Zigzag Idiot

4-29-2019 21. Biting Through. Lines 2 and 3 14. Possession in Great Measure The changing lines of hexagram 21 cautions me about self righteousness

Way to go!! Your conscious suffering with this will pay back good dividends. One day there will be no cravings.

@Karla Great thoughts in your reflection video about human tendency to suppress things. The definition you gave of the Devil. How suppression of shadow elements only makes only them grow stronger. One of the things that is really stressed in A Course In Miracles is the human tendency to "dissociate" almost constantly. Just the same thing that you mention. I would say the number 1 thing in ACIM though is the idea of forgiveness and all it entails. Theres a part of me that still wants to puke or cringe when I bring up ACIM. I had such a strong prejudice about it for years. The Name - A Course in Miracles - It sounds so new agey,,,, Puke Based on Christianity - Everyone thinks of church and feeling guilty. Being a square and having no fun.,,,, puke puke The text was channeled from Jesus - Good God, How ridiculous and naive I must sound,,,, More Puke Yet the text has been so meaningful for me, I quote and refer to the book anyway. ??

4-28-2019 24 Returning Lines 1,3 and 4 62 Preponderance of the Small

@tsuki Thanks! Im watching it now,,,

Ouuu good.

Sensing the body is key in separating thinking and feeling. Integration and embodiment happen together. Alchemy and Integration The fourfold nature of consciousness is a basic law. Knowledge of this law stretches back to the dawn of history. Evidence of the apprehension of the fourfold ness of our experience can be found in nearly every culture on Earth. In the West we have the tradition of the four elements arising in ancient Greece, if not before. Everything could be reduced to the four elements of earth, air, fire and water. Prematurity continued in Western traditions, both within Christianity and elsewhere. The basic symbol of Christianity, the cross, represents the four with one function emphasized, the feeling function of God as Love. Even though the fourfold cross was the basic symbol of Christianity, Church doctrine favored the laws of the trinity (father/son/holy-ghost) over that of the maternity. In the West the most important traditions emphasizing the four continued outside of the church in the hidden or occult traditions such as magic and alchemy. The great twentieth- century psychologist Carl Jung has written extensively on the psychological nature of these occult traditions. He found that the psychological symbolism of the four elements was the basis of medieval alchemy. The Alchemists search for gold was actually a secret search for perfect integration of the four psychological functions. This spiritual quest had to be disguised as chemistry to avoid the inquisition. From http://www.lawsofwisdom.com/course-overview/statement-of-the-law/laws-of-human-consciousness/

4-27-2019 17 Following Lines 2 and 3 43 Resoluteness/Breakthrough

Advocating for gog I'm advocating for Gog to be given another chance because there's a part of my nature that seems to be just like a part of his nature ? and in the past I've been shown Mercy by people who didn't really know me. I don't know Gog at all really. We've exchanged a few emails. When I asked him why he was banned from the forum he wrote this back to me. I asked him if I could use his own words in advocating for him and he said that would be fine and so I pasted it below: The reason I got banned from actualized was because I became very paranoid about the nature of some of the other posters, thinking them to be representatives of an oppressive class, the idea that they were oppressive being part of my paranoia. I am idealist when it comes to war. War should be as subtle as possible, with minimum pain or repression inflicted . In my delusional state of delusional psychosis, I came to believe that some of the other posters were responsible for the wars going on at the moment, such as has been happening in Libya or Syria, and I challenged some of them in private messages with somewhat psychotic outbursts. Leo personally banned me for "abusing the PM system". From a still slightly delusional perspective, the ban only came after I PMd someone called "Mount Bananas" who had made a post saying "This is a distraction, the account should be deleted, I have written to Leo and the Moderators and they have taken no action, can someone please delete this account". Such a post seems very strange to me, even now when I am relatively sane, but there is probably nothing to read into it. At any rate I PMd him calling him "Stalin" and asking if he could find out whether "Gaddafi was still being held by Boko Haram", something that probably is a complete fabrication of what happened anyway. I freely admit this was a psychotic outburst, and after writing that I was banned. Zigzag Idiot- This occurred just before Leo went on his last solo retreat. I told Gog I would make this appeal after Leo returned and everything settled down. @Leo Gura @Charlotte @Serotoninluv I just ask for an acknowledgement that this message has been seen and considered by Leo. Thank you

