LucyKid
Member-
Content count
41 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by LucyKid
-
-
The globalization of the internet, how fast technology spreads and how quickly news travel. All the recent mass protests, all the deaths, all the ego wars.
Seems like we are reaching a point of either a global awakening, or a global threat to everyone. -
12 minutes ago, Harikrishnan said:Wow...You are considered 100% emotionaly and mentally disabled and still studying 2 bachelor degrees.
For rest of it, since you cant move away from father its better u stay away from pot.
Well I am trying my best. I am not actually emotionally and mentally disabled, if you were to meet me in person you'd probably say quite the opposite. It's just the system is so stupid and I am so "not normal" by their means that I am an autistic person by their definitions.
It's not about pot, it's about everything. Sometimes he outrages at me when I use pillows to meditate, sometimes he outrages at me when I am hungry because he hasn't fed us well and I want to eat something else. The list continues. I know that being at home is the better financial option, but life-wise it's the worst. It's some kind of slow suffocation. It's not that he wants me to pursue success (His definition of success obviously), but he actually requires it of me, creating some kind of slave out of me. -
Well it's been a series up events coming up each after another, I've already created a post sharing this but I haven't done anything yet. His outrages have reached another levels. Two days ago he told me that he wants to kill himself and that he finds life meaningless, so I listened and talked with him and spent my time trying to be as nice as I can get to understand what's going on. The next day, I smoked some really good indica with my amazing wooden pipe which has been through all, even changa two days ago.
Anyway, I had a rough 5 months of continuous studying, and in the last remaining 7 days of vacation that I had, I had decided to smoke weed. I was so high, I could barely form words, but I was fairly conscious of what was going on around me. My father doesn't understand shit, thinks that the whole range of experiences in the world revolves around him, so he can't even relate to what's going on with me, he thinks that I am a narcotic fuck or something. Anyway, I am petting my dog, so he asks me to go to my room and never leave again because he doesn't want to see me and talk to me. 1 Minute after that he breaks in my rook, starts throwing chairs around, veins popping out of his forehead because of anger and blood, and he is threatening to take my life (It's recorded, I've been recording him for over a year now). Said things like he can shatter my skull, break my bones, kill me, and how close he was to do it. He broke my pipe, which was very significant for me, I've formed a connection with it, kind of still digesting the fact that it is gone after all it's been through with me.
Now there is another part of the story:
I have asperger's syndrome (Not that I actually have it, just an observation of some psychiatrist) and I am 19yo so I am considered 100% emotionally and mentally disabled in my country. I am afraid that he can use it to his advantage and actually close me in some kind of asylum, like he had said. Plus he has full permission to my bank account, so every small step I make, he sees it. I can't use money, even if it's mine, basically, otherwise he's gonna ask questions and occasionally ourage. I have no privacy in life, I can't smoke weed anymore because I am getting certain "Rules" at home that if I'll not obey I'll be sent to some asylum. He also threatens me with the police, with death threats, whatever. Leaving home is such a difficult option because I don't know how I'll manage to deal with 2 bachelor's degrees am I doing right now. He pays for them, but I repay with my soul and mental being.
Sorry for feeding you guys up with a story, -
Who's the one afraid to give up the self? What is there you are so afraid to leave behind? Family? Friends? Career? Won't permanent happiness and healthiness be a better trade?
-
For me, MDMA is one of the ways I had learnt what love is and how it feels. My best experiences were with MDMA , the most happy ones, and surely very significant. They had also taught me how to contain people, how to reach into my emotional side.
-
Hey! I was wondering if anyone could help my research with yoga. I am willing to start to study it. I heard there is kriya yoga, kundalini yoga, different kinds of yoga. What are the differences?
I am willing to undertake a yoga that requires actual physical effort and flexibility, while putting me in the zone state, a spiritual way of getting in touch with the sense of the body. -
9 hours ago, Mu_ said:What’s your goal in all this? That may better help in guiding you. What are you waiting to happen with all this stuff.
My goal is to learn, and to become wiser, more conscious. I also see this as a really beneficial skill to life itself, to know to contemplate about things, learn different perspectives. Contemplating since like a creativity workout, a really deep investigation of things and complete elimination of dogma.
What am I waiting for? Honestly, nothing, but I want to see results. What kind of results? I don't even know myself, perhaps filling pages and pages of direct experience and insights? -
1 hour ago, Serotoninluv said:Sounds like a breakthrough.
