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@Nahm @Serotoninluv Thank you a lot both! I really appreciate your time & effort into helping others on this forum. I take notes and will do some serious changes otherwise its not going well for me. I need to break this stupid cycle of thinking/obessing & overanalyzing. Great point. I constantly get the urge to overanalyze, to think about something that causes me anxiety in order to "fix" it somehow.

I was reading this article & made me kinda depressed --> https://www.scienceandnonduality.com/article/perhaps-our-fears-are-not-ours Does this mean we are somehow doomed to our genetics? @Serotoninluv I would like to listen your input aswell since you are a scientist. The below quote is also from the same website. "Rather than going to war with fear – and deeming it a mistake or problem that you must eliminate, transform, or transcend – the invitation is to enter into relationship with it. Fear has been wired into your nervous system for millions of years and is unlikely to be undone in a few decades through spiritual process. You can rest in the strong likelihood that fear may arise most every day for the rest of your life, in some form or another. Welcome. You are alive."

@Nahm True.Thank you. @Serotoninluv To be honest after reading your 1st reply on this topic i got anxious and obsessional again because my mother indeed suffered a lot of stress when she was pregnant with me & apparently she got hit in the belly once aswell (while carrying me). Now i am extremely anxious about how this event might have permanently affected/altered me in some way. I know it's irrational and stupid but still i worry about it.

@Nahm I have already started a meditation practice. It helps but i definetely need more of it. I also want to somehow reprogram my mind & stop being anxious/obsessed over every single detail.

@Serotoninluv So... we are doomed! Now i have to spend thousands of hours working to solve unwanted conditioning & i might not even be able to reverse most of it. There are no guarantees. This is quite depressing but hey it's life.

I am working towards my Life Purpose right now & am trying to find my top values & embody them. I also have a deep desire for Truth which has been developed a lot the last 3 years wathing actualized.org. Now my question is what does it mean to say that you want Truth for Truth's sake? I think i know what it means but i am not sure. I constantly ask myself Why do i want / value the Truth & can't get an answer besides that i want the Truth because i want the Truth. Is that "irrational" or wrong ? At which point do you hit rock bottom & stop asking the Why question?

@jbram2002 You assume that it is nonexistent. Maybe there is an Absolute Truth.

@Robi Steel I hope so

@Preetom Wanting the Truth because you feel hatred towards falsehood is a negative motivation. I am not saying that it's wrong though. I don't really know anymore.

@Robi Steel Finally someone answers my original question It's difficult for my egoic mind to accept that i want Truth for no reason other than Truth itself. It goes contrary to my social conditioning & culture in general and sometimes it feels like its just "wrong".

From the Absolute standpoint i can understand how Everything is Natural and "unnatural" is just a concept. BUT still i am wondering Why 99% of people live in falsehood, delusion & ego ? Why almost everyone has a "us vs them" mentality ? So my conclusion is that being deluded and all ego-driven seems to be the most natural thing in the world and awakening on the other hand seems very very "unnatural". Why God designed it this way ?

@Preetom Why do you want the Truth? (Let's assume you do, i am trying to get an answer).

@Robi Steel Yes God has no limits but it puts many limits upon us. I would love my potential to be unlimited But I don't know which is the case .It seems we are very very limited (as humans). My ego doesn't like this scenario but i think to a certain extent we are doomed by our genetics & old ancestors.

@Truth Addict I don't know at this moment. I just don't wanna be deluded.

@Omni I have not received the answer to the question of why do i want the Truth. That's what i am working on. My only answer so far is that i want the Truth because i want the Truth. I want to go deeper than this answer but i can't.

@Preetom Yeah this is deep...

@EmptyInside Amen!

@RichardY Why a lower IQ tradesmen is probably more intelligent than a slightly highter IQ writer?

@Inliytened1 Thank you sir for your input. I already meditate. It really helps a lot.

LOL

I can relate a lot. Sometimes i find myself not wanting to exist anymore & i get the feeling like i am trapped/forced by God to live this life either i want it or not. The fact that my mother was always talking about suicide when she was feeling really really bad doesn't help either because it programmed my mind to think this way.

@Nahm I would do both.

I would prefer using leaves instead

@Serotoninluv Thank you for your advice, i really appreciate it. But It's difficult to stop accepting other people's idea of intelligence when culture tells you that IQ=intelligence and it doesn't recognise anything else as intelligence.

@Inliytened1 Usually these obsessive thoughts come from triggers. I have considered the possibility of OCD in the past but since my case is not so severe i haven't asked for help. Basically i have a very strong urge to feel certain about everything & i have very hard time dealing with uncertainty. Also i constantly obsess over stupid things. I feel a constant tension. My mind is trying to control reality, overanalyzes everything and just won't give up. Anything i hear or read i take it extremely serious & give it much much meaning. I might dwell on something that i heard from someone for days or even longer. Especially about things related to by well-being and survival. It's very frustrating because i never manage to feel certain. I always doubt everything. I just try not to perform the compulsions and get better. It was way worse in the past actually. Since you know about OCD what would you advise me to do? - Thanks