PepperBlossoms

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  1. Posted · Edited by PepperBlossoms

    Relationships can be super complicated - like extreme level stuff.

    Some things that come to mind: Communication, patience, understanding, working together, listening, responding, humor, playfulness, seeking, growth, creativity, inspiration, love, health, sharing insights, honesty

    Finding someone to grow with and that there may/will be lots of bumps along the way and that we are all flawed and still figuring stuff out

    I guess also finding someone one feels comfortable around and where the other kinda has similar values and goals (although it may not start off that way but may start to merge into that).

    The list will depend on the person and what one's needs/values/interests are.  Yin to the yang.  

  3. Posted · Edited by PepperBlossoms

    One of the things I want to stop doing is being nice for the sake of being nice.  I want to break that habit.  I feel like I have more respect for people who just are whatever they are rather than this niceness.  I have many peers who are nice for the sake of being nice and I really don't like it.  It reminds me too much of stage blue and it doesn't really do much and creates this weird environment where you feel like, okay do we have to be constrained now because we are just going to focus on being nice?  I want to be free and going into niceness creates a trap.  The person who just is may have more respect than the one who is nothing but nice.

    I don't know how to explain it. 

    But I also don't like the arrogant meanness either, which reminds me of stage red, orange, and green.  (Maybe red, orange, and green let themselves be free in terms of expressing emotions but it does so in kinda a toxic way sometimes.  Red is like the child that gets angry internally and externally whenever it doesn't get what it wants.  Blue is about emotional suppression and doesn't do it at all externally or internally (it is unaware that it is suppressing or that it is suppressed).  Orange may still have suppression externally but internally, it may be toxic with its thinking.  Then you get to green and the emotions don't get suppressed anymore but this time are toxic in terms of wanting what is right for the community instead of toxic like red where it is right for the individual.  Then we go to yellow where we learn how to express all the emotions internally and externally in a healthy way and better understand them and all the feelings and why they are (clinical psychology).

    So if there is some middle ground to that in stage yellow..  Where one can go from one emotion to another based on whatever is needed/appropriate.

    I was thinking about stage turquoise, if that even is a stage.  It is more a play on reality and exploring different perspectives, beings, ideas about how reality is, what reality is.  That could be considered stage yellow still but I guess the difference is that this tries to go meta of the typical experience.  It is going to have and promote the most altered states of consciousness.

    One of the best ways to exercise I am finding is dancing to music haha.  It doesn't mess up your joints and helps you work through the kinks and get your body in a state of flow.  If your stomach/hips are having problems, which mine have been, it seems great for targeting that.

  4. Posted

    Hey @Preety_India !!

    Two books that I have been reading that are helping me tremendously and may help you too:

    Complex PTSD, Pete Walker: https://blobby.wsimg.com/go/a7124a00-f63c-4010-bbdc-5020f1cf45aa/Complex PTSD_ From Surviving to Thriving ( PDF.pdf (Talks about how poor parenting can impact our development and our coping mechanisms and some suggestions for dealing with that)

    Healing the Shame that Binds You, Bradshaw: https://creativegrowth.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/bradshaw_shame-1.pdf (Talks about the various ways we are shamed by our family/society and how that impacts us) 

    Sending hugs. :x

  5. Posted · Edited by PepperBlossoms

    I realized... 

    Creating shame; toxic, tyrannical, authoritarian; limited resources; my way or the highway; needy; impusive; reactive (RED) president, teacher, police, parent (for power)

