Zigzag Idiot

The Mystic Gurdjieff had a rather sobering view in regard to one having a soul. This aphorism condenses. His view. Blessed is he who has a soul, blessed is he who has none, but woe and grief to him who has it in embryo. He claimed that humans on Earth are here to develop and complete their soul. That for the most part we are born with only a starter kit of a soul. One of the main tasks in this view is to purify the emotional center. This requires not being reactive towards whoever or whatever pushes our buttons. We are responsible for our negativity regardless of what happens. The task is to fully feel whatever we experience but not bitch, complain, or verbally attack another human or animal. I continually fail at this task..... In regard to this idea, Arnold Keyserling said an interesting thing one time. If a person could go for two years (the orbit of Mars) without reacting in anger. They would never feel a negative emotion towards anyone for the rest of their life. This condition might correlate with the state of consciousness called Christ Consciousness or nondual consciousness as described by Jim Marion, Ken Wilber and others. Gurdjieff's work is sometimes referred to as the Fourth Way or Esoteric Christianity. I heard a Teacher of the Fourth Way once say that it is for losers. One must be a complete loser and totally disillusioned with life to be ready to enter The Fourth Way... Seeing and experiencing the uselessness of materialism and other worldviews, There are different lineages which vary in their view of the Teaching. Gurdjieff taught reincarnation in a way and said if a soul doesn't reach purification and completion within the time frame of the life of a Solar system. The partial soul will disintegrate. This is all rather depressing, isn't it,,,,,?

I was advised by someone I respect that Love is something that should never be discussed, I can see the wisdom in the idea,,,, Let me contradict myself and seemingly disregard that statement with what I’ve expressed before. Romantic love and infatuation are both instances of love with a small “l”ove. Unconditional Love often means sacrificing one’s own wants and needs. That’s Love with a big “L”ove. To hold unconditional Love as a standard to live up to. This does more harm than good. The vast majority of humans are incapable of the state of consciousness that is unconditional Love. It is sometimes ‘touched’ as a state but I’ve never have known a human who lived in the state of unconditional Love as a permanent stage of consciousness. A quote from Lao tsu comes to mind. “He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know.” Soooo, with the idea given to me that one should not speak about Love. That is all for now. I’m going to observe myself in the future and see if I ramble on,,, And now for something different. This guy incorporated the use of a shotgun with his drumming. I get a kick out of his drumming. Truly impressive!

This was an observation about myself that I shared with an online group. It’s the kind of self observation that should be shared here instead of my usual hyperbolic or exaggerated expressions. —I was cynical and noticed that it perpetuated a subtle sense of guilt. The Commentaries introduced me to the treasures of light-heartedness. To me goofy is equal to being lighthearted. I’ve backslid in the last couple of years and perhaps found the value of letting hatred burn hot and clean instead of repressing the hatred which seems to perpetuate the guilt as well. I’m a work in progress. Sometimes 2 steps forward then 3 steps back.— The Commentaries mentioned are The Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky by Maurice Nicoll. It’s in my understanding and experience that actualizing one’s potential is not an experience of crossing the finish line once and for all ending with an illuminated enlightenment. Falling back into some degree of neurotic condition is usually the rule and will occur for years. Even after a major transformative realization. Because there are many to be potentially realized. The practice of sensing one’s feet or of breathing into the belly center. Not holding your gut in like many adults do. Let it relax like a little kid who is free from self consciousness. Having excessive internal dialogue and being trapped inside your head is the experience of being a poor bastard with innumerable problems to be solved. In contrast, having inner quiet is a wonderful experience.

An archetypal Mars/adrenal essence type with a moving-instinctive center of gravity, These bipedal characters burn ground and can specialize in destroying cars or furniture.

A wannabe passivist with an interdimensional warlock starter kit I'm captain Oblivious much of the time. Moreso when my attention is concentrated and drawn away from me rather than directed at a focal point. Two days ago, while working on a project outdoors, a mind flash occurred that added to a previous insight/concept. As G. once stated. As soon as I realized the sense of this idea, I got up and began to run around the spring, without knowing what I was doing, like a young calf. I've always been this way to a degree,,,. Of being in a world of my own making, excluding the goings-on of my immediate environment. This happens in a number of ways and includes a very distilled, if you will, element of psychological /sensorial projection which takes on a life of its own with characters independent of my volition, who then begin acting on their own. I wonder/postulate that connection is being made with the collective unconscious and perhaps simultaneously the imaginal/causal realm. There's a lot going on here that needs to be sorted out. This morning after I woke while still laying horizontal. i saw a difficult situation in a different light. There was a felt sense of communication with someone at a distance and simultaneously, a healing. This healing was similar and commiserate with understanding and forgiveness. Nisargadatta's statement comes to mind. "Nothing is wrong anymore".

Slept fitfully last night. Had a vivid and interesting dream right before I woke. Listening to the schizophrenic voices in my head as I sit here. They are singing a song like most always and that’s okay. I know how to multitask. Time to get out of the bed and go fix some oatmeal. Nearly every morning I have some oatmeal with my sugar and margarine with a pinch of salt and cinnamon. Good morning everyone.

