Farnaby

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Everything posted by Farnaby

  1. Thank you for the detailed answer One example I can think of where I'm not sure if it was synchronicity or confirmation bias is one time I was talking with a friend of mine about some food I really like (not the typical thing you usually carry with you) and suddenly he picked that exact food out of a bag as a gift for me that he had brought to my place. Yep, placebo is similar to this in a sense. The only problem I see with this reasoning is that it assumes the universe has some kind of intention of communicating with us. Maybe it's more random/chaotic than that and we're focusing on the events that have some kind of meaning for us (which is what confirmation bias is). This is what I was talking about when I say that whenever I'm more in alignment, things that do not happen usually start happening and there's also a slight feeling of being able to predict that those events are likely to occur.
  2. @Moksha from our individual/egoic perspective. this kind of resonates. this, however, I'm not sure I understand.
  3. Hi everyone! Recently, I've been thinking about this topic quite a bit. It seems to me that many people who are suffering from anxiety and other symptoms use relaxation, breathing techniques, grounding techniques and so on as a coping mechanism. It's something I used to do too and it's completely understandable because the suffering can be so intense that anything that gives some sense of control over these symptoms is a huge relief. I also think it's way better to depend on internal skills such as breathing techniques, meditation and so on instead of external stuff (substances, psychiatric medication, videogames, etc.). However, I wonder if these techniques could be a form of repression, because most of us learn them because we want to get rid of a symptom (i.e panic). Another problem I often see is that we tend to build a "tool-box" with a lot of different techniques for ourselves, which could subconsciously reinforce beliefs like "I'm broken and need to fix this", "I shouldn't be feeling this", "I need all these techniques to be normal". My concern, based on my personal experience, is that this could actually prevent us from really healing because we aren't allowing the emotions and trauma that got stuck and created our symptoms in the first place to be completely felt and released. What are your thoughts on this?
  4. @seeking_brilliance I'm actually going one step before facing the fear. What I mean is that instead of trying to get rid of it through some technique, in my experience it's way more powerful to fully allow the feeling, shake if you need to shake, make a sound if you need to, etc. This usually leads to the fear dissipating by itself, without having to do anything else about it than being present with it and not resisting it in any way. However you're right about the importance of being as relaxed as possible when you expose yourself to your fears.
  5. @mandyjw thank you, that's really helpful. Maybe I'm overthinking it and if it provides relief it means it's good for your body, mind and soul. However, I know how sneaky the ego can be and how it can hijack healthy practices and transform them into an obstacle to deep healing. I guess the key is what you said: to be in tune with how you feel about the techniques and to be mindful in order to notice when they are becoming part of the problem and not the solution. @ted73104 yes, that's exactly what I mean. For instance, maybe instead of trying to control our panic response with different breathing techniques, deeper healing would happen if we could completely be with that feeling and express it, while being supported and validated by someone who doesn't judge it or runs away but stays with us through the whole process until we come back to a state of regulation. I know this can be scary and maybe it's a good idea to first develop some self-soothing skills before diving into de painful emotions, but I think sooner or later you need to allow them to surface fully if you want to really heal.
  6. Often, when we feel like it's "me against the world", We start to feel bitter, resentful, frustrated, sad, etc. and when we interact from that state, other people can subconsciously sense our vibe and may become defensive or even reject us. This confirms the belief "no one likes me". Not saying this is your case, but it may be worth considering it as a factor that may be at play. Could the part about being hated for being indian be a thought story that is in congruence with your feelings but not the actual truth of the situation? It could be that some people are acting out their racism but I would strongly encourage you if that belief is based on your direct experience or if it could be an interpretation. How do you feel when you believe you're being discriminated? How do you relate to other people when you have that thought in the back of your mind? Or maybe you just need to find more like-minded people. It depends whether you feel this way with most people or just with a particular grouop
  7. @Keef hi! Chronic tension in the body is often a sign of unprocessed trauma. You could see it as your body making you aware of something that needs to be felt and released. There could be physiological reasons behind this as well, so a visit to the doctor is never a bad idea. However, IME body tension diminishes a lot when you start exploring your trauma, anxieties and start to release resistance towards uncomfortable emotions ?
