Gili Trawangan

This.

@modmyth Good points. I once briefly dated a so-called "girl who is a 9". Walking around with her was a memorable experience, she was constantly being eye-balled (I would even say eye-fucked, pardon my French). Cars honking, guys trying to covertly take pictures of her, etc. And this was with me by her side, I don't want to imagine what it was like when she was by herself. A festival of male - and female - attention. The female looks were mostly negative, like for example when the husbands/boyfriends wouldn't shy away from looking. She told me that she gets to see every man's most sexual side, it's a whole other type of daily experience of life. Now, in her case she enjoyed it and dressed provocatively on purpose, but she was very young still. I can easily see how that experience wouldn't be pleasant at all for girls with a different personality. Or how it can get tiring and old quickly. Plus everything that you mention in your post. Be happy with what you have.

@Karmadhi That's great, if you enjoy them. It just kind of sounded like you didn't from your previous posts. In that case, rock on. For me, besides not enjoying the music or the vibe, it's physically painful because I'm exceptionally sensitive to sound, loud sounds literally hurt my ears. This, plus introversion, plus lack of competition during the day, plus I'm getting older = daygame only for me, thanks

Haha, well done. No need to say that you're kidding, own it girl!

I wouldn't be caught dead in a loud ass night club DAYGAME.

You need to trust your experience. Yes, there are plenty of guys that get taken aback if a girl is proactively sexual too early, as they will extrapolate that she does it quite easily and therefore will do it with others just as easily. In fact, in my own personal experience, that tends to be true. Flirting is one thing, that's fine, but be subtle. You don't want to invert the mating/dating roles completely, and your intuition is telling you precisely that. Listen to it.

Reminds me of the wisdom of the cowboy Jack Palance in the great 1991 film 'City Slickers' . "One thing... one thing only..."

In order to feel "alone", a sense of self must be present. So you know, even if only by deduction, that there is deception happening there. Because you know that there isn't a self who can be alone. Infinity is selfless. Who is it that is alone?

If you feel like trying something new - and easy - why don't you start reading aloud? By yourself, grab a book and just read aloud, listen to the sound of your own voice, and just read... no need to come up with ideas, no need to be in the presence of other people, just read aloud to yourself every day. This easy little exercise should gradually give your brain some more power, you get used to using lots of words and hearing yourself say them. When we are quiet all the time, that habit becomes engrained and it becomes incredibly difficult to speak, I understand that. Also, no need to think about the next steps at this point... But this would require patience, it probably won't be an overnight cure or anything. It's what I would do if I were you...

If you don't have it regularly, I'd say don't even start. I now wish that I had never developed the habit, but now just can't give it up. And I've tried, went five months without it cold turkey and still couldn't make it stick. I now have one cup in the morning only, but it always feels necessary, physically and mentally. And it's also an enjoyment, must admit.

You should read Conversations with God. In part 2 they talk about evil - spoiler alert, there are no evil people - and how Hitler went to heaven. So called evil people are victims of circumstance. They have severe childhood trauma, or a psychopathic mind, or were indoctrinated into a dysfunctional world view. No one decides to be "evil", in fact, those people suffer a great deal.

Existence, Being. Yeah, just being here, consciously. With or without thought, with or without activity, love it.

This is partly true. I would say that volume is the only issue, and even then you can always do it in shopping centres where there's more people, it doesn't always need to take place on the streets where pedestrian traffic is high. I've done it in cities with as little as 100,000 inhabitants, though that's certainly not ideal. Ok, I looked at your location and it seems that you are in a very small place, with few inhabitants, so that can be a challenge. But you do live near Stockholm, which is supposed to be a great place for daygame - though I personally have never been there. If you like it more, then do take it into consideration though. I brute forced my way through approach anxiety, it was emotionally challenging but an amazing process with lots of growth. I went through it by myself, no wings, but had the advantage of being on the move at the time, so I was able to practice in many different cities around the world. It provided the opportunity of being exposed to all kinds of women, from very different cultures. I'm certainly biased towards daygame, just as Leo is towards night game. I would suggest that you take every piece of advice with a grain of salt, as everyone is coming at this from their own life experience. Do what feels right for you, there is certainly more than one path. I tend to favour daygame because I think the skills needed for daygame translate better in the long-term. You need to develop a highly calibrated level of game, no flashy stuff, no alcohol, just you and the girl. So it's a set of skills that you can keep for life, whereas high energy flashy night game is something you only do in your twenties, most likely. When you grow out of night clubs, as you eventually must, you still need to have game, and you still need to be able to approach. That's the way I see it, anyway.

