which makes it exponentially EASIER. However, growth happens with progressive overload. So easy is great but if you don’t slowly learn to become equally conscious and energetic in normal life as it and even in low states without crutches like meditation, techniques, psychedelics, breathwork, etc. you will be stuck and not get to the highest levels of spirituality where Real Love & fundamental awareness rules unconditionally in any state. Relaxation and meeting the whole of the present moment with all of its pain/discomfort (like wanting it to be in a different state) is what allows you to become aware of the limiting factors and conflicts (pain) within. At the beginning crutches are incredibly helpful - making it SEEM like they are needed or it’s practically impossible without BUT with great guidance / reflection from someone who has walked the path - it is possible to come to a level of maturity, re-centering humility, recognition, insight, and willingness to see that it’s ALWAYS POSSIBLE. It must be that way and it cannot be any other way because you are the source of all things and states. This is not an assumption or philosophy, it’s possible to become conscious of this truth. This is it, in a nutshell (see all buttons not just as gross dependencies like socializing, drugs, etc. but also subtle addictions and dependencies like breathwork, psychedelics, music, thinking AND EVEN - EVENTUALLY - MEDITATION ITSELF! That is the last leap into freedom, transcending even the usefulness of spirituality): I’ll attach a few more words on practical limitations of this radical path as the first comment in this thread below:

It’s like the famous ‘how to get a witch girlfriend’ video. Hope dies last and at last it did come out…

@Leo Gura if you don’t come out we will eventually come in and get you 👀👀

@Leo Gura regarding your post on 3 flaws of conservative thinking: "Leftists regard mankind as cute puppy when it is more like a demonic rhinoceros." This is gold. A suprisingly sobering view & funny as hell as well!

MAYA, ILLUSION, DECEPTION, VOILENCE, CHAOS, SUFFERING, ETC. are both misunderstood/misperceived and the result of that misunderstanding/resistance. When resistance is dropped, and grace grants us vision into the pure Divinity of Her, ALL THAT CHAOS GETS RECONTEXTUALIZED INTO WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS: THE DIVINE FEMININE/Shakti's fierce love offering, Shakti's fierce dance with us. Literal Consciousness made Manifest in Divine Orchestration. It's RAW, and in a way, SEXY in the purest essence of the word because it is challenging/teasing Him, the Divine Masculine, our Consciousness to See through the apparent illusion of chaos/bad/evil. When we are unconscious, She swallows us alive. As soon as we step up and MATCH 'HER' ENERGY WITH EQUAL CONSCIOUSNESS, we not only recognize Her beauty in the greatest mess/chaos but She also IMMEDIATELY 'CALMS DOWN' in our presence and becomes like a devoted cat, caressing our leg. Now to make this real let me share this: last year, I first saw: Police Cam Videos. A glimpse into chaos, violence, and real human conflict. Before I knew it, hours had passed, my nervous system was lit up like a battlefield, my mind wired on adrenaline, hands completely sweaty, and my body locked in a state of subtle or not so subtle tension. I had sworn off these videos, promising myself to never watch them again. But a few weeks ago, I got sucked into the police cam thread here on this forum and binge watched those videos all night. This time around, however, I had a surprisingly different experience - both while watching, and the insights/conclusion afterward. A much more divine one, in fact. Now before I share that, let me quickly share the dynamics that cause us to lose consciousness and get sucked into self-harming behavior. The Ultimate Test of Your Consciousness: Addiction & Adrenalin It feels as though we are pulled toward these things—toward violent videos, towards drama, towards endless stimulation. But this is a misperception/deception & trick of our mind. It it less true that the world is pulling us outward. It is more true that we are consciously or subconsciously distracting/pushing ourselves outward, away from something within. And this is not just about police cam videos—it applies to everything that overstimulates us. The endless consumption sometimes disguised as ‘learning’ but actually keeping us in a cortisol fueled, ever so slightly stressed state where we never encounter all of our suppressed subconscious material, which on the flip side prevents us from accessing the intelligence of our subconscious & superconscious mind. The Ultimate Love Making: When Presence Meets 'Chaos' So after a couple of months of emotional processing and various awakening practices like recognizing awareness & energetic transmissions, I ended up back in the rabbit hole of police cam video. However, this time there was a Revelation Within Violence. I let go of resistance. I stopped trying to suppress my own addictive tendencies. Instead, I watched with full awareness. I stayed present, grounded. And with that, instead of recoiling, instead of judging, I 'stepped up' into my presence, seeing through all my own reactions and the reactions of the people on screen, by recognizing what is actually happening: Divinity. Sheer Shakti. The sheer aliveness of the world. The same aliveness that moves through the orgasmic peaks of intimacy, through the ecstatic bliss of a dancer lost in motion, through the rush of a waterfall thundering down a mountain—this very same force was there, in the flashing lights, in the screams, in the collisions of bodies and fate. There was no difference. For the first time, I actually saw or intuitively sensed that this world—this chaotic, unpredictable, sometimes brutal world—is the dance of Shakti - a true transformative/transfiguring lovemaking. It's a little bit like David Deida describes in his book The Way Of The Superior Man, most fundamentally applied. I now realize, is a much greater and more beautiful challenge than I thought. I massively underestimated the RAW POEWR of HER. I am humbled and also ravenously challenged, invigorated, and willing to step up to the challenge. It requires Shiva’s unwavering presence to meet Her? Meet all emotions, all turmoil, within and without. Do you recognize her through all forms or do her disguises, illusions, and Maya, deceive you, trick you, lure you in, falter in integrity, and retreat as a whimsical presence. The world is not our enemy. It is our lover. Even in the darkest moments of human nature, there is an unspeakable beauty. Perfect in and of itself and simultaneously conspiring to help us awaken & heal. It is the very annihilating pain that is necessary for change. No challenge, no growth. No pain, no growth. Don't micro-traumatize yourself: That being said, I humbly recognize where my body, subconscious, and heart are on the stages below (meme) and meet myself as I am accordingly. This means as long as we cannot instinctively, immediately, and naturally see only divinity, it is much more wise to NOT watch Police Cam videos. They will create micro-traumas. I had to meditate for the entire next two days to purge all the subconscious imagery. If we don't notice this, it is because we are so overstimulated in a string of distractions that these things never surface and just more stuff gets dumbed on top in an addictive circle seemingly 'pulling' us deeper as we slowly drown, with less and less breathable 'life energy'. We are literally suppressing our innate Shakti. Each of us is actually extremely sensitive, which is a super-power and our natural, organic state. Most of us have long lost touch with that beautiful innocent tenderness. We are addicted to overstimulation because it shields us from feeling the weight of our own unprocessed subconscious material. But there are ways to step out of this unconscious hypnosis: PRACTICAL STEPS: Become ruthlessly aware of your distractions. Notice the impulse. See how the pull is actually a push. See every challenge and discomfort as an invitation to step up into our Presence. In other words: stop resisting, allow, and recognize what is happening. Recognize all sensations that makeup you and your resistance. Then, and only then, all transforms itself. Consider reading the book 'the incredible reality of you' by LUCIALORN and attending his online webcasts. I believe that may have been part of the grace that opened this temporary insight to divinity. Shift from consuming to integrating. If a single sentence or insight strikes you, stop. Let it sink in. Don’t rush to the next thing. Don't over-consume. That is unhelpful at best and gluttony as a subconscious avoidance mechanism, at worst. Confront the discomfort. Whenever you feel the urge to indulge in overstimulation—whether it’s violent videos, doom scrolling, or endlessly seeking information—pause. Feel what is beneath that urge. Pause for a few moments whenever an urge arises and see how you feel inside - what may you be moving away from? Initially, it may just be boredom, numbness, nothing, but see, why not stay with that? Why can't you just simply be (free from all urges to move & free to be, making ever move in pure consciousness)? When we sit with that tension or nothing/boredom, eventually emotions will reveal themselves and through that we rediscover ourselves. Awaking can be an instantaneous recognition & recontextualization. Healing is usually a slow and multi-year-long journey. Healing and un-conditioning our reactions takes some time. It's literally rewiring our brain and slowly growing a new, wholly nervous system. The result of integration and pain processing is real, gut-level, embodied liberation. At its core, this is not about discipline. It is about waking up to the amazing beauty of what already is unfolding in the infinite flows of being, in all of it's expressions. It is about seeing that everything—really everything—is Love. And when we are ready, when we finally stop running, we realize that the world was never a thread. She was only teasing us, inviting us to dance with Her.

