BlessedLion

I would like to start this by saying I find everything Leo has done to be very helpful, mind bending, and in many ways healing. I meditated for 2 years before watching any of his videos, and after i discovered them it took my meditations to a whole new level, i became a much happier person, it was like i found exactly what i needed and was so inspired and motivated to do this work. Currently i am spending a month alone to get into the feeling of being and cut out distractions, and it has been tough....there has surfaced just this general angst and anxiety that isn't going away. I am beginning to fear and actually get pist off at the idea of enlightenment. What if it is delusion? What if it is the ultimate illusion and the real reality is that we are individuals who are going to just die and that's it? Why does that feel so much more real? Most of the posts i see about enlightenment are so fucking lofty, mysterious, and even have a hint of darkness in them. I don't get it, i thought that was the ultimate goal , how is it that you get there, and there is still so much to do? In one of Leos videos he talks about people chasing "happiness" like hamsters in a wheel, and the cheese is an illusion. Well how is this much different, it's just chasing spiritual highs and realizations in place of dopamine highs. I am 100% sure i sound pretty unconscious or ignorant but i was doing great before enlightenment came into the picture. I don't get why i can't just be happy with self-love and awareness. Questioning my ego, and telling it (myself) I need to die all the time and i'm a devil, especially while doing this work completely alone, i feel is threatening my sanity and peace of mind, i feel some people just are not ready to do that yet, it has to be worked up to. Anyway, just felt like getting that out, i know frustration is typical on this path but sometimes i see people living unconsciously and they seem pretty happy at times. Today i walked past these dudes just drinking beer and laughing on the beach and they seemed so carefree, i got a bit jealous, it's like ignorance is bliss. I'm here meditating hours a day, reading, watching videos, cutting out bad habits and YES i have had amazing moments of peace and joy, and i am not discarding those. But it seems to always come down and i'm back to the angst , anxiety , pain

Yeah but it is so draining, it begins to physically hurt at some point and make you sick and you want to just say fuck it, fuck all this. Today i meditated an hour went for a run and all day felt angry, fearful , anxious, then i see these 4 dudes hanging out on the beach getting drunk and laughing. Sometimes i just miss that shit

I wanna heal! Spill the beans @Leo Gura Also, I had the same sort of egoic "rattling" with an Ayahuasca experience. I felt an energy move through my whole body and i was basically convulsing uncontrollably from head to toe, possessed almost, for an hour. afterwards i felt great though

This is really interesting, great presentation. I don't think going over 5g is anything i will ever do in this lifetime, seems like there could be no coming back from that. Don't agree with his viewpoints on Ayahuasca but everyone has their choice/opinion

To be completely honest, I feel a bit superior to them. I don't want to be like that, and I don't verbalize, thus it is a feeling

Thanks for the insight @Michael569! I had never heard of the age factor before in Tao, interesting. I am in my 20s but the more i read on Semen Retention , the more i feel retaining could give me the extra energy and drive to get the shit done in life i want. Also, couldn't agree more on if it is to be expelled, doing it only during actual sex. Wanking is for chumps

Hello fellow self-actualizers, I would like to get your insight on this, especially if any of you have done something similar. Currently I am living alone in Mexico by the beach. All day i sit on the beach, read, meditate, surf, and do some work on the laptop if needed. I have never been really this alone and not trying to socialize while i am hereo. I was inspired by many of Leos' videos with the theme of us losing our essence and joy of "being" because of so many distractions in todays world. I am finding the more i sit around without much to do, like on the weekend i remove all distractions even surfing and books and just sit there.\, a lot of shit comes up, anxiety, restlessness, anger, and i begin to feel depleted and depressed. A conscious part of me is able to witness it and let it go in a sense but it seems to come back harder and stronger. As the days go by i feel like i am working through a lot, but how much of this is actual detoxing, like this restlessness and anxiety is leaving me and how much of it is just illusion? Like i am just restless because i am sitting around doing nothing and suffering unnecessarily? Will this go anywhere? I want to believe that a state of peace in being will come if i sit with myself in awareness long enough but it is getting more and more tempting everyday to fall back into old distractions (porn, drinking, partying, etc). I suppose this is ego backlash in the moment, just hard to see when i am burried in it. Anyone have experience with anything like this? Thanks! <3

@GreenWoodsThank you for the video man, will check it out!

@Chumbimbawow man thanks for the encouragement on that, i needed to hear this. I will keep what you said in mind and stick this out to the end and see what unfolds. Congrats on your success with it

@Maya_0 Thank you for the insight, I just needed to be re assured that this is actually a purification process and not just sitting around for no reason. Mindfulness will help @Nahm Uh, yeah i am...haha

You don't have to give up sex forever, just until you stop letting it control you. I am working on the same shit, but watching porn and shit is not getting you anywhere. If you give it up for a bit to do shadow work and transcend that need it will come back as a joy and not a need.