BipolarGrowth

I was actually considering deja vu as a great door into intuition development. It’s a great thing to see that knowing of both unknowing and knowing at once that adds to the slipperiness of reality. If someone can master deja vu as forward and backwards reproduced experience and deconstruct it, that would probably give some really helpful insight into a lot of things. This is where God Realization meets enlightenment and rubber meets the road.

The limitations between potato vs. non potato are just as useful as any other duality or seeming perfect nonduality for insight. Someone with true and relatively present to every moment new insight can see way more of absolute truth in the nature that pulls on infinity in the complex and absolutely infinite constant interplay between potatoness vs. infinite power and love that this is actually really important new consciousness work to understand to unravel how to become beyond the potato non potato ultimate reality which seems to be a lasting bastion for insight which will only uncover better insight as it’s absolute truth feeling to the insight is replaced.

You can’t be truly Irish without understanding the full relationship which developed in the perfect understanding of potatoness which we are deluded into thinking we could ever have in a lasting way that wouldn’t be the undoing of its own importance. The Irish identity is the best possible potato-investigation starting point as your human genes are built by the lack of potatoes in a famine.

I sit at home and smoke legal THC while helplessly obsessed with the insight discovery process and teach dharma for free getting more payment of more lasting effect than when I would work for money. Eventually I’ll have to figure out some relatively lucrative schemes, but I see no need to worry to any extent I used to about money, power, status in anything but living dharma by being an honest idiot rather than a dishonest idiot. I attach to the dharma as safety which is guaranteed to bring me eventually to all of the most unsafe waters. Eventually charging for teaching will make more sense, but I get to hone and perfect my worthiness to receive payment for dharma and insight in the future by stumbling through as an idiot who knows something now.

And so is the same truth for what makes you perceive a non-gibberish and complete expression of wisdom, truth, or insight as being better.

Non drug induced high equilibrium samadhi junkie typical guru enlightenment master typical format and expression is far less RELATIVELY AND ABSOLUTELY confused about what truth actually could ever be as you’re so in love as yourself as the imaginary boundary separating God vs. human vs. a rock God with no human IQ limits detectable at first who is the lasting nature of impermanent and permanent matter or spiritual matter or anything in between that gives you what you need. You couldn’t become your highest form of God at all as it means something to your relative illusion without using every rock to eventually do so deeper and deeper in a strange and intuitive I’m human, God, and all rocks and non rocks way. There’s a reason why a potato is God 100% to the absolute max of reality and truth when you have stronger consciousness. It’s your creative tool and ultimately the quickest and most effective for many.