An analogy about psychological integration My grandmother would sometimes put her hearing aids in a drawer. I would walk by hours later and hear them echoing to each other with the batteries almost depleted. Because they weren't turned off, the second that she laid them in the drawer, the slight tap would be picked up by one and amplified through its little speaker and would begin a chain reaction in which they would be "singing back and forth to one another in a continual chain reaction of sound. This is comparable to monkey-mind and of being psychologically unintegrated. Before integration, thinking and feeling are entangled and constantly triggering one another. Integration involves disentangling thinking and feeling. Emotions which are negative are entangled thinking and feeling which can become stored as tensions in the body. Emotions which are positive come from a harmonious blend of thinking and feeling and are expressions of Love. Psychological integration involves disentangling the intellectual-emotional complex to where they can then be consciously harmonized. This amounts to freedom in being in possession of ones own attention to direct consciously by an autonomous Will. Although this is a process which takes time, it occurs all at once. We can become still and quiet inside.

Ship of Fools On my Ship of Fools one crew member/ego structure is a self appointed public relations Officer. In Inquiry it's always inevitable that this guy gets ahold of the self-observations and turns it into a narrative here in the Journal or in other places before where I've shared the observations of my Inquiry. And definitely out in life interacting with a mix of everyone. This public relations guy will put a spin on just about anything which can be told in a way to make the ship and it's crew look good, He doesn't give a damn about Inquiry or the truth. It's one reason why I have to keep admitting to being a liar. Also when I become self righteous it makes me twice as much of a hypocrite. Theres a good number of the crew that just want to throw him overboard but I can't allow violence. There's another of the crew. One of the more milder ones onboard. Something funny is going on with him. When one of the hellraisers start going too far one day, From an unseen vantage point, I observed the mild guy just stand up and simply look at the rowdy but not say anything. The whole atmosphere amongst them immediately became calm and relaxed.