I like this little gal’s energy. Ran across this 4 or 5 years ago. Here it is again,,, What’s the value of a head of a dead cat? It’s priceless. Like Willie Nelson’s old acoustic guitar,,, https://www.texasmonthly.com/arts-entertainment/trigger/

Names that are difficult to pronounce Englebert Humperdinck Tod Rundgren Itzhak Bentov Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi Knecht Ruprect Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff

Poetry by Arnold Keyserling Truth Only that truth which is recognized by all can become a fellow-being. You should grow up around your grievous mistakes like a tree, and let them be, until one day they become a part of your strength, and they no longer hinder your ascent. Thinking is a force, feeling leads to new motivations. Remain receptive to both and truth will become attainable. Truth is that knowledge which becomes one with being. You will become one with being when all of your burdens and loves, objects and fears, sorrows and joys have found their place in the whole. Sorrow No one would make the decisive step without sorrow and doubt. But taking that step has nothing to do with sadness. It is shed like the skin of a snake. The darkness is able to generate the right reason, one more difficult, but also better, than the next. But it will not always be so. Some day love will shine upon you. Then sorrow will simply be the undertone of the resulting harmony. The path is there from the very beginning. Sometimes it is easier, sometimes harder. But one thing is essential: the depth emerges from the strength of sorrow. Without sorrow there is no course; without the course the path is not passable. Mourn – not over the self – but over what is yet to be done. Each day brings further sorrows, and eventually you will reach the original cause of sorrow. Then you can finally begin the ascent back. Rejoice in your sorrow, for the darkness will not remain with you much longer.

@tsuki Hi friend! Good to hear from you. I would enjoy seeing you journal here again if you decide to,,,,. Hope all is well,,,,

Some of my I-CHING consultation from last night.

What’s at the heart of actualizing one’s potential I’m a rogue student of different approaches to self understanding. There’s a commonality I’ve notice between Emerald’s use of Jungian psychology in her Shadow Work program to that of Almaas’s Ridhwan school and also Dianetics/Scientology. One commonality is the ability to internally face uncomfortable aspects of oneself through recall and thoroughly do so until you see, in a historical sense, your own innocence. This allows you to see the inherent innocence that is present within everyone you meet. This is an email sent to me by Emerald. It is something worth pondering for those who are on the journey. Here's another Shadow Work Tip to help you along with your Inner Work journey. Today's Shadow Work Tip is... "Integrating your Shadow requires developing emotional proximity to the Shadow Aspect you're trying to integrate." When we repress parts of ourselves to the Shadow and go unconscious to parts of our personality, one of the main reasons we do this is because the emotions those Shadow Aspects are dealing with are difficult and over-whelming to be present with. There are four main reasons why we repress aspects of ourselves: preserving an identity, preserving a worldview, coping with trauma, and coping with unmet needs. With the latter two (coping with trauma and unmet needs), the reason why we go unconscious to these parts is because it's very difficult on our nervous system to be present to the intensity of trauma-based emotions and the feelings of despair and desperation associated with unmet needs. So in order to avoid these intense emotions, a few things happen. The first thing that happens is that the Nervous System shuts down the processing of those intense emotions and stores them away in the body. Then, the mind and body work together to keep us from becoming conscious of those unprocessed feelings that reside in the Nervous System. Then simultaneously, the psyche fragments off the part of the personality that bore the brunt of the trauma or bears the brunt of the unmet need. And we go unconscious to all the memories, wants, needs, desires, strengths, wisdom, and perspective of that aspect. This is how our Shadow Aspects get split off as autonomous agents that have wants, needs, and agendas that can (and often do) clash with the wants, needs, and agendas of the Conscious Personality. So, if we want to integrate our Shadow Aspects... we must be able to (gradually) sit with the emotions that the Nervous System has shut down. I call this emotional proximity. Being able to have emotional proximity with a Shadow Aspect means allowing yourself to sit with the emotions that a Shadow Aspect is experiencing. For example, let's say that I experienced an overwhelming amount of shame that created a trauma in my Nervous System around that experience of shame. And this caused an aspect of my personality to be relegated to the Shadow where it is constantly looping around with feelings of shame and trying to resolve those feelings of shame. What that means is that in order to become conscious of this aspect... I have to be willing to experience the feeling of shame. And in order to integrate that aspect... I have to be willing to sit with shame gradually over a longer period of time. It is with the gradual, slow, and gentle experiencing of shame over time and a willingness to be with that shame that will start to process the shame. This in turn will make it easier and easier to be with my Shadow Aspect that's dealing with shame. And once the shame has been processed, this renders the repression obsolete and there is a reintegration that occurs. Now, this process of sitting with uncomfortable and overwhelming emotions should be taken gradually and slowly. The Nervous System can only handle so much at a time. And the reason why the repression occurred in the first place is because the Nervous System got overwhelmed and an aspect got repressed as a result. So, we never want to rush the process of sitting with emotions... and we never want to bit off more than we can chew. But if we gradually sit with our uncomfortable emotions over time while remaining in a state of emotional regulation, this is what's necessary to integrate many of our Shadow Aspect. I hope this Shadow Work Tip is helpful to you! Best Wishes, Emerald P.S. Are you interested in learning more about Shadow Work? If so, you might want to check out my Shadow Work Self-Study Course which is a self-paced program that's designed to provide deeper clarity and practical tools to people who are on a Shadow Work Journey so that they can integrate their Shadow Aspect without all the confusion. If you'd like to integrate your Shadow WITHOUT all the confusion,click this link to learn more about the Shadow Work Self-Study Course! Unsubscribe | Update your profile | 113 Cherry St #92768113 Cherry St #92768, Seattle , WA 98104-2205

