Eph75

@Preety_India As you say, there are no guarantees, there is no safe side, but you can approach it in a healthy way that help you to assess that authenticity and intention of other, and that will, save you from some pitfalls. Much in the same spirit, there is no easy answer, no template that ensures suceess, it's a process. You've mentioned you've been interested in financial investments, so we can compare this with investing in some company. To be successful you have to increase your own abilities to assess companies, to do fundamental analysis: Does all the numbers and indicators make sense, is it a market that I understand, what is the risk, are there dividends, is the company currently making profit or loss, are losses due to heavy reinvesting that are likely to increase the company value over time, and so on, and so on. Only when it makes sense for you to invest, you enter with investment and financial commitment. You can enter that relationship with a certain limited amount, which increases your engagement and creates a bond and relationship with that company, which allows you to pick up on more signals and gain deeper understanding through greater engagement in that process. Only when you see that it makes sense, you invest more fully. With companies you never invest more than you can afford to loose, but you do invest with trust in those fundamentals you have learned, and with hope of success. The opposite, to continue the stock market analogy, would be to get enfatuated by the promise of getting rich fast, and you get enfatuated by those promises, as you yourself are so invested into your internal needs/desires to get rich, successful or escape suffering, that you neglect the risk assessment and any signs of toxicity. You fully and blindly go all in, investing all you have, and find yourself in a game of chance, but really you did set yourself up for failure as you were looking for such great promises for richness and suceess, and in that process also entered relationships with companies that carry the highest risk of losing all of your money in that process. There are no guarantees, but doing the fundamental analysis and being aware of the psychology at play increases the chance of making more better choices than not. Also staying attune to signals and knowing your own strategies, knowing when to exist a bad investment and cutting your losses short. Back to relationships.. with people, it's much the same. You invest a certain amount, you are aware and respect the risk of getting enfatuates, and you deliberately explore who the other person is under the surface, as much as possible, what their values are, how they behave towards you and towards others, how they speak to you and how they speak with others, what dreams, ambitions and aspirations they have and so on, and so on. Fundamental analysis. With increased knowledge and understanding it's easier to assess if the response is authentic and if they match, not your needy self, but your authentic self. In that process, not only will you be able to separate out weeds, but you also build a deeper connection with the ones that respond well and you can increase your investment as the process progresses in a healthy way. It's still a game of risk, and chance, and you do have to invest to win. Going through that process more wisely, not investing foolishly, not ignoring tell-tale signs, based on you own ever increasing awareness and increasing complexity of your sense-making, this will make the process less risky, less costly financially and emotionally, and much more enjoyable. I hope that makes sense In this process you also do have to get to learn your own unfavorable attributes and limitations, and work on reducing or freeing yourself from them. Making the process more free from the needs and desires that are coming from your own feeling if deficiency, self-esteem, self-worth, self-efficacy, confidence in self and so on.

By not being carried away by enfatuation, being able to have some self-distance and observe your own enfatuation also allows you to observe the relationship from a healthier perspective. As said before, working on yourself, increasing your awareness, awareness of own thought processes and behaviors, and of what is happening around you, and you working on increasing your cognitive skills/complexity of meaning making will allow you to better identify, interpret and understand what is happening in the relationship as well as read you partner. This is a lot connected to understanding toxicity in self, others and in relationships. On top of this, people actually behave differently when enfatuated, due to hormones in the brain making us more caring, loving, accepting, accommodating and all of this can be interpreted as love. The same goes for drive for sex, that drive manipulates our mind to get our needs met. Seeing and understanding enfatuation (and sex drive) at play, the behaviors related to it, and knowing that enfatuation eventually declines as it's a chemical bonding process happening, it's easier not to blindly get swept away with that process. And, seeing enfatuation and sex drive in self and other. This does allows you to see more clearly, assess more clearly, pickup on toxicity more clearly and also to shift conversation into a deeper mode, pressing past this hormonal game, better seeing the authentic other. Still all of this is fully dependent on your own development, as lack of self-development means lack of abilities to make sense of what is happening in and around you.

