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About Ambalams

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    StL MO
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  1. @Martin123 ? I didn’t hesitate two seconds to sign up for that! It IS a fabulous idea, after all. I personally have no desire to make this thing about me, so I’ll gladly jump on someone else’s bandwagon. Plus I only have like 10 slightly dedicated followers lol. They probably only read my posts while taking a shit... but it’s probably hard to take me seriously Bc I sprinkle in jokes about mike hunt. @DreamScape Good point. My intent is just the one day. As of now. I figured if I could get ppl to spread the idea in the various groups I’m a part of, it could become much larger than me. And if it’s successful, who knows? To be honest, I’ve never organized anything larger than my closet. But I thought if I kept the intention simple, the organization wouldn’t matter so much.
  2. I want to organize a large scale group meditation/visualization on earth day (April 22nd) with the intent of awakening the world. The intent behind all of this is very important. We need to be unified. As far as the time, Idk how much that matters, altho I’m fascinated to see if I’d feel anything. When the Stl Blues won the Stanley cup this past year, I could FEEL the energy. It was AMAZING!! Tons of ppl feeling the same thing is quite palpable. It was the first time in a hundred years or something they won, so ppl around here were very hyped up. I was standing outside, feeling the energy. It was beyond words. I didn’t even have to see the game to know they won. I could FEEL it. We are co-creating this reality. Maybe alone we can’t imagine and produce flying elephants, but if we unify our minds with a single intent, who knows what is possible? Could we build pyramids? I personally believe that’s how they did it. It’s far too perfect to be done by the hands of slaves. We aren’t limited by our bodies, ppl. We are limited by the parameters we have agreed upon in our MINDS!! COLLECTIVELY! It’s so obvious!! I often find myself wondering “what now?” So I’m awake. Wtf do I do now? Alone I am nothing. I am only serving myself. And all of you here have been working on yourselves, knowing yourselves, cultivating that awareness, growing that consciousness. To do what? Make more money? Have more sex? It’s all good. Get laid, get paid. BUT... what COULD be possible if we unified for a purpose? I can’t be the only one here who yearns for a better world. We are all vastly more powerful than we realize. We CAN do something. Who’s with me?! im open to suggestion btw.
  3. I stand outside in the cold and tell myself “it’s just a sensation.” I really feel into being cold, i think about the sensation. Usually I can stop shivering on the spot and it ceases to bother me. Do I do it for hours? Hell no! I don’t wanna be uncomfortable lol. Does it work on my lower back pain? Not as well. But I’m much more sensitive about that... almost like I’m more attached to that pain. I just realized that, actually. I blame myself for doing dumb stuff to screw it up. It probably matters where the pain comes from.
  4. I think so. It helps to know the difference between your thoughts and intuition. Ask to know the difference. You’ll figure it out. Probably by fucking up your intuitive hit and feeling some minor pain. You probably have tons of experiences like this, you just don’t consider it that way. Also, if your conscious thoughts are louder it’s harder to hear. For me, intuition is more subtle and gentle than ego thought. how do you tap into it? By asking questions. It may or may not come at that exact moment, but trust you’ll know soon.
  5. @Mafortu that is the sad reality for many ppl. You’re absolutely right. I want to give that guy a hug and just listen to his story... Btw you should read up on John Nash, or watch A Beautiful Mind w Russel Crowe (it’s about John Nash) He “cured” his schizophrenia by not giving his delusions power. Learning about him was instrumental to my own mental health. This guy... I wonder about the variables in his life. I can’t help but think what if he had help processing his trauma? Like outside the psychiatric paradigm kind of help. What are his beliefs? Does he know how to work through fear? He understands his thoughts are not real, like Nash. Where will he be w that in 5 years? the thing about mental health is the person suffering is the only one with the key to their healing. If you don’t trust yourself, how can you do that? Obv yeah you need a good support system, but you are the only person who can help yourself. Does he know that? Bc that’s something most ppl don’t know. Definitely not common knowledge, at least. When I was researching mental illness, nothing came up about healing the illness. Except for professional help and pills... For years I thought I was broken. I was exceptionally good at hiding it, and I wasn’t as bad as this guy. I’m also obsessive lol. I never settled on the idea of being broken. “Mental illness has no cure.” Yeah? Watch me find it, motherfuckers! ? And my journey has helped my mom as well—she’s a totally different person these days. She’s still kinda wacky lol but it’s good wacky. There’s always exceptions. And healing doesn’t lead to “normal,” it leads to functional. Everyone has a light side and a dark side; it’s all about making a shift on that continuum. Curses become gifts, fear becomes bravery etc