  8. Actually, you can't know if you are alive because of those thoughts. How do you know that being on high alert without an objective threat (which is what anxiety basically is) provides you with a higher survival chance? Many martial arts demonstrate how being tense leads to a worse performance. And anxiety = tense body. However, it's true that the fight/flight/freeze response is a survival mechanism and a moderate amount of that response helps you react in case of a threat. So, in a sense, you don't need to get rid of anxiety completely, because it can be useful. In my experience, rationalizing doesn't help much with anxious thoughts, because there will always be another "yeah, but what if this ____(insert scary thing) happens". It's better to learn grounding techniques (you can try those that help you focus on external stuff you can see, hear, touch, smell and those that focus on internal stuff such as your breath, but those can trigger more anxiety in the beginning) and to relax your nervous system. Basically, don't reason with anxious/intrusive thoughts. Work with your body and nervous system and seek therapy to explore your fears and trauma in depth
  9. @Consept yes, I agree that trauma recovery is a complex process. However, in my experience the "I take nothing personal" attitude is only really effective when it happens naturally. If you have to use some kind of affirmation to reach that state, it's a coping mechanism IMO. Think about it this way: you wouldn't need to tell yourself "don't take anything personal" if you weren't taking things personal. The fact that you're trying to talk yourself out of it means that you're triggered in that precise moment, so it's actually you repressing that wounded part of yourself. Not saying a coping mechanism can't be useful, but eventually you will take things personally again, as much as you try not to, especially if the root cause hasn't been addressed. And the root usually stems from childhood, where you couldn't consider so many perspectives. So, in a sense, the way out is to allow the emotions and to be present with that part that got stuck in childhood and treat it like a child, not rationalize with it. However, I completely agree that the healthier a person is psychologically, the less he/she gets triggered and the tendency to take things personal diminishes greatly.
  10. @Consept maybe the analogy wasn't the best. My point is, you need to process and allow the faulty perspective before being able to really accept a more accurate perspective. You can't think yourself out of a difficult emotion or trauma. Trauma isn't created by a faulty perspective but by an inability to process intense and difficult emotions and not having someone who can be present with those emotions when you needed it. The faulty perspective and beliefs are the symptom/result of trauma, not the other way around.
  11. @Consept yes, I agree that it's probably true that it has more to do with how the other person feels. But it still feels like emotional bypassing/repression to me. If you feel something, dismissing it because you judge it as childish will only repress the emotion, not allowing it to be processed. It's like telling someone who just lost his parents that they are in a better place now, that they will always be in his heart and so on. Often times that doesn't allow the emotion to be felt and processed.
  12. @Consept the problem with these kinds of "ideas" and "affirmations" is that while they are probably true, they can lead you to spiritually bypass what you're feeling in the moment. Let's say I felt rejected which brought up a feeling of unworthiness, loneliness or whatever that stems from my childhood. I can tell myself "nobody can reject you", "don't take it personal". Doing that in that precise moment is spiritually bypassing the truth of what I'm feeling. It creates further internal fragmentation. It could actually be seen as a trauma response because it's exactly what people used to do with our emotions when we were kids: dismiss them, try to distract us from them and so on. IMO it's way healthier for our mental health to avoid rationalizing and just be present with whatever it is that we're feeling. Fully allow it, surrender to it, be unconditionally accepting of it. This doesn't necessarily mean acting on it, but overriding it with rationalization is a form of repression that creates new problems.
  13. @SS10 I like the combination, but I usulaly wait until a bit after the peak, because weed can make me a bit anxious/paranoid and I don't want to add that to the come-up anxiety. If it's your first trip you may want to experience the "pure" experience from mushrooms before adding anything to the mix though. However, I would say to not overthink it and if you feel good and feel like smoking one, it will probably mix well. The first times I tried mushrooms I only smoked on the come-down towards the end of the trip and I find it helped to reflect on and integrate the experience. Other times I've smoked earlier during the trip and it helped intensify the psychedelic headspace whenever the trip was decreasing. I also find that smoking weed on shrooms tastes really weird and I could barely feel the harshness of the smoke lol Bottom line is be careful, don't overthink it and go with how you're feeling ?
  14. Being able to progressively hold more and more space for whatever you're feeling, being able to connect with other people, emotional and cognitive flexibility (being open minded), spontaneity, not taking yourself too seriously, integrating your shadow aspects, decreasing the difference between your inner world and what you portray to other people (authenticity) are some aspects that I can think of
  15. @Gabith there is a high chance you end up bypassing your emotions by doing that. If you have a closer look at your question, you can see that you have the intention of repeating those affirmations hoping that it will make you feel better. This means you are trying to run away from the feelings you're having right now. This resistance to feeling your uncomfortable feelings actually fuels them. Even if you could trick yourself to believe those thoughts, you would most likely be repressing'overriding what you're actually feeling.
  16. @Hulia she does have a weird vibe sometimes, especially a couple of years ago. But I find most of what she shares really useful.