@Lubomir Ultimatums are difficult, and desires are powerful. Ultimatums usually work as quick but short term/temporary shift in behaviors. The desires usually kicks back in as the the ripple effects slowly fade away, and those autonomous drives that created problems gets back into control. Change has to come from within, not from external motivators and ultimatums which essentially threats. Of course that doesn't mean that change can't happen, but I do think that ultimatums should be used, with care, as such short term fuel needed to drive long term change in both of you. It also can mark a shared milestone where active work is agreed upon, creating the change needed as a mutual endeavor. The typical thing that happens after an ultimatum has been presented, is that the one giving the ultimatum continues doing what they did before the ultimatum, possibly with increased levels of mistrust, suspiciousness, worry, and even resentment, and the one being presented the ultimatum switches into a submissive and accommodating behavior. That submissiveness is often confused with being apologetic, which it's not, it's just a natural reaction when being under attack and not having the moral or strength to "win" an altercation. In that sense very animalistic in nature. Apologies aren't words and such submissiveness acting as an impact cushion. Genuine apologies are permanent changes in behaviors based on the realization that one was doing something that goes against how you are or how you want to be/become. It's easy to say that the one person did something wrong and that person needs to change, but reality and relationship dynamics are much more complex than that. The dynamics between you guys have ended you up where you did, so there's still something in that dynamics that needs to change. A relationship needs to be actively invested into equally by both. Lack of such shared investment, even without obvious dysfunctions, results in a slow decline in relationship quality that becomes harder and harder to save.

It's all a matter of perspective and the lack of a more holistic perspective. There is not one single being that does not deserve being loved, and a lot of the manifestation of toxicity in people are based on lack thereof, the craving for, and the lack of feeling loved. You don't have to love the actions and expressions. Behind that facade, beneath that self-constructed protective shell, there is a being deserving love. They might not be able to receive love, but that's just that hard shelf protecting the inner being from being hurt. Of course this isn't romantic love, and without the expectations of that love being received, or responded to, it is unconditional in nature.

@Gianna I think the sources and the reasons matter, whether it's genuine joy or our internal reward systems being played from aspects that not fully resonate with our values or doesn't feel authentic. The sources contains the clues needed to explore in depth, and carries the links between the feeling and what circumstances trigger that feeling, causing the emotion. I interpret the sensation of anxiety as unease in that moment where there should only be joy. Anxiety is the calling out to us to become aware of something that has been lost to us. Staying with that anxiety in the very moment as it arises and trying to peel off the outer undefined layer to see what lies beneath is important, so that we have a chance to act in some way upon the underlying need. It could be literally anything, as associations made in the past can be rather unintuitive. Do you have contradicting feelings of not allowing yourself to fully experience excitement, such as shame or guilt from excessive indulgence in the positivity of the experience in that moment? The reversal sound unlikely that anxiety would give a false sense of excitement, and then fall back to being experienced as anxiety again. Anxiety induces cortisol that turns positive experiences off, not on.

There is a difference between self-actualized and successful but these two are sometimes, as you point out, conflated. What does an extraordinary life really mean? It's very subjective and based on your current development and values. Self-actualization being the realization of one's inner potentiality. Someone wanting status and materialistic gains, self-actualization inevitably translates into transforming inner potentiality to mastery that you can use to fulfill your desire for money, status, career and other needs. This drive is coming from deficiency needs and is not to be confused with what self-actualization point towards. This is "traditionally successful". Someone who has worked through ones deficiency needs and is working on self-actualization is working on becoming or being needs. It's the release of that potentiality that translates into such things that could be what the previous example is looking for. The difference is that what the previous example desired could be the result here, that potentiality realizes into success, that may translate into money, status, career, and so on. But the desire and attachment isn't to these things, it is coming from a deeper and truer place of need. In that sense the self-actualized individual may live an extraordinary life experientially speaking, without the need for any of those things, being only OK monetary-wise, not distracted by what others think or what status they apply to you, not striving to make a career, and so on. This can appear as "traditionally successful" but is something different altogether. This is the place where freedom, enthusiasm, passion fuels us, and result is often great and without limitations, where ideas and opportunities appear seemingly everywhere, as our radiating inner light shines through and drives us, that potentiality realized.

