Jo96

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Posts posted by Jo96

  1. Posted

    1 hour ago, Depersonilized said:

    I've literally done just that on a medium dose of shrooms while naked in the bathroom with the lights off while also getting pounded by the intensity of the experience. I second this statement. 

    Good times. 

    And because it was intense it is somehow more true than something else? 
    Because you were in the fetal position this was then more of a true reality ? 

     

  2. Posted

    3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    @Jo96 Well, without knowing all the details of how you tried those things, it's impossible to know.

    If I had to guess I'd say you didn't try those various things rigorously enough.

    This might mean you should go live normal life and burn off some karma before you are ready to restart your journey.

    If you are young, spend 5 or 10 years just building up your life and exploring life. Then come back to enlightenment.

    Yeah it’s really too late for me in a lot of ways. I’m about to have a kid on the way and I’ll be mostly focused on that. It’s pretty impossible to persue enlightenment in these circumstances. Too many things weighing me down. I had a chance but I feel like I’d have to be alone and totally dedicated to do it.i just don’t have that desire maybe it’s time I come to terms with it.. 

  3. Posted

    2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    @Jo96 Then clearly whatever you've been doing hasn't been working and it's time to try something new.

    Like what? I’ve done psychadellics. I’ve done retreats, meditation for hours a day. I’ve talked to a guru a spirtual guide. I’ve seen fortune tellers. I’ve thought day in and day out about consciousness. I’ve tried dropping it all.  Fundamentally sometimes it just seems like at bottom of it I’m more afraid of truth then actually wanting truth. I want it but I’m afraid to leap. It’s a battle and fear usually wins. You’re videos are helpful. I’ve listened to your advice but practically not much has changed other than a couple ideas and concepts being let go. I had a couple instances of altered states while walking around but I always return to ego or whatever that means. I don’t even know what I’m looking for anymore or why. What does truth even mean? How could anything be more true then anything else? I’m not saying this to throw in the towel or to rag on what you’re saying I am sure you’ve experienced miles more than I have, But to me it’s just words and it doesn’t matter how much you say it if I can’t experience it. 

  4. Posted

    35 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    @Jo96 You have not even realized 1% of what Consciousness is.

    You're quitting a 5000 mile journey after taking one step out your front door.

    There are layers to reality so deep that they would leave you sucking your thumb in a fetal position on the floor.

    You ain't seen nothing yet.

    But it seems I have no power to make any journey. Nothing I do seems really in my control. I’m a slave to my habits, my emotions my thoughts and my life circumstance and any which way I imagine it I cannot imagine learning anything that would free me from that. I have chased myself in circles for years now trying to see what you have explained in your videos. I am afraid of taking another step. I cannot see any good reason to I’m paralyzed with fear with no clue how to step any which direction because nothing makes sense anymore.  

  6. Posted

    52 minutes ago, CosmicTrekker said:

    Speculating on the title - I 'think' the deepest level of reality is the abcence of everything; absolute nothingness; nada; nil. Between what one thinks one is and the /dev/null of nothing: all gradients of reality are equally true and require an illusury witness of some sort. 

    Infinity and now; I feel is the door way and only a razor edge away from the illusion most of us are occupied in - tantalising near, yet so far far away. 

    Even that is is no more true than everything, or something relative. That’s what’s crazy about infinity: any point is actually the center 

  7. Posted

    I came to this realization today thinking about infinity. I think there’s a logical fallacy that can occur that somehow something being deeper or more nuanced or smaller is somehow more true. This is in fact true but it’s also false. To me that’s like zooming into your hand and saying that the cells are more important than the hand or zooming out and saying the body is more meaningful than the hand. By nature of making the judgment you are perceiving higher and lower stated or consciousness. In reality all that is just is. 
     

    I could probably take a million 5meo doses and while I have no doubt I would learn a lot about reality that doesn’t mean that it’s anymore true than what is for me right now. All that is is. 
     

    that’s all. Just thought I’d share. 