The concept of meaning exists as a concept of meaning. And those concepts are happening Now.
Sounds like a deeper breakthrough.
Everything is meaning = Nothing is meaning. It is a deep nondual realization.
Seems like thought stories are now arising. The mind loves to create thought stories. Nothing wrong with that, just be aware of what is happening Now.
This is the next breakthrough. Welcome home to nowhere. It may feel groundless and destabilizing at first, yet it is also very liberating.
Seems like you are creating a story that there is a "right" and "wrong". That there is some thing or some place called "right" and another thing or place called "wrong". Yet that thing or place doesn't ultimately exist. You are looking for a somewhere in nowhere. That is the source of desire and frustration - trying to get to a somewhere that doesn't exist. What IS is Now.
Once this is revealed, a new relationship with Reality arises and we can see from a place of clarity how constructs such as "meaning", "experience", "past" and "future" are created.
Thank you so much bro! I am going to contemplate now for an hour. I'll be as ACTUAL as possible. Thanks a lot!
-
21 hours ago, okulele said:It's not so tough, it's just unthinkable. What you want to get is what meaning is. What are you pointing to in your experience when you say meaning? There's gotta be something. I know I might not be making much sense, take it as a riddle. Find out!
20 hours ago, Matt8800 said:@LucyKid Some people think that if meaning is not objective, there is no meaning.
Only consciousness can attribute meaning or value to something. Consciousness is pure subjectivity, therefore "objective meaning" is an oxymoron.
What is meaning and value? Whatever YOU decide it is. Do not underestimate this power. It makes sense if you remember that ultimately, you are God.
16 hours ago, dorg said:Meaning - it's what I create/imagine in order to prevent the realization that I am nothing.
15 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:Each of these questions assumes there is a thing called "meaning".
Imagine not assuming that. If there was absence of meaning, how might your questions be answered? Would the questions even make sense?
From this perspective, "absence of meaning" does not mean "no meaning". Saying there is "no meaning" in life is giving meaning. No meaning is an add-on. . . .For example, all of your life there has been an absence of afnolidge. You have never debated afnolidge or no afnolidge. There was an absence of afnolidge. Similarly, what if there was an absence of meaning? (I am not saying this is ultimately True - its is another approach that may open a door to expansion beyond relative meaning).
4 hours ago, Pouya said:In order to see what meaning really is you need to see beyond "me".
What's meaningful to you is relative. Instead ask: What IS meaning? What is its essence? When you are really ACTUAL, the thought of "me" vanishes and pure reality remains. That's where you can find what IS meaning.
Basically fully empty your mind from all ideas and start from 0.
Guys, yesterday I tried to contemplate again upon what is meaning, through direct experience. I was very still, I sat on my chair with music, and I tried to look around, just to be. To feel, to observe. I didn't find any meaning, it felt as if "meaning" is just a concept, and that it doesn't really exist.
After a few minutes, a new feeling of "everything is meaning" hit me, and that "Just the fact that I am alive is the most meaningful thing there is", but I barely wrote even one page.. I'm trying to be present, it seems like I am getting nowhere.
I am not giving up or complaining or anything, I'm just not sure what I'm doing wrong, or if I'm doing it right(?).
Maybe it has to do with the fact that it is literally the first week ever that I had tried to contemplate? Never done this stuff before.
I am trying to be actual, to be aware and conscious, that's what I did yesterday. I will do it today again, for an hour, hopefully I'll see some results. -
9 hours ago, Pouya said:@LucyKid Those are really good questions about understanding meaning conceptually. What really helped me go deeper is Leo's Actuality video.
Just forget everything and become ACTUAL;
What is meaning Actually?
Do you find any meaning in anything when you're Actual?
Also I find other concepts like purpose and symbols combine with meaning when I question it at some point.
I am trying to be actual, and to experience. How do you experience it? by trying to see what's meaningful to me?
I am doing a short list every time. My dog, knowledge, consciousness, and things that I highly value and are 'meaningful' to me.
I watched leo's video, a few days ago. Since then I had started watching my hand while meditating lol, or more precisely observing 'it'.9 hours ago, Guru Fat Bastard said:So you're asking "what is meaningful, in relation to me?"
Well,who are you? Find out what that is, and you will find the answer.Yes.. I've tried to ask the question is meaningful is subjective, and I had come to the conclusion that it is, and that it the ego's projection, ego's made up story about something that makes it "valuable", "important", "meaningful"..
