Bill W

@Salvijus Thanks for contribution here @lmfao Thank you as well.

@Amandine At least 50% of my posts on this forum would be a waste of your time reading! I try to keep my journal for the more meaningful content. I read a small bit of your long post an another section of the forum. It was very personal what you wrote and it's good you got some feedback. Sounds like you were raised in Scotland? My mum was born in Paisley not far from Glasgow. I went to Edinburgh a few years back for a weekend away and loved it. Your journal is a good reminder for me about goals. The mindful eating goal of yours is something I could probably do with taking a look at, as I am quite a binge eater. I put on 2 stone in the year that I have stopped drinking. Belatedly, and only very recently, I think I have got my carb/sugar binges better under control.

Yes. Often do. I've meditated this way before as well now that I think about it.

@Lento Yeh I hear you on that! And no, my meditation practice generally tops out at about 15-30 mins per day. You are quite right about well intentioned distractions getting in the way of taking action.

Hey I really like your journal, but I've only skimmed it thus far. I've never ever seen a journal get such an attempted hijacking as yours did, and right at the start as well. I'm amazed you carried on, but am pleased you did. So from one alcoholic to another I wish you well (that's a JOKE)...... By navigating all that earlier crap you are already someone whom I'd like to follow a bit on here. I can so relate to the OCD elements. I'm on medication for OCD and it's no laughing matter. It's easy to for people to think "oh it's just a bit of OCD we all have it". Being obsessive can have it's benefits but the the compulsions can really mess things up. The checking, the rumination, its hard. I actually did have to stop alcohol 100% because I eventually gravitated to best part of 2 bottles of wine per night to cope with my anxiety problems, insomnia, and also the grief from losing my mother. I developed an actual dependence and addiction, but that doesn't mean to say you have this as well. I obsessed about alcohol and it stopped me working on my issues in a more healthy way, but you are not me and your story is very different. Anyway, I'll try and have a proper read and leave you be for now.

Sometimes your posts very much suit your avatar picture on the left! A cheeky grin!

@Leonora Ah! Gotcha!!! I should have guessed. I will take a look this evening, and thanks again.

From this moment on or should we go back over our content and remedy retrospectively? So just by rearranging some pronouns we move closer to the Truth. What Truth? Your Truth? Leo's Truth?

Wasn't focused on trying to help individuals? I was under the impression he was a major player in the field of neurosis, and what about all his shadow work stuff? Although I'm not looking at hiring him as my therapist These are both good questions, but I am a bit like that type of person who would answer with "I'll know when I get there" which I admit doesn't make things any easier for myself or others who are trying to advise Who is this J.P ? And thanks for replying, appreciate it.

Never heard of it. Perhaps it can be used as a two person meditation, providing you can keep a straight face through it! I think I'd find it weird but that's because I haven't tried it. I guess it would be with someone who agrees it with you? Be tricky otherwise, you could end up on one of those YouTube prank video's ?

@Sucuk Ekmek Thank you. Interesting. Will take a look.

Thank you. Yes I know her channel. Good idea

You mean this?

I don't know anything about this guy or what he does outside of his Leo content, but I've yet to meet anyone who focuses excessively on one human being that is a person at peace with themselves in anyway. Maybe this guy is doing well and is happy, I don't know, but my bet would be there is quite a lot of suffering going on for him. Certain things matter to this guy, and only he can really decide if it's a worthwhile use of his time and energy.

6000 calories worth of fruit. That's a heck of a lot of sugar though.

Nice! See what you mean. And great quote as well.

@Lento I hear you on a lot of that my man. Truly I do. With Leo's videos I've only managed about 30 minutes here and there and mostly the old ones. I'm far from a Leo groupie. ?

Hello there, I think you are on the right track. You are taking responsibility and it shows through your post when you write I cannot keep relying on others to give me the attention and validation Speaking from personal experience around poor mental health, there are two things I've been able to appreciate the significance of. These two things, if someone had asked me to consider them a few years back , I'd have thought it was out of order for me to even have to consider them, so you might think the same here! It has helped me, but it's a bit more "tough love" so to speak. Right these two things are -Victim mode (I think Leo has a good video on this). Gets you to think about whether you are playing victim too much. Not saying you are! I just found for me it did apply to some of my stuff and when I gained this insight it was painful but it did help empower me - Sense of entitlement. We cannot be expected to be human door mats but in my recovery I had to face that some of my expectations of others were not quite in line with reality and the how the world really is. I had to face up to the fact I was expecting a lot of people to fit into my idea of how they should be, and how they should respect me, give me attention and show me love and this and that blah blah blah. I had to check my sense of entitlement as some times it was a little bit off and needed correcting. None of the above might apply to you. I am not here to tell you that you are playing the victim and are acting with too much self-entitlement. It's just for me, I had to look into these two factors and once I did, it helped.

Leo would not like to sit number 1, top of the pile, in any league table I can tell you that much. He does actually have humility.

Both can be very useful tools to help facilitate hitting rock bottom.

I am aware I do not post much personal information or deep stuff on this journal. I think that will come later. Over the last three days, I read my first book in the Bible from start to finish. I picked the Gospel of John in the New Testament as recommended. It felt really good to read it and make some pencil marks on verses that resonated with me the most. There were several moments of unexpected synchronicity. I'm currently working hard on Step 3 in Alcoholics Anonymous, which reads “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him” which means I am working hard on not trying to run my life on self-will only. Another way of putting it is that I am trying to live life on life's terms (we say that a lot in AA). However, for those inclined like myself, living life on life's terms is to do God's Will and not my own. In the Gospel of John, Jesus keeps on reminding his disciples and others that he is not here of his own authority and that everything he is communicating (including the miracles) is because his Father has asked him to do this. Basically, he (Jesus) is here because it is the wish of his Father to be here and teach, especially to teach about love. That's my take anyway and I'm a newbie to the Bible. There are several amazing parts of the Gospel of John which I will share and relate back to my journey. I'll do this another time.

You know you could always do a review of those books in the book review section? Spread the word a bit on the above?

It also reminds me of the Bible in terms of "lean not on your own understanding"

I just clicked a link of yours from a post you recently made an another journal. This quote came up. It is very in tune with my AA programme in terms of handing your Will over to a God of your understanding and also having faith that a Power greater than yourself can help restore you to sanity. Actually I am aware Bill W had a fair bit of direct communication with Carl Jung. Man is never helped in his suffering by what he thinks for himself, but only by revelation of a wisdom greater than his own. It is this which lifts him out of his distress. Carl Jung (1875-1961)