Chumbimba

Hello, I am new to the forum and this is my first post. Background: I have been doing personal development for about a year and a half. I have been on nofap since November of 2017 and I also have cut out a lot of things that were dragging my life down (Cut out all forms of social media, negative friends, junk foods, etc.) and these have given me some amazing results. I am currently in University studying Psychology, reading various books on Leos book list, doing introspection every day and learning about the concept of enlightenment. The reason I want to do Psychedelics again is to get insights about my bad habits. Social anxiety, problems socializing with women, procrastination, perfectionism and not finishing things that I start often (inconsistent meditation habit, gym routine, work ethic, etc.). Experiences with Psychedelics: I have done LSD three times. The first two trips were amazing and life-changing. My last trip was horrific and gave me PTSD for a while due to being around the wrong people and taking too high of a dose. Pretty much doing everything Leo said not to do in his video on psychedelics. I have also done MDMA. I don’t know if it was real MDMA but I had the most profound experience my first time and it really opened my eyes to unconditional love and I experienced ego-death. It also helped me with the PTSD from my bad LSD trip. Pretty much got rid of it. Summary: I want to get back into psychedelics and try mushrooms for the first time. A small 1.5- 2g dose but I have fears. First, my grandfather was a paranoid schizophrenic, and I heard that if your family has a history of mental illness to stay far away. My biggest fear is breaking my brain and becoming schizophrenic, the fear of insanity. I also fear a bad trip like my last LSD trip. I have written my intentions down in a journal if I am able to trip but I just needed some advice if tripping again would be a good idea due to my families mental health history and my past bad trip. Can anyone give me guidance or advice? Thank you.

Thanks to everyone that replied. Today I got approved for a ten-day vipassana retreat at the beginning of May. I am planning to take 1.5gs of mushrooms on my birthday which is in late in May a couple of weeks after the retreat. This gives me time to become more aware, plan and research mushroom trips, studies, and books. It will also help me set a true intention. Early I contemplated why I really am afraid of psychedelics. Growing up my mother always told me that psychedelics will make you "insane" or crazy and fry your brain. I never really questioned it for myself so I always feel a sense of guilt and fear when I even think about taking them. Black culture really demonizes them too which is the culture I grew up in. I'm still working to break out of it. I know mushrooms will obliterate my naive beliefs.