  11. Posted

    I had a strange dream last night I wanted to share.. I was texting my good friend Donald trump in my dream and Leo in some 3 way chat and Donald Trump was discussing his presidency. He was talking on why he made a lot of the decisions he did. I felt somewhat bad for how people had been treating him after the chat. We had a real heart to heart, and it seemed like he was interested in consciousness works.  Anyway Leo said to Donald trump that really stuck out and it was this: 

    “I used to believe awakening was a possibility but now after awakening it seems like my

    Former life was another dream.. another possibility of consciousness.”

     

  12. Posted

    21 minutes ago, peanutspathtotruth said:

    @Jo96 There is eternal peace, inquire into that longing into the future. It’s a great entry point. And the word „peace“ beholds all the other words you could use for that beauty. It is always what you are, there is nothing other than that. Go to that place, you have all the tools you need, you‘re at the right place. And once you‘ve seen it - trust it fully. 

    Even if you achieve that wouldn’t all the others you know be not at peace and lost still? What’s the point of being at peace alone? If there’s no one to share it with? 

  14. Posted

    6 hours ago, dimitri said:

    @Nahm

    Uff... bravo ?

     

    7 hours ago, Nahm said:

    @Jo96

    “What you seek is seeking you”. - Rumi

     

    You probably just spent a lot of years, doing & learning a lot of things, working hard, developing & using your intellect to succeed, to make good of whatever cards you are dealt - day in, and day out. “Eating shit sandwiches, and managing to smile none the less, with clean teeth”. She needs a round peg, you became it. He needs a square peg, you became it. Probably feels like bending and twisting to be whatever part everyone and each situation needed, and you arose to the occasion, and did what was need, you were what was needed, whatever was needed. Got done what needed to get done. That probably has reached it’s ceiling. But this ‘ceiling’ is not of the doing, I suggest, the ceiling is of the way of experiencIng of the doing. The fundamental understanding of what experience, actually is. 

    The doer paradigm in such a place might sound like.. “If this is it, I’m kinda...done with all this. It’s fine, but it ain’t what I’d hoped, and I can sincerely say I gave it my all. So maybe it’s time for me to just say fuck all this. Maybe there’s something I need to go see, or find.”

    You might be ready for the reality check on this “doing”, and this “efforting”. 

     

    There is often something at the base level, something most fundamental in understanding, that a seeker get’s ‘wrong’, which down the path inevitably must be understood, such that The One ‘breaks-through’. You might say, just as modern society has built itself on the fundamental misunderstanding that consciousness arises from matter (the body & brain), a seeker can begin their path & practices upon the fundamental misunderstanding that the seeking & practices are leading somewhere, that one is becoming something, that there is a finish line & celebration in which one is definitely, finally, “there”.  In either case, as you said, this is indeed futile. 

    You probably did meditation daily for a while, maybe a retreat or two, knew some peace, and maybe, but probably not, tried psychedelics. I’m speculating on all of this obviously, but intuitively, I don’t believe you’ve done the inspection work. So now you’re at the place of “somethin ain’t workin here”. But I would offer that there is no call to figure out how to get ‘something’ working, but rather, to know & understand what ‘some’ ‘thing’ is. 

     

    The non-doer paradigm...meditation, every morning and as needed again in the afternoon, is fundamental. Why? For a uniquely specific reason, which is counter-intellectual to society’s collective beliefs. Because it is the very activity of the mind, “ thinking / thoughts”, which stands to be seen through - stands to be known as the actuality of what it really is. 

    The perfect peace a seeker seeks, is the very self of the seeker seeking. It is nowhere to be found. It can never be found. But seeking, it to seek, to look for this peace, for the Truth, everywhere. Of course, as you rightly note, it is the intuition, all along saying “I am here”.  Yeah, great, heard that a million times, right? How the fuck do “ I “ get “there” !? You don’t. You inspect, “here”. 