4-26-2019 25 Innocence. Not Expecting/Not Projecting

I appreciate the links and the commentary. I haven't studied the 8 triagrams and what they represent to any great degree. A little bit though in how Ralph Losey present them in his and Arnold Keyserling's Wisdom School lineage. The Eight Trigrams By: R.C.L. The basic component of the I Ching is a three lined symbol called the Trigram. Each of the three lines in a trigram can either be straight or broken. A straight line symbolizes Yang: A broken line stands for Yin. Yang ____ Yin ____ ____ Yin Meaning much more than just female/male, Yin-Yang are the Chinese terms for the basic polarities of the Universe. Yang is time, light, strong. Yin is space, dark, weak. Yang is the direction upwards, Yin downwards. Yang is the closed circle, Yin is the open angle. Yang is clockwise, Yin counter-clockwise. Yang is hard, resistant and tense, Yin is soft, yielding and relaxed. By the use of the two kinds of lines each trigram also has yin and yang. Eight Yin-Yang combinations are possible with three components. The trigrams thereby depict the eight types of consciousness (actually 7 consciousness + 1 Awareness). The eight trigrams are basic symbols of Eastern philosophy. They are found everywhere throughout the Orient. They are even depicted on the flag of South Korea. Each of the eight trigrams has an inner structure, image, motivation and essence as shown in the following chart: STRUCTURE MOTIVATION IMAGE ESSENCE NAME SYMBOL 1. SenseSoft/PentratingGrass/WindYin SensingSun 2. ThinkAttachingWood/FireYin ThinkingLi 3. FeelSereneLakeYin FeelingTui 4. WillReceptiveEarth/CaveYin WillingKun 5. BodyKeeping StillMountainYang FeelingKen 6. SoulDanger, AbyssRiverYang ThinkingKan 7. SpiritExcitingThunder/LighteningYang SensingChen 8. AwarenessCreativeHeavenYang WillingChien The eight trigrams can be considered spatially, all together as a whole, or temporally, one after the other. The spatial image of the trigrams requires reference to The Wheel because The Wheel follows the structure of space. The eight trigrams follow the eight directions shown on The Wheel. SUN. Sensing. The sensing is defined by the weak yin line, outside, at the bottom. The motivation is to be soft and penetrating. The image is grass and wind; the wind does not harm the rooted grass. LI. Thinking. Thinking links up sense data with words, following the wishes or motivations and impulses. Thinking has a beginning and end, visualized in the image of burning wood. You should not think beyond the solution of the problem. The motivation is to attain clarity, unattached to the thought. Thinking, like dialogue, is not an end in itself. TUI. Feeling. Feelings experience the inner signals, as opposed to the outer signals of senses. The image is the clear lake which you can look through. The motivation is serenity, to be joyous together, and not to be together in pity or sympathy, which means emphatic suffering with the another. KUN. Earth. The image is the vastness of our planet. The motivation is the receptive, to receive the germ and let it grow. The first four trigrams are Yin, they result in emptiness of the functions. In Sun, after receiving an impression, the senses are free for a new one. In Li, thinking, once you have understood a problem, the solution is in memory, you cannot understand it twice. In Tui, feeling, a satisfied need disappears. Once you have eaten, you have no more hunger. In Kun, willing, once a choice, resolution, or decision is made, it is done and you are transported to a higher level of responsibility. The next four trigrams, the three realms, plus Awareness, are Yang. They have a certain significance. You have a body, a soul, and a spirit, you cannot ignore them. In Awareness, as Keyserling says, "you face the voice of revelation". KEN. Body. The body has a certain gestalt. You are unable to change it, and have to accept it as it is. The image is the mountain, the motivation is keeping still. Only in the tranquility of silence, of deep sleep or illness, can your body talk to you about his/her motivations. KAN. Soul. The soul is between heaven and earth, spirit and body. It is always in danger of stagnation, based on the six primary relations of the family: Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Daughter, Son. The Soul, like the river, has to flow from the source in the mountain to the sea, then be transformed, die, into clouds, and finally be reincarnated again as rain in the mountains. The motivation is danger and the abyss. CHEN. The Spirit, attained only in the waking state, is always sacred spirit; it is defined by the images of thunder and lightning, and the motivation is the inciting. First you experience awe and anxiety, then laughter, because you understand the game and the rules. CHIEN. Awareness. here means living in tune with the spirit of the time, the East. The image is the night heaven. The motivation is creativity. The purpose of the I Ching is to merge with cosmic creativity. From - http://www.ichingwisdom.com/i-ching/the-eight-trigrams/ 4-25-2019 62 Preponderance of the Small. Line 1 55 Abundance

The kingdom of Heaven is at hand and so is hell In that awareness is curative, you're very fortunate if you understand what a pain body actually is. The world is full of people who are completely identified with their own personality and painbody. Being identified with the personality and the painbody insures they will not be observed. Below is a small bit from the half article I posted by Eckart Tolle last week which concerns the painbody phenomena among family. To have a close family member who is in this condition, deep in spiritual sleep, with a constantly active painbody can be very taxing. It has the potential to ruin lives but it can also open us up to deeper experiences of awareness and Love when understanding is present. If one is emotionally triggered by a family member who has an active painbody, this signifies ones own remaining unprocessed painbody. In this way an expression of negative emotion can throw a marker where we have suppressed negativity to work and shed light on. Very often this will be an area of life in which there is a long history of being reactive and failures to stay centered. With enough awareness and resolve over time, understanding and healing are possible. People who feed on negativity are in deep suffering and mechanical behavior. They are not really responsible because they are asleep. A partial realization of this triggered an existential crisis of sorts in me a few years ago. It's hard to describe how dark and meaningless the world appeared to be at that time. Barometers of Divine Love. Love with a big L. If someone takes anything in a negative way, they are in spiritual sleep. Reactivity and expressing negative emotion equals spiritual sleep. Anytime you think something is wrong, you are in a form of spiritual sleep. Two natural authentic non egoic attitudes - Peace and Joy. "Nothing is wrong anymore." - Nisargadatta Maharaj

