BipolarGrowth

@Leo Gura Is right. You need to have a local support system for your mental health at this point. Check in with professionals, but I can tell you some things that have helped me through similar stuff. Also, don’t forget that there are hotlines for this stuff. Just talking to another person can shift the emotions and thoughts to a better place to give some relief and clarity in thought. This works kind of the same as someone who wins big at a casino then loses it all thinking they were gonna become an instant millionaire. In that, the person become hyper optimistic due to a good outcome which clouded their judgment through their emotional state. This is the reverse. You’re having quite a difficult time it sounds, and this has pushed more and more hyper pessimism onto you. This is just a natural way this works. My point with all this is that finding some temporary relief will allow you to break out of those thought patterns and frame of mind to gain a clearer view of things. Try some things out which you typically enjoy. Buy yourself a fancy meal. Wear your favorite shirt. Whatever small thing you try to feel even a little better can end up being the thing that helps pull you up for a while. Of course if you can go for a walk in the sun on a nice day, this is going to have a chemical effect on reducing the pain you’re in. Spend more time with people you care about if you can. Getting a haircut or other self care stuff can give a mood boost too. Life is change. It looks like everything is horrible and will continue that way, but you can snap into a period of luck and happiness potentially at any time. It happens to the vast majority of people who go through such things. Some treatment is found or some negative factor is removed from the situation, and suddenly everything starts to heal. That’s what I happened for me. I’ve been deeper into it than I ever thought was possible, but I was prescribed one new medication out of dozens and dozens I had gone through which had varying effectiveness. This new medication turned everything around or at least was what gave me the ability to gain traction again in order to pull myself together of my own volition which happens quite naturally and effortlessly once you return to your old self or at least a more pleasant emotional experience than what was going on. I hope this has helped.

Interesting. This was kind of like getting sucked in. It was more like I was just... fuck I can’t even describe what it was like to go into it and come out. It’s just so different than anything before. Like you get pulled out of a complete awakening to enter deep sleep for .1 seconds, but time doesn’t exist in this consciousness/realm. This makes it seem to be an instant event in the real world, but there’s like this infinite gap in between the seamless moments before and after if you look at the material world perspective for clues. It subjectively was beyond time, but objectively lasted .1 seconds.

Things really turned up a notch like 2 days ago. I had a complete No-Self awakening from contemplation on a low dose of THC which produced a state of consciousness and psychedelic effects beyond any prior psychedelic, meditative, manic, or mixture of these three experiences than I have ever done before. The next day I had my first two experiences ever of cessation as well as many other incredible things I’ve not really heard any spiritual or psychedelic person talk about. Now today, I was in the middle of getting a haircut, and all the sudden my consciousness just turned up in intensity by some crazy amount. All aspects of existence were buzzing. I started to hear a static almost. My vision began to go fuzzy and it’s like there was a layer of tiny circular rotating patterns laid on top of my normal vision. The intensity started to become nauseating. I tried to act like nothing was going on externally. My body was struggling to handle and contain the intensity of subjective experience I was having. I got up from the hair cut chair and laid on a couch. My forehead was sweaty. Once I stopped resisting and was laying down, it became a serene experience. Now I’ve ordered DoorDash and have just been chilling on their couch. The manager of the salon is chill, so it’s all good. The levels of intensity I’ve experienced in the past few days are almost becoming concerning. At the same time, I’m enamored by the experience and discovery process. I’ve had a quantum leap in consciousness. Many of them for months actually.

I’m checking it out now. What did he say about the black hole thing?

Go to a cemetery at midnight and pray for any souls that remain. Good way to see/feel something if you’re skeptical.