    Pre-politics - religious, good girl/boy, adhere to rules; living in shame and repression; does not seek other than what it is told to seek; insecurity; low self esteem; co-dependency; only shows happy/positive/compliant emotions; dissociate (Blue) Theology, police, military (for safety, devotion); teacher/counselor (teaching rules to live by)

    political RIGHT - cares about job security, cares about fame, cares about money for self; uses money for cars, homes, boats, expensive sports, clothes, education; COMPETITION, FAME, WINNING; seeking abundance, wants more for self; narcissist; boundaries; (Orange). doctor, lawyer, dentist, scientist/professor/porn/acting (for reputation/money)

    political LEFT - cares about security of community - food, mental/physical health, shelter, education, EQUALITY, SUSTAINABILITY; seeking abundance for community; empathy; understanding, listening; supportive (Green) environmental justice, law reform, (doctor/lawyer/therapist for health); scientist/professor (for fixing things)

    BUT then it starts to get fuzzy...

    then there is the care for exploration, curiosity - books, music, writing, film, art, religion/spirituality, psychology, video games (for beauty/exploration/just because) - (THAT is stage yellow.).. it kinda quits caring about jobs and looking the best; it quits caring about saving the world so much; it cares more about just exploring and enjoying the moment/the day; does not seek abundance; seeks curiosity/beauty/wonder; seeking; questioning; unsure; may do more things for self healing and also have impact on community healing.

    I am predicting that when the world is more stage yellow dominant, the need for creative outlets and creative doings will be very, very great.  The creative atmosphere is somewhat a mess where creatives are not guaranteed income or may get paid very little or their work can be obtained for free on the internet.  

    Either creatives will need to start getting paid MORE or everything else will need to start costing less or nothing to balance it out.  It kinda isn't fair for the creatives to have their work get downloaded illegally for free whereas stuff like food and medical care still costs LOTS of money.  A stage yellow society will have to address that.  People will care less about working a 40 hour job and will want much more say in how their day goes.  People will not want to work for large corporations anymore I am assuming.  The lifestyle will be much more preferred to do your own thing.  Will there be a way to make this sustainable?  Sure poverty, hunger, homelessness, mental health, physical health, war, etc. will need to be addressed as well.

    .....

    However, one could do a profession at any of the spiral dynamics stages.  However, their reasoning for doing it will be different as the values, awareness, and goals will be different

  6. Posted · Edited by PepperBlossoms

    53 minutes ago, Vision said:

    Does anyone know of any thing of this sort for big decisions? Things that make you zoom out and think more ‘big picture’? 

    Write down what you want. Then write down what order that has to happen in - like what has to be done before what.

    Can also write down a list of options in one direction and a list of values in the other direction and then score each one and see what comes up with the highest score.

    Can also ask yourself, what is the thing I want to be doing the most?  What do I want to do with this temporary life and what is going to make that happen?  What is the most important thing for me to do/focus on right now?

    How does this feel?  If it feels bad, why am I still doing it or why does it feel that way?  What feels good?  What am I good at?  What am I going to feel good about doing 10 years from now that I can do now?  What knowledge/skills do I still need?  What am I curious about?

    Who/how do I want to be?  What do I want to create?  What do I want to leave behind?  What inspires/wows me?

  10. Posted · Edited by PepperBlossoms

    There will also be ESL needs in countries where English is the main language because people will go there who don't really know it and need it.  

    If you know languages other than English, say Spanish, you could be a Spanish teacher in an English speaking country.

    Elementary and middle schools will need ESL, middle and high schools will have various other languages offered, college will have various languages offered.  You can stay in language instruction if you like.

    Or yeah you can try looking in to other careers and look at job boards to see what is available and also see if you need any training/certifications first or not.

    Also, there is need for translators for say when a foreigner goes to a country for a while and needs the translator the entire time or at certain times.  I was given one when I was in China for a month when I was in this other city away from the rest of the team.

    Also there is need for translators for youtube videos, books, and film.  They translate stuff so that people in other countries can read it too and then they get more views.

  12. Posted

    Hey @elizabethh .  Here are some ideas for singing:

    Karaoke - various places have this

    Buy yourself a microphone and start to record yourself with some software.

    Start a youtube channel and post yourself singing.

    Take singing lessons or choir; join a group choir

    Join a band that needs a vocalist/singer.  Here is an example website: https://www.bandmix.com/

    Turn on the music in the car while another family member/friend is there and maybe y'all can sing together??

