arlin

@Spaceofawareness You were right about the "benefits". Going through that kind of experience is horrible but, i already lerned a ton from it. Yesterday, i begun crying desperatly begging to have myself again. I realized now i am processing deep emotions of grief. This morning a was listening to a song i used to listen in order to get in touch with myselt again. Yes, i grieved. And there is still more to process. But i am finding that my thought process belongs to me, and i am slowly returning to myself. Every time i catch myself being inside myself, i begin to cry. I can see mistakes i made in the past and regrets, such as taking myself for granted. I can see how i can develop self love, and reborn into myself. This is a very crazy experience. It is surreal.

Hi guys, i always worked on myself and lately i wanted to explore more the effects of past traumas and how they are reflected in my current life problems. So i thought to go deeper and i discovered the work of a man called Michael Brown, and basically he wrote a book called the Presence Process and it's basically a process of meditation using conscious connected breathing (Which i did fast) and a mantra "I am here now in this". It's intention is to go into the emotional body where traumas are held and integrate them by being present with them. I decided to give it a try. I have meditated before, but never used this kind of connected breathing (without pauses). It's similar to holotropic breath. I did it 2 times a day. After breathing that way, i felt very dizzy and my head spinning. And tingling sensations through my body. The day after i began feeling detached from my thoughts and actions, like internally it was going all by itself and i was just an observer who had to endure it. I felt like i was not living in this world anymore. More importantly, i felt like my past was not real and the perception of cause and effect collapsed. Normally, let's say you would decide to do something and then feel like it had a consequence on you. For example, you brush your teeth and then, maybe 1 hour later you look at the mirror and they are brighter and they feel nicer to your tongue. Me, if i would had that experience, looking at the mirror, i would feel like it was not me that washed the teeth, it just happend. Like i have no ownership of it. None. Or it was not me that made the decision, it was another me. I stopped meditating that way and actually today is the first day without and i noticed some improvements. But i am capable of feeling detached from my thinking. Most importantly, my reactions. I feel my reactions are not mine. For example, something unexpected would make me lough and i am able to feel emotions, i would lough and it would feel nice, and 1 second later pause and have that vague feeling that i don't own my reaction. It just happend. Now, the author has warned that by doing this process, it's possible to experience sensations that can't ever be recognized with the thinking mind, and that it's possible to have experience when you feel "You are out of control" or what is happening is concerning and to be feared. But he also says that the first time through the process (Which lasts in total 10 weeks), you don't access immediatly the emotional body, you have to pass through the physical body first. But i experienced this symptoms just 1 day after and it's been concerning to me enough to stop. Now i am left feeling that the decisions that i make for my life are not my own, like i am in a dream and life is just passing throgh me. Although i feel i have control over my actions right now in this moment, and i can think and elaborate of what to type in the keyboard. I think of something and immediatly, i become aware of it and i detach from it. However, today i did not meditate and it has improved a little. What can i do to feel back normal again? I used to ruminate a lot about my problems, and i always would have a racing mind. I think part of it is that i didn't give myself rest, and i obsessed a lot about the future.

@Spaceofawareness oh god thank you. I appreciated your aswer because it resonated. 1 question tho: Why did you became detatched from yourself? What did you practice?

Has anybody had the same kind of experiences?

I personally am working on not using porn anymore, i think i have an addiction lol. But having frequently an orgasm is shown to have profound impacts on the brain. You know. People on nofap are reporting incredible result regarding social anxiaty,depression etc. Also fappin could be a way to numb out your emotions, if you don't fap you will notice you are able to feel more emotions. If you have a problem with porn addiction i would say go on a nofap and rebooting journey, this shit is serious. And sexual energy can also be transmuted in your life. If you inform yourself in ancient practices, you can learn to circulate it through your body, it can be a very beautiful tool even to process emotional baggage. I think it's impossible to do self actualization if you are addicted to porn.

I see people here working on themselves all the time complaining about suffering. Of course suffering is unavoidable and yes, if you do profound work you will go through more suffering. But has this been rewarding for you? Why are you guys on this path of self actualization? How did this affect your life? Has it improved your life in a meaningfull way, or is it just a dream that you hold but you secretly know you cant achieve? Are you happier overall? Or are you just using your mind to overthink about existencial things and getting burned out?

@Anton Rogachevski @pluto Thanks for the reminder!

Thanks@Serotoninluv !

"this", is it. It is not the effect of something else, that is what the mind imagines. Effect and cause are a duality.

@Nak Khid yes i have. Big part of it is stop doing things that don't really serve you. I was holding on to an image in my mind as far as how somebody should learn. But today i am more in tune with myself. And i have had results in my journey. Of course you come into this realizations with experience.