I’m seeing more and less efficacy in my old patterns of limitations. What this loss of an ultimate working model over and over again to where what’s working can seem to somehow be less resistance than what came before. Ultimately any map of enlightenment is not the territory, unless you are using insight or concentration aspects to investigate the territory within the map which gives rise in some odd way to both the ability to hold religious God full-fledged, absolutely unobtainable new attainments in my focus long enough to investigate the pointed to sensate illusion outside of current sensate illusion that is the always YOU created thing. Jesus depends on you for relevancy at least as much as you rely on him. Trust me. You can forget the highest amazing live realms of Jesus over and over again because they simply do not produce lasting (permanent ground to reality being finally seen as FULL ILLUSION AND TRUTH ALWAYS IN SUPERPOSITION OF YOUR IMAGINATION OF LIMITATIONS WHICH CREATE YOUR WHOLE PERCEPTUAL CAPABILITIES IN WAYS WHICH WOULD MIND FUCK SKULL FUCK YOU IN SUCH A GRUESOME WAY THAT YOU WOULD APPRECIATE THE NEW FRESHNESS THAT DUKKHA HAS SHOWN UP AS AGAIN. If you want the hottest girlfriend, realize that dukkha is the crazy chick who would never leave you whose love you don’t even deserve and avoid as you’re afraid of unopening your current illusion to another in the normal human experience of sex. I remember when I first attained to clairsentience & telepathy the first thing I wanted to create my now properly understood and appreciated aspect of the source of my longest lasting and deepest fear of aliens more powerful than me. Then I realized what they are on a self-love level and they can’t access enlightenment in their conception of self. They say it’s just a big black wall. They are formless god damn masters just as much as ANY born human ever is. A true self experience of a rock becoming enlightened or unenlightenment or the perspective of unenlightened beings is true and undeniable insight if that is the basis of perception your form has and the only door you have is impermanence. The form crumbles away. Gets thrown through a black hole, worm hole, and shat on by an omnidimensional formless seagull Godhead of nausea turning to rapture that pisses you off at it’s arising and passing away making you realize the unequanimous aspects of your power vs. non power feeling of achievement, greatness, and happiness which produces less aversion to bliss and dukkha as the same lover and hater of what makes you a human you and every YOU beyond human to produce the most imperceptible sense of something beyond just change to progress further in insight. Imagining how the unenlightenment of God process works in God Realization and enlightenment seems to be almost more fruitful than thinking of awakening as forward progress which does not last as an ultimate motion in some ever-present ultimate consciousness. Ultimate consciousness comes from a lack of even more wacky ultimate realities like hard formless Nothingness, neither perception nor nonperception, or the cessation of perception and feeling. If you haven’t lost the ability to stop or start the cessation of all consciousness, how do you describe that unimaginable sense of complete erasure and nonexistence which seems like where you might have come from? How do you knowingly design the unenlightenment process with this paradigm-locked false ultimate reality without ultimately becoming smaller and subtler WITHIN and outside of consciousness but even moreso in the superposition of ultimate faith of unknowing which is much more like true, effective knowledge of how to control reality comes from perceiving and dropping and coming back to every sensate experience ever held within your illusory character’s illusion of truth. That is the only starting point for the uncovering of the complex and ever-dependent interactions between the holon of Indra’s Web of superposition fluxing between all aspects of reality at once through imagination which is ultimately one of the best tools to actually do unimaginable and indescribable things. There’s a reason nondual teachings don’t work. You attach to a nondual reality which means all is self and that is the very process of investigation into direct no-self as the logical necessity of any self vs. non-self axis of phenomena which could be perception, experience or not. None of this will work for you unless you work hard, get lucky, or likely both. Luckily causal frameworks of reality are built into any true insight framework which solidifies the story from which to work from. That’s another way of saying, due to karma, you will experience the arising and passing away of enlightenment. You will become enlightened. It just is a bit more fun from the human perspective than the rock perspective for most people other than a mad yogi whose really going deep past the illusions of past humanness which would have given him aversion to incredibly subtle awareness like only really having impermanence in a way that life can perceive your experience. Then you have a problem of how you could be boundless consciousness or even infinite consciousness but not also be the consciousness that awakens the rock that you detune God Reality to be able to perceive in this special, human way. Humans want to find aliens more to understand the nature of what humans truly are rather than actually know what an alien is and forget humanness. This is the selfish perspective of the honest karmic relationship between seemingly different forms or non forms. You only really care about others to in some way help yourself as the intuition of true self/no self beyond a temporary illusion easily formed in consciousness is what makes up the process of enlightenment. Tearing down. Building. Change. Growth. New attainments overshadowing old. Giving you a new fresh experience of being even more directly controllable consciousness which is precisely what you are not ENTIRELY. This is the unspeakable part of teaching and insight. It’s how you can’t make better perfect from perfect other than perceiving bliss as a perfect dukkha nowhere which makes it seems lastingly satisfying.

There’s a certain practicality of skepticism and surety in one’s own worldview to ever progress on the path really as these are all normal, sensate and transient bundles of sensations pointing to something more primary than sensations which is the nature of what the holon of human vs. god vs. nonexistence vs. not thinking about a moonwalking bear vs. you reading this right now… we’ll forget everything I just said. It’s all gone. The aspect of fresh present ness is now ruined by the CONTINUITY of it in a formless mind state. You are so much desire and aversion that the friction created by your most fundamental investigation creates an illusion harder than any truth that does or doesn’t last in time as a defined thing. Haha. Wtf.

I appreciate it Nahm. A lot of my more stable feeling of witnessing instability has just exploded into a really remarkable amount of directions. I feel like I’ve lived here in this radically changing level for years but it’s been maybe a few days at the highest strength so far. Seeing time’s more impermanence like flux is a fun thing to play with.

