Raptorsin7

I grew with a strong family structure, and because of it I have incredible advantages in my life. I see what works and what doesn't and I want to replicate the good parts as much as possible. No I haven't. I'll likely marry the first woman I have a serious relationship with so I've been pretty hesitant overall. To me, that's like asking if my mom will one day stop loving me and stop talking to me or something, its just not part of my world. If I get married, the same way I wouldn't just stop loving my kids I'm not going to stop loving my wife. Yeah I don't disagree. But unless the children and the family were my wife's first priority it would be a deal breaker. Theres lots of projection and assumption around what I'm saying, which is fine I don't care. I'm not going to stick my wife in a kitchen with an ankle bracelet. But I want what I want, and I'm willing to do what it takes to find a partner that allows that to happen

@soos_mite_ah Do you want a relationship and a family at some point?

Anyone with any sense can tell the character of a person. Low character people who would do that are easy to spot. Some people get fooled, but it's not the norm that someone can decieve you that level. Why would a man with a happy life want to cheat on his wife and disrupt the relationship that will affect his own quality of life and his childrens'.

If you are a high earning person it's not realistic to expect your partner to also be high earning. Imagine him saying I don't want to take care of anyone and i want someone who can independently afford my life style. Idk men who think like this, it's nonsense. I think you're scarred by the dynamic between your parents and so there's a part of you that will always worry about being dependent and left alone if your partner decides to end it. What is your plan? Have kids and then go out and earn a bunch of money so if your husband decides to leave you are good to go? Why would you be with someone who that was an option for?

@Derek White I wouldn't consider someone working as a teacher a successful, career oriented person. If you are working 30-40 hours a week I think it's possible to balance life with a family, especially if your kids are in school. I'm talking about a person who wants to be very successful at what they do. A successful lawyer, doctor etc will be putting in 60-100 hours a week in their career for many years if they expect to reach a high level in that field. Imagine dating a successful attorney working 90 hours a week. How attractive is that?

I think Leo can be a good illustration of what we're talking about. I think most agree he's someone who's living his purpose, etc in a successful. Imagine dating someone like Leo. The traits required to be a successful entrepreneur pursuing their purpose are not attractive. Any man here who has some sense of Leo's personality disposition from his posts, imagine dating a woman who had similar traits or a similar lifestyle.

Haha okay. You can be 1/10 guy who is happy with a successful, career oriented woman. You won't have much competition, should work well

@Derek White No one's saying money doesn't matter absolutely, it just doesn't matter to men the same way it matters to woman in choosing a partner. And that middle class man who values money will value his partner's looks and femininity over her bank account 9 times out of 10. There's also incredible value in having a partner. A woman capable of inspiring and lighting up a man's life will enhance his ability to earn money, even if she is just a house wife doing nothing but raising kids

If your goal is attracting a male partner your career will do very little, see everyone guy's response above. If someone took your advice serisouly they would be deluding themselves. @wwhy Men don't value a woman's a career when picking a partner. So, yes, she should choose a partner that is largely independent of her career because dating is a market and males and females are valued based on completely different criteria

This is something i've been curious about for a few years now. Does anyone think it's possible to reverse balding with the perfect diet/life style, or do you think it's inevitable if you have the requisite genetics?

How to enhance concentration so I can achieve single pointed awareness on an object for long durations. I'm currently doing 20 mins of mindfulness meditation from an app in the mornings, and an hour of self inquiry later in the day but I feel like my concentration could be better and more effortless but i'm unsure how to go about improving it. Should I stop my 20 mins of mindfulness and do 20 mins of just concentration practice? Should I add a concentration practice on top of the meditation i'm already doing? Also, my goal here is awakening/enlightenment but I also value concentration as a skill in and of itself so even I don't need high levels of concentration for self inquiry I still think it would be valuable to improve. Thank you.

If a person does not want children does is that a sign of psychological trauma? I know that people have preferences and there are many walks of life that may prevent having children, like being a priest or something along those lines. But if a person is a typical male or female who desires a relationship but who does not want children is that a sign of trauma? I always wonder the reasoning when some people are adamant they don't want children. I have a few people in my life who don't want children, young woman, and it's because they were unhappy with their upbringing.

@Preety_India Nah he can only get hippos

Haha classic

Yeah I'd prefer to meet someone from here but I'm pretty open. I think I'm limited in many ways to woman in the west. I find very few Indian woman very attractive, and unless you're in a modern, multiculutural society Indian people are viewed very negatively in many parts of the world.

Yeah as I've grown up I have a new respect for my grandma. She's a bit cold and crazy, but she's the strongest person in my family

I grew up the same way. My mom's entire life revolves around me and my brother, and my dad is avoidant/emotionally immature and just buries himself in work.

Yeah I've been thinking about this. I'm 25 and I feel a sense of urgency to get my life together so I can find someone to fit my ideals

@Surfingthewave I know it's a long thread but do you have any thoughts?

@Zeroguy Thanks. Yeah I know I have to go grow up, i'm working on it. Yeah I apply to that to life, i trust my own sense I assume i'm right and other people are wrong unless they are very persuasive

@intotheblack Would you say most woman in your life support you for not being very career driven? Or is there a stigma the other way now, where woman are expected to be career focused.

@intotheblack @Preety_India I understand that, that wasn't really my point.

Haha when men say this kind of stuff I bet they get shamed and shouted down by people in their lives all the time. Feel bad for suckers like that. If anyone, male or female, doesn't understand this stuff you have lots to learn

You're lucky. If your goal is to find a high value partner and have a family you are way better off than if you were working 80 hours a week as a successful profession trying to balance life. Some woman bury there heads in work from 22-30, and when they look up they want a family and look around to see that their options are severely limited. The most valuable thing they have is their career, and when men don't care you're fucked

Yeah, having a career isn't inherently negative, no one is saying that. And it's not about manipulating woman either, if the woman is the mother of your child, how you treat her is going to affect how your child turns out. If you love your children you aren't going to manipulate the person they are closest too. The problem occurs because successful woman tend to have many masculine traits, because you need these traits to compete and be successful. But when it comes to relationships with men, men don't like masculine woman. Also, if a woman is spending 60+ hours a week on her career, how much time is there for you and the family, you have to be a master of time management. There's also the potential for your wife to work a demanding career later in life when the kids are grown up. It's not about the type of career tbh. If you are a very successful instructor you will likely put in the same blood, sweat and tears as someone who built a construction company. It's what it requires of woman to be so successful that is the issue. How can you be raised/learn to be a great partner and attract high quality man, and have the ability and talent to run successful companies. All of men's masculine traits that woman find attractive favor successin business, it's not like we have to learn an entire new identity to attract woman. It's not a problem of her making more money. That becomes an issue in general when woman expect the men to value their income, and you have a 4/10 woman who makes 200k expecting to land a 9/10 man, and all her friends cheer her on, but in reality most man value looks and a guy like that won't date a 4. Yeah most people in my life are the same way. But i think when raising kids it's important to have a partner be at home for the formative years. I have an aunt who's a lawyer and she still works because of the desire to be an independent woman etc etc, and I know she feels guilty about leaving her kids with a nanny, and her husband makes 4 times what she makes and she doesn't even have to work. That's the kind of thing I would be skeptical of, like I understand if you had to work and it made financial sense, but some people do it because of pure ego.