8 hours ago, okulele said:@LucyKid during your contemplations - not so much thinking (some is needed to get your mind focused), more staying quiet and trying to experience meaning. No answer will ever satisfy you. Go for the experience of meaning.
How do I experience meaning..? That's tough. lol.
-
Everyday I contemplate upon what is meaning for 50-60 minutes. It seems that I am getting no where. I've done 5 days already.
I am always asking the same questions, reaching practically the same answers.
"Who decides what is meaningful?", "Is life meaningful?", "Is meaning a projection of the mind?", the same questions.
Yesterday I asked the question "Is the path meaningful or just the result?", am I even asking the right questions? Feels like I got mistaken by what "meaning" points to.. -
Leo, could you get in depth about the implications of what they were talking about?
Nikola Tesla was talking about a thing called wireless energy, ether energy, free energy. Everyone disclaimed him and said that it is impossible. Your thoughts? -
Amazing , what a beautiful story. Inspires me to do this too.
May I ask if you had taken any psychedelics? Have you used your phone to insure your relatives you are okay?
How did you get food prepared? -
Well, I was really sad when I saw a few scenes of Vikings, or naruto, or one piece, but that's part of the emotional rollercoaster, that is fine.
-
MDMA is Neurotoxic.
MDMA has been proved to be safer to take at once (let's say 125 mg at once) instead of 3 sips (41.66mg, 41.66mg, 41.66mg). Sips are bad, it's either you take all, or not at all. (Don't take more than 150-200 mg ever), and if you want to strengthen it take after 1:30 hours half of the first dosage.
Those are safe guidelines. Sipping makes it more neurotoxic, you had done a lot of sips, plus taken two days in a row, which tires the body and literally depletes your serotonin, which makes you feel very bad.
-
I just had thought of it, and it helps me so much, and I had just started using it like an hour ago. Every time you study you usually get so sucked up in studying and rationality that you are actually unaware. Each time you study, let's say (math), and you write in your notebook: Each time you get to a new page, write above in huge "AWARE" or "PRESENT", in a bold way that you'll see it. Also, every time you realize it, write on the lowest part of the page "AWARE", but each letter seperated by a dot, which means how many times you realized it. So if I write "A.W.ARE", it means that I realized 3 times. first (A), second (W), third (A), and RE because I had moved to the next page..
Just a cool technique, you can play with it however you want.
-
This is amazing! Thank you.
-
4 minutes ago, Igor82 said:Amazing! Great share!! Thank you!
Its also insightful to read the comments under that video
Actually the comments are of people who are very rational and don't get the point at all. lol
-
Wow. I had always loved this youtuber and his amazing animations. But that is a turqoise level video. Brilliant.
-
On 8/26/2019 at 11:10 PM, MuddyBoots said:Please be safe in the water, rather than doing it by yourself, how about with a sober friend to keep an eye on you?
On 8/26/2019 at 11:51 PM, Cocolove said:DON'T DROWN. seriously be careful.
Is it a strong river?
If you were as capable and stupid as a toddler would you get swept away?
On 8/27/2019 at 1:44 AM, MuddyBoots said:You can drown in just a few inches of still water, if you aren't in control of yourself. Not just psychedelics but others like alcohol too. Drugs are risky enough anyway but adding other dangers just makes it scary. It sounds like you are thirsty for spiritual experience to bring all the theory to life? Honestly, there's no need, or point, in rushing it. What other practices have you tried? There's a great choice of enlightenment exercises in the pinned thread to get it going.
On 8/27/2019 at 1:57 AM, TrynaBeTurquoise said:Thats awesome.
im with everyone else please be careful, it might be wise to have a trip sitter.
but at the same time lets not put fear in his heart that may affect his trip when he is truly wanting a spiritual experience
I dont think that dose is dangerously high either, would just recommend making sure that IS the dosage and your substance is pure
On 8/27/2019 at 11:32 AM, inFlow said:You should be only concerned about your consciousness. Wisdom plays so little when the time comes.
On 8/27/2019 at 11:43 AM, Fishy said:Good luck. Would stay out of the water if I was you. Do you have any prior experience?
On 8/27/2019 at 2:07 PM, MuddyBoots said:Point taken, I'll stop nagging now.
It would be fab to hear how you get on LucyKid.
Nick.
On 8/27/2019 at 10:36 PM, ActualizedDavid said:Hope he is ok.