@Onecirrus Everything that spirituality is, is the acceptance of what is, acceptance of life as it is, acceptance and deeper understanding of what isnss is or isn't, and the gaining of understanding that what we see as problems in life is inherent to the biases of our own mind, and it adding the labels that make life "arduous, empty, infuriating, unfulfilling" , all based on our desire for life to meet certain requirements of the thought, and the inevitable discrepancy created between that thought and what reality objevtively is. Adding spirituality as a layer, as a bandaid covering up our pathological approach to life isn't a solution, the solution is the deconstruction and the removal of limiting views we've unconsciously adopted, by acceptance of that which we try to avoid. Spirituality is that which will emerge from within, and that which will prevail throughout that process. This calls for redefining what failure is. Acceptance of life is the deep acceptance of failure. "Failure" as a label is negative, bad, undesirable. "Failure" on the other hand is something that is an inevitable part of life. How can failure be "bad" if it's a part of being? Failure is the negative label that exacerbates the experience and make us obsess around the lacking of something in that natural process, rather than celebrating the learning and wisdom there is to find in every moment previously seen and failure and waste, and in the shifting of definition of this process from failure to success in and of itself. There is no such thing as failure, failure only lives in our imagination, as expectations and the resentments that inevitably follow. Failure is really part of the process of leaning, development and growth. If we want to develop as human beings, failure is one of the first phenomena that we need to redefine within ourselves. Pradoxically we have a desire to growth, but we at the same time have a desire to never "fail" or have "setbacks" on that journey. Suffering in mere being is the result. By practicing acceptance of what is, and the detachment of preconceived ideas related to that which causes us suffering, we become free. To be able to do so we have to identify what limitations we have inside us, that hold our inner self back from emerging. Those "limitations" lives in our mind, in our thoughts, and to expect that the physical or external manifestation of something should go away won't help us, as we cannot control what is. The only thing that we can control the mening we attach to something, and that meaning attaches such labels that creates our suffering. A simple example, which just happens to be biblical, could be: If I were to slap you in your face, it will hurt, and you will suffer that slap as pain. The physical pain, induced by "slapping" is far less intense than the suffering the mind adds onto this. The isness of that slap carry no meaning at all, it is a slap, it gives a physical stinging sensation that lasts for a few short moments, and then transitions into a numbness and a warmness in the area of impact. Then the suffering fades away. It's not the slap that you need to remove, the slap is, and indeed life will slap you time and again. It is the detachment from any meaning you attach to the slap. It is that meaning that moves the suffering from the objective physical plane, and into the subjective psychological plane. Why was I slapped? I didn't deserve that! I was wronged! That person has slapped me before. Many people slap me. Why do I always get slapped? There must be something wrong with me! People don't like me! No one likes me! I could never be loved. I don't even love myself. And so on.. Turn the other cheek. With removal of the emotional attachment to the slapping, or rather to the expectation of no slaps, and the removal of added context and meaning, it becomes possible to flux and flow with what is, with the isness of life, with life itself, and as a side-effect the frequency of "slaps" is will reduce. The slap is metaphorical, and it's been you slapping yourself, for no particular reason, for all this time. There is something very fundamental and simple in this. Yet sometimes the simplest of things are the hardest to see, and harder to change, as that simplicity adds frustration. Take care of yourself. Darkness inevitably falls before dawning.

@benny I'd say that anyone can self-actualize, everyone have the inner potentiality, and really, self-actualization has a gravitational pull, it wanting to happen. Circumstances happens that is calling out to us to take make steps towards self-actualization, increasingly so with age, characteristically experienced as increasing suffering, but it needs some key shifts in the mind in order to get over some essential thresholds that hold us back. It's not so much in how much effort you put in, you can try really hard and essentially get nowhere. It's more about the quality and the direction of that effort, and the counterintuitiveness of the efforts needed. Spending that effort to more efficiently facilitate those shifts. Gains by removal, and the shifting of focus from outwards focus to inward focus is a good start. But usually not the route taken, as we desire more, that which we lack and we're not as interested in the removal of unbeneficial internal phenomena. We're so distracted by that which we see as undesirable, and the desire being to change or remove such undesirable external phenomena. Looking for fixes external to us. With external distraction, our energy is consumed by mere coping, and without need to cope that energy will spend itself on gravitating towards self-actualization. It just happens, and with time that gravitational pull grows so strong that it becomes self-serving and greatly accelerated by the effort we add. What those shifts are can't really be communicated, the words can be communicated but it needs to be experienced first-hand as milestones on the self-actualization journey. You can't tell anyone how to self-actualize. You have to figure it out yourself, and grow increasingly able to facilitate those shifts in your own sense-making that are needed to reach "the next milestone". The counterintuitiveness makes this hard, as gaining knowledge and understanding tend to strengthen the ego, and deconstruction and disidentification of the ego being the path forward. All justification or blame strengthen the ego, and takes us further away from where need to get. "Push" someone towards self-actualization and you are met with just that, resistence, justification, blame, shifting away from responsibility, and so on, and the ego strengthen in that process. The only way is to attract interest, and allow that gravitational pull to happen, when the time is right, if that time should present itself.

