StarStruck

In most porn, girls are being face fucked or perform oral sex. Thanks but no thanks.

Definition: principles A fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behaviour or for a chain of reasoning. Definition: habits A settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up. Are principles and habits just the same thing but it is just in different circumstances? I feel like "habit" is a broader term and "principle" is a narrower term... I could be wrong but when we say habit it feels like closer to the basic human: everybody has habits good or bad....while the term principles is used for more developed humans: not everybody has principles.

Applying system's thinking to stuff you have problems with. You first need massive self-awareness first because you are projecting shit onto things.

Like, partly in blue, partly in yellow? I know that subsequent stages overflow but how does that work if a person is blue-yellow? I think if you want to reach yellow you first need to pass through orange and green so the person must also have some traces of those stages?

That is what I'm doing (psychotherapy) but I think it is a good game plan to know where I'm at and what to aim at. I need to aim at stage blue values. Last year I was in denial about my stage red beliefs/pathologies and that made me stuck for a while. Since my realization of what I said above, psycho-therapy and self-actualization is going well. Unfortunately my therapist doesn't know about spiral dynamics but I don't think she needs to know it to help me with trauma healing and coaching on self-actualization.

Transferred some replies from this thread: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/22318-spiral-dynamics-stage-blue-examples-mega-thread/?page=60#comment-810903 Thanks, that cleared up a lot about my parents. I'm still confused about myself though: I'm atheist, but I have a strong stage red inside me. Also highly impulsive, ego-centric and power obsessed. I'm making small bounds into blue by introducing discipline and strong values among other things. So I thought I was in stage red-blue, until I heard that atheism starts at stage orange which makes it impossible for me to be red. In this thread people said you can't be in more than 2 stages, so I'm still confused how I fit into red-blue-orange. I know but I thought one needed to fully integrate the previous stage before leveling up. So is it possible to be for example orange and still have some unprocessed stage red?

A lot of people tend to say they are religious but they don't act religious. I think my parents fall into that category. Such people are hard to categorize since they are somewhere in the middle of atheism and religion. They don't fit into the two boxes. And if you ask them they don't know it themselves. With my parents it depends on the situation if they would act like they are atheist or religious. By the way I never heard them say they are atheist but they never acted as a religious person neither.

@Rilles My family is egocentric/impulsive/power hungry so (mostly) stage red but they are at the same time atheist which is stage orange you say. I really don't get this and I read the book.

That is true but I'm not that far. In my case I lack requisite variety or in other words: lack of dating experience. I don't want to settle with a good girl at this point. It would make me too depended on her and she won't be attracted to that anyway. Probably become resentful towards me before it ends. A female's sense of love is very different than a male's sense of love. It was a bitter pill to swallow but as they say: the truth will set you free.

It is a trade off. If you are a 10 you can get a 10 otherwise you need to make trade offs. Men trade off a lot of things for a female's good look. Females tend to do the opposite of that. Personally I look for good looks and her potential to level up with me, since I'm not that high in the spiral myself. That profile is hard to find that is why I just look for stage red girls so I can pop my cherry and move up. Most people don't want to change so I don't have an option.

Women care about looks of the man to the extend that they don't want deformed or ugly children (unconscious process). That is why they also look at guys who are somewhat muscular, tall but they also look at intelligence or money. Since intelligence and money present power and that is good for her survival and for the survival of her (potential) kids. I've started looking at women differently and it helped me a lot. Stop listening to what women say they want. Don't follow her or listen to her. Develop a good intuition. She will respect you for it. Edit: that last part was my stage red flaring up

I hope they washed themselves and shaved before going out to pickup.

I'm mostly blue though but I'm still in red because of high impulsivity, lack of order, no basic discipline, etc. I developed myself in green and yellow. Systems thinking pushed me up the spiral a lot!

It is good to get through stage red.

I discovered I'm red-blue while I thought I was orange. I overestimated myself and aimed at the wrong things for selfactualization. At least now I know.

Under nourished teen age girls can be sexy but when they hit their 30'ies it is a different story. Personally I like them healthy.

So if blue is atheist it still can be blue? I'm not sure how religion influences the spiral, if any.

Do most people care about their significant other? (variation 1) Or do they care about what the other offers them? Like good company, sex, perhaps strengthening financial situation and other things? (variation 2) I feel like for most people the second variation is the case (I could be wrong). They are together for the goodies and if they don't get theirs in the relationship, they divorce/separate and that is that. The people who belong to the second variation, also tend to stay together for fear or necessity. Because of kids, financial situation or perhaps for the fear of not finding a better partner. I always thought I couldn't get a gf because I was egoistic and didn't really care about the other, but that doesn't make sense. Fuckboys don't really care about their targets and they are slaying the most pussy left and right. Is it just about pushing the right buttons?

Wasn't arranged marriage the norm since ever until very recently? Humanity were mostly tribes, if you tried to pick up a girl from another tribe they would cut your dick off. That is why most men are afraid of pickup I think.

In the topic of learning pls.

Without food you can't last couple of days. Without a social circle you can last for tens of years. If not your whole life. It won't be healthy and one will have all kind of mental issues. I don't recommend or prefer solitude though.

Ouch! I didn't see that. Thanks. To be honest, I don't deny I'm needy/toxic. First I just want to be like the others (like fuckboys who have the ability to get random girls). My priority is to fit in society by having a regular dating life and not be miserable. I don't deny I'm toxic but it will take too much energy to work on my toxicity and learning how to push the right buttons so girls will like me. It is a strategic decision. It will take too much energy to work on both things. Besides that, most girls don't even want a healthy guy, they want a toxic guy anyway. The girl I dated last year literally dumped me because "I couldn't keep her under my thumb". lol

People who say they don't need a social circle usually had good parents and good friends when growing up. In that case you can become a loner and still be happy. Unfortunately it is not the case for everybody. My POV is: needs are ok but don't be attached to it.

@Leo Gura isn't that a contradiction though? You don't have to give others happiness but be like god and give to everybody.

Every person's profile to self-actualize is different. That is why it is hard to give custom advice. One thing I can tell for sure: if your situation and mindset is that bad, you will need professional help. If there is no structural approach, a lot of energy/time will be lost.