JustThinkingAloud

What about this option? You can compensate him once you have enough money. Just an idea, would it be wrong? I think it might be ok.

Please ignore me if it’s not what you want hear. I don’t think that looks matter when you want a long term relationship. We all age and become “ugly”, if you love that person, it doesn’t matter, the attraction is still there. Turn off the lights! haha If you struggle with that as at this moment there’s still too much focus on looks. The best chance of finding someone is to go for your “league”.

Maybe find places where people like that would go. Seminars, courses etc.

I’m so sorry that this happened to you, it sucks to be deceived into doing something that you would never do! Unfortunately, you can’t change the past, it’ll always be with you, you can’t magically erase it. So why not to try to numb the experience or try to talk yourself out of your emotions. It did happen, you can’t change it, it sucks, oh well, don’t let it affect the rest of your life and take even more of your happiness away. You know that it won’t happen to you again, you’ll watch every girl like a hawk now! Share your experience, help others to know how to tell that a girl is transgender. Maybe those girls don't have other choice than to deceive. If you had to choose between having sex or deception, what would you choose? Or invest your time into inventing a time machine and change the past! I now it sounds like I’m making a joke, I’m not, it’s another option, it’s all up to you! You the one in charge of your life and sometimes things happen that we don’t like and can’t change, don’t let it destroy even more of your life than it already did.

Smoking! I’m down to 2 to 3 cigarettes a day from 60 a day. It’s bloody hard work! I’ve tried using will power but it didn’t work, I went “nuclear” and put myself off trying. Now, I’m using persuasion and I’m nearly there.

We are all unique and create unique habits and perceptions. You’ve let yourself be like that so you became like that. The question is whether it’s ok by you. If you want to change it, you can. If you don’t want to change, that’s completely fine too.

Try to find the reasons why you got hurt and that will make it easier to prevent being hurt again. Learn the lesson and have an action plan to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. You will still have the fear to remind you to be careful, take step at a time and learn how to avoid being hurt again. The fear will eventually go away once you learn better way of doing things.

You really need to want whatever your main goal is. It needs to feel good, just thinking about getting it should spark great feelings. Also, it’s not just all happy actions to get there, sometimes you have to do what you don’t like doing to get there so you need to focus on your main goal and use that great feeling to give you the motivation to get through it. Sometimes, when we’re not having any progress towards the goal, we can start questioning whether it’s all worth it. Find things to do that put you closer to your goal and celebrate every progress towards it, it will help to motivate you too. Of course, if you need a break, do it. Use it to review what you want and how to go about getting it. Good luck!

Do something about it! It’s not right what they’re doing! That’s bullying. Keep trying to fix it or leave. You might not be able to fix it right away but you’ll get better at it with experience. Try asking questions like: What is your problem? What’s wrong with what I’m doing? What have I done to you? Or even stating: I’ve heard that. That’s wrong what you’re doing. Mind your own business. Get over it. That’s not your problem what I’m doing. Every little bit counts, you'll eventually get there. Environment like this is not good for you. Not that you should care what they think, it’s all wrong what they are saying but it’s hard to constantly ignore this negativity, you have better things to do with your energy. Just make sure you don’t ever step down to their level but you still have to do something. People like that shouldn’t get away with it, that’s wrong! I wouldn’t really care why they’re doing it, it’s hard to understand mean people.

I’d give Biology a go, just make sure that it’s really what you want. You won’t lose the years you studied English, the knowledge will stay with you and you still have your Masters. You can still use that in case things won’t work out with Biology.

If you expect the “reality” to give you life purpose, you need to dream “realistic” goals or at least “realistic” steps towards that goal so you get some satisfaction. I believe that doing what makes you and other people happy is our life purpose. You get motivation to become great at it and other people get what makes them happy and even pay you for it. You make the world happier place. I’ll never stop trying, if I get there great, if I don’t at least I know I’ve done my best and probably helped someone else to be great or continue from where I finished. Once you give up, that’s it, you remove your chances of getting what you want.

Pushing myself doesn’t work for me. I find a way that makes me want to do things. I focus on the final result that I really want that makes me want to do even what I don’t like doing. It’s also a good double check that what I’m doing is productive and leads to getting what I want. I also create a daily/weekly etc routine, that way I don’t have to think what to do next or whether I have done enough. It keeps it more balanced and less emotional.