Essentially, raise you awareness and keep your desires in check. This has so many benefits besides the OP concern. Consciousness prevents the buying happiness trap. The materialistic aspect is just noise, the real trap is your brain chemicals/hormones and how they are abused by the modern materialistic society. The best thing to do is gain deep understanding how these factors work, you mind and thoughts, your brain chemicals/hormones and how capitalism exploit your psychology and the weaknesses thwy open up for. Credit is a slippery slope and you can buy instant gratification and build a deep addiction without noticing, and soon you work to pay off dept on a monthly basis just to keep your head above the surface and to be able to breath, instead of saving a month and pay in cash. And from there it's easy to get into some real trouble if something unforeseen happens. To build credit score you can still use the card and pay it off immediately, acting as if it was cash, and not relying on the credit to be a cuision. Credit cards can be useful for emergencies but the goal should always be to build a savings buffer that can handle the typical "emergencies" that occur. Starting a long term savings plan with ETFs/index funds is even better, but building a cash buffer for a short term emergencies would still be the first step so that you don't have to touch the stock funds. It calls for being frugal to get a good start, and that in itself helps with looking at spenditure in a more healthy way. Although falling into the overly cheap trap is quite common, denying oneself living in favor of crazy saving. Middle-road based on awareness.

@SQAAD Simply because it makes us feel good. We get a shot of serotonin as we put others down since in that process of putting others down, we inadvertently lift ourselves above that other. The result is a sense of importance and status. Some become highly addicted to this behavior and complain excessively at everything and everyone. Often the need stem from low self-esteem and self-worth, and the need to rebalance the ego, by creating the false illusion of being, if only for that moment, something "better" than what one identify with. Usually unconscious, but sometimes with maintained awareness of that process happening. It also is a bonding experience where bonds get stronger around a mutual stance against another party, which becomes nothing more significant than collateral damage in that process. Strong relationships and group belongings happen around joint causes, and often the demonization of someone else or some other group. Also the source of deep polarizations. From both aspects, these are survival mechanisms, protecting ourselves and our egos, and protecting our social and group belonging, hence our survival in the world.

@Gianna Great, and thanks, glad to be able to help where I can ❤️ Looking at that quote, notice how you in a way open up for interpretation that make this about timing and your current state, and not about him. That is, at this time you are not interested in dating, and you want to focus on yourself. What he could be left hearing might be that "now" is not the right time, there is still hope, just keep trying, and at some time, time may be right. But that's great, and still is a good place to escalate from if needed

@Gianna Learning to maintain healthy boundaries, both internal and external boundaries isn't the easiest thing to do, and it's often connected to one's own self-esteem, as already mentioned, wanting to please people, up-play others, down-playing self, for various reasons, related to that self-esteem. Building ones ability to set boundaries is something that we have to learn to do in order to maintain self-respect and authenticity, and to do it in such a way that it doesn't become emotionally or energetically costly to us while doing so. Saying "no" to something you don't want should be as second nature as saying "yes" to something you want. If it's not, it needs deliberate practice. Maybe most important of all, while setting external boundaries, it takes directness and the minimizing of context and story as both context and story adds room for misinterpretation, at the same time as it dilutes the intended message. If you end up fabricating elaborate ways to sugarcoat the message in order to not hurt someone, then you're in trouble. It's not rude to communicate with clarity. I'd say it's more rude to be sugarcoating communication, making it unclear and potentially mislead someone through such vagueness. It's also wasting everybody's time. From a more holistic perspective, we also also have to look at our own behaviors to see if we ourselves are sending mixed signals, unintentionally opening up for misinterpretation. Are there patterns? Are we sending mixed signals? Are we friendly in a way that unintentionally invites men towards more than just friends? This might not be the case, but warrants some thought. Maintaining boundaries is just that, maintenance and needs to be consistent and clear, otherwise it creates discrepancies in others, leaving others to sometimes interpreting signals as inviting and sometimes as rejection, subconsciously adding information that benefits and protects that other's self. People, not only children, will try boundaries multiple times, such is just nature, and this is why directness and clarity is so important, so that the takeaway becomes increasingly direct and clear with each delivery, increasing the definition of the boundary. Giving exact examples isn't a great idea, as it's about learning and learning isn't as efficient when using template behaviors or phrases, as it becomes more role-play than authentic self, and as the anxiety in the doing this is a significant part of that learning. You did ask for some phrases though, and here's my take on it, with directness, clarity, respect, little-to-no room for misinterpretation and what three-step escalation could look like. Of course these needs to be paired with follow-up statements as needed to reinforce the message depending on how it's received, while not getting into a discussion or an argument, since this isn't something that can be discussed, it's a one-way street. First time: "I sense that you are interested in me as more than just as a friend, and that's not something that I want, I just want to be friends, and I want you to respect that, otherwise we shouldn't hang out anymore, are you OK with that?" Second time: "You don't seem to respect that I only see you as a friend, I really need you to stop coming on to me, or else we need to stop seeing each other, OK?" Third strike: "I'm sorry but we can't hang out anymore, you don't respect me only wanting you as a friend, goodbye" If the message hasn't gotten through at this point then it makes little sense to keep in contact. When delivering something like this, there's an obvious risk that things gets awkward afterwards, and the only thing you can do is to not add to that awkwardness yourself.

