aurum

@Shin I think there's much better qualifications you can use to determine whether you should be in a relationship with a girl than Myers Brigg. That's not going to tell you very much. Examples of questions I'd consider much more important: 1) How does she treat her friends? 2) How does she talk about her ex? 3) What is her family life like? 4) What are her goals, if any? 5) What does she do for fun? Not saying you can't also look into Myers Brigg. I would just make sure you dig deeper than that.

@Santiago You gotta get out of there man. Lots and lots of red flags in this one.

That's just not true. There are some relationships like that, but it definitely does not have to be that way. If it's a long-term relationship, yes that can be fine. You don't need to become some sort of robot.

When I talk about authentic emotional communication, that's for a long-term relationship where you and her are going to build a life together. That's very different from a one night stand or temporary fuck buddy. I understand exactly what you're talking about. It seems like the guys who often put in the least amount of effort get all the girls, while the guys who care the most get nothing. So women must be emotionally shallow, right? No. I'm going to tell you some of the realist shit ever. As I continue to evolve paradigms and improve my own skills with women, it becomes more and more obvious to me just how badly guys suck at Game. This sounds like something a whiteknight would say but its not. The vast majority of guys are creepy and needy as fuck, "nice guys" included. Imagine you meet a guy who has $10,000,000. Wow that's a lot of money, you want some of that! But how can you get it? Well, you realize if you just ask for it, you assume he will say "no". Plus that's too scary. So you come up with a plan: how about I pretend to be this guy's friend for a couple of years and act like I'm not just here for the money! You'll be his shoulder to cry on and then he's bound to give you the money. Time goes on and he's not giving you the money. What's worse, you notice the whole time that he's doing all these "business deals" with other millionaires and making them lots of money! What a dick. One day you get tired of waiting and tell him "I want a million dollars". Our millionaire friend is confused by this seemingly change of heart and saddened, wondering if someone will ever genuinely want to be friends with him without going after his money. When he says "no" for obvious reasons, you get angry, call him a business slut and make a post online ranting about why millionaires only give money to people who they do business with. I'm not saying this is you, but replace "millionaire" with "girl" the majority of what I see "nice guys" doing. What you call emotionally shallow I call normal. And this is just one example of the creepiness of guys. How about guys who are too scared to actually talk to a girl, so they just cat-call or grope them? Or guys who won't stop texting? Or the guy who ignores his friends just to talk to her? It goes on and on. Yeah maybe the "asshole" isn't the perfect guy, but at least he's not pathetically needy and is comfortable with expressing his sexuality. She's actually attracted to him for that reason. And this is not a judgement against guys. I was just as bad and know this is all the result of the conditioning we've all received. But it's still creepy.

@Seed Keep goingggggggg. It's just your own shadow. And like a shadow, there's nothing really there.

@beatlemantis Do you meditate? If not, start.

@Hardkill Guess you better hurry up and get good fast

@billiesimon This is a really nuanced and important question. If you're in a relationship with a girl, you don't want to hide things from her out of fear she'll "find out". That breaks trust and communication. Plus she's probably going to know you're hiding something anyway. For instance, if she asks you how you day was and you say "fine" when in reality you're tripping out because you got fired from work and don't know how you're going to pay the bills, that's bad. Much better would be to be honest about what happened. Let her express her thoughts and offer help if she wants. She also doesn't want to be with a robot, she wants to feel. So one of the single best things you can do as a guy is learn how to express a large range of emotions and give that to her. At the same time, you have to recognize what your girlfriend ultimately is not. She is not here to take care of you. She is not here to fulfill your needs. She is not here to feel sorry for you. Failure to recognize this will result in her either resenting you or leaving you. And if you think it's her job to do any of those things, that's because you've been conditioned to believe that co-dependency and victim-thinking is normal. So the solution is that you need to handle you. Meet your own needs through your spiritual practice, life purpose and whatever else makes you love life. Once you do that, you'll be able to communicate authentically without her feeling like you're leaning on her as this weak man.

@Charlotte I definitely think crying is fine. What you'll likely find is that you have a different experience of crying. I've noticed that I can cry and not necessarily feel any resistance to the crying. It moves through me and then it's over. I actually learned this because of an ex-girlfriend. She told me how one of the mistakes guys make is we don't go fully into the emotion. Unlike girls, who seem more willing on average to feel the full extent of their emotion. I didn't really think much about it until one time she saw me really upset. I thought I was feeling the emotion, but she stopped me and said "you're holding back". Suddenly I let go and got hit with what seemed like 10x waves of sadness. I was shocked. Since then I do my best to consciously remember that the solution isn't to resist feelings, but let go and let them pass.

