Jo96

I guess I was mostly confused about the action or word integrate. How can I do this if I’m maybe even not the one doing anything? I’m not sure the difference between doing and letting go. So the word or action of integrate currently doesn’t make sense? How can I do that? If I let go I’m doing. If I don’t I’m being. Seems to me things just fall in place and I don’t have much control

I’m not certain I get what you mean?

In one of Leo’s older videos he talks about the history of a Japanese zen budhist sect that went from being the pinnacle of understanding to having Warfare, rape and violence due to a lack of principles while also searching for enlightenment. to me I think about jed Menckenna And OSho a Recent spiritual teacher. Jed seems to drive home the point: how there is only one path to enlightenment and that is the path of taking the first step or leap away from ignorance and towards truth. He seems to have almost a cold indifference to a lot of the world outside of truth. There is many examples in his book of him breaking peoples world and making comparisons to enlightenment being like a form of torture where at the end there will be nothing left of you. While there is not much known about Jeds personal life. I seem to understand from his book that he possesses almost a complete indifference to the world. While there’s no way with me not being awake to know if this is a correct view. I’m wondering if there is danger there to Persuing enlightenment so mechanically and bluntly like he describes in his book. I suppose the underlying question I’m mostly asking is how do I know I’m on the right path? How do I know who the right teacher is? And who can I trust ? I can’t trust myself? I can’t trust anyone else? How do I know that looking for truth will not lead me to greater delusion?

Thank you for the response, it always surprises me when you respond because I think in my mind I put you above these kinds of concerns. I know that’s not really right or true. That’s an image I’ve built in my head because the things you talk about can only be sliced and cut down until I realize who I am. I’m sure you realize this when you speak to people here. in truth I’m tired of playing around. I’m willing to do what it takes at this point. I’ve been searching my whole life. I’ve always wanted to know what the truth is. I think I’ve danced around it out of fear. Out of complacently, out of addiction and endless looping looking for something that cannot be found. how can I put this into practice ? How do I listen to my heart over my brain. How do I listen to love over fear. What is the difference ? I’m really ready to know even if it kills me and everything I care for in the process.

For context I meditate about 1.5 hours a day at this point. Off and on for most of my life. Recently I’ve been reading jed mckennas book jed talks #1. He says it several times that he believes that to turn off your brain and not think is the biggest tool of the ego. He claims that meditation or the path of no thought is yet another trap of maya to keep the self in bondage. I’m confused. On the one hand meditation seems to give me many benefits. I used to have severe anxiety and after meditating daily it completely Disappeared as did a lot of my other problems and complains and qelms I had in daily life. but I can see his point. Am I not running away from the fear through meditation? What happens if I allow my brain to turn on and think itself into oblivion ? Scratching every layer of the self away like a man picking at his blemishes until there is nothing left but everything.

How?

I’ve had these same doubts honestly/ currently am. The truth is no matter what anyone tells me I won’t know. The only thing I can know is what I experience.

I don’t know I’ve had the thought recently that I am just cycling between different states of consciousness. That I really do not truly want to wake up or realize anything. Seems to me that I have Zero motivation to awaken and yet at the same time the only thing that drives me to awaken is fear, which is conversely the same thing that holds me back. Stuck in a loop ?

I think if we’re being honest Here we have all have had the thoughts that you have had. Unless we are awake we have all had so many doubts about every group or tribe or person. It’s impossible to know right? You cannot verify unless you are enlightened. That’s just the plane and simple truth. And unfortunately this forum is full of people who are just like you and me. Human beings. Not gods or Buddha’s. Right now I feel there may be ego on both sides. There could be ego in this comment. And ego in the responses. It’s all understandable and could be treated with compassion not defensiveness in my opinion. Let me tell you though please don’t judge what LeoS teachings says by the person or even the people who follow him. Try them out yourself and see if they work. If they don’t work for you than that’s fine. Be on your way and I’m sure you’ll eventually find what you were looking for elsewhere. This Is how I’d handle it at least . Only you can verify what’s anyone else is saying. And if someone is strongly defending a belief than they themselves may have not realized what they preach. So I think you have a point here as do the people responding to you.

Ok so is hell not included?

Same here. Every time I tripped alone I ended up calling somebody else which is essentially not trip alone. The one time I took enough to almost break through I remember I was feeling myself die and was convinced I’d never return to earth and I heard the voices of all the people on earth fade to whispers and terror gripped me. So I fought it. I fought it so hard I vaguely remember trying to fight somebody and throwing things. I remember thinking I was in some terrible nightmare and the only way to wake up was kill myself. Luckily I gained some sense before it happened. But after this I’m scared to do it again.

I’ve heard dream board and journaling a lot here. What do you think the process is for these? What is beneficial about putting in the discipline to do these daily?