    We’re all born ignorant, yada yada...and we learn we are ”doers”, “survivors”, “providers”, etc. It’s necessary, though it doesn’t ever quite “fit” for one in touch with that intuitive calling within. So that calling get’s mistakenly put on the back burner, as the duality of all dualities is assumed... “I can’t commit to the path cause I got x, y, and z I have to do...I’ll come back to ‘the path’ later, when x, y, and z are ‘all set’”. 

    Doesn’t work that way. That’s noble in one sense, yet a hijacking of the intellect in another sense. 

     

    That brings you back to that fundamental misunderstanding. The peace sought, is the formless self, which is appearing, manifesting, as “you”, and “this world”. Has been the whole “time”. When it is said that “waves” become particles via observation...there were never any actual “waves” observed. “Waves”, is theoretical, aka M theory, or String Theory, etc. Theories, like the entirety of general relativity and physics, based on the speed of light in perfect vacuum. It’s all based on assumption. There’s no ‘perfect vacuum’, there’s no ‘waves’...and still, intuition says, “I am here”. I think you’re done with theories, seeking, and believing, and it’s high time for the knowing. Life’s not slowing down. Your blessings are only increasing and expanding, and stand to be recognized as such, asap. 

    You’ve completely underestimated the absolute power of letting go. You conceptualized it. You ‘shelved it’ with other ‘things’. ‘Other things’, all ‘things’, are Everything, and Everything is an appearance of - No thing. Even now as you’re reading this, you’re continuing to conceptualize letting go. You’re falling back on beliefs, that “letting go” is not the ‘answer’ you need. It is, you just don’t know the actuality of it yet, on the idea of it. If you’re thinking, “yeah, I do”...No you don’t. 

    You are knowing experience as at-tension, because the intellect has hijacked attention, which is whole & divine, effortless, mystical and magical. 

    You are knowing experience as a ‘focuser’, because the intellect has hijacked it...made it the experience of “my” “focus”. 

    Thus in feeling, there is tension and many thoughts of many things needing your focus, many things you need to do, etc. This paints a glum picture of reality, of experience. 

    What’s “needed”, is the knowing of what experience actually is. More specifically, the complete end of thoughts & beliefs of separation - “in” - experience. What you’re seeking is a perfect peace, which is absolutely, infinitely, freeing & satisfying. You found happiness in the world, in things, objects, relationships, experiences, feelings. You have not however realized the true nature of experience, is that of feeling...One. 

    This is realized via inspecting what is here, now - “this”. The “ordinary”, this “mundane”. That is to say, the letting go of everything you believe, and everything you think you know, about everything. 

    Meditation is then completely reinterpreted, recontextualized. No expectation of awakening or enlightenment, or of any gains of any kind. You’re probably thinking “I can’t believe I just read all that, got my hopes up, and he’s ending this rant on meditation being the answer here”. If so, politely, yet firmly, ask the person closest to you now, to slap you across the face, and go run cold water from the faucet on your head for a few minutes. 

    The peace you’re seeking is the joy which is Being, appearing as “reality”. In meditation, and through out your day, every single arising thought must be let go. If a thought arises about “he’s making an enemy of thoughts though” - let that thought go to. Nothing “dies”, there is no death. There is nothing to fear, you’ve literally been making up “fear” you’re entire life. It doesn’t not exist. Try pointing to it if there is any question. Beliefs run far, far deeper than you’ve yet considered, and as such, letting go is infinitely deep. 

    Breathe from your stomach, all day, every day. Consciously. You’ve been a “lung breathing sleeper” in a “physical world” - it’s a dream. This is literally a dream. Your dream. The Whole damn thing, is for you. Just for the experience of this very moment - and that is it. Not a second nor a single concern more. Presence. Now. 