    Best of luck!

  13. Posted

    Use online job search websites and set the criteria for remote work.

    I'm sorry to hear that you are frozen with the bank system and that your work seems to have dried up.

    You could try looking for other companies that offer the same thing you were doing but virtually; or just in other places; or you could try something different. 

    All I say is go for what you want to go for and would enjoy doing.

  14. Posted

    I decided I wanted to try to feel more.  I covered my eyes and started with my hands.  I realized that I haven't explored my entire body before.  The hands had joints as did the feet.  The elbows had a joint similar to the knee.  There was this rubber outer layer all around.  Some areas of the body were warm.  I realized I believed everything I was told and that I don't know how I got in this body.  I feel like I have landed on a spaceship in a foreign land.  I don't know how this body got here.  I don't know how this body already has all of these structures.  It seems very complex but how am I to know what complex is.  I don't recall designing any of the structures but they seem to be already functioning and put together.  I realized that I've been told everything about this body and this land but that I don't know if it is true or not.  I don't remember how I got here.

    I feel like the thoughts are coming from the head or above it but I am not sure.

    I have noticed feelings of feeling cold, my stomach feeling weird, needing to use the bathroom, my teeth feeling like they need to be brushed, needing to drink water, sleepy, various body aches.  I am not sure if living and operating with feeling instead of thought is any better than living and operating with thought.  I realized that everywhere I go, the perspective will be the same in that it will be coming from this body.

    I realized I don't have to feel everything with my hands but the hands seem to add more information.  I can also notice certain parts of the body and flex and pay attention to those.  I realized that the feet and legs seem very far away from everything else.  Even the stomach seems far away.

    I realized everything we are taught in school is with words, thoughts.  Everything that is said at the therapist is with words, thoughts.  We are trained to live in words and thoughts.  How we communicate and interact with others is with words, thoughts.  If we have school or a job that requires us to wake up early, we may have intense feelings to sleepiness but have to ignore those feelings and they may be very, very strong and they may last all morning.  If we are sitting in a desk, we may have feelings of discomfort with our butt and the chair and our back and neck and may have to ignore the discomfort.  If we are talking to someone, we may have a different opinion with how one should be, interact, exist, and ignore the discomfort.  We may go to the fridge and pull out meat to eat and feel a disgust for the animal and ignore the discomfort.  We may have a job interview and be asked questions and put on a face and enthusiasm about the potential job and ignore the discomfort.  We may be asked certain questions or be around certain people and ignore the discomfort to continue the interaction.  We may hear certain loud noises and ignore the discomfort.  We may feel full or have a funny feeling in our stomach and ignore the discomfort, and may so much to where we get obese.  We may think, I don't want to read or do this activity, but then ignore the discomfort.  We may feel that our clothes are too tight but then ignore the discomfort.  We may think, this food is unhealthy, but then eat it and ignore the discomfort.  We may think, this person seems egotistical, or this organization seems toxic, but then ignore the discomfort.  We may think, this outcome is going to require a whole lot of effort, but then ignore the discomfort.  But this is me back in thinking about feeling instead of just feeling.  Feeling feels like it is the present moment.  Thinking feels detached from the external and is kinda like in another dream somewhere else.  

    I felt other objects in the room and they had their own textures but I was also sad that I had to move this human spaceship body over to it to feel it; that I couldn't just feel it without moving and changing location.

    I feel like this experience could be similar to the "asleep dream" experience.  They both seem mysterious.  I cannot tell if I am just bullshitting myself and, oh yes I know how I got here, I was born; i've been in this body for years; pay attention to what the external world told you to think.  But yet part of me says, well why did I believe that so much?  How is this body already capable of doing so many things?  I don't remember designing the joints, the muscle, the skin.  I don't remember naming the body parts either - where we could have used any name and split it off at any point.