  17. @Nahm you read my mind. While I was typing the part about "shame" I literally thought: "of course, this too is due to believing something like I shouldn't be feeling this way", which isn't true, like you said
  18. @Nahm wow, that was a beautiful explanation of this "issue". I have to add though that it's not a conscious decision to believe those thoughts or to feel anxious in social situations. Often, it's an automatic response of our nervous system that perceives a threat where there is none, due to past trauma. Of course this response is reinforced by the story you tell yourself and by avoiding social interactions which reinforces beliefs like "other people are dangerous", "they will judge me", "I'm in danger", "I have social anxiety" and so on. Just wanted to explain this because we can easily shame ourselves for not being able to not feel anxious if we think we're choosing to create that reality. Maybe in a sense we are, but at the same time it's an unconscious process until we work on it.
  19. This is starting to look like a war between two egos. To be fair, I didn't notice any misogyny or sexism in @Gesundheit's posts. It could indeed be that some people are projecting this on him because of personal wounds. What I do notice though is a need to be right and have the last word (which I have too btw lol), but IMO that has nothing to do with gender. I also think that you have rigid beliefs about how people should be (i.e strong, unaffected emotionally, etc.). Kind of like a shadow around vulnerability. I do agree however that a lot of people get triggered/offended very easily nowadays and that it's not only the fault of people who are less agreeable and direct like @Gesundheit. Coming back to the topic you two were discussing, I have to admit that I can't know for sure if psychological needs disappear after enlightenment because I've only had glimpses. However, I highly doubt it because many of those needs are the result of how our brains and biology work.
  20. @fopylo For social anxiety there's general consensus that you need to expose yourself progressively to social situations so you can teach your nervous system that you're not in danger by getting used to doing social stuff. At first, there will be lots of anxiety, but it will slowly decrease. This process is called habituation. You also have to be mindful of the obvious and subtle ways in which you avoid social interaction, because they are feeding your anxiety. An obvious way would be avoiding to go out with friends and subtle avoiding strategies may look like avoiding eye contact, distracting yourself with your phone, drinking alcohol to lower your inhibitions, etc. Being by yourself can also be used in very productive ways. Just be careful and honest about it to see if it's becoming a coping mechanism to avoid facing uncomfortable feelings.
  21. @Gesundheit As a psychologist, I have to agree with @Emerald. Even if on the absolute level many psychological needs stem from the ego and lead to suffering (as the Buddha said), bypassing those needs will have some serious consequences on your overall health, not only mental but also physical. However, you're right when you say that no paradigm is perfect or complete and that there is no 100% agreement on what mental wellbeing really is. I would even argue that many psychologists haven't done enough deep inner work to really know what psychological health really means and they get stuck teaching new coping mechanisms that may cause less suffering than the previous ones but will eventually not solve the deeper issues. But anyways, my point is that taking care of your psychological needs is as important as taking care of your physical needs. Neglect one of them and you will see some nasty consequences sooner or later.
  22. @EnRoute I also agree with those who suggested trauma work because it's usually rooted in traumatic experiences. If it makes you feel less awkward and alone, I have experienced what you say about people not feeling comfortable around you. However I would strongly encourage you to question that too, because you actually, don't know. Sometimes I felt like a conversation was really awkward and the other person told me he/she felt really comfortable. But I know what you mean, it's a vicious cycle where you get hang up on the idea that you're acting weird and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. IME the remedy to this is to learn to be in your body (because you are probably mostly in your head), seek therapy from a trauma-informed/trained therapist go out there, make mistakes, discover that it's not as horrific as the fear makes you think, but also do it in a way that has compassion for that protective part of yourself because it probably has good reasons to do what it's doing (even if it's keeping you stuck).
  23. I guess the problem always boils down to repression. If we repress the masculine instincts in people, they manifest in more toxic ways and the same goes for feminine instincts. It would be nice if we could just honestly admit that we like both: a nice body (whatever that means to each person) and the deeper intimacy and connection that we can build together. Coming back to Teal Swan's videos on this topic, I have to agree with her when she says that the masculine has been repressed in men, when it's actually needed for a feminine woman to feel safe and contained.
  24. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vicarious_traumatization
  25. @Emerald gotcha. We seem to agree on almost everything. However, I'm not sure what is more shallow or conscious/deep. In the end those could just be our egoic judgements. Like someone else said, it depends on the perspective. But I agree that a society that exclusively chases physical beauty would be less ideal than one that integrates the intimacy and emotional aspects with the more "shallow" ones.