Is it rental prices or buying a place that is more expensive now? Maybe just renting a room or finding someone that needs a roommate? Maybe not a thing in India..

This is transferring own values onto someone else, if expecting someone else to live up to it. Even if that someone else has double standards, that's their values. It may feel wrong to you, but that's something you can own, and control - your choices and reactions that is. It doesn't mean that your values are unsound. It just means that you can't transfer your values onto others. You can inspire others to change. You can choose someone who share similar values to yours. But you can't expect others to adopt your values. This applies to all values, and all people, not just in this case, and to you.

How far off are you to be able to pay for a monthly rent of a small apartment or a room with the salary that you make now? Even if you have to live extremely frugally it sounds like you have to focus on getting out and distancing yourself from both the mental and physical abuse. I hope that you find a way.

You can choose partner whom shares similar or same values as you do, that's your freedom. But you can't demand someone else to adopt your values. If you do this, you are overstepping boundaries, and the result is someone else feeling shamed or put down for being a lesser person than you see yourself. I think that's essentially what makes these kind of topics impossible to keep constructive unless everyone really tries to give constructive explanations why they feel differently, so that it's easier to see what other perspectives there are, to easier expand one's own perspectives.

@fopylo You're very welcome, I'm glad to help, wherever help can be found. All of this got really condensed, and this really is a life journey of learning and insights, so just keep at it and keep in mind that there are a-million-and-one ways that our mind can and will trick ourselves while practicing/doing these kind of things, so stepping back, questioning why we think and react like we do, is warranted more than a few times ever day

@Hulk Unfavorable when looking for development. If you want to call it "bad" from the point of view that dogma prohibits or slows development down, then yes, "bad" in the sense that it's not helping us to grow if that's what we desire. Dogma is when you take something as such fundamental truth that you don't even see it as optional or a belief, and it is so obviously true to you and given that you wouldn't or couldn't question it. That is, completely stuck in the current belief. The use for dogma is to conserve energy by having absolute beliefs. You don't have to assess right or wrong by having absolute beliefs that serve subconscious and autonomous behaviors/reactions. There are some benefits with a fixed world view, especially from a conformist world view where we adopt and conform around beliefs such as religion and form societies. Easier to gather masses around joint causes if the reasons are absolute and unquestionably right/true. From a modern world perspective, fixed world views in the rapidly changing world is very limiting and change is hard and painful, more painful that it needs to be. You are per definition blind to your own dogma. To be able to deconstruct your ego and become increasingly aware of when/where you are exhibiting dogma, you will have to have accepted not knowing and accepting external indicators pointing towards where you are stuck, and where you need to detach from current beliefs. Cognitive development happens unconsciously until a point where development becomes conscious and self-serving, and it gets easier to detach from beliefs, and easier spot when exhibiting dogmatic behaviors. Until then, such feedback is seen as bad/negative experiences and our defense systems shut ourselves down to being able to accept that our beliefs inevitably are all false, incorrect or incomplete. Ego protecting itself.

