Emotionalmosquito

To give some context, for a few years leading up to this I’d been in the darkest place of my life. I’d recently come off of a moderate to severe kratom addiction, I was barely exercising, sleeping horribly, hateful incel posting, chronically online, severely addicted to gooning (which I’m still wrestling with) and more. I was with my autism group at this hipster coffee joint when I noticed a flyer promoting a Halloween costume rave. When the day came I was feeling horrendous physically and mentally. I almost called it off. But I ended up going as a makeshift giant used menstrual pad as per my period kink. People seemed to find it hilarious. The party itself was nothing spectacular, or so I thought. It was about maybe 70-90 people rough estimate. A few guys were smooth enough to successfully smooch with some of the girls, my incel nature hated seeing it. But luckily other than that and some people who came as couples there wasn’t a lot of hooking up going on. Majority of us stayed in our lanes. I took off my costume so I could dance like crazy to make sure I got my fifteen bucks worth. There were these two hot zombie girls. They got split up and I ended up dancing right next to one of them for at least an hour. I didn’t get the courage to spin her like I wanted. I kept thinking surely someone is about to come scoop her up if I don’t go for it but nobody ever did, which I’m sure she was quite happy about. There was even this really cuddly gay couple so I decided maybe I’d try seeing if I could do a three way bro hug with them. Couldn’t even get the nerve to try that either. Things are looking like a total flop by this point. Anyway, the rave comes to a close. Some girl looks like she had a divine revelation from the experience, almost in tears. Something that i wished happened to me. I went back home feeling neutral about the whole thing, nothing special. The next morning I started the day as usual but noticed something was different. I felt 30 pounds lighter and felt 50% better than I had been. As I focused on it, it started moving towards 80, then 90. As it grew more and more I was overcome by what I could only call the holy spirt. I even put it to the test by trying to bring back my old bitterness to slow it down, but it was like trying to dim the sun by throwing snowballs. I’d planned to visit my friends in a neighboring town that day. On my drive over there I kept having these orgasmic waves of pure love deep in the chest and spine, they were so strong it felt like too much to be contained in a body. I wanted to burst out of my skin and reunite with God. It blew my mind how one stupid party full of normies and people I would’ve otherwise hated essentially gave me a free mdma trip without the drug. Does everyone get hit that hard? Is that why people like raves?

I’ve only hallucinated sober 1 time and it was back when I was a 5 or 6 year old kid. It was early in the morning. I was still in bed. I looked up on a shelf where we had these solid gray color gnome trinkets and noticed they became fully animated. One was walking in circles picking up stuff and putting it in his basket as if foraging a field. Another started dancing around in place, one of them acknowledged me in a friendly manner… stuff like that. I know for certain it wasn’t a dream because I was wide awake. I even got up and started the day after the experience instead of going back to sleep.

It can get pretty depressing to see so much of the awful stuff happening in the world on top of already being burdened by the stresses of our own life. So let’s share some examples of nice positive things being done that make you believe it might just be possible to create a better tomorrow. It’s also great to see all the devilish sex trafficking shit coming to light. Awareness is the first step towards healing.

I sure hope the people trying to push it through don’t all start mysteriously killing themselves

The fact that bentinho goes crying like a baby to Cory and has her rub his back because people are calling out his abuse is fucking hilarious

Aaron Abke interview coming out tomorrow. The evidence keeps piling up.

Dude, that is fantastic to hear. Great find!

“Friends now, which I’m so happy about.” Brutal. Who wants to explain why he got friend zoned? Other than being shorter than her and generally uninteresting.

Love it. As a germaphobe, that breakthrough with superbugs warms my heart.

On an unrelated note, can there please be some way to change my username? It’s completely retarded and doesn’t roll off the tongue at all. I don’t know wtf I was thinking when I came up with that 7 years ago or however long. It could at least be something rather funny like MOSQUITOinaSPEEDO. What I chose is just not it. 😑

