Bill W

Oh come on man. You don't want to go down that road of your suffering is greater than other people's suffering. That's the opposite of humility.

How can the numbers be solid? Who measures and verifies that a person is enlightened?

@RawJudah Good points. On a serious note in terms of... Perhaps that's the same reason human's skip sleep a lot, we feel our survival is threatened? Maybe not imminent death, but our survival in society as a "functioning" and "well" individual. We perhaps feel we need to do an extra one or two hours of "stuff" instead of trying to sleep because in some ways we feel our survival depends on it?

I have had therapy and medication for social anxiety and it caused me all kinds of issues. A common theme in social anxiety is the fear of judgment and humiliation or embarrassment. Then as you transcend it more and more the irony is that you realise that no one really gives a shit anyway and that you are not so important to worry about what others think. Most people have so much of their own internal drama to handle that they haven't got the resources or motivation to really pick apart your (our) social awkwardness and social mishaps. My fear of scrutiny has left me mostly and the actual feeling of anxiety is much less, but the habits I built up to cope still linger at times (some self isolation and ducking out of certain social gatherings). The faulty way I programmed myself is still being sorted out I think.

Yes but most if not all animals don't have a job to maintain, bill's to pay, or forums to post on.

Powerful quote. Gets me thinking.

Hi All, You'll be hearing more from me on Kabbalah. I'll come back to this thread and top it up as I go. How about this for starters? It's only 4.15 long. Great message for beginners and experienced self-actualizers alike, including people who are slipping backwards or feeling stuck.

I'm really struggling with this as well. And I'm 11 months totally clean from alcohol and drugs. I'm an addict in recovery with 12 step fellowship. But I just can't shift the binge eating and sugar cravings. However, take a look at a thread of mine I did the other day about addiction to chaos as she said a few things that make sense to me in terms of cravings and she gave some nice responses and strategies I'm going to try with regards my food problems. It's not about food at all her clip but it really got me thinking about other hidden benefits that I might receive from binging and general sugar consumption.

How about insanity, can you relate to that then?

I've been meaning to start a journal, and I will at some point I'm sure. In the meantime I thought I'd up my honesty and take a risk by sharing some of my current madness. I'm really in a phase right now where it's hard to tell me anything, but at least I have some awareness of that. I thought I had a good handle on pride and arrogance. Humility is possibly my most cherished value. I've been acting but humble in recent times. I'm 11 months into my 12-step programme (for addiction) and I've not had a drink or drug in the whole 11 months, not even close to having one. My substance misuse sobriety is strong but my emotional sobriety is pretty shocking. I'm currently not doing any of the practices that I know have worked in the past for me, and I'm not doing any of the new ones I feel might help me moving forward. By practices I am referring to 12-step practices and also many of the spiritual practices we talk about on this forum, and what Leo rightly preaches. Because I'm not doing the practices and inner work I'm currently living on Shit Street. It's no ones fault but my own if I am honest. One set of addictions and obsessions have been swapped for others; sugar free energy drinks to the max, shocking food sugar consumption, and my workaholic tendencies have come back full force. That's what happens when you give up your comfort blanket of alcohol and pills, and then take your foot off the gas in recovery. For a good while I was doing really well, but the last few months have involved severe stagnation. This is what is happening and anyone who wants to chip in is welcome Resentments running wild. The blame game is back. Other people are the problem. I know this is false and virtually a full on delusion. Victim mode is picking up. More delusion. I'm getting cranky and more and more introverted at work. Most of my colleagues are feeling as annoying as hell to me, with a few exceptions. Procrastination is at an all time high. Just about avoided a £400 late tax return fine this month. I'm moaning to myself and others "I don't have time" to help them or even listen to them, and I'm using this same bullshit excuse to duck out of meditation and prayer. I let a girl move in who I was having a fling with (she was in unstable accommodation at the time) and now I can't get rid of her. She's as annoying as hell but she is also suffering with her own trauma's and the loving part of me feels she is here for a reason. Here to teach me compassion and tolerance. We are no longer romantically an item, but she is as needy as hell and in my deluded mind, a big reason why I've fallen off with all my practices. I know I haven't described much feelings here. It's basically angst and discontentment. I'm also deeply unhappy, yet somehow not so depressed I can't function. I'm just fucking agitated to hell. I know there is better out there for me. I know it can be done, otherwise I'd really think what's the point in this existence, but I do know better than that, thankfully. Initial Plan Sort out these energy drinks. I've been going into work with Ribena bottles that are filled with energy drinks as people were starting to notice all the energy drink consumption. I even have been going into the toilets to fill more Ribena cartons up with energy drinks. Sugar free but obviously loaded with caffeine. I tend to stop them at about 2pm. I've been using them for a buzz to get on with more work and to reduce my appetite as I've been binge eating. I've only just realised this weekend how insane that is. I've always been a bit caffeine high as use it for performance enhancer at the gym. When I've weaned myself off caffeine for a week or so, I've never felt better off in anyway. But I can't carry on like this. Get stuck into my David Hawkins video's, and also my normal AA literature and videos. Also back into the Bible. I have a lot of shit to let go. I am low on tolerance and forgiveness. Reconnect with people in my life, but I've been stuck with this for a while now. Get right back to meditation and prayer, especially mindfulness and contemplative type mediation. Also, pick up the Centering Prayer and some of the YouTube video's I have on that (Thanks Zig Zag Idiot). More surrendering and letting go, less relying on my own self-will which is running me into the ground. Other info I'm a qualified mental health nurse. Doesn't make me any better than anyone else. In fact, my background in mental health has possibly impeded my progress as it's taken me a long time to realise "I don't know best". I've been on SSRI's on/off for years, mostly on. More for anxiety and OCD than for depression. Currently maxed out and that's been the case for about a year. They are not part of the solution in the long-run but they do seem to keep the worst elements of my OCD at bay, especially at the higher dose. I love David Hawkins, especially his Letting Go stuff. I also like OSHO and have started to get into Sadhguru. I also like Mingyur Rinpoche, and some stuff from Adyashanti. I'm also enjoying some channeling Jesus stuff by Gina Lake. I'm tempted to go full on with A Course In Miracles. Also Happy to look at other good material, but I am also very aware I've been in "information gathering" mode all my adult life and I am really good at gathering material, consuming it, and not really doing the practice as much as I need to. I hoard material, always thinking I'm one YouTube video away from nailing it all! I'm going to sign off with one of the prayers I think I need to focus on right now. And my idea of prayer is different to some traditional takes on it. I don't actually believe anyone outside of myself hears my prayers. No one outside myself will answer them. I almost use them as contemplation/meditation. Not sure if this makes any sense. Prayers speak to me, that's how I feel about prayer. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever.

