silene

There's huge pressure on us to conform to society's standards, otherwise we risk being outcast as a weirdo or heretic or something. If you have broken free that's amazing but I'd recommend a little compassion for others who are not yet ready to take that step. For your own peace of mind apart from anything else

Do you mean nothing different from your usual experience? (If literally nothing was happening that would be an awakening right there ). So you're wanting to reject your current awareness and seek something else outside the here & now ... which is the exact opposite of most meditation instructions. By the way, what type of meditation or other practice do you do, and how much?

"Did this entire forum came into existence just now?" Have you noticed that we ask the question in the past tense ("did this entire forum...") but then expect the answer to be in the present tense ("just now"). "Coming into" sounds like a process occurring in time, rather than a single point "now". How can there be process, movement, impermanence without time, how come everything doesn't happen all at once? Things appear to be spread out, yet space and time are relative, meaning we use things in space and time to measure other things. It's all a gigantic self-referencing paradox, and Leo's point that Now is Eternity is just as meaningful as saying that Now is 2nd October 2021.

I like this theory, that the US (being a more open society than Russia and China) needs to create more diversions to distract attention away from its secret military research, eg when they were developing stealth bombers. Like a magician creates illusions by making you look the other way.

"And if you listen very hard The tune will come to you at last When all are one and one is all" (Led Zeppelin) In other words, you need to work at finding out what are the actual distinctions between things: if it appears that there are multiple things, what are those boundaries made of? Are there objectively real separations, or only imagined ones?

That's very true, getting our validation from other people can lead to an unhealthy dependency or co-dependency. For adults anyway. Which leads me to wonder if you've got some buried childhood trauma, because kids are highly trusting and dependent on their parents and carers for developing self worth, esteem and confidence. Many of us get that drilled out of us by over critical parenting, bullying etc. This could be consistent with an early childhood cause; some trauma which you don't consciously remember but which is stored in a subconscious emotional (and therefore 'irrational') level. I don't have expertise to recommend a good therapy for this, but just to say that bringing up buried feelings may be uncomfortable at first, before it gets better. If there's any truth in this theory, it's worth considering that the voice of criticism and judgement inside isn't really 'you', but is a script you learned from someone else, burned into your psyche by the emotional charge carried with it.

IMO it's the unfairness of life that's getting you down, rather than other people's selfishness. No-one wants you to have these problems, yet life deals us all very different hands of cards. I completely agree, it's very unfair that you have the social anxiety (or whatever you want to call it), and most others don't to the same extent. Getting a relationship with a woman looks like a destination you want to get to. What kind of woman do you see for yourself? A destination needs a journey to reach it. The journey will be as healing and growing as the destination. Ok you're convinced that you can't 'cure' the social anxiety. Maybe so. Then how about looking for a woman who understands about SA, who perhaps has it herself too, who won't have the same expectations as an average person? The internet makes it easier to widen your search for people. Who knows, perhaps there's already someone out there looking for a special guy just like you.

If you see someone else with similar problems would you also feel contempt or compassion? We can be our own harshest judges can't we? But you're a regular person like anyone else, why be so hard on yourself when kindness gets much better results. "my submissive and anxious behaviour, the way I can't express myself well and have trouble with social skills." When I'm digging into your post, this stands out as maybe the underlying root cause. But if this is difficult to deal with and suppressed, the feelings may re-emerge as: "But for some reason I have always had this obsession with beauty and elegance and can't let it go. Seeing my face in the mirror stirs disgust. It feels so absurd not to match physically the conception I have of how I feel my soul looks like. " And my hunch is this is a projection of the deeper feelings about social inadequacy. Sure, physical beauty is touted as a major form of social capital, but we know this is only skin-deep and not a reliable basis for a lasting relationship. If I'm right (and I'm no expert), your anxiety about your appearance is just a smokescreen, a diversion, let it go. Have you heard the saying, 'love is blind'? "Making friends and introducing myself to potential romatic partners feels impossible. If I hate myself this deeply, why would someone else love me? The loneliness and seperation I feel is so intense." So the answer I'd suggest is to drop the belief this is impossible and replace it with open mindedness. Explore any and all methods to develop social skills. Why shouldn't anyone want to be your friend or lover if you learn how to express yourself? Give them the benefit of the doubt too, after all there's loads of people out there also looking for new friends and partners.

