Thank you for the reply. I’m not disagreeing. But I do have some objections because I do not entirely feel you grasp my full thought process.
I keep finding myself being sucked back into lower consciousness thinking because of where she’s at in her mediation work. You misunderstand I by no means am verbal about this all the time as I understand part of the problem is me willfully participating.
For example I’ll come back from a solo retreat and I’ll have the realization of no self and be experiencing the world through less and less of my own identity and everything will feel like a dream.
She will get mad at me or pick some fight with for something that comes from personal trauma that she not overcome yet (she has PTSD and is dealing with a pretty rough past). I’ll then willingly venture back into the many layers of perceived reality without being able to completely go as deep as I’d like into these experiences.
This is just one example this happens with mediation. Or with my diet and how she will play the part to tempt me to make unhealthy choices by choosing restaurants to eat at like McDonald’s or Burger King. You see I accept some of the blame even here because I’m willingly participating but it feels like in a relationship that it’s very hard to peruse this work as if I was on my own Id only have my self to worry about.
What’s wrong with pushing someone you love to be a better version of themselves ? Why does it not sound good if she isn’t sticking to the work? To preface she suffers a lot from trauma so I see her suffering when she doesn’t work on herself.
She has seen some progress. I got her to quit smoking cigarettes and weed. Change her diet away from McDonald’s and processed food to a healthier plant based diet. I didn’t force her to do anything accept quit smoking weed because she was doing it everyday and it was damaging our relationship. which truthfully I cannot force unless she’s somewhat willing.
my question is what would be more unconditional love. Love where I don’t fight her habits that cause her to suffer and allow her to wallow in it or love in which I do nothing.