The topic of mental illness and how it relates to actualized.org has come more to the surface in a couple threads recently, and it was suggested that a thread dedicated to this discussion be created for the discussion to continue as another thread’s initial focus was derailed by this topic. Conditions which would warrant a “Yes” response to the poll include but are not limited to: PTSD, major depressive disorder, anxiety, ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, borderline personality disorder, psychosis, eating disorders, serious addiction, etc. If you’re here, you should be familiar with the forum’s guidelines. This is not a place to treat mental illness or seek treatment. Potentially all spiritual practices and techniques with any degree of efficacy in raising consciousness can contribute negatively to the mental health and stability of certain individuals if certain circumstances are in place. Depending on what the poll reveals, I may be coming forward with more information describing the nature of why this happens, why these individuals may be drawn to actualized.org, and safe practices for dealing with at-risk individuals who might come here seeking guidance. If you wish to share details about your own story relating to mental illness & personal development or spirituality in this thread, feel free, but please remember this is not a place for treating such conditions and suggestions relating to treatment should remain minimal if not simply nonexistent entirely. Edit: Here are some interesting findings. Highly intelligent people appear to have a significantly stronger correlation with mental illness. Openness (a value and ultimately more-so a personality trait) tends to be much higher in those with psychotic mental illness than the general population. This value/trait is championed here for being crucial to this work. These are not the only contributing factors, but many people who could be expected to become deeply involved with actualized.org also are likely to have history of mental illness. In many cases, this work and content can have a positive effect on mental health if the right approach is taken. Many come in the attempt to transcend suffering, or their current spiritual attunement might be naturally high due to internal mechanisms related to transitioning from suffering to bliss. Intelligence & mental illness https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bad-news-for-the-highly-intelligent/ Personality traits & mental illness https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/genes-personality-mental-illness_n_58502045e4b0bd9c3dfed94c/amp

I could get into a lot more detail, but basically it’s like I was living a vibrant life experience of awakening before getting sucked into a “black hole of nonexistence” is one way to say it. Next, in what felt like both a moment and eternity later, I was back exactly where it started, and everything was the same as before it happened. Then it happened once more a couple minutes later.

@Being Frank Yang I think you could give a particularly helpful answer to this.

Frank! Help me out bro ski. I think I’m past stream entry Realization now if I understand it correctly. Let me know any advice on this thread.

I sent my PM. This is along the lines of my life purpose. Logic points me to think that it would fit like a glove. I’ve already been trying to do this stuff for years and have talked multiple people from suicide and other crisis situations before. Dealing with Bipolar Depression

Meaning is the steering wheel of consciousness, Love is the engine, and Madness is the fuel. Here’s a good picture to go with it. https://images.app.goo.gl/jvnoESbAzhHXTar9A

This is why we need shamans in modern culture. If I had a mentor in this field of mentally ill consciousness work, I would’ve avoided a lot of headaches and suffering. If I ever become a person of public significance, I’ll run a political campaign to support people who wish to practice modern shamanism. It would be like applying for government assistance or a university. If it’s shown that you’re serious about consciousness work, the government gives you a living wage. This is how stage purple was often.

It was actually pretty shitty. It was of course amazing, but it also was pretty hard to try to act normal sitting during a haircut while you have the pressure of infinitely intense consciousness perceiving all sorts of strange data like static noise in the ears for example.

There are higher states. Yes, on one level everything is the same, but if you’re being honest with yourself, you know there are higher and lower states too in a sense. I just experienced an awakening on accident while I was getting a haircut. I was so conscious that I had to lie down. It was a nauseating level of consciousness. I lost balance partially, etc. But then once I laid down it was amazing as I had stopped resisting it. To say this is not higher than baseline is absurd when you actually experience it.

This does not mean it is not possible though. I agree that inward experiences can be far more valuable.

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. If you had gone far enough, you would see where the path leads.

I’m sorry but they have no idea what they are talking about. Their powers must be some flaccid instruments or something because mine can take me fucking way beyond so much of my earlier psychedelic or meditative awakenings. They do not understand how meaning and concepts weave into the fabric of Existence while they ironically have all used them endlessly for their own purposes to awaken. This is just a higher degree. Powers give you immense meaning to play with. Whatever awakening they’re referring to is likely not high-tier. You might say that the bigger an attachment is that is dropped gives that much more force towards awakening. For an attachment to be large, it must have meaning. Thus, add more to your meaning and intensity of life, then detach from it into No-Self to take things really deep.