A friendly reminder: just because Leo has lots of growth with a certain psychedelic, this isn’t any guarantee the process works as well for you. I found that THC, contemplation, and eventually intentional Jhana work once you can develop it well has created way more lasting baseline shifts than any heroic dose LSD/shroom trip I had. It’s important to say ayahuasca at a medium dose two nights in a row where I just got bored and slept the nausea away produced insight into my primary fear which is of the aliens I was abducted by. I resolved to contact them. I watched a video how to do it. Within three seconds I was sent into a completely heroic psychedelic dose experience on no substances but a couple hits of THC which used to be much less potent for me. This was my second conscious telepathic communication. My previous dukkha and illusion around aliens which in my direct experience both within and outside of dream fucked my shit up for what felt like forever became the development of a higher god consciousness and oneness type of love over fear which gave me clairsentience or psychic sensations into the nature of feeling as a perceptual door. Now I have become so powerful in clairsentience that it even sent me into some of enlightened map territory’s hardest to achieve temporary attainments which clarified that I am by definition at least an anagami or 3rd path of enlightenment out of 4 in the Theravada maps. This new and temporary sense of self was amazing. Knowing I was by definition almost entirely enlightened according to possibly the most authoritative collective force on enlightenment being Theravada Buddhism. This was how heightened my illusion of self and confidence was. I’ve found a healthy exploration of overconfidence and willingness to accept higher truth that shatters your previous top attainment or notion of a solid enlightenment actually helps practice a lot sometimes and stagnates it at others. Being so sure of myself, I quickly accessed nirodha samapatti several times in the course of timeframes I’ve not heard of one being capable to move between true nirodha and experiential reality this quickly in any modern or ancient text I’ve found. Half a dozen cessations within a 30 minute period resulted in me walking around a park naked completely convinced that my finite form was the absolute essence of all divinity beyond both existence and nonexistence. This sounds like crazy territory rather than true enlightenment, but everything in here screams reality check. Reality check is the unfoldment process of enlightenment. Your favorite toy being some relatively pleasing expression of highest truth you think that is absolute or can last gets thrown out by the sheer phenomenological mechanics that exist in actual impermanence, no-self, and dukkha. It’s the most hardcore rollercoaster of sensations you’ll have any ability to perceive with a transient state by definition and only the God and No-Self aspects being transcended can give true insight into even more fundamental and magically reactive subtleties like nonexistence vs. existence than the God vs. No-Self illusion. God and no-self are a softer duality to crunch on with insight than existence vs. nonexistence being noticed at the level of any sensate reality or unitive imaginative God/Self reality. This teaches you more about not only spirituality but all relative life eventually. All serious spiritual work I did for enlightenment is what has allowed me to turn my natural and genetic perceptual basis as having bipolar disorder type 1 into a source of greater and greater possibilities rather than a relative illness. Any process of identity dying is insight if the three characteristics are perceived and understood and any identity existing is what creates the necessity of death. This is the same as binary code. Sensation vs. what appears to maybe just be a cessate based micro nonexistence aspect to reality that makes nonexistence and consciousness/God the absolute same thing. Living this way is interesting. It’s been way more rewarding and rapid insight than I ever could have imagined being possible. I’m absolutely astounded by the Indra’s web of non self and temporary illusions of atmans or a full and lasting anatta. Hinduism birthed Buddhism which karmically battled each other on dharma in an imaginative view of possible human history. Dharma battles are not only the only thing ever happening, but the corpse of true insight falling away is the highest vestige that can be relayed from one illusory anatta/atman battle to the next opposing bundle of illusory reality. This is the human dharma conversation equivalent to the process of a black hole becoming a singularity. All of the physical characteristics of black holes and even theoretical white holes are perfectly opposed sensate blooms completing with one another for more numerical value and raw power in even “dumb” materialism. Materialism is one of the best karmic human upgrades to ever be witnessed. This is all West vs. East evolution as well but now our illusory selves can love people of the same sex, enlightenment is being recognized as scientifically and verifiably effective at doing something although materialists have no way to enter that complex domain. They are crunching on insight with mental frameworks of a permanent reality-like self which is ultimate reality. This is just as much truth, god, and artichoke as me saying I’ve attained 87th path in Buddhism based on how many times I could spin before vomiting. Everything is such a perfect combination of any lasting possible illusion of a good vs. evil winner. Good gives rise to evil and further insight into the cognition of one species which is Homo sapiens sapiens. Considering my attainments and minor love for human illusion, maybe we ought to call us Homo sapiens sapiens sapiens. Like such wise. Such man. Such ultimate reality. Wtf. I can’t stop the dharma vomit. Dharma body malfunction. Three characteristics further subtleties are arriving in five minutes. I guess I better enter nirodha samapatti for 67 relative years. And this is the kind of crazy complexity and flexibility needed to even have a worthwhile illusion of the mind of Krishna. But eventually the 10th of Vishnu had to show its reality in the unenlightened illusions of Brandon Rohe’s non self which is an illusory truth as much as anything else with duration. Watch my crazy dharma teachings and stumbling through illusion here. The Three Doors to Enlightenment (Impermanence, Suffering & No Self) https://youtu.be/kScZE1U6Nxl