I’ve reached my physical, psychological, and spiritual limit with hatred and ill will on others. Now, every time I go into vengeful thinking I get weird symptoms like headaches, mental confusion, fatigue, and sometimes a state that I can only describe as feeling like I’m about to become possessed and I have to back away and fight with determination to calm it back down. Within the last few years I’ve gone so deep into hatred that I got really close to becoming full blown cold blooded evil and it felt like hell, literally and deeper than on a physical level. Almost as if I would have to spend several lifetimes undoing how bad I let myself get fucked up if I continued down that path. I was having indescribably horrifying nightmares that I had to wake up and spend hours calming back down before I could try sleeping again. Ive realized most if not all of it was caused by how bad I let my grudges against others spiral out of control. So one night during an episode I listened to Leo’s video on forgiveness which I think I made a small amount of progress with because my dream state was something more productive as I fell asleep doing the exercise. I felt better the next morning but my grudges are definitely still there because they still arise sometimes and trigger the shit out of me. So my question is, when trying to forgive, what is it that I’m actually supposed to DO? Like step by step. Each time I think I’ve made some progress the hatred for those who fucked me and violent fantasies on them come right back just as strong as ever. It’s like there’s no clear cut path to forgiving people in the same way you would assemble a model airplane. Which absolutely sucks ass for me as someone with autism.

More like 200,000+ if the nukes start flying.

It is on salvia

Good stuff everyone, thanks! I’m indeed making some progress with it, but tonight is really putting it to the test due to what unsurprisingly happened. I went to target to get some cold approaches in. I was feeling better than usual from the meditation and various other exercises I’ve been doing more of. I was in pretty good state. Funny enough thats the very thing that got me in trouble. The good mood had me thinking too highly of my fellow humans and their ability to tolerate a random encounter. So I stuck around too long and came out of my shell too much and ultimately got kicked out because apparently a few different people complained about me. Now keep in mind when I say I came out of my shell too much I still mean only slightly. I still contained my truest expression way WAY more than I wanted to. But it wasn’t enough. I was polite and refrained from any hint of rudeness or vulgarity. This is exactly the type of nonsense that spiraled me out of control in the first place so now I’m responding to it better instead of burning alive with rage. Of course my vengeful thoughts are still there but they’re much less charged now and no longer pure evil or violent. Things like “If this is how much women think they’ve got the system wielded against me then how about I get a few of my friends together and we all go in pretending we don’t know each other and gang up on some hot girl who looks like a bitch to get her kicked out by complaining to management? You want war? You’ve got it.” Honestly it would be no different than what they did to me because she didn’t do anything wrong, neither did I. Let’s see how well she handles it Another would be emulating those villain arc TikTok videos where guys say hurtful things to girls like “Hey do you have a boyfriend” if she says yes it’s “poor guy” For no it’s “I can see why” Or, “My friend set me up on a blind date. Is it you?” When she says no it’s “Oh thank god!!” Or telling a group of 4 women that two of them are absolutely gorgeous 😂 stuff like that. Funny stuff aside this shit is not even a joke anymore. It’s literally almost illegal to talk to women even politely, and that’s NOT an exaggeration. Leo and others have basically told me the reason for the unprecedented rates of male singleness is because guys have started doing nothing but porn, shit posting online, gaming, etc. No. The reason guys are doing those things more than anything else so stubbornly is BECAUSE this is what we fucking get when we put ourselves out there even as genuinely as possible. It’s depressing as hell but this is what reality is now. I’m also not exaggerating when I say there’s a HIGH chance I’d be sitting in jail right now awaiting trial if every inch of that store wasn’t staked out with surveillance cameras, because I’d be falsely accused. Bullshit like this is why I highly advise against approaching women anywhere that’s not fully surveilled. Although I will add in to that target manager’s credit she said I’m not allowed to come back “tonight”, so that’s good. So yeah I’ve got this lovely load on my plate to forgive now but the good news is I’m more equipped to handle it consciously now that I’ve started doing more of the work again.

I’ve struggled with intense hatred towards certain kinds of people more than I can describe, but there’s one thing that no sentient creature should ever have to endure. And that’s being held captive and having the worst things done to them you can imagine for the soul purpose of making them suffer as much as possible. There’s so many different ways to do it and get creative with it, different combinations people can use and so on… it’s more than disturbing, the methods are virtually endless. There are things which just thinking about would keep any decent person awake at night, yet people are living through it with no end in sight and absolutely zero hope of escape. If this only happened to one single being in all of existence, that’s infinitely too many. Now consider it’s been done to countless people and animals in all different forms for a very long time, all the way up to now. This gives me mental indigestion. So God is everything and everyone. Right? What value does god get from doing this to itself? Illusion or not, this is something that should have never been dreamed up and makes me wish there truly was nothing rather than something. I really wish this didn’t have to be a thing and I wanna hear your thoughts.

They would feel physical pain and discomfort, lots of it. But I do think a fully enlightened person would at least suffer from it less than a regular joe or Jane. Look at those monks that sat there perfectly still and focused while burning alive in protest of the Vietnam war. Of course that didn’t take long to kill them but maybe it shows it can be done to some extent.

