Zigzag Idiot

"We Have to Risk the Aloneness and the Terror of Being Totally on Our Own To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic. You don’t believe in the ultimate reality of any concept. You can assume any belief you find useful and attractive, but you don’t need to hold on to any of it. Without being captured by your beliefs, you are strong enough and confident enough to throw away any and all beliefs and perspectives, each and every philosophy and story. You can stand totally alone, completely independent of all that comes through the mind, through time and space. This station of realization is difficult and rare. Most of us don’t have the nerve to lose our minds. Although terrifying, it is necessary for true freedom. We have to risk that we may be wrong. We have to risk the aloneness and the terror of being totally on our own. We have to risk cutting all of our supports, burning all of our bridges, destroying all of our boats. They are all ultimately and fundamentally concepts that come from hearsay or, at best, from our own past experiences. Even the concepts and knowledge that have come from our own immediate experiences cannot be relied on. That knowledge is like Buddha’s words—old, unless corroborated in this moment. Maybe a week ago you had an experience of realization, but how do you know that will be the same today? Who said that God won’t change or that self-realization should continue being the same today? In other words, we cannot hold on to any concept past our direct experience of it; otherwise, what we’re doing is believing a story. Whether someone else’s or our own, a story is a story, not true reality here and now. To be truly independent and autonomous, we need to be free from the concepts acquired from others as well as our own past experiences". - Hammed Almaas The creation of this Journal is/was a spontaneous thing for open to all. Transpersonal is my theme at the moment. Feel free to make comments or change themes and make comments.

Shift of theme. "Absence of joy is slow suicide." -Ocke de Boer "Any attitude other than peace or joy is egoic". - Jesus through ACIM Paraphrased by me through often faulty memory. Proper use of grammar is uninteresting and time consuming. Free pass on pronoun use here. I, me whatever. Doesn't matter here. Just express it. Run on sentences are ok too.

Everyone is schizophrenic. It's just a matter of degree. The Fourth Way frames our multidimensionality as a multiplicity of "I"s that are not integrated. "If you're going to be crazy, you might as well enjoy it" - TM

This is also a terminal/garage for magic flying carpets. Shamanic taxi drivers use these and assist those who have Psychological vertigo.

A lot of stuff can be said about the Transpersonal. The capacity for making fun of oneself. That's one thing. There can also be a complete absence of emotion. The mulltidiminsnality of our being. The phenomenology of it. The changing states of consciousness. We can experience our multifacetedness as clear and precise as a diamond. Next week it might be more like a crumpled aluminum can. Emotions can be high volume or low volume. But from my experience higher volume emotions usually are in the territory's of the personal. If you're reading this right now and have a slight pressure felt in the vicinity of the prefrontal lobes, you're at the right spot. But then if that's the case, you didn't need me to tell you. Huh? If you don't experience that at the present, nevermind, but please put it (the notion) on the shelf for the time being. Slow, concise, Zen-like land-mines is one way of expressing. I have a Eurasian friend who does pretty well delivering it machine gun style also. ?

@modmyth So true and I agree. A part of my work on self is seeing in myself what I don't like at times when I observe it in others. In the ballpark anyway. ? Nowhere to hide really when I observe heavy self absorption so I just sit in the middle of it. Having trouble accurately expressing today,,, Big storms rolling through the 'Natural State' today means internet signal very sketchy. ✌️??‍?

@fridjonk That's the spirit! I appreciate the feedback as well. At times, for me. The trouble with words,,,,,, Also at play in this is my own confusion about what constitutes authentic, natural, and or synthetic. This could easily get into the subject of sourcing and that is something I definitely want to avoid because of Leo's policy about it which makes sense and I agree with because of the can of worms it can open up. I'll add a little more here. The natural 5 meo dmt that's derived from the desert toads has been probably my least favorite. The distinction I need to make and understand better is probably more around the quality of the work with different chemists and their integrity with the process. There's just a lot of gaps in my knowledge. I have continued commenting partially about my trips here in this journal and will continue to do so from time to time. Im not afraid to experiment. Typing myself or rather my personality as a counterphobic type six on the Enneagram probably has something to do with this part of my nature. I've been into experimenting with different mixtures and the effects of doing these mixtures. This is something that Terence McKenna pointed out that just never happens in the more orthodox researches that have gone on. Especially the closer one gets to academia or the government. Unless it's the CIA ( note the hypocrisy) The kind of things that cause the do-gooder types to jump up and down while blowing a whistle and pointing their finger. One of the inherent dangers of being someone who makes conventional people get all big eyed and shit their pants is their tendency to scapegoat us more adventurous types. To me, mixing NN dmt and 5 meo dmt and vaping doesn't seem scandalous at all. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. It's a gray area though because people who have real addictive type of personalities will do this type of thing simply for entertainment or dissociation from their troubled, shitty, inner life. In time I'll probably comment more about different mixtures or what I call marathon trips but I'm going to stop here before a tar and feather committee starts to form.@fridjonk , If you ever travel into the U.S., I hope you make a detour through Arkansas. You seem like a kindred spirit. ?

I thought of this song the other day. It was popular when I was just a pup.