You don't know what's going to happen in life either. You don't know what's going to happen ten minutes from now. Even if you think you do. Why should death be any different?

Good on you for taking action, well done. However, from what you say here I can't help but think that you might be more suited for daygame. I also absolutely hate clubs and, instead of adapting my whole personality to that setting, I just went straight into daygame because it's more suited to my personality and to my strengths. I got really good within six months, and so can you. Just something for you to consider, if you think clubs is your best bet right now, keep it up! Any action-taking is a good move.

1. Learn to sexualize your eye contact. Keep awkward silences while looking at her with sexual intent, imagine what you would do to her. If she asks why you're looking at her like that, calibrate to her response. She may respond with flirtation, in which case you can dial it up, or take the pressure off and dial it down; if she's honestly confused, just jokingly say that you were thinking naughty thoughts, brush it off and change the subject. Try again later; 2. You have to learn how to lead a conversation, gradually bring the conversation to sexual/relationships topics, ask her what kind of men turn her on, stuff like that. Calibrate, calibrate, calibrate, this is going to take practice; 3. If you're very analytical, there are books out there with actual phrases you can use. Tom Torero has a book called (I think) "How to Flirt", I read it once a long time ago and remember that there were some golden nuggets there.

Assuming you really don't have the talent, I would be pragmatic and just find a different passion. Mine used to be film, I wanted nothing more than to be a great film director. It became obvious over time that it would never happen, for lack of talent and also the wrong circumstances. I wasn't raised in a country with good film infrastructure, and life just took me in a different direction. So I focused on something else and found something that I have the talent for and that fits my life circumstances. Following your passion also needs to take into account the context.

@Blackhawk Hi Mikael, I've finally recognised you As before, I hope things turn out better for you eventually. Keep your chin up.

1. How is your diet? 2. Do you exercise regularly?

These are all just thoughts that you feel are constraining you. Well, they are, but they are just thoughts. You need to be more flexible with your life plans. Life doesn't usually turn out exactly how we planned, and that's perfectly alright. It often turns out better than we thought, in fact. The universe knows better than our limited little plans. When I was 30 I hadn't yet done anything worth mentioning. It was only after 30 that I travelled the world, I had that same dream - not with a girlfriend, I went by myself. I'm now nearly 40 and I'm much more flexible about how things turn out. I have learnt to let go. You're a guy, there's no reason to be this stressed about family and a biological clock. Of course you can marry a younger woman, you can have kids any time you want. And you can travel solo instead, I can't begin to tell you how incredibly amazing it was to do that for me... Anyway, the details don't matter, what matters is that you learn how to be more flexible about life plans, trust the universe and follow your dreams without pressure. You're very young still, and you don't even realize this...

How about: 1. take your ultimate goal and write it down as clearly as possible; 2. make that the last step in a sequence of steps, written down on paper. where you are now is the first step, make this visual, almost like a flow chart; 3. walk backwards from the ultimate step and think about the skills and experience required to get there; 4. take it step by step until you reach step 1; 5. keep refining this diagram as you progress, it should provide insight into what you need

The mere possibility of wrongful convictions (which are historically demonstrable) is enough to discard the death penalty altogether. The financial argument doesn't resonate with me at all, it's not like we can stop building prisons, we still need them for all kinds of criminals.