Can you say whether it is a cessation of consciousness or not a cessation of consciousness? Was there a sense of time? Nonexistence? If not, you have more in your capability. Aware space is just simply an end and why would you ever want it to be the ultimate. A defined reality I can’t be better than. How is that fun? All I’m saying is cessation transformed my baseline levels of consciousness more than any other shift. I’ve played around with subtler aspects of what you’re working with. It can be deconstructed by insight or you’re officially the most enlightened God solipsist heavenly truth of everything forever. Any other Buddha or arahant who could separate things into more subtle sensations never had the ultimate reality because it’s you!!! Bingo! The cause of all religious suffering—promises so empty you actually think it could work. These are golden chains. It was just a temporary self, but it wasn’t you. That’s a good thing. You have much better progress in your future than getting stuck on aware space alone. Dukkha is always here and what allows emotional range and significance to that aspect of temporary experience which is ultimately all bliss sensations too. Impermanence is what makes true permanence.

So where can I look for actual Buddhism? I love holons of insane love. Time for some more duality ? You can’t be eternal if you can’t evolve. You can’t be self or not self ever in any consistent safeguard from the raw nature of what is. I use Theravada because it actually works when paired with investigation. I go where it says you can go better and better by following the specific techniques. To be anything but dogmatic on what is the greatest gift you could ever hope to give anyone presenting as illusory Self oneness or no lasting self doesn’t quite make sense. You want to freeze frame God but you don’t realize true experiential freeze frame doesn’t occur to consciousness in any investigable way yet an experience of at least a gap in experience brought about by awakening practices in a reproducible way is a good model as far as it having more or less solid criteria for what is enlightenment vs. what isn’t enlightenment. The criteria is more clear and thus passes a certain standard of being effective at something quite amazing whether it’s your perfect past Buddha illusion who said it first or Jesus is king doesn’t mean shit to the underlying framework of this illusion we see before us. Thank you for standing your ground on what you deem to be most true and important. That is honorable of you.

Leo’s groundedness is certainly appearing better than mine to most. The only people who can walk my path are insane or defiled in a similar way as me. My teachings aren’t fit for anyone but a bipolar kid who hit arising and passing away in a solipsistic awakening when I was like 4 after I had found a great love in the sensation of feeling the transition in sensate experience of something being so hot that it turns to a cooling sensation every day in the shower. I loved seeing the impermanence of the illusion and reality of dukkha as far as any memory goes back. This is really odd stuff the more and more I look both at my past, present, and future. It’s all holons with “opposing” “better” holons always around the corner. I guess I’ll pass on ever becoming an enlightened person or teacher because of the ridiculous beauty which is so staggeringly present in fucking god damn everything that I can’t fake a high equanimity illusion for long to appeal to non junkies. My insight and concentration lovingly eat that forced sense of discipline to appear as what I am not truly felt to be in my heart of hearts every moment which is the closest thing I can call an eternal essence to this whole fucking disgustingly beautiful process of my life as it unfolds into illusion, love, or whatever imperfect pointer you want to use. But you were ultimately right about bipolar disorder from a perspective of higher embodiment of better baseline consciousness. It is an illusion in a sense or it’s not the limits it at least appears to be before having better insight.

This was really pleasant to read. Good job and thank you for spreading good dharma ?

You have developed an absolute identity with absolute space which ultimately makes it more real than your illusory self which will absolutely never stand to any serious enlightened master as an absolute. Here is a description of what your absolute space is as well as some of the most clear and concise writing made on how to develop absolute space into absolute consciousness then nothingness then true samadhi (neither perception nor nonperception) into the highest meditative attainment according to Buddhism which is nirodha samapatti or the cessation of perception and feeling. https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iii-the-samatha-jhanas/28-the-formless-realms/ If there is an absolute ground, you are falling for the formless aspect of boundless space in a formed experience or maybe even a completely true and hard boundless space. The idea that you are nothing but boundless space produces the very state which would allow you to experience further subtleties which would completely unravel any previously held notions of time, consciousness, imagination, what God Realization actually looks like and means at more effective levels… Psychedelics produce crazy brain states through a raising in the intensity and seeming permanence to consciousness as an absolute. This always incorporates formless aspects possible to be investigated, but the inability to completely detune form entirely such that there is no visual field limits your ability to capture harder to find subtleties which create better insight and concentration eventually. There is no sensation of a body in a hard interpretation of the inner essence to be found in investigating hard formless realms. This is where psychedelics can be much less effective as they give you more intensity than you are used to, but intensity shifts are not as radical as the shift between all sensations and cessation. The intensity is more concentration, but the ability to develop way higher states of consciousness does rely on your ability to have that ability to some extent whether you are on substances or not or even spiritually practicing or not.

