Codrina

I just read Leo's comment on a topic. 'The whole point of spirituality is to face what is true and face all of one's fears.' My worst fear is that I will eventually become an alcoholic like my grandmother and my father. That I will succumb to the dark depths of the mind into a one-end journey - madness - like other family members - or just plain stupidity and addiction. That I will keep on living my life like I am someone special and end up doing shit - and a tragic - yet somehow liberating - homelessness Should I just try them out?

One thing I know from personal experience is that addiction comes from emotional pain - the physical addiction is nothing more than reflection. You can read 'In the realm of hungry ghosts: Close encounters with addiction' - Gabor Mate. An enlightened human has overcome all pain - at least that is what enlightened people say. I was addicted to tobacco. I smoked for 13 years. Not much, but every day, between 4-10 cigarettes. I don't anymore. You could lock me in with a pack, I would not want to smoke it. Sometimes I will get a memory of how I used to smoke after a meal, and the next immediate thought is how happy I am I don't have to smoke anymore. I am not enlightened, I just had an awakening about tobacco. Still waiting on the awakening on alcohol. I can't say that I am addicted to it, but sometimes I really wanna have it

@Aeris Love the way you've put it. You too @Nahm I've hand-written that one down. I want it to sink in deep I had the realization of One some years ago. I was in another world for a while. Then life happened again and I kinda forgot it for a while - not the rational part but the deep knowledge. I came back to Spain and looked through some old notebooks (I sketch and write when inspiration hits) and I've written beautiful insights, they actually reminded me of Leo's words. But that deep knowledge is different now. I can be in it if I focus on it. But it is always with a nostalgic feeling. I walk the streets of any city and feel sad at the sight of homeless people in the cold, begging near a hippie bar. And I can't help but wonder. Who am I to say being bad is bad? And we do say it. We just do it nicely. 'It's not bad. It's Ego. Unconscious behavior. Just blame it on the Ego.' Well, if everything is one and this one is choosing to manifest predominantly unconsciousness, then who are we to dispute it? I sometimes feel we are going against the wind, and I wonder if it's the right way to go... silly, huh? any way which is, is the right way

@Girzo Thank you for this interesting book list I am sorry for taking over the topic. I am just wasting time trying to figure out an answer to my issues

Why? I feel like trolls are the ones who need love most of all. I feel like their reality was so dark that they deny the existence of love altogether. So wouldn't it be more effective to show love and hopefully to shake something deep down in them, than to show love to someone who already knows love? I think if you know love, you can find it for yourself, but if you don't, it might just be that kind presence in your gross ignorance that makes you see the light. Of course, you will be taken for a fool most of the time. But if you keep being a loving fool with the same profiteering ignorant human, you might find that when it's time to leave (and that time always comes) they will remain baffled in their new found reality

I don't know...I think all human beings want to be loved and appreciated, most of them are just to broken to admit it to themselves.

Is it just me or there's something wrong here? Why the disrespect for unconscious people? What makes them less of God, and why do we feel like they deserve less of our consideration?

It has to be based on identity. The fact that you are a life form is based on identity. It is infnate consciousness identifying with a finite form. I am questioning my life purpose often. On the one hand I think I can choose what to identify with, because I learned much about the nature of reality, and at the same time I think who am I to choose? I chose THIS FORM for a reason. Is it not the form that has a purpose? We all talk about life purpose as something constructive. There is a lot of distruction in the world. And we all agree it has it's purpose, otherwise there wouldn't be any. How do you decide you have a noble purpose and not a destructive one? Can your ego trick you into believing you should be a good, honest, helpful human being when you were actually borned to be an ass?

@effy01 I hear you. My dilemma is more of the sort : go to my favourite city or stay and help my brother. How do you know the right thing to do?

Hello everyone. I left England 3 weeks ago. I finally got the budget to give me some time to work on my art. I want to live in Spain, so I thought Barcelona is a good cultural city which could open doors for me and it has the sea as well. I was planning on getting rent there and a part time job until I make enough money from my art. I am near Madrid now, at my parents house. I've spent time with them, because I haven't seen them in two years. People here advise me not to go to Barcelona now. There is a lot of tension there with the Catalan Independence and businesses have been leaving for this reason. There is also my brother, who is living with my parents now, he doesn't have money and is not working right now. My father is a narcissist. My brother and I have a lot of trauma to overcome. I think my brother is still largely unaware of how he is affected by this. I was too, and I am still looking, as I am sure there is more to understand. I have the opportunity now to help him. I could get rent in Madrid for the two of us. It would give him at least 6 months of free rent. He is self employed and wants to get his business going, but in my parents house he doesn't even have his own room. And my father perceives us as an inconvenience quite often, which is very unpleasant. I am excited about the opportunity to help, but I also can't help but wonder if it will turn out all right. I am slowly getting better. I managed to give up smoking (weed and tobacco) and alcohol. I am excited about creating a different life for me, of my own choosing, not being pressured into anything because of necessity and I am afraid I won't be strong enough. I don't know the level of consciousness my brother has, but I feel he's still trapped in the whole smoke, party, play poker, get laid. And I don't think it is who he really is, but in tough times he had friends who took care of him and those were their interests. I easily absorb what is around me. I want to be strong enough to be an influence to my brother, but what if I'm not and I end up being the influenced one? Next week I'm supposed to go to Barcelona and look at some places. What do you think? Madrid or Barcelona? I would love to hear some opinions. Thank you all for your time. I really appreciate this forum. I don't write a lot because I don't think I know enough to give advice, and I usually try to figure out the answers to my questions on my own. But I spend time reading and learning from your experiences. Thank you