    Feeling is just another way to live life similar to seeing or hearing.  Why then the focus on feeling?  Well I guess I think I pay attention to seeing more than anything.  It is an entirely new experience to pay the most attention to feeling.

  18. Posted · Edited by PepperBlossoms

    I feel like watching the news, having the non-stop loud sound of cars on the road, eating too many carbs, and talking to people can make one sick, fearful, and anxious.

    Think of all the people who live near loud freeways/roadways and can hear it in their backyard or even in their home, all of the people who check the news and get negativity from it, all of the people who have bad eating habits, and all of the people who have toxic interactions.

    It almost seems easier to live in the middle of nowhere and have your phone turned off and only turn it on once a month to check to see if you got any messages.

    Part of me wants to go back to the time when the population was smaller and we lived outside.  When there were no cars, no airplanes, when your neighbors weren't right on top of you, etc.  Life was different then.  It was probably easier to get trapped in various things too though and if you were sick, that was really rough.

    I was complaining about religion on here earlier and how people prevent themselves from having certain emotions or thinking certain things but then I thought about how I have been preventing myself from watching the news and realized that it is kinda the same thing.  I overheard maybe the first 3 minutes of a Joe Rogan episode and the other person was talking about war and bombs and that bothered me for quite a while afterwards.  I went for a walk and the entire time I could hear the cars and thought, there are too many tourists here now and it is getting to where there will be more and more people and I need to not do this walk anymore because it is hard to find peace when you hear the cars like that.  I prefer the ghost town feel.  The moment I saw the spring breakers at the grocery store, I was like, ah man here we go.  I wished they could leave because I liked it with it being quiet.

    There is so much we have to shut out in order to be at peace.  One can go into depression really quickly and easily.  We have to shut out all the animals being killed, all the pets being shamed and trapped, all the bombs and deaths by police and the military, all the toxic food being sold, all the brainwashing religion, all the depressing news, etc.  So much to shut out.  One basically has to be a hermit and shut off so many things.  I had not been looking into the Ukraine-Russia thing at all.  Part of me was like, well this is stupid and shouldn't even be happening in the first place and me reading about it isn't going to change anything other than make me sad/depressed/scared/angry and so I completely quit the news and Reddit.  I remember I was checking the news constantly about covid and then kinda stopped.  I wonder how much better one's life is without the news.  My mom sent me a photo of my room and all the wallpaper is gone and part of me is like, well my room will never be the same again.

    I guess I feel troubled with regards to work.  I am finding low consciousness in just about every career and so I am having a hard time imagining what I should do.  I know I can't stay at my parents' second home forever and if the sell the other one, I definitely don't want to live with them.  Prices of things may go way, way up with inflation and houses are getting more expensive.  I am kinda like, the system sucks, money sucks, the government sucks, jobs suck, so many animals and creatures lives suck, etc.  Think of all the creatures getting eaten alive right now.  Or the dogs getting harassed by their owners.

    It is again really easy to fall into depression/anxiety/stress.  All the more reason to stay away from stuff and limit my input... I guess people who are capable of being in all of it are really, really strong.  I think if you look at it everyday, it is not so bad because you are used to it and desensitized to it.  If you don't look at it at all and then get a glimpse of it, it is like, well shit, I want to go back to not looking.

    If I do go back to the book I wrote, well that would be another depressing thing to release into the world.  Ah..

    I feel like art/music/video games/books/whatever are a great escape from the nightmare of life.

    I feel like because of the consciousness stuff, I only have a few career options now.  Counseling/therapy - however, the concern with this is that all the suggestions I give get shut down and I don't feel like I am contributing and living up to my potential.  Teaching - however, the concern is that I am spreading the same information that has been spread for the past 50-100 years and there is nothing new and I am kinda enslaving the students to do whatever I say.  Writing - this one has the most potential, in my opinion, to share my perspectives, but at the same time, people can get books online for free and so will I even make ANY money at all...  Another one I thought of was to work at a vegan restaurant, if that even exists wherever I am, but also, that is not really taking advantage of any of my strengths either.