Sorry @Carl-Richard I enjoy your posts, even though I would frame your messages somewhat differently. Nevermind above quote, forum glitch, not possible to delete on phone. Move along, nothing to see here @DocWatts It's our job to interpret deeper intent hidden behind the actual words trying to relay something that is at the limits of the posters ability. The very essence of cognitive development, and the core of this forum, is not the intent of debate, but the intent to relay something deeper than what our words are able to communicate, and the intent for others to respond to that intent. Debate is the result of lesser interpretation, or lesser intent. In that sense, the title of the topic is absolutely irrelevant, regardless how triggering or inappropriate it might seem. We need to own our own triggers, and choose not to engage with them. That's the only means to take the discussions to the next level in depth, to explore, with curiosity, to build understanding. And that's all and everyone's responsibility ♥️

I'd say this is a phase of sometimes grossly misdirected energy to "do good" that shouldn't be wasted too much energy on resisting. Sweden has been through such a phase a number of years ago, it got a lot of focus, but then it seemed to go away, shifting to the "next Green buzz". There have been similar "themes" that have been moved through, not really connected in other ways than being the attractor for some groups wanting to identify some sort of injustice and make some noise and difference, focus eventully moving on to some new "theme". Today's focus is noticeable shifting towards a more practical direction. This is the system testing itself through such somewhat misdirected energies and attempts to push the boundaries of the cognitive development of the one stretching, as well as stress-testing of the system to make it stretch. Much like they way a toddler tests the boundaries of the parents to see what and where those boundaries are, and to what degree they tolerate stretching. In some cases that testing is warranted and positive, in other cases that testing result in dysfunctional child-parent relationships that create long-going negative effects on one, and often both parties. The managing of this is to facilitate a healthy manifestation while still allowing for stepping into that which is "uncomfortable". I'd label it a dysfunctional by-product of a somewhat wider emergence of Green vMeme in a society, whereas such phenomena are inevitable growing pains that is a requirement for a society to grow, and applying that stress to the system that is needed to process some of the collective shadows that are holding the society back, as a whole, from further development. While needing to resist at least some of it, fighting it also gives fuel to the cause. Without traction focus shifts. With traction the fight might become a cause in and of its own, looking for increasingly trivial or far-fetched manifestations with the only desired outcome to rattle the cage. Some of the resulting changes have been warranted, would not be tolerated today, and resistence is more of an ideological stance against the change or against "rewriting or denying history", e.g. literature, or children's literature in particular, or brand product names that easily can be misinterpreted, or even was blantently strange. It's hard to imagine that someone would actually miss that which was removed, other than lost awkward moments of "that's funny in a odd sense" kind of reactions. New consumers certainly are oblivious to there being something lost. Word games and gross misinterpretations in such cases as mentioned "black coffee" (even though this was not a real life example, there have been very close examples) becomes collateral damage to the cause as focus and boundaries become increasingly blurred out. Growth pains, different to different people, in different ways.

Matter of defintion. What is, is absolute - impossible to grasp. Call it reality if you will. Call it illusion if you will. Call it god if you will. Call it common definition.. no, that's not it. What is perceived is relative - relative to human kind, relative to individual sense/need of self, relative to what is imagined as no self. What we experience as reality is a make up of perception, and letting go moves us closer to the absolute, as much as we can perceive. Disidentification removes limitations as process. The absolut majority of us will never sense it. Not a single one of us will grasp it. The one who claim to have grasped, is disillusioned. Getting caught with definitions is a distraction. The illusion is based on the need to understand. Mu. And it's all perfectly fine. "I" do agree that it all is deliberately but unconsciously mystified - most certainly by ego regardless of how enlighten that ego claims to be. My ego sees it as "certain". The absolute has no need to communicate. Communication is always biased and scewed in ways. Therefore "I" ain't it. Let go of that, too.

Regardless of who is what, being either emotionally or logically "impaired", both present an obstacle for 2nd tier transition. A requirement for that transition to happen is having a certain progression over most or all of the developmental lines, and reaching a certain point is a prerequisite for continued growth, dealing with shadow aspects collected in the past. If some have it easier with some aspects and struggle with others, or vice-versa, the other aspect is still hard. Logic alone don't make 2nd tier, eg. super high IQ makes no guarantees, probably makes it harder as the emotional intelligences are usually lower with extreme high logically gifted people.

