Zigzag Idiot

I'm just waiting around until I die I guess. I worked my ass off for thirty years. Paid in a lot of taxes, social security, etc.,, I'm not rich enough to travel the world but that's alright I've seen a good bit of it. Im just sittin around on my ass and feeling ok about it.

My father was a self made man. He drove his own Commercial big truck, always had 5 side businesses and would shovel shit or run a chain saw, etc. whatever was necessary. In 66 years he done a whole lot of living. So don't get the idea, I've had an easy time of it.

Hey,,,,You got something there. I'm getting ideas!!! ?

Up keep of the ranch was the bottomless money pit. The lifestyle turned me insane but then I'm sure I would have gone insane anyhow.

My Father, the paradoxical Saint. That's the title of a book I should write. He passed away in 2006. I turned over 2 herds of Cattle and responsibility over the family ranch to a partnership formed by my niece and two nephews. My mother is in control of the land through a Trust. I just walked away from everything within the last year. No I'm not wealthy but at least I'm now free to do whatever I want. I have no debt. I got sick of working my ass off just to pay more taxes. Besides all the violence that's an unavoidable necessity with ranching and it being an endless money pit. I'm glad to be free of it. Now what?

@Preety_India ? You're right on that. Although I'm very adrenal (Mars) Essence (body) and in outer personality. Inwardly I'm influenced heavily by swift, secretive, Mercury.

I only thought I had been taking fairly pure lsd. Whew,,, This stuff was really something. @Bill W I hid a couple of nonsense posts that I made in your Journal. I appreciate your patience. Still trying to get my head screwed on,,,,,,

Anna, I see, I understand. No problems,,, everyone is welcome to post here ?

I'm somewhat indebted to other beings such as my brother/godfather, William, an iconoclastic heretic in his own right who happens to possess heart.

Thank god it's perservred.

Yes! Im busted! ?✌️

I'm checking out for a while.this mornin /evening what ever it is I the meantime,,, thank you all of you placeholders,,,,,

I love her heart. Her blessing and burden is embodiment of adrenal (Mars) warrior essence type in a feminine Automaton.

I shouldn't be communicating for a while this evening. Experimenting with a higher intake of Lsd leaves me as messed up as a soup sandwich. ?

Man is legion. In metaphorically alluding to Gurdjieffs' and others view that we are a multiplicity, I've often referred to myself as a ship of fools who sometimes fight among themselves over control of the helm.

This is Mr Hollywood before life kicked the shit out if him.

Your thoughts reminded me of the following commentaries about the Enneatype 6 when at the yellow and turquoise stages of development. Type Six: The Questioner/The Trusting Self. In the Yellow level of consciousness, Type Six, the Questioner, is able to trust himself for the first time. The Trusting Self transforms rigidity and inconsistency into solidity as faith is embodied. From an understanding of the need for adaptive, flexible systems, the Trusting Self can operate under external authority when needed, or can serve as the authority. “Authority can be authorities because I’m the authority too, and I trust myself” (Ooten, Unpublished; Ooten, 2010). Type Six: The Questioner/The Faithful Self. Type Six, the Questioner, understands at the Turquoise level that fear is simply one aspect of the multitude of experiences, and it has no more meaning than any other experience (Ooten, Unpublished). Realizing that life and death are merely energy states, the Faithful Self understands that security is always present and trusts in reality as it unfolds. Faith and trust in the unknowing brings courage to act spontaneously and allows Type Six to lead the continuation of life (Esposito, 2008; Ooten, 2010). from : http://www.consciousdynamicsllc.com/home/levels_of_consciousness.html

I agree in part that for some in turquoise, they are able to pull off playing a roll in such a way that the subtleties will be conveyveyed to those in thier presence and it's possible for a form of transmission to take place for those the role player is intent on reaching. As Ken Wilber might say, meeting people where they are at - but presented with a metaphorical step latter and delivered with an intuitive intelligence that knows how to get the message delivered. I don't KNOW but I think it's a valid possibility ,,,,? Just thinking out loud,,,,

"Knowledge attained when the mind is in the heart." @8:30 Cynthia Bourgeault, Episcopal Priest and Phd, is also a longtime student of the Gurdjieff Work.

UNCLEAN’ STATES “The Work is a very strong, clean thing, and so demands a great deal of inner cleanness and strength and sincerity with oneself. Who are the unclean in the Gospels? Every form of hypocrisy and pretense, every form of looking down one’s nose, every form of sighing slightly, every form of pseudo patience—yes, all this is uncleanness and we come to know it. It is a very good stage to reach, when one knows it.” V. 2, p. 551 YOU HAVE A RIGHT NOT TO BE NEGATIVE’ “Now the Work says you have a right not to be negative...To be able to feel this draws down force to help you. You stand upright, as it were, in yourself, among all the mess of your negativeness, and you feel and know that it is not necessary to lie down in that mess. To say this phrase in the right way to yourself, to feel the meaning of the words: ‘I have a right not to be negative,’ is actually a form of self- remembering, of feeling a trace of real ‘I,’ that lifts you up above the level of your negative ‘I’s which are all the time telling you without a pause that you have every right to be negative.” V. 1, p. 161 GIVING UP SUFFERING “A man, a woman, cannot awaken if they retain this dreadful weight, their mechanical suffering, and nourish it, by a continual process of justifying it.” V. 4, p. 1240 GIVING UP SUFFERING II “A man, a woman, must give up their suffering and sacrifice that first of all, because this can lead to a change of Being. For this to happen one must be able to see through self-observation what one suffers from...There is the suffering of man towards woman, of woman towards man...Then take all the mechanical forms of suffer- ing that arise from feeling that you have never been understood by your parents, your husband, your wife, or your children...It is exactly this suffering derived from life and all its awkwardness that has to be sacrificed.” V. 3, pp. 850, 852 From : Gems of Wisdom

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