This is the most heartfelt expression of Buddhism (ie life is suffering and it's caused by selfishness). We're all in the same trap and we try to cope by going with the game of selfishness to get ahead and get our wants and needs satisfied. Be honest, if you obtained the social skills to get a girlfriend, a better job, whatever you want for regular (temporary) worldly happiness, wouldn't you be the same as anyone else and focus on your own life without doing much about all the selfishness, apart from perhaps a bit of political work and donating to charity. Wouldn't you stop hating the world? But this is only a temporary victory, in the end death puts us all in the same boat, we're destined to lose everything grounded on selfishness and separateness. Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time, and sorry I can't suggest any better ideas than previous people. It's all about dissolving the feelings of isolation and separation from others, in effect broadening out your sense of self beyond the individual and creating connections, associations, friendships, even intimacy. If you find it hard to do that, there's nothing wrong with getting help from experts. There are good professional people out there who'd want to help you if you opened up to it.

By the same logic, in that moment when you are having sex, it is the whole universe, the only thing in reality

@pluto8 I didn't realise the hand posture was so important. I don't usually do the loop (Gyana Mudra?), only occasionally for yoga. I normally do Dhyana mudra, right hand over left in my lap. More out of habit I suppose, from when I practiced Buddhism, now it's just comfortable. Probably the loop stands out more in public though.

Well, round here in the UK, meditation, yoga, mindfulness etc is becoming better known and respected, so seeing more people doing it helps to make it more mainstream and plants seeds in some people's minds about starting or renewing a practice. I've sometimes meditated cross legged in the remote countryside while nobody was watching, once while meditating by a river, some people did see me. Nothing much happened apart from triggering some stories in my mind, as a by product of my anxieties about what others think of me.

So true, sadly, but racism becomes a problem in stage orange societies which just need good educated workers and race is irrelevant to profit. Immigration becomes a hot potato between blue and orange.

Historically yes I think you have a point, but now with modern technology we rely less on physical evolution.. I can wear sunscreen in Kenya, or take vitamin D supplement in Greenland, for example. Mixed / inter-raciaial relationships are now common and accepted in industrialised countries.

Yes, it's not here actually, but it it is here imaginatively. And that imagination creates this whole drama which I’m trying to defend. The whole of human history and evolution sprang from it. Without it, what would life be like, a SD turquoise human species, is I suppose what I'm trying to understand.

Reconciling the apparent opposites such as: unity and diversity, wholeness and separation, peace and conflict, freedom and security. Etc.

True, but ... without my ego I have no survival instinct, my parents wouldn't have worked so hard for our family, I wouldn't strive for mine. So, yes, ego is conflict, but without it, can the human race survive?

Depends where you live, and if you mind what reaction you get. Somewhere multicultural and liberal, chances are no-one will bat an eyelid. Conservative and monocultural areas, you'll get some looks and name calling, but how would you react to it? Might get some funny looks if it's cold weather lol! I think its a great idea too btw, but not sure if I'm brave enough

No problem at all, as long as you see the difference between the actuality and the belief. The territory and the map. The problem is, we spend so much time in abstract beliefs, we're asleep to what's real. Awake to what's actual, what the word points to.

@VeganAwake Good explanation thanks. Where I need to spend more time is around this apparent distinction between Imaginary and Real. For if we accept the existence of Imagination, that implies an opposite which could be called Real. The borders are a creation of mind; the unity on which the borders are projected is presumably not imaginary? This duality of real vs imaginary reminds me I'm stuck in relativity, in thought. When I'm meditating, I'm not thinking about it like this, so it's not a problem. I'd better stop rambling now, I've already side-tracked this thread enough (sorry @BipolarGrowth )

@BipolarGrowth Respect! You're a pioneer I'd love to hear how you get on. I'd say you can expect some opposition from people who believe in a separate God. Good luck!

Non-real isn't quite the same thing as non-existence. Non-real includes the category of imaginary things, as you say, so his imaginary friend does exist, in a sense. Are you a realist? Do you really exist, the bricks in your home, the trees etc? Is physical stuff more real than imaginary stuff? Is it all imaginary, as idealists believe? If you say that something doesn't exist, you must have thought of it first, imagined it, to say that. So it does exist in an imaginary sense! BTW I'm not trying to be clever or prove a point, or beat anyone in debating here. This is just an inquiry.

@BipolarGrowth how do you get on with other Mormons when you talk to them about nonduality? If you do mention it that is, or do you keep it secret? (The secret at the source of all religion!)

aren't you therefore creating a separation between real and not-real?

yes I remember that thread ... I seem to remember that vegan got grounded for a while for it how does it relate to this one?