    .............

    Umm I guess I feel down because of that podcast about war for the 3 mins and then the sound of the cars which I probably heard for like 1.5 hours.. Uhh it is fairly quiet here in the house so hopefully I can let that "down feeling" dissolve, melt away, and vanish.

    Ummm hmm well I guess I can get back to reading the Shame book... or do something else.

     

  19. Posted · Edited by PepperBlossoms

    I think that I react so badly to anything other than a neutral tone of voice because of the religious idea where anything other than a serious or kind/soft/loving emotion is rejected.  I think I rejected some music, styles of clothes, personalities, etc. because it was "bad, naughty, rebellious" and that goes against the "good girl" thing.  I think I reject insults/criticism/suggestions so much partly because religion was so against that where the only thing allowed was agreement with the religion - I did not know how to handle disagreement.  And I still do not know how to forcibly create disagreement.

    ....

    One of the secrets to maintaining the safety and security for maslow's hierarchy of needs is to just not watch the news.  When you watch the news, you read about all of the lack of safety and security everywhere.  In reality, we are never fully safe and secure and are going to die anyway.  But IDK bad stuff happens EVERYWHERE; but in some places more than others.

     

  21. Posted

    Examples of shame:

    Self shaming/inner critic - you are not good/smart/nice/skilled/experienced enough

    The perfectionist/showoff who over does everything so much to where everyone else looks bad by comparison - the religious nut, the class nerd who asks all the questions, the class nerd who breaks all the curves - look at how righteous/talented/hot/obedient I am (one can be trying to make a point that the company is toxic and the coworkers just sit and smile)

    The nitpicky person - you did this, this, this, this wrong.  you need to change xyz. abc is not good enough.  what were you thinking when you did xyz? constant emails/phone calls about how you need to change and are not okay the way you are. people giving suggestions without one even asking for them

    healthy shame - okay I see a problem and let me try to fix it.  unhealthy shame - this is so bad you are horrible

    avoidant shame - i am so sorry did I hurt your feelings (all the time for everything).  no boundaries. not speaking one's mind. not putting one's foot down.  letting oneself get taken advantage of. not listening to one's feelings/emotions/thoughts and just going with what the status quo/authority wants.

    shame is good in that it gets us to change our behavior to be better suited for us and everyone else.  It is bad because it can be very restricting, take away confidence, take away one's ability to stand up for oneself and be free

    Living life on the wild side; no shame

    shame3.PNG

  22. Posted · Edited by PepperBlossoms

    I've been reading Healing the Shame that Binds You and I feel like it is SO SO SO helpful.  I think so many of my problems were shame based.  I know this is just one of a billion things but it still is nice to read.

    Here are some notes.  I am reading it backwards.

    we are told to be emotional, fragile, vulnerable, and men seeking

    success is not the only thing to chase. we also don't need to chase anything.
    restlessness and lack of inner peace= overactivism

    feeling shame for being assertive and voicing our opinion
    we feel too much shame to go inward; we can change what we are doing but not who we are
    we tell ourselves that we are hopeless, defective, and a mistake
    we are conditioned to numb ourselves because to be good, we have to be meek, considerate, unselfish, perfectly law abiding, orderly, obedient.  this goes back to the time of kings, non-democratic, master-slave relationships
    we are not encouraged to have inner freedom, inner independence, spontaneity, vitality

    we inevitably make mistakes and we feel shameless when we have righteousness and be addicted to that
    people addicted to religion because it makes them feel righteous and shameless even though the religion is the source for shame
    departure of the standard "should" is deemed sinful.  
    deemed more important to ACT loving than to BE loving
    sanctimonious - making a show of being morally superior to others

    religions either do not allow any emotion at all (rigid, stoic, and severe - that was mine)
    or they allow emotional outburts but for a short period of time and only some emotions but not others

  23. Posted

    I think I need to work on my prejudice for religion as well as low consciousness.  All beliefs are a religion in a way and we are all to varying degrees of awareness.  I need to work on mastering relationships.

