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Everything posted by SQAAD

  1. @TheAvatarState Thank you for the advice! I mostly feel shame because of others (my sis for example). I can see it in her face that she hasn't forgotten me for this incident. We are ok, i asked her sorry but we never discussed it any further. I caused her embarassment. I can't do the work for her. I have forgotten myself. She hasn't. Yes it was stupid to take too much acid at home. It was my first time and only time. I didn't expect to get so fked up. My reality changed completely. It was so crazy... I took large doses of mushrooms many times before and never lost all sense of reality like it happened with LSD lol.
  2. @RobertZ Why is lost esteem irreparable? I don't understand...
  3. @Elisabeth From what i can remember, my sister took a different shape than the ordinary & i don't think i even realised she was my sister at that moment.(maybe i did though). I couldn't distinguish anything. "Reality" didn't make sense to me anymore. Crazy. Mind-blowing it was.
  4. @John Iverson I have done quite a lot of contemplation & i can't find the part of me that would want to have sex with my sister. I guess i have to dig deeper. Also i have accepted/dealt with what happened.
  5. @Salvijus Did you buy any of his courses in order to learn yoga? How did you learn it? I wanna try it.
  6. @DrewNows Yes it is very tricky. To this day i hold the belief that everything someone does it's because it will make them feel happy first & then the others. For example you might be doing charity work but you do it because first & foremost it will make you happy otherwise you wouldn't do it. I don't know if this belief is true of false but my minds holds it as a dogma. I don't even know if true love is possible from the place of the ego.
  7. @DrewNows Nice. Are you able to understand/distinguish nowadays when someone is doing something out of love for you? Btw now i am on a mission as to understanding what love is. This video inspired, frightned me & caused my ego to revaluate many things. It' very true what Teal Swan says that most of us don't know what love is & therefore we are not truly capable of loving others.
  8. @DrewNows Nice video but she didn't clarify how do you distinguish getting love from someone as opposed to someone just being egotistical. I am all about receiving love but first i need to spot it.
  9. @Zigzag Idiot Thanks man! Finally someone reads my whole post & replies with compassion and understanding.
  10. @now is forever I totally agree with you. Nor did i say the hallucinations were true (in case you imply that),
  11. @Shadowraix Maybe that's it . I don't know . I remember having crazy "delusions" while tripping.
  12. @Shadowraix Only once i had this problem (privacy about drugs etc). Nobody bothers me in my room.
  13. @SFRL Personally my father is never at home. & my mom works most of the day. She takes care of myself & doesn't want to be alone at home & girlfriends is something i despise. Leaving my family to live with another family (gf,kids)? No. There is no reason to torture myself just yet. You have your own standards & i respect that but not everyone can be like you.
  14. @SFRL I don't care about getting laid at least for this year. If i was to be living alone at this moment of my life i wouldn't have much time for self-developing because i would be constantly worried /working on my survival. Either way one day i will be forced to live alone but for now i take advantage of the situtation. I believe i am self-developing at my own pace. I understand your point of view though. Being able to survive & take care of yourself is very very important & definetely one day i want to be on my own but i don't see the reason to hurry. Nor do i want to find girls. If i was to live alone i would probably rent a small hole that i would be embarassed to invite someone or a chick inside. I don't know where you live. Here in Greece most people my age & older live with their parents. It's not an excuse though.You can survive on your own but it is extremely hard for most people when they barely get their needs met.
  15. @SFRL Why not? I spend less money this way. I don't have to worry about cooking or washing my clothes. Plus i enjoy hanging out with my mother.
  16. When i go outside for a walk & a girl doesn't even notice me/look at me many times i get annoyed & pissed off. It happens only with women i find attractive. Why do i get annoyed so much? & What can i do to stop caring? -Thanks.
  17. @John Iverson I have dealt with it. Maybe not enough though. I just want to understand why did i do it. I have accepted it now. But i am curious.
  18. @David Hammond I have done it. They all said that they made tattos of symbols that mean a lot to them. Still though i couldn't penetrate more deeply as to Why they did it...
  19. @Farnaby I do the above you said a LOT & definetely i have to stop it. I try to stop it but it's very very powerful to resist. Sometimes i am succesful at it, other times i give in the ruminations/compulsions... Thanks.
  20. @Salvijus Do you have any source you can link so that i can visit & learn an effective form of yoga that will help me with my sexual abstinence/nofap journey? I see many things on the internet that i don't trust (Too many videos/articles).
  21. @jbram2002 I agree & that's why i want to understand why they do it. (tattoos)