Zigzag Idiot

No disrespect intended. @seeking_brilliance I hadn't noticed the Irony of the title until you pointed it out. It reminds me of how often I metaphorically hang myself because of my psychological blindspot,,,,,

May I acknowledge through indirectness and plausible deniability and cheeks blushed with shame, what a worthless piece of dogshit I am because through someone else's projection and imagination, I was the cause of great disappointment. Furthermore, because I allowed through this gross negligence of not being attuned to the highest degree of refined clairvoyance and empathy, that I be reminded of this for the rest of my days and that nations of unhappy people and all their ancestors with great fury for thousands of years should blow on loud police whistles and shit on me or in my general direction for at least a thousand generations into the future.

What is my aim? In the Fourth Way Teaching, my aim is to make it to man #6 before my Automaton konks out. Ive stated before in this Journal that in all honesty, I'm not good relationship material. I'm not looking for a wife, girlfriend or a sex partner. As I go about working on myself, this journal helps me to integrate. I enjoy interacting with kindred spirits and sometimes others of a completely different character or nature. I enjoy the friendship of both men and women. Sometimes I like to flirt a liltte bit. But not always, so I admit that up front. If I misstep I can take an ass chewing. I've survived my share of them,,, ? If I wake up in the middle of the night and half asleep respond beligerently to a post on the forum then I accept that I should be called out on it. I enjoy what could be called engaging in imaginative conjecture. Throwing out half baked ideas or far out theories. Influenced by the Keyserling School of Wisdom, I will never think of myself or take the role of a Spiritual Teacher. I have thought of offering a retreat for 'Spiritual Seekers' . In all honesty, due to the need for some supplemental income. It would be very informal and flexible. Maybe offering the use of my spacious loft, and share my refrigerator space. In a country setting with plenty of space. I would simply be a spiritual friend and sounding board. Just a few days, probably a week at the most, I might schedule others who were looking for a spiritual retreat or just a vacation In this specific niche. In no way do I intend to ever target any audience here on this forum as a customer resource. This is all still just half baked in my mind.Not even sure I want to go through with it. The following is from Chance and Choice. It is my inspiration from which I would simply be a 'spiritual friend.' A friend who will charge ??$$/per day ? In the Aquarian Age of Body Thinking, with technology, everyone has to find his personal way, starting from the dark towards the light. The age of Empires is dying and being replaced by global consciousness, a one world network of friends - Spaceship Earth. Today the individual is paramount and the differences between people are accepted and affirmed. The myth of Satan versus almighty God is exploded. The individual now finds and creates their own way. Evil can now be recognized as the personal shadow which has to be integrated with the help of psychology. Beyond good and evil, a person can be grounded in the infinite, Zero, in God. Today we find God by tuning into the basic time cycles, and discovering our basic mental gestalt, our meaning and purpose in life. In the Zero dimension the individual can find their roots in CHI, in the capacity of Self Organization. They can travel full circle from a limited ego, little "I", disassociated with the Self, onto the Zero - the Self - where the false ego is shattered. Then the way goes back from out of the Self into the true Ego, the big "I". The big "I" is in contact with the Self and includes the "I" of all others in the Universe. With the holistic Ego fully present in the fourth dimension, a person finds fulfillment by development of their unique potential, their personal path. In the Aquarian Age this path involves creative fulfillment by some type of personal service or work of some kind - work for the earth and all of nature, including human-kind. Instead of mastery and loyalty common to the last age, work and friendship are the common denominators of this age. The friendship of equals replaces the parental or schoolmaster discipline of the last age. This emphasis on friendship has already begun to transform all of society. The trend will continue as the archaic institutions of the past decay and are replaced by dynamic new structures in tune with the times. The transformation has begun on all levels, including the spiritual disciplines. For example, the School of Wisdom is a gathering of friends based on individual understanding, tolerance and merit. Followers are discouraged and adherence to specific dogmas and authoritarian lineage is anathema. The transformation has already had strong effects on the family where friendship is the new basis of both husband-wife and parent-child relationships. It is effecting business where the boss-employee relationship is becoming friendlier and less polarized-hierarchial. It is effecting world governments where the enemy us-them mentality is dying in favor of global cooperation. The holistic view of friendship on all levels has arrived - between all of humanity with each other, and between humans and all other forms of life on this planet. In the Aquarian Age ecological awareness re-emerges in importance on a global level. We are not masters of nature, we are her friends. This even applies to our technology, as our machines and computers become ever more user-friendly. The Piscean Age of industrialism and empire - which was at the end severely polluted and unfriendly to the Earth - is dead or is dying. So we should not be concerned with trying to destroy the old age, the old ways. That is inevitable. It naturally follows the Progression of the Equinoxes. Instead, we should be concerned with building solid structures to replace the old. Our new structures will last if they are based on environmental awareness and are friendly to the Earth and all forms of being and consciousness. The new historical era started on February 4, 1962 with a solar eclipse over New Guinea. At that time all of the planets, except for the trans-Saturanian ones, were located at 15 degrees Aquarius. There is no need for an apocalypse, and no need to wait for a future age of coming good. The New Age is already here, the potential is at hand. All that is needed is understanding and work to fulfill the new potentials. from: http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/time-cycles/

