Roy

Absolutely is! The best cult there is, we love everybody, everyone is welcome, and we have cookies! P.s. The actual answer is no. It doesn't really qualify for a "cult". It's just a youtube channel and website, there is no deeper malicious form or organization going on. You can turn off your computer whenever you want, nobody stopping you. It's not like you are trapped on some farm in rural Pennsylvania somewhere being physically coerced from leaving lol. I will say though if you're worried you're getting attached to it in an unhealthy way to take a break and leave. That's a good way to treat anything.

I'm actually going to be a contrarian and say if it's the 1st date it's a BAD idea to put so much in to try and make it amazing. Chances are you won't be that compatible with most people anyways, so it's not a wise use of resources or emotional energy to invest that much into it. By all means you can make a 1st date a great time, but don't pin so much on it. It does need to have a level of casualness so there isn't that much pressure. Unless you are some sort of gigachad, only a low % of your dates will go to a 2nd one. So does it make sense to put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak? I usually do a 2 part date - cafe/snack first > then something physical like hiking or mini-golf. I find it's useful to sit down for 30-60 minutes to find out if you can even compatible talking to each other first. I've had times where either me or the other person politely cancelled the 2nd part of the date because we didn't have the same values, or that much chemistry socially. This strategic kind of set-up is important if you don't want to waste time or money, which you will end up using a lot of with women

I would say it's really important you stay together and work on maintaining the relationship for the kids, as having a childhood with separated parents is demonstrably terrible for development. People who are raised in single parent households suffer in many ways. It's good to go to therapy immediately, to work out what issues are instead of letting them fester. I think you need to set hard boundaries about what you will tolerate though. She needs to know she can't just use the excuse of the hard conversations making her "depressed" and "uncomfortable" to avoid confronting her own faults, and then childishly go behind your back breaking your trust. There needs to be some sort of consequence or punishment, whatever form that takes. A marriage is a two way street of commitment. You can't have one person working harder than the other all the time, or it just won't work. She needs to understand she doesn't get the choice of not working on her own stuff that negatively influences her behavior, it's not your job to solve that, just support her.

All you can do is keep being a loving and supportive boyfriend. Ultimately it's not your responsibility to "fix" her or make her improve herself, only she can do that.

Redpill is not supported here. If someone starts advertising redpill and preaching enough they will be banned.

Redpill is 5% truth 95% toxic trash. Extract the few lessons you can from it and dispose of the rest like the waste it is. Pay attention to how every redpill teacher and ideologue isn't happy. That should tell you something pretty crucial.

A reminder to everyone to be really careful about who you're giving authority to inform you on geopolitics and delicate societal matters. Yes gurus and spiritual teachers may be able to point to subtle dynamics and larger pictures that many people may not be able to see, but remember we live in a relative world and espousing such things (especially blindly) without a proper level of tact can be highly offensive to some people, and sometimes paradoxically even serve as a way to stunt collective understanding. It's all good and well to hear about platitudes of loving nature of reality and how we should all hug each other and smoke DMT, but let's just say you won't give much of a fuck for those things when T-72's are rolling down your street killing your neighbors and family.

It's absolutely true and anything otherwise is self-hating delusion.

I know you're painting a raw and brutal picture to encourage him to do a ton of work, but things aren't that pessimistic. A lot of girls have neediness in them too and aren't all actualized, not even close actually. They want boyfriends just as much as guys want girlfriends. In fact I'd argue on average girls are more needy than guys because they seem to avoid long periods of downtime between relationships like it's the plague. Girls need a constant social life in place. I just think the threshold of work you have to do to get good results isn't that crazily high, and it can be off-putting to make it seem that way to someone who might be just starting their journey. I would agree there is a mountain to climb if you want the "9s and 10s" though.

I had a long term relationship with a girl once, it was monogamous and there was healthy open communication and understanding about our relationships sex component. We both had really high sex drives but understood we wouldn't always be "on it" at the same times, either because one of us would be busy and didn't want to be distracted, or away from each other for whatever reason. The first half of the relationship was long distance before we moved in together. We agreed with each other that it was totally ok to have solo sex, and we wouldn't get angry or shame the other person for doing it like a lot of couples do. We basically understood that neither of us was doing it because of lack of attraction or satisfaction with each other, because the sex was amazing and frequent. We just knew we had urges to fill and wouldn't beg the other person to participate if they weren't 100% into it. She especially hated morning sex, while I loved it. So needless to say that led to a lot of lonely mornings for me hahaha. However an issue arose one day when the topic came up again, I basically told her that I don't just use my imagination when I'm masturbating, I use porn sometimes (AKA images of other women). This upset her quite a bit and she got angry at me for it. Basically accusing me of some minor form of cheating. I found this kind of perplexing, because we were very straight forward about our loyalty to each other. Being ok with each other masturbating while in the relationship, it seemed implied to me that it's OK to fantasize about other people and not be crossing any boundaries of loyalty, because we'd obviously never act on those fantasies. They are just pixels, with zero emotional involvement. It just seemed very odd to me, like did she expect me to have a jerk off shrine dedicated to her or something when she wasn't in the mood? I never understood it and I don't think the issue was resolved, because to me it seems unhealthy and controlling to expect to police our own or each others minds about the matter, especially after we gave each other that freedom and had clear, healthy boundaries about loyalty. Anyways has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing in a relationship? How did you deal with it in a good way? I'm looking for other perspectives to help me in future relationships. I want to have brutally open communication, but experiences like this make it seem like it's not possible, because most times you can't dig into things explicitly, being extremely explicit spoils connection with women from my experiences. They say they want it, then when you give it to them they don't like it (usually). On the other hand I don't like hiding or reserving things too much either, it feels incongruent and inauthentic.