D IMO.,,,A bit cynical but true. Very sobering,,,,

Been sickly the last 2-3 days. I feel like an earthworm with the shit slung out of it. Wish I could find more old Bozo clips with Arkansas's Gary Weir. Like the one above. Some of my favorite Bozo questions- Jason, do you walk to school or do you carry your lunch? ,,,,,,, Christine, I want to know something ,, okay? She says, okay. Michael, where are you from partner? Michael say's, Arkansas. Bozo asks. I wonder how Come? Michael replies. I don't know.

Don't Litter Watch old episodes of Bozo Self-observe while trying not to think too much. Abandon cynicism and genuinely wish people well

Scratching my face under my beard At peace I am like a cat I love solitude All people are crazy as am I This morning tears flowed thinking of her being alone She deserves to be shown more love I’m feeling weepy again I find it ironic that she is a person who requires a good deal of solitude as well

The Fourth Way is largely concerned with Self Observation or Inquiry. Self Observation shows a person how "asleep" they are at times. When we're reactive and act simply as stimulus response mammals,,,,

No need to sugar coat things @Danioover9000 . Tell me how you really feel.... For now . I'm pondering and viewing it as poetry.. You're abstracting,,,, perhaps. I've been kicked around somewhat lately and have grown shallow, reactive and sometimes mean. As a result I'm 98% heterosexual; 2% bisexual. Not as openminded as I used to be.,,,, I wish someone would tell me if I were involved in government or solipsism experiment and I'm being viewed as a specimen by a large population. I realize too it really didn't have my nametag on it,,, “Blessed is he who has a soul, blessed is he who has none, but woe and grief to him who has it in embryo.” - Gurdjieff

So 6 hours later and I’m sitting here stupidly looking at the last bit of daylight. There are crickets, frogs and cicadas singing and chirping. There are other sounds I’m not mentioning. It feels nice to be stupid and calm. There are sounds like the neighbors voices that draw my attention. I know nothing and I feel fine. But information can be burdensome as well as informative. Does the information further understanding? I don’t have to ask for insight. It usually shows up mixed in with trash thoughts. So letting everything go (kenosis) or role playing stupid and empty-headed works somewhat. It depends on how much you apply such disciplines. Just my opinion.

We often become miserable in varying degrees by thinking too much. Recognizing that the mind is not quiet is often overlooked,,, ironically. To become quiet inside. Pretend that you are extremely stupid and then just persist with this role playing exercise.

People see whatever that want to see, you could say. You see? This is/was a seer’s seeing eye song. It was about a Being who awoke and then died from seeing what they saw. Later on, the Being decided to leap out of the grave. Waking deficient emptiness dying deficient emptiness rebirth/reborn

I’m all ears and I can’t hear anything that disturbs me. That is inner quiet. When the attention is there, inner quiet is present. In my inner world everything is the same and is no problem. Curiosity exists. This is no guarantee that I’ll be completely identified and lost in a reaction a few minutes later because some thing in my outer world has gone off the rails. Perhaps I blow a tire out going down the Highway or my house is found to be on fire. In some way my attention has been drawn away emotionally. There are countless ways this can happen. Staying centered and able to direct my own attention is a long term practice. To not be startled when others are. This is a sign of a person who is present and not glued to the parallel reality of the collective ego.

A home is more than a house. It’s a place to fuck and fry bacon. That’s just a memorable remark I overheard years ago. I believe one has to guard against the tendency to be a goody-goody which is a typical characteristic of a zen devil, to borrow Leo’s phrase regarding spiritual materialism. I’ve always had a tendency for being too serious. Reading The Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky by Maurice Nicoll showed me the value of lightheartedness. One of my favorite quotes of his regarding the neurotic mindset overburdened with internal dialogue.,,, Working to maintain a space of inner quiet that's not affected by the world. How often do we let thoughts trigger us and ruin our day? Do you have a mind or does your mind have you? Have you got sufficient inner observation? Have you cleared and well dug a big space in your mind through the practice of inner attention and put a hedge round it and a gate so that you can hear the click of the gate and watch this darling little thought coming up the drive all ready to say: “Oh, how tired I am,” etc.? I fancy that once we let it in very far every thought gets hold of us and wrings us, takes our blood, makes us react, talk, behave, in a certain way, and then, satisfied with having dined off us, it retires for a time.