@Amit Some rhetorical questions? Do you dismiss empathic, clairvoyant or those considered to have intuitive talents or the notion of left or right brained dominated individuals. Or how about the idea of self similarity over scales? The atom with orbiting elections. The sun and solar system. The many solar systems orbiting the galactic hub. Galaxy clusters. ? Astrology can be framed as a belief like a fundamentalist in a religion or it can be used as maybe the parables are interpreted by the Contemplative or Mystics. Belief not needed or really a part of the equation.

I'm glad Leo is going to address developmental psychology. You have to have a healthy ego to be able to transcend it. I've heard this notion from both Hameed Almaas and Ken Wilber. Whether it's my arrested development or perhaps that mixed with existing somewhere on the autism scale. I've grown to understand that this is at the core of my hindrances. The Fourth Way map of vertical development says this also. I skipped man #4 to become man #5 and because of that can go no further unless a very high price is paid. So to speak,,,, Another idea I've become clearer about is that the self esteem pitched by the vast majority of therapists today is really a pitiful condition as Ken Wilber worded it. It's clear when you contrast mind with being. An Important Difference Between the Mind and Being These fantasies, beliefs and misinformation actually accompany almost all internalized object relations to some extent. Internalized object relations are rarely true representations of actual events or relationships. One’s memory traces include all kinds of ideas, fantasies and images that never had an objective reality. Another source of extraneous material comes from the psychic processes of organization and integration themselves. These processes modify the original object relations as more impressions are internalized. This is necessary for the integration of object relations units of various affect and content. This extra material, whether it is attached to actual memories of object relations or consists of pure fabrications, cannot be absorbed into Being. This is an important difference between the mind and Being. The mind can absorb and identify with any psychic material it believes to be true. It does not have the capacity, on its own, to discern what is objective truth and what is not. In other words, the mind can be deceived, even by itself. Being, on the other hand, is pure reality. It is the actual stuff and consciousness of truth, and cannot be deceived. It does not try not to be deceived; it is simply truth by its nature, a self-conscious medium made of pure sensitivity. Any falsehood, that is, anything which is not the objective truth of what actually happened in past interactions which produced a particular object relation, is felt in comparison to Being to be dull, gross and distasteful. When one is in contact with Being, these falsehoods are felt to be lifeless, thick and heavy veils in comparison to the luminosity of Being. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 16 I believe that there really is something about 'being a loser' in order to be motivated to get started on the path. Not fitting in or being disfunctional is probably a better way to put it. Almaas studied a wide variety of developmental psychological researchers . I've heard him mention Melanie Klein and Karen Horney quite a bit. Here's a really condensed version of his Theory of holes as it's called. Genesis of Deficient Emptiness We propose the following hypothesis ......: * At birth the human infant has no sense of self. * He is Being. He is his being without knowledge or self-consciousness. There is no mental functioning yet. * Slowly, through experiences of pleasure and pain, memory traces are retained, forming the first self-impressions (self-representations). * As the infant starts taking himself to be this or that (this or that self-image) he separates from his sense of Being, because any image is not his being. * As the ego-identity and sense of self develop and become stable, the contact with Being in its various aspects and qualities is mostly lost. The extent of the loss also depends on the adequacy of the environment and the infant’s relation to it. * The process of loss of contact with Being leaves a sense of deficiency, a state of deficient emptiness, as if the Being is left with many holes in it. The deficient emptiness is the state of the absence of contact with or awareness of Being. * Space, which is the open dimension of Being, is lost in the formation of the self-image. This self-image includes the unconscious body-image of having a genital hole. * For the normal individual, the development of the personality happens relatively smoothly. The self is highly integrated and stays stable throughout most of one’s life. * In those with mental disorders, for reasons already known in depth psychology, the development of the personality and its sense of self is incomplete, or happens with various distortions, malformations, or inadequacies. The Void, pg. 127 more here: https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/theory-holes