I've actually taken to 5 meo dmt like a duck to water in the last few months. That stuff gets expensive! If only I could be paid a decent wage for being a psychonaut, life would be even more perfect than what it is. And that's not all. The synchronicities of late have confirmed parts of my inner truth and intuition. Knowing the value of and appreciating long hot baths all my life and also having an undying great appreciation of beautiful naked women, I thought SHITFIRE MAN! ?? ?? I have totally got this thing down!!!!??? I never been one given to gratuitous swearing. Excuse me for getting a little excited. ??. I haven't brought up, what follows, on the forum but if it has been brought up, I would appreciate it if someone would point me towards a link to any such conversation. That being about others thoughts and opinions about synthetic 5 meo dmt,,,, vs the genuine stuff. From folks with more experience than me. I do know there's a difference and also a difference between different batches of synthetic 5 meo dmt from the varied sources that I've encountered. My gut tells me that Leo and others more knowledgeable than myself will say - Just don't go there. But, I don't know,,,,,Personally, I do find authentic, for lack of a better phrase, 5 meo dmt is not only more powerful but also more pleasant than the synthetic stuff. Please be careful also, especially if you're like me and buy el-cheapo scales. At least buy a second set to have around to compare and pay very close attention to what the dose sizes look like in the beginning. An inaccurate reading of 5 meo dmt from cheap scales have knocked me unconscious on two different occasions. Although I know for sure I had made it to the bed and was laying flat out after vaping, sometime later I woke up on the carpet with a bedside table knocked over and contents scattered everywhere. Both times. Even busted a set of prescription eye glasses the first time it happened. Both of those occasions involved synthetic 5 meo dmt. I'm not what you could call an ideal example of being an actualizer at times, in this regard. That's one reason I stepped away from giving trip reports out in the forum. I don't want to be a troublemaker. A few months ago, I was called out by a veteran psychonaut for my amateurish trip report with mistaken and incorrect dose measurements given. If the person who called me out happens to be reading this, let me say thank you and I apologize and also appreciate responsible people like yourself speaking out. At the time. What did I do? I got kinda sassy and told them something like that they needed to maybe lighten up a little bit. That insecure part of myself (ego) flared up became thin skinned and childish. A part of my ongoing work still involves trying to address those parts of myself that gets offended and manifests reactively. Maybe by outing myself about that, it will help me to remember,,,,,,

@fridjonk I'll check out some of John Butler's videos. If there are some in particular that you think I would like, please send me a link. Otherwise I'll just pick one out myself. Under the umbrella of Christianity, I like Cynthia Bourgeault and Ted Nottingham who are also students of the writings of the mystic Gurdjieff. Ted gets an evangelical cadence in his talks at times which used to bother me by but no longer does. The following video about Karlfried Graf Durkheim, narrated by Ted is typical of his dramatic speaking which can also make him extremely hilarious at times when he gets goofy, because it's so unexpected.. Below that is one of an interesting character that Ted put up on his channel about a year ago that I thought gave an interesting story of his past as an evangelical and then a hippy who discovered a lineage of the Early Christian desert Mothers and Fathers.

@fridjonk That's reassuring. ? I know that I'm frequently self absorbed (self centered) and somewhat narcissistic in a way,,,, but the Machiavellian label made me step back. I think I could have filled out the test too fast and may have marked some questions one way when I actually meant the other. Thats neat about you having a farm and sheep to tend to there in Iceland. I've always been amazed at how tough newborn baby calves are. Like when they're born on ice covered ground in a snow and sleet storm and are up on their shaky legs and nursing in just a few minutes. I've lost count of the calves that I've had to help deliver. I always try to greet them by announcing "welcome to Earth". ?‍♂️??‍?

Both but definitely more spiritual type videos. Especially if psychological and philosophical content fall under the category of spiritual,,, True that. ?

L@fridjonk Me too, brother! My reading discipline has really suffered in the last couple of years. I'm still reading in Diamond from Heaven. I've had this book for a couple of months. 5 - 10 years ago, I would have already read it from cover to cover two or three times. I've also gotten bad about starting new books but rarely finishing one. Often I'll scan the table of contents in a book and then just pick around in it. A part of this is because of the large amount of time that I spend on YouTube. The amount of good content to be found there is staggering. Apart from the junk,,, ? Everything ssems to go in cycles eventually so for me, I'll probably be back to having better reading habits at some point.

Hi! I'm a self-centered, machiavellian, narcissist.

Lookee, I caught a perch! It wiggles. When I grow up I want to be a crazy missunderstood genius.

@Zanoni What I hear is pleasant and has been with me nearly constant for about 3 years. Heard in both ears and definitely sounds like crickets on a summer night. It also varies in intensity at times. Ive connected it possibly with what Gurdjieff called the Nirioonossian world sound. https://gurdjieff.org.gr/ae/terms/en50/0496.htm About a year after it started I ran across this site that connects it with a minor chakra called the Alta Major http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf ?‍♂️?‍♂️

Three songs that mentions "Conscience". This last one is kind of a hateful little song but the line stuck with me years ago - "When your conscience hits you, knock it back with pills". At the time it was something I definitely didn't want to hear at all,,,, "Conscience is the intelligence of the Universe"- Ocke de Boer

@The observer I know how you feel.

@Average Investor I've been following your Journal and just wanted to say I respect your self motivation and work ethic. Also watched one of your YouTubes earlier today. ??‍♂️

In this episode Martin Butler stresses the drive for survival very similar to the way Leo does in some of his talks.

https://www.youtube.com/user/ButlerAnalytic

Pondering aspbergers syndrome symptoms. In duality, a stick has two ends.

I experimented with ketamine for the first time last summer. That stuff is way too heavy. For me, comparatively 100 ug lsd tabs are like flinstones chewables. Ketamine is very serious business. The last thing you want to do is jump into a big dose. ESPECIALLY, the first time! Little details are very important fellow psychonauts. After haphazardly scanning over the PsychonautWiki page, Mistakenly, I insufflated an oral dose and found what felt like Satan's home address. Beware and be aware. Don't do that. Death is possible. You could easily end up choking on your own vomit. I nearly did.