Raptorsin7

@tsuki Congrats on the new job man

On gratitude: Gratitude is a topic I hear thrown around a lot. I have struggled with it because I haven't felt grateful for anything, so when i practice gratitude it's usually been forced and inauthentic. I wonder if gratitude can be work to bring an unhappy person to happiness, or if it only works to boost one's unhappiness once they have already found stable levels of happiness. However, recently I come across something in my life that I am actually grateful for and it makes me excited because I view it as a sign of progress. I'm grateful that right now i'm depressed and unhappy, and I was so dissatisfied with my life that I became a seeker of enlightenment and happiness. Without this down period of my life I would have never have found actualized.org and started becoming a hardcore seeker. I was literally fucked had i continued with the normal path. I feel bad for people that don't have this kind of realization, and end up chasing some object to try to obtain happiness and love. It's funny because when i talk about my unhappiness it always makes my family visibly uncomfortable. But it's literally the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I am going for genuine happiness and love here that is lasting. This is ultimate power. This is what i've been after my entire life. I'm so lucky to be where i'm at.

@Average Investor I got 70 tabs for $400. Where are you from? Yeah i'm not planning on doing high doses. I do fear a "bad" trip so I'm going to be pretty thorough in how I plan the trip out. I've done LSD before so I know what the experience is like at least a bit. But i've never done it with the intention of going inside and uncovering beliefs and finding happiness etc.

@Average Investor Haha I'm not sure how good of a deal i got tbh. I'm bad with money I just throw it around I have a drug test kit. I'm planning on testing mine before I take it. I also gave some too my friends so i'll ask them if they tested it too to double check. I'm very excited to use these substances for spiritual progress. I think there is a lot to be learned if these things are used properly. I'm going back to my apartment today, i've spent the last few weeks back home with my parents, and i'm planning on making a long thread to ask people the best way to trip to accomplish my goals. Hopefully you find something of value there.

@zeroISinfinity I'm not sure what i really love or like to be honest. I want to feel amazing and feel happy in the moment that is what I want. Once i feel good and amazing then I will think about what i really love. I honestly don't love anyone or anything right now. Like I like meditation and yoga and working out because it makes me feel better and that's all I really care about.

@zeroISinfinity What made you seek in the first place though? Did you have a random moment of compassion that drove you? For me it's literally just happiness and satisfaction with life. I feel very little for people around me tbh. I guess I care for my human being but that's about it. Doesn't matter though ultimately. Seeking my own happiness will lead to me helping others.

@zeroISinfinity Me. I went for 2 hour walk the other day and that sentence clicked for me. I have been thinking about how to be happy and satisfied for so long because I think i'm smart. But i spent no time actually feeling. I realized what i want is to feel happiness. I don't want happiness, i want to feel. I know i have to fully accept every thought and feeling in the moment. This is it. My happiness is right here. It's still hard though. I see the path more clearly now. But i'm still not done. Still not feeling the love yet. But i'm making progress for sure now. Accepting and fulling acknowledging my own unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life has been huge. I used to be afraid to admit my own unhappiness, but the more I own it the better I feel about my whole situation.

Insight into childhood: When i was in pre-school and kindergarten (so 5 and 6?) I used to have a hard time being alone in class away from my mom. My mom would drop me off at school and I would scream and cry like crazy because I didn't want her to leave. I remember literally screaming and crawling in the hallways of my pre-school because i just didn't want her to leave. I remember my pre-school would just let me play with the best toys and I didn't even participate in the class work some days because they just wanted to keep my calm. I don't have the emotional extremes anymore like i did when i was a kid. But i think that's a major issue in my life. I have a feeling that i stunted my emotional development to prevent these kinds of extremes. I don't experience crazy crying outbursts in my life so i have avoided the lows, but i also don't feel like high levels of happiness or love (or even medium levels tbh). I do wonder what feeling i was running away from when my mom would leave me at school. Fear of abandonment i guess? Not sure why I had a fear of abandonment as a kid, my parents weren't divorced and i'm pretty sure my family was usually with me. I wonder if I was just so sensitive to the abandonment that when my mom would go to work, that was enough to just trigger the baby version of me and I just couldn't cope. Hopefully someone who is reading this understands childhood trauma. Is it enough for me to just go inside and acknowledge the memories? I feel like i'm open to reliving the memories. My childhood traumas usually just involved me crying like crazy and freaking out, and either my parents hitting me or locking me outside until i calmed down. Dam I wish my parent's knew what they were doing better. I definitely resent my parents for having no idea how to raise happy well adjusted children. I really do not love them. It's probably because I have little capacity to love in me in general, so there's not much left over for them. I like to view our relationship as a business transaction. They fucked my childhood. I spend their money. I really gotta transcend this childish notion eventually All in all though I like my childhood. All that matters is the present anyway. It doesn't matter what my childhood was, or what my parents did. All that matters is I learn to accept and integrate these traumatic experiences to improve the quality of my life.

@Raphael Awesome job man. Good luck in the new year

@cetus56 Lol why is that bad? This guy found something that worked for him and improved his direct experience? He shouldn't share it?

Very cool. Thanks for posting. I'm going to start using psychedelics to further my growth. Any tips for a beginner? I've done LSD before but never in a self-help setting or intention.