I can come across as blunt and simple minded. Probably as a hypocrite too. Maybe out of touch with the times. Sporadic, opinionated, perverted maybe,, I don't know. We all project our thought labels onto others. I have to include myself because it's undeniable at times. Still after all these years I catch myself projecting ideas, personality traits of different kinds, worldviews, lifestyles, etc.,,, When we can meet people in person some of it will immediately go away. Lightheartedness is a good virtue. I don't think I would have developed lightheartedness to the degree I have if I hadn't have humiliated myself countless times. I mentioned a Spiritual Teacher I crossed paths with a number of years ago when I was really unbalanced. I remember him saying his son was really enthused about Echart Tolle and was trying to get him to read The Power Of Now. He was kinda rolling his eyes as he related this to a third person. I was just at the edge of that conversation. This was only about four years after The Power Of Now was released. I had already re-read it 8 -10 times. I thought he was a little arrogant about not having even given Tolle a read yet. The guy had been around a while, though and I believe spent some time around both the Krishnamurti's. I gave him what respect I could as an unstable hillbilly with very little polish and blunt opinions. At one point in the evening he turned to me and said, " You know, the Fourth Way path is only for losers". If a person is succesful in the world they won't endure all the shit you have to go through in working on yourself". A couple of years later I was at the height of my Zen Devil phase. A real 'crow in peacock feathers' I was. In the company of my first official Fourth Way Teacher, Dwight, a semi-retired Artist. Dwight's Teacher had spent time with Gurdjieff. I was constantly going on about Castaneda. I made it real easy for Dwight to help me make a fool of myself. I didn't care though. I thought I knew everything, ,,,just about. In a small meeting with Dwight and three other students he turned to me and halfway quoting the New Testament said - "You know, the Pharisee's HAD their reward". Only later did I realize he was referring to my spiritual puffed-up-ness. It made a lot of sense in hindsight. The Pharisee's in Jesus's time had all kinds of status in the religious and social order. In a round about Way he was saying that the reward the Pharisee's had was only egoic. They weren't losers like they made Jesus out to be.

The Healing Power of Striving by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen Striving is stretching yourself, working toward something that is personally meaningful to you, going beyond your previous limits, reaching, challenging yourself. When you strive, you are fulfilling a yearning. It gives you hope and purpose. And with hope and purpose, depression takes a back seat. Even the tendency to get depressed begins to fall away. When you strive, you are saying to yourself, “I am not who I thought I was, and I am not stuck.” You have set a goal and you are reaching toward it. But be assured that achieving that particular goal is not the important thing. You may achieve it; you may not. There may be other factors you were not aware of. The important thing is the striving itself. All the benefits, all the healing, are gained in the process of reaching toward it. You are genuinely, sincerely putting yourself into the effort; you are striving.

@Toby @Preety_India i see. It's a broader concept than I thought. Just got this offf Wikipedia also. The concept of toxic masculinity is used in academic and media discussions of masculinity to refer to certain cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and to men themselves. Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant, along with related traits such as misogyny and homophobia, can be considered "toxic" due in part to their promotion of violence, including sexual assault and domestic violence. The socialization of boys in patriarchal societies often normalizes violence, such as in the saying "boys will be boys" with regard to bullying and aggression. Self-reliance and emotional repression are correlated with increased psychological problems in men such as depression, increased stress, and substance abuse. Toxic masculine traits are characteristic of the unspoken code of behavior among men in American prisons, where they exist in part as a response to the harsh conditions of prison life. Other traditionally masculine traits such as devotion to work, pride in excelling at sports, and providing for one's family, are not considered to be "toxic". The concept was originally used by authors associated with the mythopoetic men's movement such as Shepherd Bliss to contrast stereotypical notions of masculinity with a "real" or "deep" masculinity that they say men have lost touch with in modern society. Critics of the term argue that its meaning incorrectly implies gender-related issues are caused by inherent male traits.[1]

ive known a few Doyle's

Huh?