@Leonora I watched the whole 13 mins of that video just now. Awesome. I made notes and am not going to start a thread with it under High Consciousness resources so other people can take a look. Hopefully you'll see that thread, thanks again! I've already got some Gabor Mate video's on my "to watch later" as someone else recommended him a few weeks back.

I thought this name rang a bell. The book The Body Keeps The Score. I've heard so much good things about that book. I know it's about trauma but I've heard it's a real good read for mental health generally. I was a few minutes into this and wasn't sure if it was relevant to me, and then she said something super powerful that made me realise exactly why you linked me into this video with regards workaholic issues. It's late now where I am, so will come back to this. I also briefly checked out her website. It's her stuff on addiction that really interests me, so thank you.

Love the content and the straight to the point approach which means the video's don't have to be lengthy. The arrogant, ungrateful bastard in me finds their robotic talking really annoying. But good stuff if I can let that go!

Some good stuff there Michael, thanks for this. I've been messing with my own peace of mind for years because I get agitated by other people's unconscious behaviour, whilst conveniently overlooking my own.

Man I love this. Love it. You have a habit of providing me with gold just when I need it. Trust me you are doing some great work. This forum has gone from just curious browsing for me to a place that's holding me at the moment.

Do you think I can download it from UK?

I prefer the duality. I see God as external to my self, although I do believe I have a higher self, but my higher self is not God. I pray, but not in the traditional Christian way. When I pray, I feel the prayer is communicating to me, and that it's God's work. I am receiving a message. I am not asking for specific help or to have my prayers answered. I am contemplating the message from God. My prayer is more like a meditation. So, sorry, might not be helpful to your question. I do not believe I can simply ask God for help and he provides it. I cannot pray to him and have my prayers answered. I cannot pray "Let me have a safe journey today" and then expect him to make it safe. I do use prayer to communicate that I want to do His will and not my own. That much I know.

Hi and welcome, I'm about to go to bed and finally be disciplined today on my sleep! I will try and come back to this more tomorrow or over the weekend. I'm probably saying the obvious here, but I'd be real careful about any drugs or psychedelics from now on. Might be best to just avoid avoid avoid as there is so much other work on yourself you can do without substances. I know you are not saying you want to take substances again, and if you are a regular reader on here, you will know it is far from frowned upon to use substances! I'm not preaching against all substances, I think that's the first thing that should be decided on perhaps. The temptation will probably resurface for you to go in that direction again. Some people can handle substances well and use them beneficially, and some are not so fortunate. Anyone who wants to roll the dice with substance use and their mental health, that's their journey, not mine. Sounds like you've come a long way in a short space of time. Really well written and articulated post! Sounds like you are taking responsibility and moving in the right direction. I'm also really working on my letting go and surrendering. Not sure if this will interest you, just thought I'd share one my favourite bits of content I'm not saying your an addict and I'm not throwing this in just because of your substance use in the past. It's a lovely short clip about getting your life back on track! You may also come back to this if things at Uni get tough in the early days and you need to reach out. He does mention psychedelics at the end in possibly a positive light I'm not sure, but the message is good. I think what he is saying that alternative states of consciousness don't have to involve psychedelics.

@Truth Addict Thanks for type with breathing. Have heard of it but never explored it. Will do. @Leonora Thanks for this. I am not familiar with it so will read up and also search for the people you refer to.

@MuddyBoots Thanks Nick. Loved what you said about not wasting time on diversions. I'm glad I made this thread now.

@remember I don't know Charlotte at all. Never interacted on here with her but you are clearly suffering yourself. Why don't you stick around and try to work on what the real issue is. A lot of us are in the same boat, struggling in some way and blaming others. Fixation on what others are doing or not doing never ends well. Use the discomfort Charlotte seems to have triggered as a wake up call to work on your inner stuff.

@DrewNows @tsuki Thanks both. You both have content on here that makes it all worth while.

@Leo Gura Great post above. I've had two such relationships. I'm also far from perfect myself and have a lot of my own shit to work on but what Leo said is so true. It's hard enough to change problematic and toxic elements of yourself even IF you are honest with yourself and willing to do the work, so if you are not honest or willing to try and be honest and don't want to do the work, then forget it. You've got no chance. Just speaking out loud as liked Leo's post. This might not be too relevant to the OP sorry.

You should try Al Anon

As we say in the UK.... don't be a pain in the neck! Not sure if that saying is universal ?