Zigzag Idiot

6-29-2019 11. Harmony/Peace/Prosperity. Lines 2, 4, and 5 49. Renewal/Revolution/Ending Fate My body is experiencing fatigue due to some tension and lack of sleep. Had a bit of vertigo during morning meditation. Not quite sick but don't feel well physically this morning.

Random YouTube of Cicadas. Periodically, the music of the crickets are drowned out by the chorus of the cicadas. Specifically at 13 and 17 years. This happens in two different ways. One of which, everyone who has normal hearing receives a free general admission ticket. The other kind, not. Tinnitus is something else altogether.

The price of conscious Love is overcoming hatred.

Many forms of self-importance that heal through exhaustion From The Power Of Silence- Don Juan described self-importance as the force generated by man’s self-image. He reiterated that it is that force which keeps the assemblage point fixed where it is at present. For this reason, the thrust of the warriors’ way is to dethrone self-importance. And everything sorcerers do is toward accomplishing this goal. He explained that sorcerers had unmasked self-importance and found that it is self-pity masquerading as something else. “It doesn’t sound possible, but that is what it is,” he said. “Self-pity is the real enemy and the source of man’s misery. Without a degree of pity for himself, man could not afford to be as self-important as he is. However, once the force of self-importance is engaged, it develops its own momentum. And it is this seemingly independent nature of self-importance which gives it its fake sense of worth.”

As a form of self importance, I used to be really serious. Still am sometimes.

As a type 6 The Devil's advocate (doubt/fear) in the Enneagram of personality when I'm under stress, I become a type 3 The Performer. When I'm in security, I become a type 9, The Mediator. Everyone does this, according to one's type. Thats a part of the Enneagram of Personality taught by Helen Palmer. I never really studied my "wings" , as they are called. For me it's the types 5 and 7 and how they are also an influence. I don't really feel a need to learn it completely, now. Observing in the way I have has revealed to me I'm all of it,,,, and struggle with every aspect given on the Enneagram, as does everybody whether they realize it or not. But also, I'm none of it. It's sounds crazy about how much time and effort it takes to realize it's all just a case of mistaken identity we each have to deal with in our own way. It helps me to observe time and again how when an "I" becomes identified with anything, good or bad it doesn't matter. On one end or the other the pendulum of emotion will swing to or from. It is sometimes said that awakening is about seeing this in oneself. Awakening is what makes you die. Being reborn is to feel it in such a way, you never identify and become reactive again. Ha! if it was only that cut and dried, it would be nice. But, it's not. Usually. In comes the amnesia factor, the opposite of Self Remembering. Its an interesting idea that studying the false in us (personality) is actually more helpful in the beginning than studying the real (Essence) in us. We have to get the bullshit out of the way first, it seems. On this path anyway. It's a good thing I caught this from urban dictionary,,,,, tought The way idiots spell the word "taught." Who tought you how to read, wrote the dumbest person ever. Being self important makes one become clumsy with the added vanity. Everything doesn't have to be a joke either. But when I'm under stress, it's my favorite coping mechanism. ?

@DrewNows Thanks for the recommendation! I ended up watching all of it. She touches on a lot of topics. From how the Universe basicly eats itself to animal rights and factory farming, to withstanding exposure from harmful things in our modern environment. I like her focus on how we hurt ourselves with our own negativity. She has a real gift for bringing in practicality when discussing woo woo topics. I wish she would make a video on how to interpret David Wilcock and Drunvalo Malchez. Or rather, some of their claims. @tsuki I appreciate your articulation regarding Dimensions. As always, you help me to stretch my mind.

6-28-2019 52. Meditating. Lines 1, 3 and 5 42. Increasing A lot of times I would rather lie to someone rather than hurt their feelings.

When all else fails I resort to irreverent humor, therefore if no idea or technique seems to work. I would be on the lookout for some place that rents out poles that are slightly over 10 feet. But some people won't intuit the wisdom inherent in this counterintuitive approach and as a result you'll be scorned upon. But this gives an additional problem which seems counterintuitive because It's more effective to work on two problems at once, instead of just one problem. Thiis is only my truth and it possibly might not work worth a damn for others. Similar to why I should never be a parent and simply multiply more Peter pans into the world. Please excuse my self absorption and off topic tangent. On second thought, maybe you can stradigize an elaborate role play if you can find a woman who has deep empathy, understands where your coming from and is capable of performing a convincing role play. And also provided that she doesn't actually kill you or cause bodily damage that won't heal.