Good to hear from you,, @DrewNows These musical Mystics look a little bit stoned to me. Bob Dylan and Kris Kristopherson are alike in a way. Great song writers,,yes. Singers, eh,,not so much. Why is everything they refer to yellow? Be careful when you're talking And saying all that stuff (Be careful about expressing negative emotion)o Take care when you are breathing Something's funny in the air ( Breath Consciously) there's some things they're not saying 'bout what's happening out there (Spiritual sleep) It's inside out,,,, ACIM says we experience life upside down Maurice Nicoll- AN INTERNAL MOVEMENT “To remember oneself it is necessary to look in and look out. One must see the outer and see oneself in relation to the outer. But actu- ally no one can see in and see out at the same time any more than a person can breathe in and breathe out at the same time...And so Self-Remembering can be thought of as consisting in some to and fro motion, psychological in nature, that has to be carried out conscious- ly—that is, with a certain pressure of the attention that is given by aim or by the feeling of the Work. For example, I look at the person, and then at my reaction in the light of my aim, then outward again at the person, then inward at my reaction, and so on. Identifying then becomes impossible.” V. 2, p. 410

Learning to "sit with" uncomfortable or emotionally painful states of 'deficient emptiness' has been beneficial for me as taught in The Ridhwan Diamond Approach which has many similarities with self observation of The Fourth Way which I've also practiced. https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/deficient-emptiness Another Christian Teacher I like phrased it as learning to sit in the middle of your every-which-way-ness. Crucial also for me was to not give voice to negative emotions. Don't repress them but allow yourself to feel them fully just don't speak them. As in complaining when you know ahead of time, it will do no good. When we speak them, if you notice, they get traction and gain momentum. I noticed with myself a loss of life force or chi energy if I let go with a bunch of word vomit. This loss of energy persisted for the rest of the day and until I was able to go through some R.E.M. and normal deep sleep cycle. To hold one's tongue and not give voice can be a terribly difficult thing to do but with practice it gets more doable and one can then recognize the benefit to one's emotional stability as well as our energy levels. There is most always the pendulum effect in regard to emotions. Remember ahead of time that things will look different in a day or two whether one is on a bit of a high or feeling a terrible low.

@Raptorsin7 I was in a similar condition 30 years ago in my late teens early twenties..It sounds like you're volunteering in some radical honesty about yourself. That's great! It can be very painful to sit with certain things we observe about ourselves but if you truly observe these things without self criticism they will dissolve. Feeling remorse can be medicine. Guilt is worse than useless and will often perpetuate unhealthy cycles. Be kind to yourself and ponder the difference between feeling remorse and feeling guilt. Hopefully, your family recognizes this newborn sincerity. If not, have trust that in time, they will. Getting creative in ways of adopting a minimalist lifestyle and avoiding debt can prevent stress further on down the road.. Hope you don't mind my unsolicited advice. It's offered only out of goodwill and friendship and having once been in similar circumstances Oh yeah, I almost forgot,,, fuck shame and piss all over the super-ego (the voice of the inner critic). And good luck. ?✌️?‍♂️??‍?

@Keyhole No Ma'am. No chronic illnesses at present. I'm 52 though, and I know how fast twenty years can go by. My father passed away at 66. I've also caught glimpses many times of my self deception in not really considering the inevitability of death or doing the math you might say. Death of the body,,,, I'm just using death as an advisor as Gurdjieff and Castaneda articulated. Excuse me for replying mostly with quotes. “Death is the only wise advisor that we have. Whenever you feel, as you always do, that everything is going wrong and you're about to be annihilated, turn to your death and ask if that is so. Your death will tell you that you're wrong; that nothing really matters outside its touch. Your death will tell you, 'I haven't touched you yet.” Dont really liked that he chose the word pity here but it's the overall gist of the message that I'm leaning on.

By chance here is their home page. http://www.consciousdynamicsllc.com/home/home.html if it works, click on Enneagram and then levels Of Consciousness..

@Artsu I'm excited to read your takeaway about different typologies.. Spiral Dynamics also. I love this webpage. http://www.consciousdynamicsllc.com/home/levels_of_consciousness.html Its a combination of SD and the Enneagram. I'm an enneatype six and an INTP, by the way. Also, a Solar Saturn Mars in the body type or endocrine typology.. Are you a student of Astrology as well? ?‍♂️

