Raptorsin7

@dimitri What is your meditation practice like?

Yes, there is something wrong with this. I think once you are genuinely happy and satisfied with life and are completely ok with never having a girlfriend even if you die alone, then you will be ready for a girlfriend. But i'm not sure. I've never had a girlfriend lol.

@Proactive No i haven't. How long do you sit with it? Can you elaborate on what exactly you're doing, and what happens?

I don't think alcohol is bad if you're using it like you mentioned above. It becomes a problem when people use alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with reality. It can be toxic if you consume it frequently but only a few times a month will not hurt you. Especially if you're out being social too, it's probably just balanced with the positive effects of socializing. You sound like you are on the right path. Keep it up.

Yoga and then meditation is a dream combo. I started doing yoga 3 months ago, and i always come home and just meditate or listen to Ekkart tole or Mooji and i'm making incredible progress. Keep it up

What am i thinking right now? So, last night during an hour of self inquiry i had a moment of selflessness. I think at least. It was so brief, i remember looking for the self and there was a moment where I felt like the person looking was disappearing and then i had a bright feeling of everything. I'm not sure if this was just a distorted memory or not but i'm not sure. My yoga practice is growing a lot. I'm starting to able to endure the pain of class without hating it. When i look for the one who is suffering in yoga it makes a huge difference. But still no flow yet. I want flow in yoga, but i guess i just need to be patient. I had a conversation with my family about me not liking law school. I think they think i'm just being kinda crazy right now. Which is kinda true. When i messaged them i was so annoyed and frustrated working on the assignment. I mean they have a point right?? I'm obviously suffering a lot now and when i honestly express my suffering they think i'm just being crazy and want me to calm down and just go back to being a good son. But then when i feel a bit better i just don't express myself to them and then they think everything is fine. Financial independence is so important to me. I don't like being dependent on my parents. Actually I like it. I just don't like the strings that come attached to their support. When i have children they will be enlightened as kids so they won't have go through all this bull shit nonsense i'm going through now. I really need to step up my studying. My midterms are coming up and i'm not prepared. I mean i've been here before, in undergrad i was never ready until the day before the exam. But maybe i'm just saying this to make myself feel better about my situation. Who knows. MAJOR INSIGHT FROM MEDITATION: I gotta stop trying so hard to live. I dont even fucking exist. All this me, me , me , me ,me is all bull shit. Where am i? I've always been in control. This is my life, i'm the fucking man, right? Wrong. Let it go. Surrender control. I will never be happy if it's me trying to be happy. I have to take a back seat. I'm going to try looking for myself throughout the day when i feel frustrated or lost in thought. Look i'm creating more roles for myself.... I AM GOING TO APPLY THE MEDITATIVE INSIGHTS TO MY LIFE. No i'm fucking not though. I don't know how this is going to work practically, but this is the path. Less thoughts, more action from the present moment. Just do what fucking feels right.

@Average Investor Hey man, thanks for taking the time to respond to my journal. I don't spend a lot of time on social media. I'm not comparing my life against other people's. I compare my life against what I believe is possible based on my imagination. But the same rule applies. I compare my life against some ideal fantasy that doesn't exist and it robs me of happiness in the present moment. I think that's how it works anyways. I do yoga like 4 or 5 times a week, and i play intramural basketball once a week. But I don't think i exercise enough if i'm being honest. I think i need to push myself to wake up and go do yoga, rather than just do it at night like i currently do it. Yea, my diet is so bad it's embarrassing. I don't really have a strong drive to overhaul my diet, i'm just making minor adjustments right now. Like today i bought only a coffee instead of the coffee and the muffin. I am only smoking weed at night, and I think it's made a huge difference in my meditation practice. In the long run i will most likely have to give it up, but it's made a huge positive impact on my yoga practice and my meditation practice so I am not willing to give it up yet. What do you think my problem is? What would you do if you were me?

Surfs up... I still can't get over how you started your journal with that line LOL. It's so awesome.