Yeah, I fall under this category myself. And it's incredibly hard to let go of as it gets entrenched and built into the ego structure. Reinforcing itself again and again as time goes on. Really good post, OP.

@SQAAD The pain of getting brutally tortured is just extreme pain followed by death. Maybe with gory images of the body, at worst. God is certainly not scared of that, which means that ultimately you aren't scared of it either, you only think you are. I understand, the fear arises, but that's all it is, it arises and it can just as easily disappear. I do agree with you though, all pain comes to an end and the ultimate nature of God is peace/nothingness.

I don’t think there’s anyone else in my life that would get this, so I’m sharing this experience with the people of the forum. It’s a very deep “spiritual experience”, if we are to call it anything. I’d had it pretty easy since my deepest awakening to God/Infinite Love two years ago. A few health issues since then, but nothing special, for the most part just an easy life, feeling happy and fulfilled most of the time. At the same time, paradoxically, I did notice that I was gradually becoming more fearful as I integrated that awakening. I was holding on to those good times and to the fluffy notions of Love and as a result developed the fear of losing those good feelings in the future and made a shadow of the unconditional aspect of Love. It was noticeable, I became hypersensitive to stories that involved extreme pain and suffering and was subtly trying to avoid them. In addition, I had slowly begun forming some beliefs about that awakening and the nature of God. And the experience of dying just before that awakening had been quite traumatic, because it came with deep suffering and resistance. During these two years, I even entertained the notion that maybe once you’ve awakened to God, then there’s no more need for pain and therefore it won’t be experienced – well, the last few days have harshly disabused me of that silly idea. On Monday evening I began experiencing extreme pain, first in the stomach and then the lower back on my left side. That night was awful, I was experiencing new levels of pain that I didn't know/remember were possible. I prayed to God for mercy. I promised that I would take better care of my body. I would never become complacent about life ever again. The next morning I went to the hospital. Almost fainted from the pain on the way there, and then had to go through the hassle of trying to find the emergency room in a hospital where nobody seemed to speak English – I’m in Vietnam and don’t speak the language. In the emergency room, I had to wait for hours in the most extreme pain that I’ve ever experienced – a 10 out of 10 level of pain that just won’t quit. No breaks, no intervals, just non-stop pain that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I was non-stop howling in pain and even fainted briefly while waiting for the CT scan. They only gave me a shot to kill the pain after the second CT scan – hours after I’d arrived in the emergency room. It turned out that I have a kidney stone. It’s lodged in the ureter, near the bladder. After the injection, the pain subsided and I was sent home with some medication and was instructed to drink loads of water, the stone is apparently small enough to be passed without the need for surgery. The next few days were ok, experiencing crises sometimes but nothing as bad as that first one. This morning, though, it got worse again. And the pain was again at extreme levels, there was nowhere to hide. I put on some music, laid down and slowly felt how I was opening up to the experience. Beauty was recognized in the whole experience, and also there was a deep sense of compassion. Cried my eyes out. And then it hit me. In the midst of the pain. A timeless insight. There was no more fear. There was no more fear of ANYTHING. Death felt like a joke. In fact, I’m pretty sure that death will be an awesome experience. But it went way beyond that. There was no more fear of extreme pain. If pain is to occur, then that’s what will occur. There wasn’t even fear of non-existence. Who cares about non-existence? There was simply no fear whatsoever. None. Over. I think it’s dangerous and a trap to look at spirituality as only butterflies and rainbows. I’ve fallen into that trap. I know that sometimes we say that consciousness can be brutal, and it’s actually pretty easy to say it, but it’s a whole other story when the insight occurs and the fear directly falls away. Now, to be clear, I’m not saying that this is something that has been added to me, the person. I don’t think so. Fear may arise again, but the thing is I’m not scared of fear either. There’s just no fear of anything. And that’s God. That’s the unconditional aspect of Love. It’s utterly fearless. There was no mystical experience, no fireworks, just a sudden insight that was so immediate and deep that I wanted to share it.