The good thing about writing in a personal journal vs making comments in the general forum is that you can say pretty much anything you want to say. You can't force me to be quiet. You can't force me to talk either. I have the right to remain silent. i have the right to change my mind. Doesn't matter if it's once a month or 72 times in a day. Rome falls nine times an hour. I'm not ashamed to admit my struggle with being indecisive or being a coward, a drunk or an addict. To admit my struggles or perceived weaknesses is liberating. I can laugh at myself or my ego. It's puffed up self importance that makes a person weak and vulnerable I don't have to be a good public speaker. I don't want to be famous. It doesn't interest me. Maybe it's like heroin in that I don't know what I'm missing. I would like to be likeable but I don't need anyone's approval. I need to be true only to what my own heart and conscience tells me. When I do that, I find that the Universe is benevolent and it helps me. When I'm bullshiting myself, the universe also lets me know about that too. This body will die in just a few years. In Remembering that, I feel more grateful for today and this very moment. What a tragedy it is to wish one's life away looking to the future.

Cleaning the atmosphere of your luminous egg gives you inner quiet. There are different practices for this. You are then free inside of other people. What they do no longer provokes one's ego. The Four Moods Ruthlessness, Cunning, Patience, And Sweetness. Ruthlessness should not be harshness Cunning should not be cruelty Patience should not be negligence Sweetness should not be foolishness. A mood of abandon but not recklessness; a mood of caring but not indulgence. Be ruthless but charming Be cunning but nice Be patient but active Be sweet but lethal Ruthless without being self-important Ruthlessness, the opposite of self-pity Ruthlessness is a total lack of pity The place of no pity is the site of ruthlessness. Ruthlessness, being a specific position of the assemblage point, is shown in the eyes of sorcerers. It’s like a shimmering film over the eyes. The eyes of sorcerers are brilliant. The greater the shine, the more ruthless the sorcerer is. Ruthlessness is not cruelty. Ruthlessness is the opposite of self-pity or self-importance. Ruthlessness is sobriety. Ruthlessness is Love with a big L.

@Petals I've yet to check out your link. I'm going to do that now. Here is Ted and his preacher man cadence. ? Don't let that turn you away. He's a sharp character. Basically, he's delivering Esoteric Christianity. Aka - Fourth Way Teachings

People who have an active painbody are out of control. A valuable thing I've learned is to not make eye contact with anyone who has an active painbody. A lot of this I picked up from The Oracle of the Cosmic Way version of the ICHING. I'm not above this condition. It just something that happens to most of us. Being radically honest about our inner condition is one of the first steps in becoming more aware about our triggers and the things we can observe which can create the space needed in order to not to fall into reactivity. Hurt people who are hurting people. There's no bad or guilty people. I hurt for those who are under the spell of the painbody. Their ego or their painbody will feed on your energy though. It is your right and responsibility to say the inner No to this kind of energy. Wise people of older generations who never read Echart Tolle knew this wisdom of not making eye contact with people who are in a negative state of consciousness. I'm recalling one of these wise older people from earlier in life when I was under the control of my painbody. I remember the turmoil of being in an extremely negative condition and how I would try to stir everything up. I see how wise they were in not feeding into my bad state by being subdued and passive. It may sound like a weak stance but it is absolutely the opposite. It is only our own true will anchored in a feeling consciousness which can say this powerful inner No. You can observe this if it is not already known. For years I was oblivious to this phenomena of the ego in the other person feeding on the chi energy of others. When we don't make eye contact with those in that condition we are helping them in possibly reestablishing contact with their own True Self. From The Oracle of the Cosmic Way below. Carol Anthony is more articulate about this than I am. So I'll share some of her writing.

In the Science of Idiotism, cumulative integration can eventually tip the scales. One can become an enlightened Idiot as a permanent station instead of just a temporary state. The interconnectedness of all and everything is then on permanent display. To be an Idiot, one must be striving for transformation or awakening. One reason also that an egotist cannot be an Idiot is that they don't strive for transformation which helps God, who everyday, puffs and moans to keep the Universe going. An Idiot strives as well at developing the capacity for directing one's own attention in being present and alert. With the pendulum of personality on the path of knowledge and the yo yo of up and down on the ladder of Reason and the path of Being, the capacity for directing one's attention is crucial. The Idiot finds him or herself in a landscape of many moving parts. An egoist has dispersed attention and is often blinded by their own sense of clarity. They will eventually become consumed as food by Great Nature. It's so sad that they don't even know. They are asleep and don't realize it. A few of them are living the American dream. Some of them are lost in wet dreams. Some are lost in nightmares. It takes courage to be an Idiot. In addition to striving and courage, an Idiot is able to be lighthearted.

Thanks,,@fridjonk