Leave spirituality and this forum. Put aside everything abstract. Stop thinking and go make things happen.

Allright, this is interesting. I have been trying to expalin it yesterday to one of my friends and he could not understand it... Or maybe i could not explain it well. Non duality is not a concept and it can't be understood by the mind which creates distinctions. Basically, we are pointing to a mistery, we are pointing to the unknowable. "This" reality right in front of your eyes is all there is. This is the infinite appearing as finite, the formless appearing as form. It is a paradox. It exists, and it does not. It is everything ad it is nothing. It just happends. Another thing which just happends is the individual. Or the sense of being a separate self which has "an experience" of "this". So inside the experience the individual feels separate, gives meaning and has a story. The story is that i am coming from somewhere, and i am going somewhere else, into a brighter future. All of this, is an illusion. We are not coming from anywhere, and we are not going anywhere. "This" is it. This appearance right now, this is it. It does not need meaning, it does not need to change. Because this is already all that it could be. So all of the experience is an illusion. The experience of being separate, of having free will and choice, of that something needs to happen in order for me to feel complete. Nothing needs to happen. This is already complete. This is it. I am happy to discuss about that.

@Inliytened1@Inliytened1 maybe ome day i will get there

It is the same thing according to him. Ho could it be? He would say you have to experience it. He says it's absurd and impossible yet it is the truth.

What about your dog never existed? Ahahah, im joking

Hi guys, I have been listening to Jim Newman lately. He teaches non duality in a very direct way. He says that he had an awakening experience, but his teachings are different from other enlightened teachers in that he says there is no self, and so there is nothing for anybody and when you die that's it, basically, a very nihilistic view on what reality is. He does not consider the concept of a god creator because to him this is the ego trying to understand. And there is nothing to understand. To me sounds like he is playing with words, however, my question is: Why do some people who have experienced an awakening talk about beautiful things, while others have a nihilistic view? If the truth is only one, shouldn't it be only one answer?

The more and more i go on the more i realize what others say are mind fantasies. Including leo. If you study all those teachers you will get nothing out of it, only waste of time. The only way to go is to work on it Yourself. And the funny thing is, you can do the practices and you can have a very different awakening. For example, you might get the insight that the universe got created by an alien and you can communicate with him. He can tell you every secret and you can become his best friend, but how does this prove that it is true? What about those other teachings? What are they? You can have a very unique strange insight that nobody here on earth has, and you can be convinced that since you are the only one knowing it, you must have the truth (Like Leo does). If everybody can have it's own awakening, does all of this work make no sense? But more interestingly, does this not prove that maybe there is nothing beyond nothingness and we all the meaning we give to certain experiences, are just, like somebody else pointed out, ego trips? The idea that nothingness=Love or god is aware of himself can be false. You can have the same awakening and realize that nothingness=Alien can't you? It's just the ego interpreting it in a different way when it comes back. Good luck finding the truth.

Wait to jump in conclusions. You may be experiencing some form of severe dissociation. I have had similar experiences too. But it has little to do with spirituality. Usually it involves past traumas that gets stuck in your body.

I think letting go can be summed up in 2 words. Disidentify and be present.

What is wrong with suffering? I don't understand when people reject suffering. It is part of the human nature. Without it, you would not be able to grow. Much like a tree can't grow if it does not go through the tension of life, you will not grow if you don't face your tension of your life. Real spirituality has nothing to do with suffering. Real spirituality is investigating the metaphysics and the nature of reality. Using spirituality as an excuse to escape suffering is like telling a baby to not cry when mom is not home because there is a god and infinite love, and we are all good. You have a human life. I think it would be more helpful to do therapy, healing childhood wounds know how to deal with life. Otherwise you will always reject the human side of you. This is abandonement. Or to be more realistic, it sound like a coping mechanism. You should fully embrace ego and suffering.

Aahahah this is funny Understood. Thank you.

Leo why do some people stop and think that "This is it" when they awaken? Why don't they think to go further? Is it their own ego you say? You are right. Thank you Yeah i agree 100%. That's why this work is problematic for certain individuals. You see, one may start the spiritual path to escape depression so he is seeing everything through that "depression" veil. He then finds out about reality and nihilism and has an awakening? What do you think he is going to believe? Someone in this forum can't find happiness and this is ironic right? I think one of the best videos is "The dangers of Spiritual work". But i haven't finished watching it.

exactly. What did you discover? I appreciate it ahahah

Huhm... depths? Yeah...

@zeroISinfinity yeah, but you did not answer my question hahah