    I am not sure what my "highest potential" is.  All I can think of is that I still have some more books to read and more skills to accumulate.

     

  24. Posted

    A religious person could see a non-religious person and go, they look weak.  They need God.  Look at them crying and suffering.  They don't have God in their life.

    However, a non-religious person could say, I am capable of dealing with sadness, suffering, and shit.  I am capable and willing to face problems.  You on the other-hand act like everything is fine and dandy just the way it is and dismiss any problems.  You are the weak one unable to deal with things and just brush them off.  

    The person who looks weak with their emotional problems is actually strong in the sense that they are willing to let themselves have emotion.  Emotions other than positive happiness can be really hard to deal with.

    Religion could be emotionally stunting people because they cannot listen to their feelings.  They may think "church is boring" and tell themselves, "don't think that."  They may think "I want to have sex", "I don't believe in this", "I don't agree with xyz", or whatever - but then have to shut those thoughts off because that is a sin and God is listening and that goes against what God "wants" them to think.  They have to think what the church tells them to think.

    Religion could really fuck people up like super badly.  

    My friend said, "I know I am okay because God loves me".  The problem here is relying on SOMEONE ELSE to love you instead of trying to love yourself.  When we rely on being liked by OTHERS inside of just liking ourselves, that can be an issue.

    When my friend said that she told her uncle that he was a nice person because he makes jokes a lot, I was thinking, well Hitler could make jokes too - does that make him nice?  Nice is kinda a useless adjective to describe someone unless it is more descriptive - like nice at what?  If someone is good at making jokes, why not say they are funny and a good conversationalist?  I think maybe I am being too picky on this one though.

    I think I need to just stop talking to my friend for now.  I think I find ways to disagree with her and I don't like doing that.

    A lot of my childhood friends are religious and I don't really talk to any of them.

    I feel like ugh I don't like hating on people.. but again that is something that religion preaches.. don't hate and just love.  But hate is very helpful for understanding things and shouldn't be thrown in the trash can necessarily.  

    I quit reddit and the news entirely and maybe I just need to quit this person for now too.  I am really not good at setting boundaries and always tell myself, oh stuff will get better, I am just doing something wrong.  Well maybe I do need boundaries.  It seems like I don't really get anything from talking to this person other than finding more thinking methods that lack nuance and potentially more ways of being told how to live.  I may have a shadow because if this part of my life was fully healed and processed, maybe I would not be bothered by it and wouldn't be writing about it.

    My friend has schizophrenia and is religious and both of those make me feel like I am not sure what I can and cannot say.  It could be that she cannot survive without the religion.  I however, cannot survive with the religion. HA.  My own thinking lacks nuance at times as well and it is something that slowly develops over time.  

    The only way for people who lack nuance to develop it is to be exposed to it.  But I don't like being the person who is correcting/suggesting things.  I feel like I lack the skills and finesse to do it.  It is a whole next level of being a human and I am not there.  I saw a podcast where a black man would talk to white men who were in the KKK (I think it was) and he successfully got several people to leave the KKK but he was very smart with how he did it and patient but stern.  I don't think I am stern quite yet.  I am kinda a pushover but I am getting better at not being.  Society kinda molds us into being pushovers in a way.  Pushovers who go along with the common narrative and don't question or push up against anything.  Our parents do, our teachers do, our religion does. Learning how to not be a pushover can be hard.

  25. Posted · Edited by PepperBlossoms

    I think that part of me felt like an asshole with regards to the conversation with my peer for the following reasons:

    I am sensitive to insults, criticisms, suggestions, disagreements.

    The environment that I grew up in didn't seem to like it when I voiced my opinion and so I was kinda encouraged to stay quiet and not say anything that I thought.  Or at least I didn't get good feedback when I would do it..?