  6. I think many “crazy” ppl are incredibly intuitive. My mom has a history of both psychotic breaks and spot on intuition. When she doesn’t like someone, I pay attention. My dad had this friend, he seemed nice enough to me, my mom HATED him. Three years later, he ended up starting a small charity and embezzling money from it. Then there’s my own experience. I had myself a psychotic break about a year ago. I thought some bad bad stuff was going down and it was my job to save ppl. Come to find out, my intuition was right but distorted by fear. “My whole life is built on lies! Lies!” And it was... it’s almost like I was feeling the dysfunction in everyone, the dishonesty. Its extremely frustrating knowing shit needs to change, and not knowing where to start bc nobody listens to you. It drove me crazy. There’s always a kernel of truth in everyone’s perspective. See, when a really intuitive person speaks up about their feelings and constantly gets turned down or told they’re crazy, they start to believe it. Especially here in America, at least mainstream America. If you read the DSMs criteria for schizophrenia, it actually sounds like psychic abilities. A person may believe the TV is trying to control their mind. Well... isn’t it? ? I’ve had visual “hallucinations,” one auditory “hallucination.” Someone may see lights, or believe a song, article, movie etc has a special message just for them. Don’t y’all read something and think “omg I was supposed to see this”? I do this all the time—many times I’m moved to tears. For a long time, I thought I was nuttier than squirrel shit. Now, I realize I’m just really sensitive. Transcending the sane/insane duality is something that led to my awakening, I believe. Bc of my history, I tend to find others who are convinced they’re crazy, and really they’re just hurting and suffering, also chronically invalidated. Bc nobody else listens to them, they don’t listen to themselves. This is pretty common with highly sensitive ppl too, and I’m also one of those. If you’re not “normal,” often ppl think you're sick or bad. as far as how hallucinogens affect this, idk. I haven’t tripped in at least ten years.
  7. Three years ago, I died from an overdose. My husband brought me back to life w a plea to god and a touch—he felt life energy spread from him into me. Lol I swear on my life. I was DEAD. I have a memory of looking down on my dead sweaty face. i had been working on dying my entire life, in a sense. So this experience really jolted me. I still got high on heroin a few times, switched to meth and transcended the duality of sanity/insanity lol. That way sounds much nicer than it is. The realization of reality being more than it seemed really blew my mind for a while. I sort of repressed it, honestly. It was TOO BIG to look at for me at the time. But dying saved my fucking life lol. No. It was the living portion, really. Weird stuff started happening to me. I’d get these amazing insights on the causes of my anxiety, for example. I started on this really deep process of life purification. Standing up for myself, coming face to face w my own toxic bullshit, forgiving myself, forgiving others etc. Also, I now realize, I was deprogramming myself. I had no idea at the time that’s what I was doing. It was all instinctual, led by my intuition. I have stumbled my way into enlightenment lol. Now I’m almost backtracking to see how the hell I did it. Anyway, after the extremely hard life purge threw me into an intense mental breakdown, I was closer to sealing the suicidal deal more than ever, clarity came over me. This was a year ago btw. Yeah. After I lived. I’m stubborn af. That moment of clarity was basically “ppl are doing their best w what they know.” And I just kind of “snapped out of it.” That’s when I got mostly sober. I still drank and smoked weed occasionally. I started reading a briefer history of time by Stephen hawking w my husband. We talked about time relativity and consciousness and that’s when I realized pantheism. It’s all consciousness. The universe is aware etc. April of last year, I had a mystical experience. I saw this pattern of energy in the sky during a storm that answered my questions w thunder and gave me thoughts about how we’re all infinite collections of interwoven systems. Cells make up our bodies make up societies make up the world make up the solar system etc to infinity. I realized we are one and all that jazz. Also the shape of existence is like this infinite torus. I had no idea wtf a torus was lol. It’s been close to a year and I’m still blown away by this experience. I actually watched ONE of Leo’s videos in the week before this, talking about enlightenment, what you’ll gain etc. A part of me understood it, but a larger part of me didn’t. So when I had this experience, it tied everything together. I have been totally different ever since. I did drink for a week bc of the realization that I’m basically alone talking to myself in a void draped in illusions lol. That was a hard realization. the last time I took hallucinogens I was 17. I’m 31 now. It was just my time. And I am an extremely honest, kind, and positive person. I find the best in ppl. I craved understanding and truth above all else—above my feelings and wishes, and those of others. Everything else is bullshit, vapid distractions. Like I said, I wish I had a better map of how the hell I did it. Tons of pain, feeling incredibly alone, grappling w insanity aren’t great things to put in an enlightenment pamphlet lol. “Come find the secrets of the universe! Just be ready to kill yourself for it first!” I still have times when I go low consciousness. But it’s bc I’m falling back into old habits. When I’m not working on my purpose. It’s pretty easy to boost myself back up tho. I’m lucky in that regard. all the shit Leo says is legit. Like I said, I’ve been watching him since April, and he’s definitely helped me validate the conclusions I’ve come to over the years. For me, it’s important I come to my own realizations and then find things that support or deny. And I do attempt to play devils advocate w myself. God always wins lol. I can’t even watch fluff tv without god coming into play ?? I cant get away from myself! Fuuuuck!! ? I will say this tho about the drugs. Is that such a great idea? Isn’t that the ego in play? Trying to control enlightenment, have it on your terms? Especially when it’s so prevalent. It’s a tool, not the whole belt. No judgment, just a thought. But I fell into it. I’d probably be trying to do the same thing. Anyway. That’s my story. Thanks for reading.