Also I don't need porn either or see it as necessary, as some people are bringing up the topic in the thread. I view porn kind of like icing, and getting off like a cupcake. Cupcakes are good on their own, you can have one by itself with nothing on it and it's satisfying. However once in a while having a cupcake with some icing can be pretty great too. Icing is tasty. You could eat it by itself if you wanted, but it's very rich and that isn't really what it's for. Icing is supposed to add to the cupcake, not replace it. If you ate only icing you'd get sick pretty quickly. I hope you understand this analogy. Hmmmmmm............. now I kinda want a cupcake (a real one )!

Hah, I'd rather die. In a relationship I need sex at least every other day. When single, a little less often.

I had a lot of reasons to believe she was secure about it, since we negotiated so many freedoms with each other without fighting about any of it. When it came down to the details though I guess it brought out her insecurity.

It's not that I was insecure, it's just of zero interest to me. I genuinely don't care what she fantasized about, what goes on in her mind is her freedom. Which is what I'm confused about. We were open and honest enough to give each other permission to masturbate and not judge each other, so why was she judgmental about the consequences of that freedom? I guess the answer is she wasn't as secure as she thought she was.

I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answers to. I also wouldn't do that as a retort to her asking me because I don't play "gotcha" games with my partners. If they act childish I hold the frame as the bigger person so they won't do the same shit twice.

Well that's the thing. The conversation basically came down to me being compelled (forced?) to be explicit. So our vibrator was typically placed beside our bed on the nightstand. One morning I brought it to another room to use it while she was sleeping in. When she got up she noticed it wasn't where it usually was and teased me about it, knowing I was doing stuff alone. "I see you used our little friend. Did you have fun?" "Sure did babe!" "We're you thinking about me?" "Well most of the time yes." "What do you mean most of the time ???!!!" I don't know what I was supposed to say? Felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either I'm honest and she appreciates it/hates it, or I lie to make her feel good. I thought about her maybe 50% of the time. I could have said, I ONLY think about you. But that would be lying to her face, even if it's kind of a coy white lie. With someone I love and trust I wouldn't be able to hold that back for very long before fessing up. That shit eats at me inside.

Probably after my dude. It would be a little weird to bring up, "Hey baby just so you know I beat my dog to your pictures and sometimes pornstars that look like you." Seems like a sure fire way she'll never have sex with you lol. After you have sex for the first time in a relationship there is a huge weight and pressure lifted off the mans shoulders, where you can open up a lot more and chill out. You don't need to put on as much of a show for her anymore and try so hard. I've noticed this shift in every. single. girl. I've ever been with. They test and test and test and test you, and then when you finally get to write and finish the exam, you notice you don't have to study so hard anymore.

How dramatic was it when you got kicked out? Did the clerk just tell you your membership was cancelled and not to come back when you finished your workout? Or did 2 shredded guys pick you up and throw you down some steps ? My gym is at my fire department and restricted from the public, so I don't have that as an option for picking up chicks. I mean there is one woman on the team that is pretty attractive but she is a bit out of my age range and I don't shit where I eat soo..

Fair enough.

Did you find out she had a boyfriend before or after you did all that? That seems like unethical behavior to be advertising to people on here.

Stop with feeding the fear mongering. There are checks and balances in place, even with a person with as much power as Putin there isn't just a magical button on his desk he can casually press at his whim. There are steps that need to be taken and other high ranking people that would need to consent. If Putin has actually gone mentally ill there are other extremely competent people in the Russian government to prevent such madness. They aren't going to utterly doom themselves, their families, and their country out of loyalty to Putin. They are ruthless opportunists and the second he stops becoming beneficial as a leader to them they will turn on him and rip him apart like a pack of rapid dogs.

I'm getting back into dating soon, but I'm not sure if I'll use apps anymore, if at all. They are just too stressful and too many people are on there to just play fucking games, or are low in emotional maturity. I've met people in their 30's that have the social intelligence of teenagers lol. Getting a quality relationship from apps is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I've met some awesome people, but it's been a bunch of work as well. At least if you're a man from what I've learned, but that's a conversation not for this thread. I would say pick up some more consistent hobbies and test activities and events out. You will meet different kinds of people doing different things. For example I'm gonna get a subscription for a local climbing gym and just pick some day of the week to commit to.

I don't mean trying to see them once a week each, that would be too much. It's whenever it's convenient, keep things casual. If I'm in dating mode it will be between 1-3 dates in a week. Which is like 2-8 hours a week total depending on what we do? Anymore time than that and I simply won't ask people out, or I'll cancel a meet ahead of time so I don't exhaust myself socially. I only have so much in the tank. Those 1-5 people is changing constantly by the way, since most dates won't go to a second meet. It's tough out there I would keep your initial dates with people low investment by the way. As in don't spend a lot of money or make grand plans booking places. It won't feel like a waste and will sting less if things don't work out, which they usually don't if you are looking for a quality match and not just trying to force things with anyone. My go to suggestions are either a walk/hike, or mini-golf. You're a woman though so you have to be a lot more keen about where you go hiking or walking, keep that in mind.

Great video. I've been trying to cross from helpless to intelligent, it's tough.