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Everything posted by isabel

  1. the "abuser" is in their own world of pain, doing their thing to what they believe is another person but really they're only abusing themselves and the "victim" is only abused if they believe that the abuser is actually talking about them but the abuser is literally only talking about an image that they have in their own mind/world so they are literally not talking about the victim, they never see the other person, they only talk about the image that they see which is made from their own mind/knowing so you look at the abuser and see them hurting theirself, not hurting you and the victim, IF they are a victim, is actually also the abuser because we can only abuse ourselves by believing that we are the image of the abused person that appears in the mind as a memory and it's no one's fault is this real?
  2. physical pain can happen but I'm finding that it's not necessary to label that as abuse and then suffer with that mental pain of being abused for years and years and the reason is because at this point the bully IS completely imaginary
  3. it could be lol but I'm not sure because I wouldn't use that against myself to stay in an abusive relationship or to convince myself that another person's behavior isn't abusive it means (partly) that all anyone knows of me is an idea, so what are they abusing? an idea?
  4. do thoughts just rise up on their own? then how is it possible to direct thoughts because choosing which thoughts to follow is just another thought, realizations are just more thoughts...even the idea of being enlightened is just a thought, isn't it? I see thoughts just happening without me trying, the mind runs on it's own, but I can also choose to think or not think about certain things, but then where does that choice come from - am I not really making that choice? does awareness choose or am I really just watching thought patterns happen? thank you
  5. this is intensely amazing that this information is appearing right now in this forum, just want to thank everything and everyone here I feel like I'm getting everything up to these ideas "choice without chooser" or "I am not doing it, but it's not happening to me either" so that's what's next I think, I see everything happening, still seems like I'm some sort of a "me that's choosing" but I will follow all of this advice, thank you <3 I'm very interested to see what I find next
  6. thank you leo, what does beyond the mind mean? can I experience beyond the mind and then after that experience have thoughts about what just happened?
  7. @Tim R thank you! so strange because I understand very little if anything about that yet I feel like I do understand, I will read it a few times and keep going, thank you oh but wait, if I have a realization beyond my mind, how will I know that it happened if there are no thoughts about it?
  8. @peanutspathtotruth yes, very funny, because as far as I can see right now, what are realizations? I see thoughts running on their own - that's a realization but a realization is just another type of thought, ok lol I'm just confusing myself at this point...
  9. @Tim R so this is a process that happens by itself, I (awareness) just watch and that's it, so that's why they say things like to "just allow things to be as they are" because there is no way to do anything else? but I could have the thought, "I should get a better job" and then the thought "yes I will or no I won't" so that "choice" happens just based on patterns and programs running in my mind and in the world?
  10. so it means that it's something but it's not something that needs to be named, it's movement maybe and there are words but they don't have to mean anything, could be sound, like water flowing without meaning - I hope that's right or close to it because I really like that a lot - even if it's not right, there is something there that I love thank you @Mu_
  11. mine is really mean lol what does yours say or what did it used to say before it dissolved? and what you put out into the world is reflected back to you so... if the inner voice/ego is very negative is that creating a negative outer world for that person? thank you
  12. yes, I like it! that's basically what I'm doing right now so I do see something that looks like it's "inside me" or in my body/mind or just in my awareness and it talks lol and it wants things, mostly wants everything to be different/better, doesn't like this, is anxious about that, etc so is that not ego? based on something else you said, that ego or whatever just goes on, doesn't die but it's just not as big a deal as I'm thinking it is right now when I believe what is says about wanting this or that...?
  13. @Mu_ thank you for that honesty, it's so nice mine does that too, it says you're not doing a good job, you should just give up, you should hate yourself it says both you and I so it says sometimes "I am not doing a good job" no wonder no one wants to be aware of their thoughts, if it's like that for everyone?
  14. it's not always in the body, once when I was about 10, I had a fever and I left my body and saw the earth from very high up, it was night and I shot straight up fast, I saw the lights of my town get smaller and smaller until I was so high up that I could see the outline of north america lit up another time I was late for school and absolutely terrified of walking in late, I walked in the door and watched myself walk to my seat and sit down from the other side of the room, about 12 when that happened that's real, so how? literally seeing from somewhere outside of my body and in the second case my body carried on doing what it was supposed to do while I was watching from 20 feet away...weird I tried to do it again many times but so far it's not happened, not like that anyway, but I've had dreams but those were probably just dreams ??
  15. @Leo Gura thanks leo, my parent's human avatar didn't come equipped with a conscience but mine did, so mine literally cannot rise to the same levels of abuse that hers can but I can totally see that if "I" were using her avatar, then I would do everything exactly as "she" does so when you say "Basically the child's mistake (now that's he's an adult) is to disown the fact that being abusive is not just a thing "others" do, but that he is also capable of it." you're not saying that I as the human/ego that I think I am is capable of it, you're saying that I, as my parent, am capable of it and if I were using a rapist's avatar then I would be capable of rape, and so on? is that right or no? btw thank you to everyone who has answered, I have read all of them at least 3 times now and it is helping me
  16. "whatever you react strongly to and resent in another is also in you" if a child suffers horrific life long abuse by a parent and then later as an adult still has a strong reaction of pain to what happened, and even at times resents the parent, what is it that is also in the child? thank you
  17. they say "you are not your thoughts and feelings" that never made sense to me but it would make sense to say that thoughts and feelings create the ego the thought "I am angry" and the feeling that goes with it creates an image, idea, or sense of an angry person, an ego so the ego is made from or created by thoughts and feelings is it right?
  18. @Nahm thank you nahm, I understood some of that, definitely closer now
  19. what is experience? how do you put what you feel first and respond to experience? idk what this means thank you
  20. @BlackMaze thank you, that makes sense that the victim and the abuser share unconsciousness if the "victim" was fully conscious then they wouldn't be a victim - meaning only an ego would react/resent another ego I also thought of something else, I remembered eckhart talking about how some people are triggered by his teachings, they get angry but there is no unconsciousness in eckhart so there is nothing there to make them angry, it means the anger comes from them not from eckhart, not caused by eckhart so how does that work with the victim and the abuser? because in that case there was unconsciousness and the abuse really did happen oh I guess the anger and resentment still comes from me but it's not caused by the abuser it's caused by my unconsciousness because if I was fully conscious then I wouldn't be a victim, have a victim mentality, is it right?
  21. rupert spira says that the body IS sensations, tolle seems to say that it's the inner energy field, idk what it is but so far I've found that there is no thought in it and if you keep going to it over and over again it becomes "more" and it gets easier to get into it and even pops up by itself sometimes but it is still a thing (I think) so there's even more after this, much much more I'm pretty sure, that's all I got so far
  22. when you fall back from thought into the body, thought slows down and the body becomes alive with a flow of peaceful energy but I am very much aware of this happening, so it's a thing then? or is it? I don't know I want to know more, so what do I do now? thank you!