  8. I get some pretty deep insights whilst stoned. Example: in pig Latin, how do you say stoned? Is it toned-say or oned-stay? ? I don’t have access to other drugs, or the patience to gain access, so I’ll get high and meditate. I feel like it quiets my analytical mind allowing the more creative abstract part of me to surface. I’m less apt to control my thoughts and more likely to just be. The downside is that sometimes it’s hard to remember the high-deas. Also, I feel like it’s a trade off. I could be doing the same thing sober if I worked at it. I’m just lazy and want a shortcut.
  9. I have some pretty accurate psychic hits myself. I had an intense mystical experience/awakening this past April, and shit got real weird afterwards ? I imagined I was my husband and received some of his memories. Like snapshots, in a way. It helped him heal from his childhood trauma. It’s almost like I wanted to take it on myself. Feel what he felt. I heard someone’s thoughts before. My life is fuckin weird lol. And intense. Altho my consciousness hasn’t been as high as it was in April, it does elevate pretty high, and my intuition skyrockets with it. It’s not always fun either. Like my neighbors... when I’m up, I can feel their dysfunction. I feel sad for them and their kids, and the negativity makes me sink down. Then I bust my ass to elevate, get more psychic, pick up other ppls pain, back down again lol. It’s always cycling. Just bc you don’t have the experience of psychic phenomena doesn’t mean it’s fake. Even before my awakening, I relied on my intuition, especially at my job in a nursing home. When I thought about someone, I’d go check and 9 times out of 10, they were needing something. “I was just about to push the call button.” If you want to know if psychic abilities are real, cultivate your own. Acting on your own intuition is key. That way you don’t need an outside psychic. You have yourself.
  10. Every person has a primary emotion, their baseline, depending on their level of consciousness. If two ppl on different sides of the spectrum meet, it causes ripples bc positive and negative charged emotions react with each other. The positive wants to lift up, the negative wants to pull down. It’s all about the balance. I find myself in situations with negative ppl often, I feel like it’s bc I’m supposed to be positive to teach them, to elevate them. I’ve talked to ppl of higher consciousness than me, and I can feel the rest of my self limiting beliefs surface. I’m aware of it, therefore it doesn’t control me. But other ppl who don’t meditate or practice mindfulness? Not so much. They have the same stuff surfacing as me, they just don’t understand it and aren’t sure how to deal. I always try to be the best version of myself during conflict, bc that’s an opportunity to teach resolution. I’m blessed with the gift of knowing what other ppl need to hear. So fuck it! Get mad at me! ? that’s the best time for growth!
  11. Maybe the cons are just pointing at some kind of egoic block. That’s what I think. pros for me: I love everyone and don’t really get upset about anyone else’s behavior. My own? That’s totally different ? i get really accurate insights about the nature of everyone, like a quick snapshot of their weaknesses and strengths etc I could care less if I die—actually excited to see what it’s like. The high consciousness moments... I mean damn... who would’ve known I could get high without drugs? It’s my new addiction ? Mind tricks! My son thinks I’m a witch bc I’m good at knowing what he’s thinking. My husband and I are always sharing thoughts. I love the psychic perk. the cons: Not being in high consciousness all the damn time. Don’t fuckin tease me like that god! But then that’s my own fault bc I don’t always listen... I’m in between careers. In other words, I CANNOT go back to my old job, but I don’t have my new thing up and fully going. I have the pieces of it scattered everywhere but lack the focus to put it all together coherently, but that’s bc I have a small child not yet in school. Idk if that’s a con so much. I’m tired of waffle stomping shit down shower drains and I’m so excited to help others heal. when I fuck up, I feel really bad. I beat myself up when I lack what I believe perfection to be. There’s a ton of responsibility. That honestly scares me sometimes.