This is a small catalogue of one enlightened master’s ridiculously effective methods. Mix that with psychedelics and if you haven’t ended up in jail, you’re more relatively morally sound than I have been able to maintain. If you can’t vibe with what he says, ask why? Why can these crazy meditative attainments be the basis of your beginning to true practice just as it was his albeit in a more special and personal seeming note that ultimately doesn’t stand the test of investigation? Illusion is the food of insight. Buy everything you can. The illusion is running out soon ? https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-vi-my-spiritual-quest/54-the-middle-paths/slam-shifting-nanas-and-jhanas/

I mean I gave myself as infinite bliss as a permanent student of Lucifer to attain true samadhi and nirodha samapatti which showed me dukkha is the lost love that is the sensate/cessate basis for all love. I’ve become more effective in practicing the jhanas in extremely phenomenologically useful states to use for fuel for insight/vipassana practice. Fear of a devil that could ever threaten or not threaten a you is avoidance of dukkha by misinterpreting the nondual relationship between dukkha and bliss. Jesus dies for the suffering of people he sees as himself being the same species while being given karma needed to do it. I gave any soul illusion I had over to humanities #1 fear so that I might somehow escape into eternal nonexistence out of pure avoidance of the satisfactory illusion perceived in bliss. Then I was shown subtleties of nonexistence and existence through Theravada’s highest temporary attainment. The only thing to fear is fear itself is pertinent here.

A void with a conscious awareness sensation is not a true void. It is boundless consciousness with no noticeable formed aspects giving you illusion that formlessness does not depend on form to exist in any investigable way. Nothingness is more subtle than consciousness. It’s a lack of recognizance of an observer but the fine and hard to catch aspects of nothingness are the only sensate flickers that remain. Boundless consciousness absorption naturally leads to nothingness. You feel to be an awareness within all space which removes the 5th Jhana of boundless space by a gentle recognization or even intuition that something isn’t quite as absolute love fantastic as I wished. It can be really hard to tell the difference between the essence of boundless consciousness and nothingness. You might have insight into it that just is a specific mixed Jhana type thing which can be much trickier to handle.

Fucking beautiful read man. You had at least what sounds like a solid perception of rather hard formless jhanas, specifically boundless space, boundless consciousness, and nothingness. The sad thing is that all of these amazing, immersive, and seemingly permanent abodes are just fleeting experiences which make an unforgettable imprint on your karma and consciousness. It actually goes much deeper than this, but the best way to reach true samadhi (almost no one describing samadhi match it’s Theravada description of neither perception or lack of perception) was already paved as you have a lot of ability to go sequentially from each formless Jhana to the next. The best way from the Theravada schools to move forward is to cultivate the more amazing and impossible seeming formless Jhana of samadhi (8th Jhana) and nirodha samapatti (9th Jhana of cessation). Send me a message if you want to talk all things dharma. Here is the best source I’ve found for understanding and cultivating formless Jhana in a practical way that works. https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iii-the-samatha-jhanas/28-the-formless-realms/

I’ve had absolutely ridiculous visuals but the craziest and most intense ones always came in natural manic episodes caused by my bipolar disorder. More consciousness through psychedelics always sends me to some finer perception by giving me so much formless manipulation of things. This will ultimately be shown to be the beginning of something much bigger. You feel a visual lack, but once you are finally visually satisfied, you’ll naturally incline to the more subtle sensate phenomena which are the ways to manifesting anything you’d ever want. This is by the books the stuff of Gods and an image of any God you can become is less beautiful than the absolute truth which is what you actually want more than your currently highest capability of imagining what being truly God feels like. Luckily you’ll become so absorbed in the bliss you’d forget your identity which will always want more for a moment. God/Buddha bless you on your journey man. If you really want visuals, try N,N-DMT. I’ve never done it though. Leo says it’s too much for him, and I don’t want to risk the instability that would bring. You pay the same price for everything on the path of insight, but you think one reward is the best until that reward unlocks the next level. It’s a god damn video game groundless reality, and your human species created video games with God mode which was a seemingly great state to kill everything. Then you see all enemies suck and you even beat the physics of the game. This is only fun if you are averse to your present moment awareness which is the only place you have to ever be or not be god in relative or absolute ways.