@Meditationdude I think everything you have described is overwhelmingly positive, and now you're looking for reasons to doubt yourself because it's too good to be true. Let go of this thought story, over and over again. Start trying to live without the thoughts and stories you tell yourself. Slowly, but surely just be.

Rather than looking for the self during self inquiry, what happens if we instead look for the one who is suffering. Early on in the path of self inquiry it be quite boring and unsatisfactory but if attention is turned to the one who is suffering or bored rather than an arbitrary notion of the self this may speed up the progression self realization.

What am i feeling right now? I feel like i'm procrastinating. I know i should be meditating but i'm just on the forum and listening to a podcast. I don't feel too great right now. I just ate junk food. I'm going to meditate for 1 hour then i'm going to come back here and post an update on my feeling. But first i need to describe my feeling clearly so i have a baseline. I feel like i'm stuck on my couch. If someone told me to get up and run a marathon right now i would say it's impossible. I wonder what it would be like if i was the kind of person who could just get up off the couch and run a marathon. I want to get there. The main thing i'm feeling right now is expectation. I want my experience to be something other than what it is. Is this the key? Expectations of my reality? What if i didn't expect anything from reality. What if i was genuinely indifferent? Alright I digress.... time to go into an hour into the void.... !!!!!!

@modmyth 2.5 years. I'm about to finish my first semester.

@Key Elements Interconnecting life purpose and non-duality seems very wise.

@Key Elements I think we all must do what we feel is right for us. If you have confidence and believe in your path it will work for you. All roads lead to the same destination.

@Key Elements Yea i think everything is step by step. But the steps to enlightenment involve meditation and integration of experiences. I can divorce it entirely from my life purpose pretty easily. I am in a unique financial situation. My life is basically funded by my parents and i'm in law school but i don't care about grades so i have a lot of free time. It's basically school, yoga, forum, meditation, and other procrastination. That's my life.

@Key Elements Ok i am not ready for that book. What is your plan to grow your business? How are you finding more clients? What kind of people are even interested in your products? What will it take to grow your business? Are there other people doing similar things as you that are better off financially? If so what are they doing?

@Key Elements Ok i will keep that in mind. Right now i'm just trying to become enlightened and stop my incessant seeking. Then i will worry about life purpose.

@Key Elements Is the book game changing? I do not want to say i'm going to read unless i actually intend to read it. What are it's benefits?

No i'm not prepared. But i will be in time. What does that fact have to do with our conversation?

@Consilience It represents the switch that occurs in one's spiritual journey. At first we are just our ego's story looking for a way out of suffering. Then as we develop spiritually and consciously we discover something within us that is constant, and appears to be at our core. Then as our core becomes uncovered we begin to lose our attachment to the ego's stories.The main story we lose is that we are humans looking for happiness and an end to our problems. Then the rest of our lives it spent trying to integrate our true nature, while our old stories, the ego, fight to keep us lost in the stories.

I am lost. What are you talking about with this? I'm not following you here. That's totally fair too. It's probably better overall because everything is integrated. I'm just saying if you could choose wouldn't it be nice to just be financially free while trying to figure out your life?

I don't understand this. Then what, what? I was thinking minimalist with a house, but i guess a van works too. You can be a minimalist in an apartment too.

But i feel like it's possible to make money through something other than your life purpose, and then that free's you to work on your life purpose without worrying about financial needs. There's money to be made in the world. Creativity in the market place is never undervalued. You don't even need to make that much money to become self sufficient if you choose the right place to live, and you live in a minimalist life style. I would much rather start my life purpose knowing i have no genuine financial worries compared to a person who depends on their purpose for survival. That's how you get corrupted... and destroyed. Jk. But it will make it harder imo to pursue life purpose.

@eputkonen I have been doing that recently. But the relief is temporary, and i'm not after an end to suffering. I want an incredible, dream like. But this will be important on the path i'm sure. Sometimes while i'm looking the suffering just keeps coming and coming. Like when i was in yoga today, there were time's i didn't want to go into the pain even though i kept looking for the one who was suffering in class.

@Nickyy I'm sorry for coming off aggressive at you. This is just how i honestly feel.