@LfcCharlie4 I'm not sure tbh. Right now i'm a seeker. But i've been on the other end where you come out feeling amazing. I couldn't shut up to my friends and family about how they were basically all idiots because they don't how good it's possible to feel. So at least you're not calling everyone else stupid lol. I think if your main goal is help people. Then spend more time being strategic about how you relay your message. Like maybe write a post about common pitfalls seekers fall into and how RASA and 1-1 coaching is useful to address those problems. Meet people where they're at. But at some deep level people will still be jaded by your enthusiasm. People are self absorbed. Someone could have enlightenment in a pill, and people would still be skeptical and try to denigrate you. It's people being people

@LfcCharlie4 It's because you come across as preachy I've read a ton of your posts so I understand the whole picture. But if i saw one post from you and saw RASA i'd be like what's this guy trying to sell It's awesome to see success stories though. Keeps me inspired.

Are there specific meditation techniques for feeling more. I feel like i spend a lot of time in my thoughts, and even though I "meditate" a lot i get lost in thought frequently so i'm not actually spending a lot of time feeling during each session. Any thoughts on meditation techniques designed to help people feel more?

Can you elaborate on this? And i don't think I can do 3 straight minutes of curls. Should i just push the curls to as far as I can go?

@Leonora Okay I will give that a shot. I've been putting off doing loving-kindness meditation but I think now's a good time.

@cetus56 So you're not allowed to recommend products/services that have benefited you? Like if i say X YouTube channel helped me. Then technically i'm doing promotional work for them and they are profiting off their Youtube channel. Might want to re-think that one...

On lying: My uncle gave me 500$ for Christmas. I spent most of it on LSD. And my dad just asked me what I did with the money. I was honest, i told him i bought LSD. My dad is hardcore stage blue ignoramus. He was visibly disturbed and confused. I wonder what cascade this honesty will have. I could have just lied and said I bought something else or that I just moved the money. But i will see what karma is caused by telling the truth in this situation or lying about it.

Insight into my childhood: Disclaimer: I've done inner child work a few years ago when I overcame my depression and so this entry will be a of a past event that i have already gone through and addressed. Not sure how much it still affects me but i'm pretty sure there are other parts of my childhood that I have not addressed yet that I will try to post about then i go through them I grew up in a house with 9 people. My family, me my brother and my mom and dad, and my dad's brother's family who had 2 kids one older than one younger and my grandma. I was bullied my by brother so I was also a bully to my little cousin. I was kind of a crazy kid, I had some subtle emotional issues but my family is stage blue 1st/2nd generation immigrants from India so they had no way of understanding or dealing with my emotional state as a child. One day i bullied my cousin my punching him and making him cry I think, i can't remember exactly what I did. But then later in the day his mom, my aunt, came home and she was furious. She was screaming and chasing me around the house, and I remember hiding in my mom's closet trying to avoid her. I was pretty scared, and then my mom came home and protected me. That was a common theme in my house I think I would do something wrong or abusive towards my cousins and then my mom would protect me. I remember after my depression I went to aunt's house and confronted her about it haha She also deals with emotional issues and i don't blame her for trying to protect her son. My family was chaotic because there were so many people living under one roof. It's common with Indian families to have so many people living in one house, for financial reasons I think. But it can do a lot of damage to people I think. I think a big lesson from this memory is that I should be aware of what memories I remember from childhood. We remember stuff for a reason. Based on the emotional content of the memory. So this memory involved a certain emotional memory or wound, and the fact that it even exists in my memory is a sign that there is something in that memory that affects me. I do wonder if it's enough to just uncover the memories or if I actually need to go into the memory and do something. I have a suspicion that it's enough to just go into the memory and fully embrace and accept each traumatic memory. Like I have many traumatic memories, and by traumatic i mean a memory that invoked some emotional response in the moment, but I think there might be traumatic memories that I don't even remember I had. This is where psychedelics can be useful. Hopefully it will show me what has been repressed.

Things are looking up for me. I don't feel really happy or enlightened yet but I can see the path much clearer now. The key is to remind to myself of the fact that my life is already perfect. There's nothing out there that can make me happy. I can imagine the best case scenario so to speak. Billion dollars, super powers, amazing girlfriend, etc. Whatever feeling I think i'm going to get from those things is possible right here right now. And it doesn't require anything. The feeling you think you would get from being handed a billion dollars is possible in the now. In fact the now can feel 100000 billion times better than winning the billion dollars. That's what people don't get. It's not the things in life that make us happy. It's the why behind the things. Okay I rambled. Main point: Happiness and love only ever exist right now in the present moment. And there's no requirements. My experience right now is fully compatible with happiness and love.

@LfcCharlie4 Do you think it's possible to "lose" the progress you made where in a few years you end back at square one, Like LOC 500'S, and start seeking all over again? A few years ago I overcame depression, and i felt incredible. It wasn't enlightenment, because i had no idea about the path or anything, but if you would have asked me in the moment I would have said it doesn't matter because I felt so good and I thought I had it figured out. But now i'm back depressed and seeking, and i'm kind of trying to follow my own footsteps back to where I was. Could the same thing happen with the type of awakenings you have described?

@Ingit Thank you. You too good luck

I think i'm a lot like you. I love being smart and rational and I really pride myself on intelligence. I'm at a point in my journey where i'm really focusing on feeling rather than thinking. Turn your attention to how you feel and see if you make progress.

@LfcCharlie4 Great post man. In your opinion, what's the biggest thing that seekers of love and happiness are missing or not doing?

@modmyth Thanks. I'll do a longer write up now that I know i got some fans haha I've had a mini awakening/breakthrough today so expect some good content moving forward!