99.9 percent of people are in spiritual infancy; even for advanced disciples, how well is that really gonna save them when the worst of the worst is happening? Someone said perhaps some people fly out of their body at some point during the torture. Or maybe they go crazy. I wouldn’t count on insanity to bring any relief in such a situation but maybe I’m wrong. It could be like a going full circle thing where eventually as the suffering becomes so unbearable it turns into bliss. Picture it this way: imagine when you had a nightmare so terrible you absolutely couldn’t do it and woke yourself up sweating and saying “oh thank god!” For people being tortured it’s a hundred or thousand times worse than that because they simply cannot get away from it possibly for the rest of their life and the horror is much more vivid and all encompassing. If God must have every possible experience to be unlimited, then out of pure goodwill and love, I’m calling this one limitation. We can keep all the other negatives like bullying (my second most hated of all), rape, brutal murders, famine, poverty, and so on. The idea of infinite experience is fascinating but not worth it. If someone offered me a deal of being tortured in the most unspeakable ways for one year in exchange for everything I could possibly ask for for the next 60 years, the answer would be an immediate and absolute no. It’s gotta go.

Has amazingly smart and insightful people on a level I haven’t found anywhere else on the www

Damn how embarrassing. But it shouldn’t have been. How could he have had any reason to believe something like a skin of steel potion wasn’t possible with the limited knowledge he had? And why wouldn’t they just test it on his arm or leg first? The main thing i wanna know is why that woman was translating his words to the chief only for him to suddenly start speaking English.

One of the better meditations I’ve had was one where I mentally chanted “die” to myself as a mantra on each exhale as if I was instructing myself to do so. I do like this idea (potentially the absolute truth but to me it’s currently just an idea) that god must experience every possibility in every possible form. If that were realized to be the case then that would dissolve any reason you could have to stress over anything ever again because no matter what happens it’s supposed to be that way. Except for torture. Try to imagine what that’s like. Do your own thought experiment. I would set one up here but I’ve been warned for being too graphic already.

Best thing you’ve ever told me fr But that’s just it, death doesn’t come any time soon for those in these positions. In fact every minute can feel like a hundred years as time loses all meaning.

@Leo Gura What made me start thinking about this again was I re watched your video about understanding immortality where you said when you die you dissolve into infinite love and it’s the greatest experience oat. In the video you mentioned “don’t get me wrong, if you torture someone to death that’s gonna be hell for them until they die” and very right you are. That’s my problem. That sweet release can be delayed for potentially decades upon decades during which can be unimaginably horrific and nonstop torment. This is currently happening to people. And since god has to experience every possibility, that means more is bound to happen to me and everyone else in every way we haven’t yet underwent. I can’t accept that. Of course this also means I’ll get to experience every kinky sexual experience my incel ego could ever want, but the weight of suffering to contrast it just isn’t worth it.

As a virgin, 92 IQ NEET approaching my 30s, this would be the biggest life changer of all time. With a 100k a year job, life would become so beautiful I can’t even comprehend all the possibilities. The incel situation would be 90% fixed, I could go places, do things, afford all the best supplements and snail creams, donate generous amounts to important organizations like MAPS and The Ocean Cleanup, and I could have good lawyers to feel safer with women. A friend recently suggested respiratory therapy as one of the easier medical fields, but I saw on TikTok some bitch was pissed off because someone told her the same thing only to discover it’s not very easy to learn at all. I asked Grok for some potential paths and it said radiation therapy was another one. But apparently you need to know the biology and the science behind exactly how it works, how to explain things, troubleshoot equipment, etc. So 👎🏻. Anything requiring math or science above a sixth grade level is a hard no go. (Though if anyone knows of something even easier in the medical field let me know) One thing that might be doable is commercial pilot. The biggest things would be memorizing what all the buttons and switches do, learning emergency protocols, navigating in severe weather, and multitasking: (communicating, flying, keeping an eye on all the different settings to make sure nothing is going haywire) The good thing is they have simulators for most of this and surely I’d be under close supervision of an experienced copilot for my first flights until it becomes second nature. Another hurdle for learning any of these is getting the money for training. How are you supposed to get that kind of funding if you don’t have it in the first place? I fear loans because debt can pile up quick and it would suck enormous gorilla nuts to be a few tens of thousands of dollars in only to realize the job will never be possible for you 💀 🔫 If anyone’s in a similar position or has ideas, let me hear it

I have no issue at all with grifting as long as it’s actually within my cognitive abilities