StarStruck

@IJB063 I'm addicted to content. I consume much more books/podcasts and other multimedia than I write about it or contemplate about it. I tried to stop with consuming information and I notice it is very hard. Probably it is a good idea to go cold turkey and stop with books, youtube and podcasts for a while but it is very hard. There is thus negative sensation in my body if I don't indulge in my addiction. Self help has become a form of escapism for me. I think my first priority should be to heal the addiction for information and then create a healthy balance between consuming information and self-actualization. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this. I have to turn inwards. That is what I know and then get my hands dirty. Just being present and deal with life is something I have been neglecting. It is so much easier to neglect the present and indulge in endless self-help material.

Thanks for the tips guys. I'm using OneNote. Sometimes I have trouble coming up with topics to write about. The problem is that there are topics but I'm not aware of what is going on in my head. What I noticed that it is important to go deep into topics and not stay on the service level. I think this is called going meta. This is something my mind really like to do. I rather browse on the net or do something else to distract myself instead of being aware what is going on in my head. I recently bought a more comfortable phone. I'm going to try to keep track of my automatic thoughts. These thoughts are so rapid that most of the time I'm not even aware of them. The problem with that is that I can be stuck in my own web of thoughts. Especially because I'm negative minded. Before opening this topic i checked my daily journal and I noticed that most of my entries were so similar. This is probably why journaling is something I dont like to do. I don't get a lot of return on invesment. I'm going to implement the tips I got in this topic and I hope that will bring a change.

Didn't do jack shit today.

Save enough money to buy enough food and do a retreat for X amount of months.

Subtility Taking walks and contemplating is so fascinating. I encounter people, things, and memories. Especially walking somewhere where I got a lot of memories gave me some interesting insights. Trying to catch myself how I react to things is so useful. It approach it like studying a lab rat. Today I noticed how I resist to things. It is so subtle. Enlightenment is so subtle. I have been looking for the magic pill and there isn´t (besides 5 MeO DMT :)) but there is a magic formula and that is just consciousness. I'm starting to connect various concepts discussed within Actualized org and outside of it. It is all pointing to the same thing. I already understood this on a conceptual level but now it is getting experiential. Something I noticed too is the danger of low level conscious thinking, when I'm in that stage I'm just wasting mental bandwidth and not becoming wiser while it feels like I'm doing something useful. Holistic thinking combined with concentration and being unbiased is truly something else. If one has skin in the game and wants a certain outcome you can't even see many subtilities.

It has to do with quantum mechanics.

@dimitri there are people on this forum who figured out electric vaping. It can work. I’m not comfortable with the pipe and the burning onto the glass after multiple uses. That can’t be healthy. And secondly those burns onto the glass also tells you that you waste most of the molecules.

Melting Last view days I have gotten flashes of my higher self. What I could have been and can be. And all I have to do is just to be. My stress levels have plummeted. I still have my old ways but I feel like a part of me is melting. The ego is a reflection of my surrounding. It is like a (dirty) mirror. There are some backlashes and projection of significance/meaning into things but it feels like a losing battle for my ego. yesterday I was so nihilistic but today I feel not bad about it. I’m seeing the difference between doing versus being.

You need ceramic coil. If you use the other kind of coils that is used for herbs it won’t work. I bought the right coil but I still have to test it out. @dimitri @Javfly33

You could try electric vaping.

Meaninglessness Today I did a spirituality walk of 2 hours. A little bit through the forest and a village nearby. I tried to strip meaning from everything. It made me so nihilistic. It is so disorientating. At least for tonight I don’t feel like doing anything. I’m just going to sit with the feeling. I feel like a dog who stopped chasing his own tail. In the beginning I felt stupid. Now I’m feeling a kind of relief but it is so disorientating. During this time I started to see how my self agenda fucked so many things up in the past. I’m kind of angry at myself and I get why. I have to do some reconciliation. All what I need is in the now. I got in the being paradigm couple of times in the past view days but I flip back to the meaning paradigm. I’m so needy. Needy for gf most of all. It consumes me.

@FlowerNote I wouldn't depend on reddit.. lmao https://www.insider.com/are-smoothies-healthy-2019-4

@FlowerNote blending destroys the fibers too. I suggest you google it.

I had a wonderful walk in the forest. Did the deficiency consciousness versus being consciousness perception exercise. It changed my whole experience of taking a walk. At a certain moment I even lost sense of myself, but it was temporary. I think I finally got my first nondual experience while not being on something.

