blankisomeone

I wanna get into psychedelics, but I wanna have a solid understanding of what it’s about first.

Honestly, I don't even bother suggesting that video anymore haha! He never does it

I'll start off by saying that my dad has a very difficult personality to deal with. He won't stop smoking around me and others. It bothers me tremendously. He's as stubborn as a mule about this behavior and takes every boundary people set on him as a personal attack as if his smoking habit is an intrinsic part of who is. "I've been smoking since I was 14! Don't expect me to stop now", he says. I've been telling him that I do not like it when he puffs cigarettes near me for as long as I can remember, and it just does not work at all. I've also tried to express my concern for his health, but he just doesn't care about health. In one ear and out the other. Lost case. "Bro, I went to the doctor once. He did this test on me and said my lungs are as good as new!". And he always goes on muttering boomer-style about the fact that back in his day he could even smoke in busses without anyone on his ass, and that nowadays people are so soft. When my mother asks him to stop smoking around her, he goes "When we met, I already used to smoke a lot and you never whined about it, and now after 30 years of marriage you expect me to change?". My dad grew up in a very dysfunctional family and still goes through a lot of family issues even today. It's impossible for me to help him and I am for sure not willing to anymore. I've tried. And all that happens is I get pulled into the drama and it distracts me from so much. Disgusting! Or I get into arguments that will solve nothing, only make both of us stressed. His psychology is too complicated and fucked up. Life threw him more than his share of shit. He is high on neuritism and compassion. He's extremely compassionate. He's always smothering people with his desire to help even when people do not want or need his help. I can yell at him, disrespect him, ignore him, and he won't be mad at me for long, because he's too compassionate. Give it half an hour and he'll forgive me. He won't discipline me or try to resolve the issue, instead he'll just bury it. That's how my relationship is with him since I was little. 9-year old me would boss him around and he wouldn't mind. He is very scared of death. Very paranoid. He overreacts to things that aren't even a threat, which sort of rubbed off on me a little from my growing up around him. As we grow up, our bodies learn what to be afraid of and what not to be afraid of partly based on our parents' reactions to stimuli. If your parents keep their cool under stressful situations, your body mirrors them to assess the situation and understands that you can calmy address problems and doesn't send off signals of anxiety over the smallest of issues. I'm grateful for the awareness I have of this dynamic and for my meditation practices, which have helped me a lot in navigating this sea of neuroticism that runs in my family. Now back to smoking. He still walks into my room smoking. Sometimes he even laughs at me when I get mad at him for smoking! "Chilll, dude, I only stepped one foot into your room to talk to you, my cigarette hand is outside." He just doesn't understand that the putrid smoky STENCH permeates the entire freaking house the second he lights that shit. The mere sound of the double flick of the lighter sparks off anger in me sometimes. He even makes me believe that I am the one who's being petty about this. And that I'm the one who should just open my mind to his destructive habit. Ridiculous. I've punched him square in the face many times in my mind. And it's honestly a miracle that I haven't actually done it. Heck, if I did it, he'd forgive me anyways and wouldn't stop smoking anyways haha. Lost case, guys. Lost. Anyways, I'm just pouring my heart out here.

Do you also feel that or is it just me? When I stare at a computer for too long or I read books for too long, and then I go outside, reality feels FLAT. Like there’s no depth, no distance. And I sort of feel too big, so that if I look at a much much bigger mountain than me, I kinda don’t feel the enormity of the mountain in relation to me. It feels flat. Or when you look at people and it feels almost “pixelated” or FLAT lol Like the actuality of life fades away and it feels flat It always takes a while for me to readjust to 3D reality when I stare at screens or books for too long I WONDER IF THAT’S JUST ME??

MURICAAAAA??

Dad?

I mean nothing is hidden, not even nothing itself lol So the "place" where thoughts "come from" is not a hidden place... It just comes from NOWHERE, which is right here. People make up a bunch of theories as to where thoughts come from

they come from no whereeee. Nothing is hidden

I should seriously start looking into that.

That’s literally what everyone says. Looking from the outside he looks like a pretty cool guy, and he is. But living with him under the same roof especially now during Covid lockdown times is a whole ‘nother story.

Amen, brother❤️

People gotta spread out more lol

That’s merely your imagination

I wanna implement a solid one, so I’m looking for ideas. Thought I’d ask you guys cuz y’all so conscious

literally nowhere

no lol

@kag101 I just finished reading the book. Thanks for the recommendation. Dude, that book motivated me too much I am EXHAUSTED from so much motivation, holy crap... I know... I'm dead tired. I never felt so deeply motivated lol. It's not that I'm tired of waking up at 5AM, that's completely fine by me. I'm just tired of the feeling of too much motivation, an almost mania-like level of motivation. But I'll continue! I just need some toning down I could feel the author's motivation emanating from the book as I read it. I could almost hear him My motivation got so high up there that I need to be careful now, because I might be on the way to the notorious ego backlash.

Oh yeah this one’s huge. When your words and behaviors aren’t in keeping with your inner self and highest values, that’s a recipe for disaster in your psyche

Sort of like God limiting himself into a being that isn’t fearful. Is that IMPOSSIBLE? Or is it always the case that everytime consciousness reduces itself into a separate being, that being has to be fearful to some degree to maintain itself and there is no other possible way that it can be? Like a limited being has no other way of continuing to exist other than through fear in all possible universes ever? Is fear the only mechanism of creating separate beings? @Leo Gura I’d love your answer to this

Or maybe that’s an eleborate story spun by the ego to avoid work?? Could be Nah but I get you!!!

Oh yeah I get you. That heart emoji encompassed all kinds of emotions haha. It didn’t really mean “oh I’m feeling good now” edit: actually, my bad. “Felt” wasn’t a good word choice. I didn’t FEEL anything different it was more like I REALIZED something different. Something that, yeah precisely, is not dependent on emotional state!

You don’t know what I “felt” bro? His words just reminded me to pay attention to what’s real. It didn’t make me feel better or worse, just more grounded. What I “felt” was more like a realization that I wrote those words to myself

That’s so right, omg ❤️ I feel it my question was so dumb!

Stage green-ish girl educates stage blue guy. Preacher gettin’ preached.

He didn’t go anywhere ❤️