On 8/28/2019 at 1:10 AM, Aaron p said:@LucyKid ive got up to about 350 ug. Gonna go for 400/500ug then push for 600/700
3 hours ago, Fishy said:How did your trip go?
1 hour ago, tsuki said:@LucyKid please report back. Are you OK?
On 8/26/2019 at 10:20 PM, Ones said:See ya on the other side
51 minutes ago, Aaron p said:@LucyKid work your way up to 500, but most importantly make sure each batch is tested
On 8/26/2019 at 10:20 PM, Ones said:See ya on the other side
Too many to quote and didn't realize you guys posted on this thread, this forum doesn't note me.
So I am answering to everyone at the same time, hopefully you'll read haha
Oh lol, my meaning by "Lake" wasn't a huge lake like you'd expect, but rather a still one with very slow pace. The depth is chest depth, so I wouldn't drown. I jumped to the pool from 2-3 meters and it was so fun, the cold water refreshed my skin, and when i got out the cold felt like I was crystallized, in a very unique way I don't remember. In this lake there is a later part where the water gets 3 meters deep which is cool, and I tried to dive to see how it feels under the water and everytime I had breath in my lungs I realized that I couldn't dive, my body was pulled up automatically. I got it is an evolutionary method to survive from drowning, so I got the idea to try to dive without air, and I immediately sank, cool. Good thing I got out before my lungs exploded, lol.
I didn't get an intense trip. For some reason, low psychedelic doses never do the job for me. Does it have to be with my physiology? Am I close minded to psychedelic experiences? As far as I am concerned I am very open minded, practicing meditation, done all sorts of psychedelics and even had an insane breakthrough on DMT.
I didn't really have visuals, but I had a lot of fun, and I screamed my lungs out, I let all the negative energy that was residing inside of me out, and it felt so good, even though my throat hurt haha!
My goal was to be as present as possible, and it was great, it was fun. On the way back, I met many people, and I had never been so self confident. In real life, some would say that I look weird, so I realized that people were looking funny at me, and I had those flower sticks (Juggling kind of stuff) so I made people either smile or laugh. I was so self confident! So Happy! That was a great trip actually, after 5 acid trips that weren't bad, but were the kind of trips that Lucy tells you stop using her. I had finally had a decent, good trip.
I did 375 ug three times. The first time was insanely cool, I had porn visuals (2 Geometric huge busty lesbians in the middle, and many colorful geometrical shapes spinning around them in an extremely fast pace) and then I watched Planet Earth 2 and had such an extraordinary experience, relating to those animals. I recommend it to everyone.
In the future, I am going to take 500 ug of acid probably. Either in nature, in an hippie festival (It might be a really spiritual experience), a dark-psytrance festival, or at home. I am also planning to consume Changa with DMT with some Harmaline. I like going deep.
In a few days, I'll be in amsterdam and I'll eat 5 grams of shrooms.
-
Leo speaks a lot about them. I was wondering, how can you get to those places and retreats? Do they happen in nature? Do you have to buy a ticket through a site or something? How does it work? I'd like some clarification. Thanks <3
-
Hey guys! Have anyone of you tried this combination? I had been wondering about this, I am going to be in amsterdam and am going to take mushrooms and explore the city, the zoo, and I'll fine a quiet spot to self inquiry at. I don't really mind people around me, even while tripping, so it's fine for me to do shrooms outside.
I was wondering, Rape is used to calm down an ayahuasca trip, to make you more aware, as far as I know, it is a MAOI inhibitor, so it enhances trips like mushrooms and dmt, and makes them longer.
Do any of you know anything about this combo? -
I am doing it everyday, but it takes me about 25-30 minutes, am I doing it wrong?
I am first paying attention to my experiences, and am realizing that the only thing that is constant is me, and that I am awareness, and then I slowly eliminate every possibility of me being an experience (Vision, Audio, .... Emotions, thoughts, memories, dreams, intuition and every experience that i've ever had) and I'm literally left with nothing. What am I doing after this?
I am then asking myself if I am also an experience, but that doesn't seem right, what seems right is that I am the experiencer, and I am experiencing the voice that says that it is the experiencer, so where am I? and there I get stuck.. -
Do you mean that black people don't pursue enlightenment? Sounds rather biased.
There are some spiritual black youtubers, there is the youtuber "Infinite Waters", look him up, he's funny.
in Society, Politics, Government, Environment, Current Events
Posted
Don't marry, but why not find your self a life long self actualizing partner?
Raising a family might be a spiritual approach in many ways.