It feels as though we are pulled by addiction. But this is a misperception/deception & trick of our mind. It it less true that anything is pulling. It is more true that we are consciously or subconsciously distracting/pushing ourselves outward, away from something within. We are addicted because it shields us from feeling the weight of our own unprocessed subconscious material. But there are ways to step out of this unconscious hypnosis: Practical steps: Do NOT focus on changing your behavior. FOCUS ON THE SENSATIONS THAT MAKE UP THE URGE. Notice the impulse. See how if you pause for a moment and look within, it's actually uncomfortable. Stay with that. Then continue with the behaviors and stay as conscious as possible, allow everything. This will keep your awareness present which slowly makes it fade away instead of going into unconscious addiction which keeps it running. Patience: Initially, it may just be boredom, numbness, nothing, but see, why not stay with that? Why can't you just simply be (free from all urges to move & free to be, making ever move in pure consciousness)? When we sit with that tension or nothing/boredom, eventually emotions will reveal themselves and through that we rediscover ourselves. Again: Recognize ALL sensations that makeup you and your resistance. Then, and only then, all transforms & heals itself.

Reminds me of the scene at 1 min:

This is the man: https://www.thedetoxdudes.com/ He recommends the ZenCleanz. I don't have experience with it, nor did I research it but it's supposed to be very effective.

I healed, here's what I did:

I found this video very informative and the possibilities are inspiring. This sets my creativity ON FIRE! Let's create the New Earth with the help of AI.

I just want to say that after 6 years of learning from & trying to embody your insights, I'm noticing an exponential growth curve. Over the last year, I've started to become conscious of more and more of the things you speak about, mostly without substances. Not at the same depth, but I'm really seeing my entire lifestyle and whole being transform to an almost unrecognizable degree. Thanks to the grace of many guides I've discovered through you - and through friends, I made because of you - my being is flooded with liberating wisdom and exquisite joy. Even though my path has become very different from yours, I honor you and your gifts. Your teachings will affect many more lives through your students and their unique life purpose. There is one thing I would like to mention to you as a fellow friend and seeker: There are guides out there that are incredibly awake, much more awake than 99% of the spiritual gurus that are commonly known. They usually have very little followers or no online presence at all. Most of these I only met through 'fluke luck' or grace because they were recommended by a friend. These guides, especially when worked with directly, can create tremendous transformation because they can transmit their being and reflect back any blind spots that are keeping us stuck in self-deception. All this to say, permanent awakening to pure divinity & absolute infinity is possible. You are possible. Excerpt from the book 'the incredible reality of you' by LUCIALORN

I wonder what correlations we could draw between forum members who have children and those who do not.

In case anyone wants to know how, this is mastery of integration and requires learning to process pain & emotions.

Gold. Gold. Gold. GOLD! I'm starting to think @Leo Gura is a gold digger...