I’ve been meditating for quite sometime. I was introduced to it when I was maybe 4 years old since my family was Buddhist. I am no longer Buddhist as I have shed that lense. My goals are to view and see the beauty in reality and to live fully 100 percent of the time or as much as possible. I want things to be magical and to sink into every moment and to love and to feel everything without being so much in my own bubble all the time. I also would if possible awaken to some kind of truth about the nature of myself or reality or whichever. I have listened to a lot of Leo’s videos and to me what he says makes intellectual sense but then again I go back and forth with doubt and have realized that there is no real way for me to know unless I try to see it myself. Of course I’m also very afraid to die and My mind is always changing and my thought patterns. So sometimes I’ll go through periods of time when my reality feels almost timeless and my thoughts cease and it feels just magical with a buzzing sensation above my head and forehead and then other times reality feels very normal. For a while I was chasing these states but recently I’ve come to realize these too are also illusions and there is no state I need to ever be in and that the nature of things is constant change. I’ve done shrooms and lsd a few times although to be honest I have my doubts about these substances and it feels similar to the states of consciousness I can access through meditation where that it feels like I’m just chasing a state. I took a break from meditation for this reason but to be honest it all seems very random. I’m not sure I have any control of when I awaken. I do also have some personal bias against religion, the hippy community,acid people , spirtual people or really any kind of group that thinks the same way about something or is self labeling. Not in a negative way like I hate them or feel any kinda animosity, I just always get the sense after spending some time with groups of people it’s all coming from ego. Leo seems kinda different because he holds himself to a high standard in life and is self following for his path. I admire that but sometimes I’m not certain of those who follow him. It’s all very confusing. Not sure where to start or what I can follow or what I can do..

Do you believe that stuff mentioned about when you die how your soul feels itself being cremated and you are also starving/ withdrawing from all your attachments ? What evidence would you point to that says this? Or is this just your experiences from trips ect ?

Here I am doing my wimpy morning afternoon and evening meditations. Jesus Christ dude...

Do you have any suggestions to get the most out of trip. I’ve done a few and I feel I almost always hit a wall with fear and I sorta chicken out when I’m suppose to be surrendering into the experience

I do kriya yoga and chanting. Throughout the day I try to stay aware of my consciousness rather than in my thoughts. I have no idea how far along I am. I’m not sure how I would know that?

I’d love to see some more video instructions on how to awaken beyond theory. I have heard him say to take psychadelics to meditate and to do self inquiry and he has some good instructions on some of those from years ago, however I’d love to see a more updated and laid out path based on his new realizations. After all theory is theory and practice is practice.

To context this I am not really suffering that much in this life time. I’m rather happy from day to day. I have my flaws. I have had a few enlightenment experiences but for the most part I took about 1-3 percent back each time. I’m still working but I’m not overly consumed by the process either. One thing that I have been circling around is the concept of hell. Not the christian hell but just the idea of infinity and realizing that if everything is infinite there is room for endless amounts of suffering some of which is unfathomable. How does realizing your god fix this? If you’re god you’re going to eventually take limited finite forms Wouldn’t this eventually circle back places that are an intangible amount of suffering? Is this just the truth? How do you guys deal?

I realize I am ruminating. This issue comes back and bothers me every time I think about god and infinity and non duality. No one has really given me an answer that’s satisfying in my life. The only answer I’ve ever gotten that’s made sense is to just let it go. But even then that’s not really satisfying because there’s no resolution or a definite yes or no about this. I’ve tried to live my life but this is all pervading in the background. Because I think to myself even if I have an enlightenment experience would I not still be stuck in the cycle of birth and death and ultimately suffering? Ultimately the reason I seek truth is fear. And the reason I don’t see truth is again fear.

God is all. Within god exists finite versions that believe in evil. Therefore doesn’t god also have evil and suffering that it fully believes in? How is the ultimate perspective more important than a finite perceptive. From the point of infinity the relative and the ultimate can ground one another but you cannot say one is higher than the other. I’ll freely admit if I’m wrong. I want to be wrong. But this is the perspective I see it from right now.

Yeah within the context of a human life as experience life at this specific configuration. Psychedelics May change the dials or configurations. But how can we know or conceive of if this is the only configuration? What if the states in which we are thinking we are experiencing differences in configurations is limited to our configuration in this existence? In other words hell could exist we just can’t imagine it with the level of pain/ pleasure of being human. These dials will only turn infinitely far but with limits (like calculus) relative to our specific configuration.

@Gnosis But if all is all then parts of you are endlessly suffering. If an avatar is suffering then eventually you will be that avatar ?

So I’ve been eating a plant based diet for close to year and recently I’ve been coming to the conclusion that I may have not put enough thought into this diet. Im looking for some help or advice on some key vitamins and proteins and nutrients needed to achieve this diet properly.

So I don’t know if this is a common problem or if I’m being arrogant. Or if Im being too controlling or what. But I’ve been dating my current girlfriend for close to a year now and I keep running into this problem: I am trying to put myself on somewhat of a path of personal growth, and she seems to be holding me back (or maybe I’m looking at it the wrong which I’m also open to.) But every time I add a healthy habit I feel the need to share it with her and get her on a similar path because I see the benefits and I see how doing things like mediation, eating healthy, yoga, contemplating and evolving overall could improve our relationship and her life and mine. But I run into sharp resistance. She says that she is interested and will even try these things but when it really comes down to it she isn’t willing to fully commit and she gets frustrated when I push her too hard to stick to these habits with me which I try to frame as something to build ourselves together and that we are taking this journey together. In reality though it feels as if I am dragging her along and end up getting frustrating because she isn’t moving as fast as me or as passionate about growth as me. The ironic thing is the more I grow the more I see how and what holds her back emotionally and psychologically. When we get into fights it’s less so me fighting and more And more me dealing with her strong emotions which I no longer get due to doing the work. and it’s like I want to explain to her and I do why she’s feeling the way she is or is lashing out but it feels futile as she isn’t doing the work I recommend nor is she sticking to it. It’s not from lack of trying on her end either. It’s sinply that she doesn’t move as quickly through this work as I do as she lacks experience in building habits or growth. I know this work is usually about self growth and helping or saving others is not recommended, but I would like to find a solution that maybe doesn’t involve us breaking up. I accept that I am probably somewhat deluded so does anyone have any advice or gone through something similar?