Practice Teaching platform and back porch hangout for current Journalers. In the latest video Leo said a good way to become a better student is to try teaching. in the video he also mentioned the word 'should' several times stressing how it hems us in. In the past I've heard that the word should is a strong indication of the active intrusion of the superego. Earlier in life I wish I had had a better understanding of super ego. So I thought a worthwhile subject to teach would be about the Superego. We don't grow up and become fully responsible for our own actions until we stand up to the super ego that became fixed into our conditioning. Ive heard it defined as the inner coercive agency representing a child's early caregivers. This energy needs to be reclaimed for fueling Actualization or spiritual transformation. The first definition I encountered online this evening-- su·per·e·go /ˌso͞opərˈēɡō/ noun PSYCHOANALYSIS the part of a person's mind that acts as a self-critical conscience, reflecting social standards learned from parents and teachers. "the father is the model for the superego"

mys·tic /ˈmistik/ noun 1. a person who seeks by contemplation and self-surrender to obtain unity with or absorption into the Deity or the absolute, or who believes in the spiritual apprehension of truths that are beyond the intellect. "the poetry of the 16th-century Spanish mystic, St. John of the Cross" adjective 1. another term for mystical.

Could it be 'the Witness' or the Watcher? If so, by trying to describe or qualify it may only distort the experience of it. Maybe something to ponder. Maybe? Maybe not?

4-24-2019 7 The Army Line 4 40 Freeing To paraphrase the situation given by the changing line. In abandoning my 'watch of the heart', the Cosmic Army has retreated and I'm left standing alone with poison arrows sticking out of me and no protection. By taking up once again this watch of the heart, the arrows fall out and the army of cosmic helpers return to assist in accordance to my degree of sincerity.

Hard to say. ?‍♂️ Good chance I would be saying exactly the opposite of what I wrote.

Two 3 minute videos

P 3 +3+3 = 9 9+9 = 18 = 9 6+2+9+1 = 18.= 1+8 = 9 +9. = 18 18 reduces to 9

I barely had my eyes open and laying in bed when I typed out the following this morning: Patriarchality = domination and imbalance of thinking over feeling Patriarchality = domination through violence and fear Patriarchality = domination over consciousness with religion through fear and guilt Patriarchality = domination by alpha male cowardice alienated from Awakened Conscience and emotional intelligence 2000 year Aquarian Age brings ??? I may have been pushing a button at those who emphasize the idea and value of the alpha male. I don't mean to completely demonize the idea of Patriarchy. It's actually been a good thing in a lot of ways but it's still greatly biased against women treating them as second class citizens. Romantic love and the idea of finding completeness through relationship seems to be a big trap. Especially in conjunction with the institution of marriage. Patriarchy in itself is neither good or bad, I guess. Same with marriage. The couples who seem to be making it work appear to value honesty and authenticity and respect for the other. I'm thankful that I never got married. It wouldn't have given me what I thought it offered, as I saw it when in my twenties. For some people it does offer a satisfying life. But it never would have for me. This I can plainly see in hindsight. Romantic love isn't really love. Infatuation and lust are a lot of fun but just a different form of roller coaster. Roller coasters can be a lot of fun though. Im really drawn to pondering large scale issues. Always have been. I could care less about any kind of organized sport. Comments welcome.

4-23-2019 17 Following. Lines 1and 5 16 Enthusiasm

I did. Waiting until the inner feeling was right seemed to pay off. 3-4 weeks of hell and then a drop off in cravings after 3 months. Some craving still at a year. I may try using visualization of some kind to help me initiate a Yoga practice. Or discover the resistance,,, ? Perhaps your/our intuitive ways for finding the quiet space,,,?

As yet, I've been unable to establish any routine with Yin yoga. In the past, establishing a good habit or routine has often been preceded by a length of time in which I would observe and suffer this part of myself unable to do. For instance, in quitting cigarettes. From the time I gave serious thought to quitting until I wholeheartedly stepped forward with intention was about 3 years. This is hard to explain but seems very much related to the idea of letting myself cook internally until there is more inner resolve.