    You’re gonna wake up from it though. I can feel it in my bones. In the believing of, the attachment to, thoughts...this now seems to be some life sized story, which is overwhelming, and there is an inclination to ‘run’ from it, to intellectually figure out and solve “what I should do”. But there’s no “it” anyone could be running from. “It” is only the believing of thoughts, supported by an intellectual web of “me” “doing”. We’re all absolutely innocent in this. Any thoughts of the nature of “beating up on yourself”, let them go to. 

    There is already the purification. You know it and I know it. It started a while back, and it’s well underway. You bought a front row seat to the shit show of the mindfuck sneakery of the intellect, the wrestling of the ox. Sit in the seat. It’s your seat. The seat is awareness. It does not come and go. Everything else does. Being’s timing is divine. You will see. There is a fluidity of this that it beyond conceptualizing, so you just relax, and when the shit show arises, you go sit somewhere alone, and cry/barf. Talk here, on the forum about it if you want, but don’t fall for the sneakery of the intellect, when it try’s to convince you it’d be a good idea to make this about someone else. That only prolongs the show. Awareness is absolute. Take your stand there. BE aware of the show. Release, release, release. No averting, no avoiding, no fantasying about running. Let all go in meditation, know some of this peace, be mindful of this peace through out your days. When the shit show kicks up, breathe from your stomach and relax. It can not hurt you. You are unhurtable, untarnishable, immovable - there is only the emptying of all the beliefs to the contrary. I can not possibly stress this enough - it is infinitely worth it. This peace is you - appearing as “you” and a “world”. It’s pure magic. 

     

     

     

     


    I’m inspired man. Thank you..

  15. Posted · Edited by Jo96

    12 minutes ago, Nahm said:

    @Jo96

    You’re attached to thoughts. That’s all. 

    What do your practices look like? 

    Imo, you’re afraid of fear because you don’t ‘sit with purification’. 

    You bail on yourself, going to thoughts about yourself, past or future, or you weave someone else into it. So you are ‘believing in beliefs’ without realizing it. Believing the path is in a physical location, etc. That you could ‘go somewhere to it’. 

    You’re not entangled with the problems, faults and aspects of others - those are your thoughts. 

    Well this is exactly it. It just seems very futile. I stopped doing my practices. It felt like all of it was just entangling me further..maybe I do bail on myself? But then again I’m not aware so what can I even do? I guess my practice as of late is to just stop practicing and stop searching 

  16. Posted

    I’ve been an avid seeker for a lot of my life. Searching for truth and spiritual enlightenment (whatever that means). 
    I’ve also come to the point in my search where it feels almost futile. For context I have a very full life. I have a family that loves me and a girlfriend and we are expecting a child together. My life is near perfect and I’m even satisfied but in truth there’s still a part of me that desires to give my all sorta like Leo did to the path of spirituality. I feel it in my heart that it is almost impossible to do it with such a full life. It is because my life is so full that there is not much room for much else but relationships and family and friends. 
     Is it possible to gain insight in my circumstances? In all honesty on the days I spend alone my mind seems more clear but then when I’m with family and friends and my relationship I get all tangled in there problems and faults and good aspects.. facing a hard decision but I’m considering leaving. Any advice for how I can decide more clearly ? 

  18. Posted · Edited by Jo96

    13 minutes ago, The Lucid Dreamer said:

    Looks the same to me.  In what way do you think it is changing?

    I will say that his entire demeanor, the way he talks and the way he carries himself has changed a whole lot.   

    I don’t know how to explain it, but I can just see based on the way he talks now how much more conscious he has become since his videos 5+ years ago.

    His jaw has become more defined and the square more squared from what I see.  Actually the first video you can see his face is very skinny like he lost a lot weight which is why it’s most defined there. But the last video it’s less so skinny  and more so just naturally defined. Look at the sides next to his lymph nodes under his ears. 