I paint

I am aware that all this analysing is done with limiting beliefs. I'm not sure how to look for an answer outside of them

@universe I could, but I don't think he will want to move there. (Might be better for him to take him away from his friends, though) He was there a few times and his experience was of people being rude because he was speaking Spanish and not Catalan language - of course these were your every day people - I am sure he did not go tracking, nor to any yoga classes or improvisational theatre. @oMarcos Thank you, although I have been moving constantly since I was 20. Changed a couple of cities in my country, then changed a few countries. When were you in Barcelona? I see Barcelona as a more opened city, but apparently not so much now with all this Catalan non sense. My Spanish is not so great, so I could just learn Catalan... I don't know. My heart hurts for my brother. @Javfly33 I am not worried so much about a job, as I am about opportunities for an artist to present her work and find creative circles to explore. You don't see many creativity on the streets of Madrid. It doesn't seem like art is something they care about much. There is a level, but it seems tiny compared to Barcelona. A little community of artists means two things. If I am good I can easily make an impression, if I am not as good as I like to think I am, I will easily be dismissed. And I am Romanian. People are kind to English speaking nations, for some crazy reason. They are not as kind to Romanians.

@Thomas Lansbergen what if I want to choose two or three answers?

@Shaun I am in Kent. Same people. But would love to visit Scotland. Any mountains around to climb?

@Rastablasta So, I took the test and I got this: beige 0% purple 13% red 0% blue 20% orange 13% green 13% yellow 20% turquoise 20%. What can I learn from this?

Hello 'Cineva' . How much time until you have to make a decision? Sit down every day and imagine yourself living the life you choose. Imagine being a musician, practicing long hours, being on the road, working nights, weekend s, whatever a musician life is and imagine yourself being a psychologist. Digging deep into books, the human mind, spending time in hospital, with patients. Imagine yourself in both lives, especially in the hard, unpleasant parts of them and watch how you feel. You can ask around, but in the end it is you who holds the answer. And remember that whatever you choose is the right thing, although your mind might tell you otherwise

I am working on that as well. A cold shower every morning helps, meditation as well. Asking your self when in pain, 'Who's this I who feels this pain?' Just compassionate observance. Check out Gabor Mate. He has good lectures on YouTube and good books. 'In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts - close encounters with addiction' is more to this subject.

'If the devil is the ego.' Well put. I've been wondering about it as well. What if Ego is the voice of the devil? I don't believe in coincidences and things in my life are popping which make me ask the same question. Is this the way to go? I can see the New Age perspective, I've been on a Buddhist approach for the last 11 years of my life, but lately I keep remembering my relationship with God from childhood (I was raised Christian Orthodox, and although my parents were not into church much, I really was - enjoyed praying and church)

12 Rules for Life - Jordan Peterson - really made me stand up straight with my shoulders back The War of Art - Steven Pressfield Meditations - Marcus Aurelius

@pluto thank you

I guess resistance is a necessity for the illusion of matter. If everything would be changing all the time - which already is - with no resistance whatsoever, could you still experience matter? Reading your question, I looked around my room and thought about it. Would my chair still be a chair without resistance, or would it change shape constantly?

@wk197 If the law of attraction works on what YOU - the observer,the consciousness- wants, I think you will soon find out that YOU don't really want a bigger dong, but the right woman for your dong, you don't want wings, but the freedom to move, you don't want to be a woman, but to be loved for who you are, not a tsunami in England, but an awakening for the people in England At least that's what I understood from what @Nahm said

Hello everyone. I have been wondering what the difference between my right and left side is saying about on what to work. It is said that all people have a bigger side. Mine is the right. But is not only that. I have more teeth on my right side, my nose is leaning right as well. At the same time, my right side of the face is lower and my eye seems limp. I dislocated one right toe when I was a teenager (didn't realize at the time, so it healed like that) and last year a bottle of juice exploded in my face, leaving a scar on my right jaw. My left side is smaller and my left face seems more jolly. At the same time, my left foot has worse blood flow (first varicose vein appeared in my teenage years) and I have something in my left boob for 5 years now, haven't checked what. Even my hair right now. The left side is up in the air, while the right side is leaning to my scalp (I have short hair). And the bangs are leaning right. Yesterday, on a 50 minutes meditation ( which I eventually turned to an hour because I was really enjoying it) I could feel something like energy from my right side going to my left. And then just like a lot of activity on my left side. Opinions on where the unbalance is and what I should pay attention to?

I agree that a first step would be to get a job, get some independence. It helps a lot to be able to live on your own, without having to worry about anyone but yourself. As for the alone part, I can relate to that. I think everyone feels alone, maybe because as Leo said, there is just one: You. What helps me a lot is spending time with nature. Hug a tree, listen to the wind, swim in the ocean/lake/river - whatever is around me. Talk to the forest and dance to my favourite music for at least an hour (in the woods with my headphones on). Just do what you enjoy, what keeps you up and stable enough to get a job, live on your own and take better care of yourself. And love. Just reminding myself throughout the day to love (and I will look around and love what I is, then and there, for a few moments) opened a lot of doors for me. Wish you all the best