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Everything posted by SQAAD

  1. Thank you everyone for the support. Really highly appreciated!!
  2. What do i mean? Let's a run a thought experiment together. Imagine you are a billionaire. You have 8 billion dollars in your bank account BUT you are unconscious like Trump for example. Then you meet Buddha. And you say to Budda: "I give you all my money for exchange your level of awakening" Buddha would not accept that deal. That's How Good Enlightment is!! It's Better Than Your Wildest Fn Dreams. (Sorry for the copy paste Leo vocabulary). Why am i saying all of this? To Motivate the living sh*t out of you. Don't believe anything blindly please. Maybe i am insane. - Thank you for your patience thus far.
  3. @James123 Thank you sir. Much appreciated your time & energy. Be well.
  4. Excuse me today. It is almost impossible to contain myself. I am Forever Grateful for Everything. I am Forever Grateful even for the things that i hated most of my life. I am Forever Grateful for pain, misery & suffering. I am Forever Grateful that some people think i am insane. I am Forever Grateful that some ppl will minterpret this post. I am Forever Grateful that Hitler existed. I am Forever Grateful for Leo, Actualized.org & every member on this site. Thank you God. Thank you God. Ok enough is enough. Get back to work fellas & listen carefully to this fella named Leo Gura . Maybe he is not insane. Maybe he is ... Only God knows.
  5. Hello everyone.Today i consumed 4 caps of LSA alongside with Syrian Rue. & I had the Most Terrifying Experience of My Life!!! I am still at the effect of it & i am Totally Speechless!! Lessons from this trip Being God is Too Much Responsibility!!!! TOO MUCH! I feel Very Much Grateful that i am still a limited human being & That Reality is This Way and not some other way.During the trip i was TERRIFIED Of experiencing Pain & Suffering And Made Myself Puke to end the trip. God Can Traumatise you for good if you aren't prepared. I realised that i am not ready yet and need T o n s of Work But i am hopefull the work will be done in this lifetime Maybe..... I used Leo's technique with Actuality & the hand to Keep Grounding Myself on Actuality & I Was Praying To Myself to end the trip. Leo is Absolutely Right about Love!!! And Y e s Reality is Infinitely P - e r - f - e - c - t . Also a Deep Lesson i want to implement is, to Trust God No Matter What. to Trust "My" Own Deeper Knowing No matter what. A lot of trauma came out on the surface as well. I feel compassion towards everyone now. This Work is so FN Diffuclt!! How Much Truth Can you Handle?? Now there is Fear of Ego Backlash. Did not Expect this experience to be so Strong. - Thank you for reading everybody!!
  6. Leo Why Does it Matter if Reality is Imaginary or not? Isn't this just a word game?? Let's say someone tortures me to death. Even if that is imaginary or not it doesn't make any difference to my suffering and pain.If i starve to death it doesn't make any difference to me if it is imaginary or real. And since Real=Imaginary i don't really see any way that this understanding could change my life. Who cares if the suffering is imaginary when it feels real and causes me all this pain? Any responses from anyone are highly appreciated.
  7. I can't wrap my mind around acceptance... For example a therapist told me to accept uncertainty . He says acceptance is an undoing , not something you do. So how do you accept something ?? What is Acceptance after all??
  8. If I could talk to God I would ask him why there is so much suffering, misery and pain. I don't understand why there has to be so much fn suffering and it bothers me. Fear, mental illness, corruption, Poverty, beheadings etc. I can suffer tomorrow just because someone harms me. I can be born in an abusive home. Maybe I'm so unlucky that my country is at war. It's very difficult for me to accept all the misery and brutality that comes with life. On the other hand I see the beauty and intelligence behind life. My problem is that life will never go as I want it to be. Life doesn't care what I want. I'm forced to accept all the BS that I don't like. I have no say in the matter. I'm like a river with no choices but simply to flow. Wish I had more control. What kind of God am i ??? The powerlessness really gets at me sometimes. I'm forced to constantly watch a movie (my life) with no say in the matter. Just an illusion of control. And I have to deal with all the crap the movie throws at me. So my conclusion is yes life is beautiful but also really messed up at the same time. Nobody can deny the inherent misery and pain that comes along with life.
  9. @Nahm No, if I calm my mind then everything is peaceful. But many times my mind gets stuck repeating negative events of life, which create suffering to me as unpleasant feelings in the body.