@Zigzag Idiot @PlayOnWords Each stage is experiencing the same thing, just around different values and beliefs, an ideological, dogmatic relatedness to those values and beliefs. Externally identified problems linked to suffering is easier to run from, looking for something else, which is "easier" in prior stages than orange and beyond, where the only thing left to run from is internal to ourselves and causes to the suffering is solved in our minds. Pointing at one major shift at the root of the 1st to 2nd tier transition and the growing of Yellow traits, it's the ability to disengage with any stage and from such ideological and dogmatic ways, which translates to an openness that allows for even deeper understanding of the interrelatedness of the perceived reality, and of perspective of perspectives. Blurring the lines of SD and Ego Development Theory, as they follow the same individual development in different yet similar ways, SD pointing at the development of values, believes and therefore perspectives and in a social context, EDT is point towards the complexity of the sense we make from what we are able to perceive, this unfolding of development points more towards EDT than SD and towards becoming deliberate about one's own development for the sake of development and not for the sake of being knowledgeable and be perceived as being "right", which explains the reduction or dropping of dogma and the fascination of not knowing. Also here it's still important to recognize and keep in mind that the unfolding of the stages happen in a predictable way, and you don't choose to transition into stages, and shifts need to happen in a certain way, and often order, before self-development becomes a means to and end, and transitions into a means for the sake of being.

It's not a matter of choice, what we perceive and what we think, and the meaning we make is a result of how we think. So creating a shift in how we think is what needs to happen first. In most cases this is circumstantial. Something happens that throws our current way of thinking out the door, and a side-effect from that is that we become open to absorb new ways of thinking to fill that void. As a child we had not yet become ridgid in our ways and accepted shifts as a more or less constant flow, until a point where the flow of new improved ways of thinking diminishes and we create that ridgidness in what we already know. We all resist that which we don't accept. So it's not strange, it just is. Either hope for others to get there through circumstance, or facilitate environments where circumstances to more likely to happen, e.g. when safely exploring that which causes anxieties. Turning this towards yourself, where are you stuck, and why haven't you chosen to unstuck yourself? You have to see and understand that you are stuck to even begin considering that question. But how can you do that with something that you are not yet aware of. One of the biggest hurdles here is that problems are externalized as a result of the ego protecting itself. And since the solution for one's problems is looked for externally to us, we can never create change, as all change happens internally to us. Self-deception is a powerful thing.

@IAmReallyImportant Don't study what other successful people did that define them as successful, or do to keep the successful image. Study what qualities made it possible to become successful in the first place, the prerequisites of being, i.e. self-leadership. Without self-leadership competencies you'll be in a more uphill quest than needed, and more likely to not be able to keep going, or even fail to start. Self-leadership includes many competencies and one being constructive thought processes, including not getting stuck with ways of thinking that are limiting, and to be able to catch these and shift into constructive positivism. Comparison with others is not constructive, and it is detrimental to developing grit. Grit being another competency, the ability and stamina to keep going without getting demotivated, and shying from difficulties, not stopping when failing, embracing failure as necessary learning that is an inevitable part of the process, and to have self-compassion and not being hard on oneself when things don't progress, when it feels like things regress, or when progress inevitably plateaus from time to time. Self-compassion once again comes back to constructive thought processes, and the awareness of wasting energy on negativity. (There is much, much more to self-leadership) All of this of course stands on a foundation of self-awareness and self-knowledge, and understanding of what drives us, our values, what kind of experiences that make us feel good that we want more of, and developing this understanding takes us closer to the journey towards life-purpose. This only becomes a problem when it is driven by desire that shifts focus from this as a journey of passion and towards the lack of results and the delaying of bringing you what you desire, which is not likely passion but fame, acceptance, success, money, outward image and so on, negatively fueled by such comparisons against others who seemingly already have made it, getting blinded by their perceived successes, which does not take their past and current struggles into account. A lot of successful people are miserable despite "having made it" as they've yet to master life. On this journey we will need to learn to know our fears and how to constructively navigate and challenge them so that they grow smaller over time, and possibly can go away through the development of courage, courage to pursue that which we feel is challenging, that induces anxiety, that causes fear. Redefining that negative feeling into opportunities for further growth, and a wanting to pursue opportunity. Contemplate, what is it that you have made important to yourselves? Are those values conveying a deeper truth of who you are? Are you chasing a fleeting thoughts or are you looking for passion? What would the difference be? @IAmReallyImportant Even the choice of username can tell a story. Before setting out on a long journey, it's good to prepare and get your bagage in a good shape so that it supports the journey, not being overly heavy with such things that are weighing you down and poses limitations to that journey. Paradoxically, over time, this make the getting there less important as focus shifts towards the being on the journey of life.