Deal with your thoughts and emotions beforehand. Imagine any situation you could be facing and find a solution how to deal with it before it actually happens. This way you’ll be prepared and will know what to do when it actually does happen. It takes practice as everything but it can help quite a lot.

I don’t think truth and happiness are mutually exclusive. You can have both if you want to. You’re the one in control of your happiness. We can be quite resilient when we want to. In any situation, we can always find some happiness or hope. Of course, it’s much easier to be happy when we actually get what we want. So if it’s the truth you want, the natural reaction is to get happy when you find it or get closer because you got or are closer to what you wanted. With fulfilment, it depends how high your goal is. If you just want to find the ultimate truth, you might not ever get fulfilment. But there’s still a way around it, appreciate progress, every step closer to the ultimate truth is a sign that you’re getting there and a proof that you’re on the right track and you can make that fulfilling too. Progress is great because it makes you closer to your goal. Personally, if I had to choose, I choose truth because I can’t be genuinely happy without it. Things get quite confusing and unpredictable without knowing the truth.

There’s another possibility. Actions speak much louder than words. He still wants to be with you. He could be just scared of the attachment while he still wants to stay. Why else he’s still with you? He did say he doesn’t like the attachment, he didn’t say he doesn’t like you. As you said, he has an issue which might be related from his upbringing. I think it’ll be very hard to get a commitment out of him but is it really that important. There’s no guarantees when it comes to the future, so many men “commit” and don’t deliver. Is it really that bad to not “commit” but deliver. But of course, be careful and make sure that his actions do show love.

Missing someone that you love when they’re not around is completely fine. Would you really love them if you were happy that they’re not around? Being completely hopeless when they’re not around might be a sign of a problem.

Me and my partner half retired when we were 33. Half retired because we still “work” but only on what we love doing. It gives us enough money to keep going but it’s not a luxurious life, we have to watch all our expenditures and be very good with money. We only spend on what we really love and necessities. We still prefer it to the hectic, stressful jobs. So if you really want this, I’d make and save as much money as possible in a shortest time possible. If you’re not sure, pick a more sustainable option that could give you at least some of the life you want and see what you can do with it.

Yeah, do we really need many things? The less we have, the better for the planet!

Why don’t you take charge of one song and let him do another song. Listen to each other’s feedback but only one person can make the final call that relates to their song. You can’t really boss someone unless you have some kind of power over them (eg. can fire them, don’t give pay rise etc) and even then it’s hard to make people do what you want them to do when they don’t really want to do it.

I love that!

Try to go for a smaller purpose. I’ve settled for happiness for me and people around me so I try to do whatever leads to that. Start small and grow it as big as you want.

Maybe try to do something that matters now. Do you really need to care whether it will matter 12417291827 years, probably not many things will matter then. You don’t have to do it just for yourself, do it for others too. Maybe try to do something that you like doing and others benefit from it and even pay for it, that way you might feel that it’s worth it.

When I studied, I found the theory to be very boring. You study to do what you want to do after that, it’s not the study that you need to be passionate about, it’s the resulting job. If you really want to be a psychologist, you do need to study to become one but once you get there it’ll be all worth it!

I don’t think that the environment is that important that I would spend that much money on it. The environment only influences you as much as you let it. I also can’t see why universities in the US would be that bad. If you’re so worried about the environment, you can study online where the only influence will be the environment you create. University studies are only few years, I don’t think it’s long enough to influence you in a major way. Maybe you’re worried that you might lose interest or won’t be able to pass the subjects if the environment is not right but it’s up to you how well you do and to keep yourself interested. If you need help with that you can pay for a good life coach or a therapist or a tutor, it still will be cheaper.

You can be who you want to be if you put the effort into it. If it’s really important to you to be like Tony Robins, you can. And yes, it takes work, time, energy that you take away from other projects that you might have. It really depends on how much you want it and whether you are prepared to put a lot of effort into it. Another thing is whether you personally have a problem with your solitude. Sometimes, the society can put a pressure on us to be certain way, I don’t agree with that. It’s up to you and you should be the one that decides who you want to be or accept who you have become. Have you also tried to see the benefits of being the way you are? Introverts are great listeners, they have a calming effect, they are big thinkers, they are reliable and consistent etc