  10. This is my 2nd time attempting a 1 year NoFap Challenge. My best streak so far is 64 days but i could have lasted longer if i had a vision. Now i am going to be visualizing for 10 mins every day myself having accomplished this challenge. We'll see how that goes. Besides that i practice meditation every day & a lil bit of yoga. Day 1/365 is 18/11/2019. Why am i doing this? Because i want to see what happens. I am curious. Also because i want to be as strong , focused & powerful as possible. I want to direct my energy on other things. The last reason is quite egotistical but it is because i don't know anyone close to me who has achieved this. It is like an achievement to me. I want to challenge myself. I want to go through hell & come back stronger!! I want to say to to myself yes i endured a whole year without sex and masturbating.
  11. Everyone talks about thoughts & language creating our reality but i would argue that feelings create more reality than thoughts. Why? Because you feel something is wrong. You feel you are ugly. You feel understanding. Understanding without the feeling of understanding probably wouldn't even exist. You feel certain. You feel right. You feel wrong. You feel succesful. Many of the things you hold as true are a bunch of feelings.
  12. Your statement in your Understanding Meaning, Purpose & Value video is that Everything is Meaningless & Pointless & that all meaning is relative & a conceptual construct. If Everything is Meaningless then why do we talk about Love, Intelligence, Beauty. Aren't all these just meanings? If Everything has no Purpose then why do you say in your What is the Point of Life video that God wants/desires to know itself? That is a purpose! I understand how all meanings are relative but i don't understand why they are conceptual constructs. Sometimes they are conceptual constructs but other times they are not. For example an apple means tasty food for me. It makes me fool good. That's the meaning of an apple for me. This is a fact, a relative truth not just a conceptual construct. An apple is not meaningless to me. I am not projecting the meaning that an apple is tasty. This is just the truth for me in my direct experience. Even when we say that something doesn't have any meaning that's still a meaning. It means that it has no meaning. So everything means something for a living creature. What do you mean by saying that things are meaningless? I don't get it. I'm confused...
  13. @zeroISinfinity Why? I can say that Love is Everything has meaning. Seems more true to me in my direct experience. Meaning clearly exists for anyone with a subjective experience. We can't deny that. Love itself is a meaning because It means something.
  14. @Matt8800 @Matt8800 How is everything meaningless objectively when all we have is subjectivity?
  15. Check this video out. He is a high quality source (for me). He talks about ghosts getting stuck & past lifes etc. Doesn't all this contradict non-duality? Past lifes implies Individual Souls/Selfs but Leo talks about One Self, The Self. I am very confused.
  16. God didn't create anything willingly from a position of free will. That's what i mean.It just happened or you can say it was just there forever. Not even God knows how he did it. It's not like he planned & designed it before he actually created it. And that's the most scary part . God had no choice but to exist. At the same time though he doesn't exist. It's kinda depressing from my current limited egoic perspective. This is what i can recall from my 2 tabs LSD experience two years ago. Maybe i am wrong/deluded. Anyways it was such a mindfuck. Infinity is such a scary thing...And the negative thing about it is that it is inevitable. Anyone has a similar experience?
  17. Why do i fear losing my hand? Because i will lose a part of myself. But why do i fear losing a part of myself? Because i think that will create suffering and misery to me. Why am i afraid of death? Because i will lose everything. But why do i fear losing everything? Because i don't know what death is and i fear the possibility after i die things will be worse. Why am i afraid of losing my youth? Because i think that will create enormous suffering in my life. So all fear boils down to fear of suffering. I don't care about losing my self as long as i don't suffer. As long as i am happy i am ok with losing anything. Maybe other people are different though. Would love some feeback.
  18. Leo hasn't addresed this. What happens if you actively visualize the worst case scenario that you fear the most happening in your life in order to overcome the fear. I found this technique to have helped me a lot. For example i visualize myself on the streets as a retarded person suffering & in massive pain. Then after a while it doesn't seem that bad. I also visualize the death part. Only thing is now i am afraid of manifesting my fears lol. Can this happen?
  19. After watching Leo's last video about Fear i got extremely confused. First of all it seems that Leo implies that visualization of fear is not enough to overcome fear & you need to create some identity level change alongside. But from my personal experience Behavior Change Alone Creates Identity Level Change. For example as someone who suffers from OCD , after few months of cutting compulsions my Anxiety greatly diminished & i believe my identity changed as well in the process. I no longer react to anxiety with compulsions & have learned to accept uncertainty. (Still though i have tons of work to do). Just after couple of days of practicing fear visualization (i imagine and live through the worst case scenario) i noticed some changes & i am mind-blown by this information. It is what i needed my entire life. How to create identity level change? What is the process? - Thank you.