    The environment that I grew up in would say lots of things that I interpreted as insults, criticisms, suggestions, disagreements, or unhelpful..?

    Maybe I need to change the way I think about comments and stop labelling things as insults, criticisms, suggestions, disagreements, positivity, support.  Maybe these labels can be inaccurate and when inaccurate, can be misinterpreted and cause conflict, confusion, disengagement, etc.

    If I just take everything as bits of information instead of putting it into categories of, oh this is mean, or oh this is pushy.. maybe that would help?

    Maybe I am too quick to judge something and when I put it in the category of judgmental, arrogant, aggressive, whatever, I quit listening, interacting, considering.

    Maybe I am saying I am the asshole because I am still not used to telling people my opinion and I feel weird about it but also because I was conditioned to not do it.  Maybe I need to find a way to be more mature and care less about how I sound and how the other person sounds and more about the content?  Like, to stop making things so personal and try making things much more impersonal?  Like, okay we are talking about the idea here, not us?

    Ah this is really tricky stuff.  I am not sure if the stuff I have come up with is right still.  I guess like I will say, oh I don't like it when people tell me how to live but yet, I do that sometimes.  So I am being a hypocrite.  But sometimes when someone tells me how to live, it is super helpful.  So maybe I need to change my attitude on that?  I don't know!! 

    One step at a time!  I feel like it can be helpful to make an initial label as that is an initial guess though but then that guess can be wrong and we can be using the wrong filter for quite a long time... but is it even possible to not have any filter at all?  Part of me thinks there will be a filter no matter what.  

    Okay so people are talking.. blah blah blah.  They talk about their day blah blah blah.  They talk about their ideas and thoughts blah blah blah.  We then hear something we disagree with, think is off, or doesn't have enough nuance.  The siren starts going off.  We then think, do I say something or do I stay quiet?  Sometimes there is no thinking and we just do it.  Sometimes we think, "I TOTALLY DISAGREE" but we stay quiet.  Maybe we stay quiet because we have spoken on it before and that DID NOTHING it seemed.  Maybe we don't think and we just react instantly.  Maybe it is better to do the following.  When we see the red siren going off and we say we disagree, don't insult them or question them... maybe just try to get them to elaborate some more?  But we have to be super careful with this because again, we could end up insulting or questioning them.  How does one do that?

    "Hey I am getting off my meds.  They healed me."  My alarm went off because I thought - meds don't necessarily heal.  They may buy one time to learn to cope and get new skills though.  I could have either said that or said, what do you mean by heal?  Saying "what do you mean" and then repeating whatever they said is then not posing any insults or questions necessarily - it is getting them to elaborate on what they already said.  Maybe that method will help and then I won't feel the shame/guilt.

    So by replacing my comment of "but did you get the right skills so that when the symptoms that got you on the medication come back, you can handle it without having to go on medication" with "what do you mean by the medication healed you?"  This replacement switcharoo then helps me to avoid sounding like I am doubting her ability to have skills and be able to do what she is doing - something that I do not like when is done to me when people are doubting my abilities.  I don't know... I am still not sure.  Maybe I am obsessing over something that doesn't matter because I am not super busy.  I guess the issue is that I have asked people "what do you mean" or "can you elaborate on" before and it didn't go well either... but that will vary with every person.  Ah I still don't know.  Um maybe I am just obsessing over a detail and we all make mistakes with what we are saying.

    I think I need to just let it sit and see what else my mind comes up with, if anything at all.

    I guess part of me feels like when I get someone to elaborate on something, I am being sneaky because I already have a thought about it and should just jump straight to the thought.  But then my thought could be basing it off of incomplete information and then they may react to my thought when I could have just asked for more info FIRST before giving my thought.  Like, okay if we are talking and everything is fine, I could just say what I think but if I am sensing a complete disagreement, that is when I ask for more info before I give my opinion?