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About LucyKid

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  1. Don't marry, but why not find your self a life long self actualizing partner? Raising a family might be a spiritual approach in many ways.
  2. The globalization of the internet, how fast technology spreads and how quickly news travel. All the recent mass protests, all the deaths, all the ego wars. Seems like we are reaching a point of either a global awakening, or a global threat to everyone.
  3. Well I am trying my best. I am not actually emotionally and mentally disabled, if you were to meet me in person you'd probably say quite the opposite. It's just the system is so stupid and I am so "not normal" by their means that I am an autistic person by their definitions. It's not about pot, it's about everything. Sometimes he outrages at me when I use pillows to meditate, sometimes he outrages at me when I am hungry because he hasn't fed us well and I want to eat something else. The list continues. I know that being at home is the better financial option, but life-wise it's the worst. It's some kind of slow suffocation. It's not that he wants me to pursue success (His definition of success obviously), but he actually requires it of me, creating some kind of slave out of me.
  4. Well it's been a series up events coming up each after another, I've already created a post sharing this but I haven't done anything yet. His outrages have reached another levels. Two days ago he told me that he wants to kill himself and that he finds life meaningless, so I listened and talked with him and spent my time trying to be as nice as I can get to understand what's going on. The next day, I smoked some really good indica with my amazing wooden pipe which has been through all, even changa two days ago. Anyway, I had a rough 5 months of continuous studying, and in the last remaining 7 days of vacation that I had, I had decided to smoke weed. I was so high, I could barely form words, but I was fairly conscious of what was going on around me. My father doesn't understand shit, thinks that the whole range of experiences in the world revolves around him, so he can't even relate to what's going on with me, he thinks that I am a narcotic fuck or something. Anyway, I am petting my dog, so he asks me to go to my room and never leave again because he doesn't want to see me and talk to me. 1 Minute after that he breaks in my rook, starts throwing chairs around, veins popping out of his forehead because of anger and blood, and he is threatening to take my life (It's recorded, I've been recording him for over a year now). Said things like he can shatter my skull, break my bones, kill me, and how close he was to do it. He broke my pipe, which was very significant for me, I've formed a connection with it, kind of still digesting the fact that it is gone after all it's been through with me. Now there is another part of the story: I have asperger's syndrome (Not that I actually have it, just an observation of some psychiatrist) and I am 19yo so I am considered 100% emotionally and mentally disabled in my country. I am afraid that he can use it to his advantage and actually close me in some kind of asylum, like he had said. Plus he has full permission to my bank account, so every small step I make, he sees it. I can't use money, even if it's mine, basically, otherwise he's gonna ask questions and occasionally ourage. I have no privacy in life, I can't smoke weed anymore because I am getting certain "Rules" at home that if I'll not obey I'll be sent to some asylum. He also threatens me with the police, with death threats, whatever. Leaving home is such a difficult option because I don't know how I'll manage to deal with 2 bachelor's degrees am I doing right now. He pays for them, but I repay with my soul and mental being. Sorry for feeding you guys up with a story,
  5. Who's the one afraid to give up the self? What is there you are so afraid to leave behind? Family? Friends? Career? Won't permanent happiness and healthiness be a better trade?
  6. For me, MDMA is one of the ways I had learnt what love is and how it feels. My best experiences were with MDMA , the most happy ones, and surely very significant. They had also taught me how to contain people, how to reach into my emotional side.
  7. Hey! I was wondering if anyone could help my research with yoga. I am willing to start to study it. I heard there is kriya yoga, kundalini yoga, different kinds of yoga. What are the differences? I am willing to undertake a yoga that requires actual physical effort and flexibility, while putting me in the zone state, a spiritual way of getting in touch with the sense of the body.
  8. My goal is to learn, and to become wiser, more conscious. I also see this as a really beneficial skill to life itself, to know to contemplate about things, learn different perspectives. Contemplating since like a creativity workout, a really deep investigation of things and complete elimination of dogma. What am I waiting for? Honestly, nothing, but I want to see results. What kind of results? I don't even know myself, perhaps filling pages and pages of direct experience and insights?
  9. Thank you so much bro! I am going to contemplate now for an hour. I'll be as ACTUAL as possible. Thanks a lot!
  10. Guys, yesterday I tried to contemplate again upon what is meaning, through direct experience. I was very still, I sat on my chair with music, and I tried to look around, just to be. To feel, to observe. I didn't find any meaning, it felt as if "meaning" is just a concept, and that it doesn't really exist. After a few minutes, a new feeling of "everything is meaning" hit me, and that "Just the fact that I am alive is the most meaningful thing there is", but I barely wrote even one page.. I'm trying to be present, it seems like I am getting nowhere. I am not giving up or complaining or anything, I'm just not sure what I'm doing wrong, or if I'm doing it right(?). Maybe it has to do with the fact that it is literally the first week ever that I had tried to contemplate? Never done this stuff before. I am trying to be actual, to be aware and conscious, that's what I did yesterday. I will do it today again, for an hour, hopefully I'll see some results.
  11. I am trying to be actual, and to experience. How do you experience it? by trying to see what's meaningful to me? I am doing a short list every time. My dog, knowledge, consciousness, and things that I highly value and are 'meaningful' to me. I watched leo's video, a few days ago. Since then I had started watching my hand while meditating lol, or more precisely observing 'it'. Yes.. I've tried to ask the question is meaningful is subjective, and I had come to the conclusion that it is, and that it the ego's projection, ego's made up story about something that makes it "valuable", "important", "meaningful".. How do I experience meaning..? That's tough. lol.
  12. Everyday I contemplate upon what is meaning for 50-60 minutes. It seems that I am getting no where. I've done 5 days already. I am always asking the same questions, reaching practically the same answers. "Who decides what is meaningful?", "Is life meaningful?", "Is meaning a projection of the mind?", the same questions. Yesterday I asked the question "Is the path meaningful or just the result?", am I even asking the right questions? Feels like I got mistaken by what "meaning" points to..
  13. Leo, could you get in depth about the implications of what they were talking about? Nikola Tesla was talking about a thing called wireless energy, ether energy, free energy. Everyone disclaimed him and said that it is impossible. Your thoughts?
  14. Amazing , what a beautiful story. Inspires me to do this too. May I ask if you had taken any psychedelics? Have you used your phone to insure your relatives you are okay? How did you get food prepared?
  15. Well, I was really sad when I saw a few scenes of Vikings, or naruto, or one piece, but that's part of the emotional rollercoaster, that is fine.