  21. Posted

    I have this experience where I feel totally disconnected from all my senses and breathless  and I’m just floating in pure void or emptiness. It’s like there’s this hidden sense underneath my senses though that is literally nothing. I’m not really meditating or doing any spirtual work. It’s quite terrifying, for a while I was panicking because I couldn’t face it. Felt like I was dying. It just comes on randomly. 
     

    any idea what this is ? Any suggestions to go further ? I was able to face it for 1 minute but it was about all I could take. Idk maybe it’s just in my head

  23. Posted

    8 hours ago, silene said:

    Just that you seem to have been meditating for only a few months (if I've understood it correctly), and you have had some deep experiences of emptiness which are frightening and blissful in turns. Integrating it as in having a context for the mystical awareness, to feel ok with being nothingness and having an identity for normal life purposes

    "I remember calling my girlfriend in a panic and asking her to please start an argument with me so that I could take a definitive stance and in so continue to live the lie that I was living."

    you've had a taste of bliss and emptiness and you are now working on integrating this with your regular relationships in life, which can carry on with a deeper love rather than fear and panic. You're doing nothing wrong. Although there's nothing to hold onto because there's no separate self to do the holding, and everything is in flux, yet life is infinitely creative and provides new patterns to flow with, even as the old ones dissolve away. 

    Sorry if I sound a bit vague and woolly, are you looking for something more practical or a reassurance that all's well and you're on the right path? 

    I guess I was mostly confused about the action or word integrate. How can I do this if I’m maybe even not the one doing anything? I’m not sure the difference between doing and letting go. So the word or action of integrate currently doesn’t make sense? How can I do that? If I let go I’m doing. If I don’t I’m being. Seems to me things just fall in place and I don’t have much control 

  25. Posted · Edited by Jo96

    When I began meditating it was very clear the goal I was seeking. I was seeking truth. I wanted to let go of all the noise in my head, the noise from my brain and thoughts and the noise from other people. 

    Within a month I had an experience of emptiness. I felt as if my whole body reassembled flowing water or what I would describe as dream stuff. The sensation was pure emptiness and as I watched my actions throughout the day it was as if I was faced with a choice. I could give in to whatever response had been planned no matter how much it made sense or I could simply let it go. As I went deeper and deeper into letting things go I felt my whole being disintegrating. I felt such a fear grip me that I had not felt in my entire life. I felt as if all the theory I was learning might be true and it terrified me. If there is no me? If all I am is a belief ? Who would I be ? 
     

    this experience was again revisited after an 8 day retreat where my body head and chest lost all feeling in it. It felt as if every story I told myself was caving in on itself. I remember calling my girlfriend in a panic and asking her to please start an argument with me so that I could take a definitive stance and in so continue to live the lie that I was living. It worked and I returned to my body, but not for long. The following week I felt such fear/ bliss and pure love for reality. I was afraid of what I was becoming Or unbecoming and I was also in love with and grateful to be here. To have people here to counter me, to disappoint me to give me conflict because it all served a higher purpose to keep my ego in place. I remember looking up at the moon the following week and seeing pure love in the sky.  It was so beautiful I can’t even explain it. But I was afraid of leaving so I slowly came back to normal life with only the slight after glow of a dream like feeling in my head that still continues to this day. And every now and then if I focus I can still feel my body dissipate like smoke if I focus hard. 
     

    After these experiences I decided to put it into practice. I decided to dedicate some of the day to let things go or to meditate. What’s funny is as I go deeper into letting things go I realize the ridiculous nature of that. The act itself of letting things go is doing? How can I choose to let go? Is that not not letting go? The deeper I dive into meditations the more unclear everything seems. Ultimately what I’m saying may be misunderstood because I’m not even sure I totally understand it but all I’ve learned from Leo and other teachers it’s all ultimately words. If I dive deep into them they break down just like my body does. Nothing can really be held onto. I say this with uncertainty. So please correct me if I’m wrong. Just sharing