@Andre Quinonez Yeah this is common. Always remember that your results in this work look a lot more like the stock market than just a straight line moving up. The important thing is to not quit. Get back on all those habits asap, this is temporary.

Stop blaming your mom. Yes, she is a neurotic, controlling helicopter mom. No doubt about it. But you're also allowing this to happen. You're making the choice everyday to live with her, to answer her phone calls and not set boundaries. You need to tell her this is not okay and things are going to be different. Period.

Example?

Yeah it's just a general point. Obviously we all go through periods when we are having more success than others.

Anything by David Deida is good, especially for long-term relationships. Also, I'd check out The Book of Pook by Pook, Iron John by Robert Bly and The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi.

Yeah it;s not a black or white thing, we all have elements of masculinity and femininity. How is your success with women? If you do well with women, that's a good sign you're in your masculinity. If not...there's work to be done.

@Shakazulu In general, masculinity is defined by traits like purpose, decisiveness, grounded, freedom, etc. Femininity is more whimsical, soft and roaming. Ask yourself where you fall on that spectrum.

Since many people are going to be doing research on yoga after Leo's latest video, I'd thought I'd shoutout my favorite yoga teacher that I've found on YouTube. She's a hidden gem. Her name is Kimilla and she teaches Kundalini Yoga. ^One of my personal favorite sets. What I like about her is that unlike many yoga teachers, this girl will push you. She's also extremely practical and has a great vibe about her. There are tons of other kriyas on her channel she guides you through and you can practice. Forget about 5 years, I've seen benefits from doing these almost immediately. Share your favorite teacher as well if you have one.

@sarapr' I'll the explain the full circle I've come to on the topic of love because I think this might clear things up for people. Most of us have all been taught growing up is that co-dependency and neediness is love. Phrases like "they complete me" or "they're my savior" are usually tell-tale rationalizations for the fact that you and this person are addicted to each other in an unhealthy and destructive way. Not our fault. That's just default social conditioning. I was in that paradigm until about age 19. That's when my long term girlfriend, who I thought was the "love of my life", broke up with me. I was so crushed that it actually shocked me out of that paradigm. I started saying things like "love doesn't exist" and become extremely bitter towards relationships in general. Fast forward a couple of years. I'm starting to get into this weird thing called "enlightenment" and having profound experiences of what could only be called unconditional love. These experiences have been so beautiful that they've literally brought me to my knees crying. They will change your life forever if you have one. The best way I can describe it is that you just have a deep desire for the well-being of everyone. You realize that any small, petty personal concerns like your reputation or how you compare to others is just bullshit. All that matters is you just want to love everyone. Everything else is a front. So it's not a personal kind of love. There's no playing favorites. BUT that doesn't mean I still don't have preferences. This is the part I think people have a hard time grasping because it seems paradoxical from their paradigm. I can love someone and not want to spend time with them. I can love someone and set boundaries. I can love someone and not like them. It really just depends. If I had to translate what this kind of love feels like into a song, it'd be this: Feel, don't think

@toth7 I'm jealous. Breakups almost always lead lots of growth. Start with the basics. Exercise, nutrition, meditation and reading books. Once you start getting a handle on that we can talk more.

@Rilles I'll check him out, thanks

I wouldn't go that far. She's still human and prone to mistakes, don't idealize her.

@Stoica Doru Teal Swan is low key one of the best teachers I've come across. Just the nuance in which she breaks down different dynamics is incredible.

@Sahil Pandit Yeah I've had some bizarre experiences with dreams since I've gotten really deep into self-actualization. The pattern is that they're incredibly dark and revolve around trauma, pain or fear that I have. Then just like in those cheesy Hollywood movies, right at the peak intensity of the dream, I wake up and can't go back to sleep because my mind is on overdrive. The only explanation that makes sense to me is purging. Not a pretty process, but much better than continuing to live with that low vibration energy.

@egoless Then get hired by a company who does internet marketing. Plenty of people looking for social media managers these days.

You can choose to think that way, but you're going to have a very difficult making and keeping friends. The idea that their friendship can take away from yours in total scarcity and Win / Lose thinking. In reality, if I introduce two people, I'm praying they become best friends because now they see me as the person who brought them together. You should be self-validated and have enough friends in your life that it makes no difference if you're "the most important person" to them.