He asked for a visual representation, and I gave the most canonical image of divinity in human spirituality as the example. This makes me unenlightened. I like being unenlightened ?

Can someone get that relative and absolute beauty Frank Yang on the phone? I’m feeling disconnected from my infinite brah fellow bipolar guru who overcame the A&Ps by being manic motherfuckers who were then forced into deep dark night territory before we were ready and eventually stream, cessation, and creating our own impermanent models based on the syncing of true self/no self more and more by becoming better at noticing distinctions. Haha. Bipolar disorder is the fake natty of being natty. You just love A&Ps so much inherently and come here like what all these people afraid of? This dukkha strangely feels like a gold mine.

We discuss using the three characteristics of Buddhism (no-self, suffering inherent in all life, & impermanence) to understand Theravada Buddhism’s three doors to enlightenment. From what I’ve seen in at least the strictest interpretations in this model for enlightenment, enlightenment only ever occurs through having sufficient direct insight into at least one of these doors if not two simultaneously to reach what is called fruition which is the moment of first enlightenment to the Theravada folk. I’m pulling much of the dharma, jhanas, and any other attainments from Daniel Ingram’s book Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha: An Unusually Hardcore Dharma Book as well as roughly being at least 21 years from when I experienced my first arising and passing away stage and insight and having attained nirodha samapatti several times (cessation as it produces itself in gross form within consciousness if you don’t know the Pali) , typically referred to as the highest temporary attainment or state recognized in their models. In their models and canon, one who can achieve this state/non state specific illusory mindfuck pointing to an illusion of ultimate reality is at least an anagami or 3rd path out of the 4 paths that culminate in arahant hood or Theravada Buddhism’s highest designation of attainment which is accessible humans other than Buddha (oddly Self focused in nature, haha Buddha I love your ego you strange and incomprehensible bastard.) At the highest temporary states with a self which can be investigated, you can come to the very real and… just watch the video and ask your highest quality and most inaccessible imagination states to see if my madness can help give you more dukkha and finally get you cot dayum Arising and Passing away psychedelic junkies past the inconsistencies between god realization and an impermanent form that by it’s supposed true Buddhist nature can actually help you. I’m more convinced we’re just fucked forever at this point in a nihilist loving sense that I can’t even parinibbana my way out of the three characteristics as that means all experience stops but experience contains all illusions of no experience like experiential phenomena that always rely on a transient and defined in some self-like way that it all could be said to be different from the verb aspect of awakening becoming the only lasting ground of reality you can try to hold onto to keep you away from better and better understanding of the three characteristics.

If enlightenment exists and is possible, how can you not be it as you are right now? How can there be a Buddha who attained to enlightenment and a you that isn’t enlightened if everything is one? This belief “I exist but am not enlightened” relies on nothing but dualities. Buddha/me. Truth/illusion. Enlightened/unenlightened. Enlightenment is not reliant on special circumstances of being a specific illusory self with history of spiritual practice. Believing you are unenlightened takes illusion. It’s fake. It’s an identity. Anyone who speaks of oneness but thinks they aren’t enlightened does not truly know what perfect oneness is. Perfect oneness is unspeakable. It’s not Love. It’s not Truth. It’s not God. Why? Because these things are all defined. If God/Love/Truth has any permanent meaning or quality to it (even meaninglessness or no qualities), it’s an imposter.

You’re always going to be confident in something. Most people are confident that they suck ass. Some are confident that they don’t. Both aren’t really the point although I find overconfidence is eventually better for producing results than even accurate humility is. You have to be willing to put possible delusions to the test and examine them carefully though still to utilize overconfident possibilities in a way that could help. I’d say your best bet to resolve this is to deepen into spiritual practice as much as you can. All of this conflict is coming due to you not understanding no-self deeply enough. If you drop the attachment to confidence, I have a feeling this will not negatively affect your life for anything but a short period of time if even that. Losing attachment to confidence doesn’t mean you have no confidence or lose the ability to function successfully. It just means that you have recognized that feeling like you must be confident is not going to help you in the long run.