Gili Trawangan

@Joker_Theory In everyday experience there is definitely the illusion of a witness. When there is a sound there is a sense of self that distinguishes the sound from itself (or myself, that's how it seems to be). Every now and then I see that sense of self for what it is, a thought or a collection of thoughts. So, even though what you are saying makes sense, it is not in my direct experience most of the time. Plus, even when I get very close to realization (I clearly see that the self is an illusion, a thought), this realization is forgotten and the ego comes back like nothing had happened. A few days ago, I clearly saw that my idea of self was just a story and I even wept, grieving that loss. But now, a few days later, I'm writing this as if nothing happened and the sense of self is present, alive and kicking, distinguishing "me" from everything else. It's very tricky...

@noselfnofun Yes, in a way it's obvious, because I've never experienced anything outside of myself. But then there is the trap of solipsism, which I don't want to fall into... if one does not truly grasp the Self, and I currently don't, then one can find himself thinking that there is only this experience, this mind. And I'm pretty sure that's not It. So in a way it's obvious but in another way it's not having the intuition that one is asleep is good, it's a step in the right direction I guess, but we have to really wake up! @tedens Thanks a lot, I'm starting to see that... I've had glimpses of higher levels of consciousness, so I know that it's possible. When I meditate I try to drop all concepts, but outside of meditation I can't help but imagine and create stories, the whole thing is so fascinating @Serotoninluv Thank you It's hard because on the one hand this contextualization seems necessary, not only in everyday life but also in consciousness work... otherwise I don't see how one can progress and integrate the insights that one has along the way. For example, today I woke up and, while still in bed and feeling sleepy, I had a glimpse of direct manifestation in the way that Leo talked about in his response. It lasted half a second, maybe less, but I saw the image of the closet in front of me being formed, after almost having been formed into something else. It's quite difficult to explain, and of course I am now doubting that it even happened, maybe it was just my imagination. It almost seems like a game is being played, @Leo Gura is God playing with me? Why did I have this glimpse today, I did nothing to make it happen, I had just woken up and was feeling groggy, there was no intent and no practice being done... A part of me thinks it was just my imagination, after reading your response yesterday pointing to direct manifestation (the ego always tries to downplay it) I do try to remember these short glimpses (I have one every now and then), maybe if I have enough of them the mind will accept and let Truth in. On the other hand, of course, I do understand the need to be conscious of the present moment, it's crucial for realization, but do you think that enlightenment can happen without trying to make sense of things? Is the "secret" really to just give up thought altogether and let go? Anyway, have a great day! (it's morning where I am, we're most likely in different time zones)

@noselfnofun I don't know, I guess it's a belief it's funny though, I remember when I was a teenager and had these vivid dreams; I would tell myself (and also some friends) that for me there was no difference between dreams and reality. That they were both experiences and I couldn't find any difference between them. A few days ago I was doing self-inquiry and I focused hard on the 'I'. Somehow I became very conscious, much more than usual, and I had a tremendous sense that I have been asleep all of my life! It was quite distressing, it was just a feeling, or better said, intuition. Maybe even an insight? But I fell back to the base level of consciousness after a few hours and now here I am, trying to make sense of it all.

@Leo Gura Thanks a lot for the reply. I can only understand what you've explained intellectually, my current level of consciousness does not "get it". I cannot grasp infinite intelligence for the time being, will have to keep trying. Psychedelics would be a good idea, and I want to (especially would love to try 5meo) but I currently don't have any access to them. I think there are still some long held beliefs that I need to let go of... such as trying to explain things through causation. I can see that there is much work to do. Looking forward to it. Thank you all for welcoming me with your responses!

@Inliytened1 Thank you so much for your response and for the warm welcome! If I understand correctly, you mean that I am both the formlessness, the witness Awareness and also at the same time the form (which includes thoughts and feelings and everything else). That I am the whole of reality... I can understand that intellectually, but it seems like a giant leap from where I am experientially. I seem to remember Rupert Spira saying that there are three stages to the process: first, discovering you are Awareness (which is where I am), then discovering the true nature of Awareness (that it is infinte and timeless and unchanging) and finally discovering that Awareness is everything. In order to discover the true nature of Awareness, what I have been doing is meditating and relaxing attention in order to stay as Awareness in meditation. And sometimes I get there, to that place where there is no self, only being. I can never stay there for long though, the mind starts to come and thoughts and images are formed. I guess I have to keep going, and trust that when the time is right there will be a revelation... Thanks again