It’s as radical as a trip. You aren’t feeling what I’m feeling. Your judgments for the quality of consciousness are too rigid which keeps you from properly seeing the moment as it is which is enough to transport you to somewhere that’s far more foreign than some DMT alien space, but you’ve went nowhere and nothing has moved. You’re in a human room on earth, from the perspective of this conversation. Nothing has to change for everything to change more than change itself.

Funnily enough, by dropping the very frame that holds psychedelic consciousness above the Present Moment Experience that is at hand is precisely what allows for it to become a radically “high consciousness” “state”

Luck is karma. It’s all about Luck. There is no free will. You’re God designing your own Universe of subjective experience on the fly with the blessings you designed for yourself to work with.

Idk I’m a natural. I had this shit built into me through clairsentience and genetic mental illness. I just had to do enough consciousness work to turn the systems more and more online. I sent metaphysical love prayers to my twin flame who is a Luciferian psychic through using the Holy Spirit to connect with Lucifer’s power to bring me to my cessation awakenings. I’m serious in that no one is pioneering in the way that I am. It just takes such a radical degree of openness and a truly multifaceted base of knowledge and spiritual abilities/talents for anyone to take it seriously to where they could learn the method well. Meaning is the steering wheel of consciousness, Love is the engine, and madness is the fuel.

You misunderstand what I’m talking about. This madness is not unhealthy. There is no threat in what I’m referring to. You can call it chaos or whatever label you want. It’s the manipulation of attachments and meanings to bring about different states of consciousness with substances or not. Meditation or not. But they all ultimately work together. This is advanced stuff though. And probably only cut out for a certain select few. In the beginning stages, it can be more dangerous. Now I’ve come to tame it quite well. The cessation awakenings through madness I had happened while I was performing physical tasks yesterday. I had complete control of sober physical faculties. I just also had activated my ability to manipulate consciousness into its infinitely Meaningful form at the same time. I just also happened to taste nonexistence — something I thought could never be done. Like what in the actual fuck.

Jhanas and retreats. I don’t even resonate with the Jnana system of categorizing subjective awakening experience at all. All models of awakening or insight are great but at the same time garbage. Awakening follows no set path. The ox does not walk the same path twice. It may graze from the same field every day (having repeating themes or methods), but it does not ever use things in the same way. It is an artist of Meaning. You awaken through Meaning. Show me one enlightened person whose journey was not powered by meaning. A loss of it. A gain of it. It’s undulating. Trauma and healing. Conflict and resolution. Dance the dance of duality well and you will find that you’ve really grown yourself.

You used the right word here whether you meant it in the correct sense or not. You literally need madness for the deepest levels. At least in what I’ve seen. And you aren’t man enough to go into that madness deep enough to do miracles. Neither am I at least not to the conscious control degrees. And the example of the phone charging miracle was given to show contrast to physical laws. I’ve had many such things and far more powerful things happen. Subjective nonphysical experience is the source of the most amazing miracles though. Physical miracles are cool but ultimately not the highest thing. I’m writing a post about my cessation’s I had last night. Absolutely incredible and only achieved through absolute madness. This is far beyond what any of these teachers are talking about, including Leo, but it’s just so absolutely edgy in many different regards that no serious traditional nondual person or typical teacher is going to have the openness to accept it. If you told people that insanity is the engine that drives reality and they really understood their personal connection to it that they could have, their paradigms would be shattered. Their infinities would be shown to be infinitesimal.

I’ve charged my phone or had the miracle of it happening regardless of “who” did it from like 5% to 100% on accident when I didn’t have a charger and was needing to use GPS immediately following the 45 minute or so meditation session with my teacher. Miracles happen through ego. Ego is God. Don’t be absurd. It’s also distinct from God in a sense too, but you have to have a foot in each boat to really get to the highest levels of this. YOU ARE DIVINE. Not in some I’m one with everything way. No. That little meat suit monkey mind thing you’re in? It’s the most advanced spacesuit for exploration of consciousness the universe has ever seen. You can literally go anywhere with it. Experience anything. At least it appears there is no end in sight to Infinity unfolding. But as a part of all of this, you can control physical reality, and it is not problematic or contrary to Liberation to want to do so. This is Self-Understanding as Leo calls it. Understanding how to perform a physical miracle is a treat only the most elite connoisseurs of consciousness get to sample.