Yesterday I read the book rewired and today I'm reading the winners effect. I think two books per day is not practical. It isn't leaving me time to contemplate; gonna limit myself to 1 book per 1/2 days. The book rewired was not that good. It was on a pop culture level. The good thing about that book was that it gave questions at the end which was good to contemplate the following topics: Honesty, evolution, compassion, Solitude, self-care, Boundaries, living your authentic self and learning to never censor that for anyone or anything. I'm going to read must reads from now on. I don't have time to waste on such books.

Simple answer is: because you care what other people think of you for [blanc] reasons. As serotoninluv says follow your sensations in your body. They will try to tell you something. Probably you have a lack in something or a trauma. I have troubles with this too. When we lack something in ourselves we look for outside things to fill that bottomless “hole”. It will never fill up. It is just a way of the brain to postpone/deny the present.

Daily walks, contemplation and shadow work Since Corona I'm doing daily walks, usually listening or watching something, occasionally also just walking in silence. That last mentioned is doing me so good. Walking and contemplating is such a wonderful combination for me. Last two months or so I got a much clearer view of my inner landscape and it feels like the tip of the iceberg in the unconscious deep waters. Just pushing emotions and fears away has been something I have been doing for a long time. Doing that is like putting it in the fridge. It will just stay in the fridge until you take it out and "melt it away". Iceberg analogy is so powerful. I did some methods of shadow work but I'd love to find new methods of doing it. I'm also so lucky that I have the time to do such stuff. I can't imagine having a full time job, getting home & being tired and finding time to do such stuff. Feeling so shitty for not having a gf right now but I know having a gf wouldn't solve the problem. It would just be a surrogate for the problem, which I still don't understand fully. Today I noticed that I don't even value my complete freedom. Settling down is basically willingly giving up some parts of your freedom for "something". I'm afraid I will never find the one and there is absolutely no reason to believe that other than my past bad experiences. At the moment I have nothing to lose. It is the perfect time of my life to go deep.

Be sure to document it with video so you will be an example to others.

Thinking about buying a Samsung Note 10 Lite to make notes, it is also great with making sketches/mindmaps, and watching video while making notes. It has the capability to split a screen into youtube/onenote for example. Do I really need it? Dunno.

Gym rat mentality is something we can learn from Life is just about moving from one chapter to another. It kind of reminds me of gym rats. Real gym rats (at least here) who achieve their goals don’t fuck around in the gym forever. They go in, don’t fuck around, do the work and go home. Eventually they reach a stage, reach their goals and move to the next stage; go and do another sport. People who just fuck around, don’t have purpose and motivation just half ass it, spend as much time as the gym rat in the gym and get stuck in the gym forever. And they never reach their goals whereas if they reached their goals they could go and do another sport with their spare time. Enlightenment is so similar. There are people who fuck around and there people who go balls to the wall. It is not about the time spend alone, it is also about the effectiveness and efficiency. My grammar sucks but fuck it. ?

The 5 MeO Trip of last Friday (15 may) changed me. I reached egoless consciousness that night. I can’t recreate it but I do feel the potential of it happening it if I meditated. Since last Friday I didn’t meditate that much just out of laziness. I have to be more serious about integration work. Nowadays just being busy trying to be productive. Laziness is just a clever way of the devil to rob your time so you don’t have time to be enlightened. I really This week I’m going heavy on productivity. I have a self help book list ready. Going to read two productivity self help books, do the exercises, contemplate and integrate. I’m excited and I have faith.

@Juliano Zn I heard somebody who swallowed their tongue and died. Not with Kriya Yoga by the way. Currently reading Kriya Yoga revealed. I stopped reading after Khecari Mudra. I’m just gonna do the exercises until I reach a point that I’m comfortable with doing such dangerous exercises. How far can you go with your tongue?

@reves are you not afraid to swallow your tongue though?

On a macro perspective you need to change paradigms. When you get a need to fulfill your addiction, there is usually tension in your mind and body. There are methods to relax your mind/body, you will need to do some research. At the same time you will also need willpower. Don't let your thoughts set the terms. You set the terms and your thoughts should follow. If you let your thoughts roam, they will look for weak spots and seduce you to smoke again. Until your paradigm has changed you will have to do this until you take on a new persona; somebody who is not a smoker.

Kechari seems dangerous. I don't know if I want to do it.