6-27-2019 10. Conduct. Lines 2,3, and 4 26. The Taming Power of the Great/Succes through the Great Lots of potential meaningful council, but the lights are barely on and all the crew still has bed head and eye boogers while they wait for coffee.

@DrewNows @tsuki I just slept 14 continuous hours. Later in the day when I get woke up good, I'll give your offerings the condisiderations they most likely deserve. Thanks,,,

I've never really considered or pondered the possible infinity characteristic of other dimensions beyond the physical dimension . I even forget the latest number theorized about the number of dimensions existing. I think arrived at mathematically....? Then there is Time, whatever it is. I could see it as a dimension, in a way. Does it connect duality and nonduality through human lives lived? Yes, I guess so and then some,,, Humans as meso or meta-bridge? Bridging dimensions? Comments welcome,,,

Quote The consequence of choosing between these two — I will not say "points of view", but rather "attitudes of soul"—lies above all in the intrinsic nature of the experience of practical mysticism which consequently derives from this choice. He who chooses being will aspire to true being and he who chooses love will aspire to love. For one only finds that for which one seeks. The seeker for true being will arrive at the experience of repose in being, and. as there cannot be two true beings ("the illegitimate twofoldness" of Saint-Martin) or two separate co-eternal substances but only one being and one substance, the centre of "false being" will be suppressed ("false being" = ahamkara, or the illusion of the separate existence of a separate substance of the "self). The characteristic of this mystical way is that one loses the capacity to cry. An advanced pupil of yoga or Vedanta will for ever have dry eyes, whilst the masters of the Cabbala, according to the Zobar, cry much and often. Christian mysticism speaks also of the "gift of tears"— as a precious gift of divine grace. The Master cried in front of the tomb of Lazarus. Thus the outer characteristic of those who choose the other mystical way, that of the God of love, is that they have the "gift of tears". This is in keeping with the very essence of their mystical experience. Their union with the Divine is not the absorption of their being by Divine Being, but rather the experience of the breath of Divine Love, the illumination by Divine Love, and the warmth of Divine Love. The soul which receives this undergoes such a miraculous experience that it cries. In this mystical experience fire meets with FIRE, Then nothing is extinguished in the human personality but, on the contrary, everything is set ablaze. This is the experience of "legitimate twofoldness" or the union of two separate substances in one sole essence. The substances remain separate as long as they are bereft of that which is the most precious in all existence: free alliance in love. I meant to bring it forward with the above reply,,,,,

Yes, good find! This is one that is going to require me to reread it A few times. Ive never read Meditations on the Tarot front to back. I've just skipped around in it through the years. Gurdjieff and Tomberg knew one another. In doing a Google search. I ran across an interesting article that concerns Gurdjieff, Tomberg, and Ouspenky in relation to Esoteric Christianity. It's a medium length article so I'll just put the link below the first two paragraphs. So allow me to introduce the guy who has the web page who immediately introduces someone else's article,,,, Tomberg criticizes Gurdjieff’s aims in Meditations on the Tarot as being without grace, and aimed at building a resurrection body apart from Initiation-from-above, although he freely admits the possibility of doing such, tacitly. In Ouspensky’s The Fourth Way, we are given a more detailed, in depth treatment of Gurdjieff’s views, which Ouspensky turned into a “system” (as he called it). Ouspensky makes especial reference to “esoteric Christianity”, which Gurdjieff once famously called his system, “if you like” or “if you prefer”. Here is a relevant article by/on Gurdjieff over giving up unconscious suffering, in reference to Biblical teaching. More of his ideas in relation to Christianity are found here. Ouspensky is more direct than Gurdjieff; in answer to questions about a “personal God” (rather than the Absolute of the “System”, which operates by increasingly less mechanical Laws the higher one is), he admits that the System may allow for the grace and personalism of God, since, in the Ray of Creation, the last two notes of Si and Do we have no actual spiritual experience of, but rather experience merely the mechanical operations of earlier notes, which mechanically create the bio-film on Earth and “feed the Moon”. This is a rather startling admission: I am not quite certain what to make of it. Although it sounds like “God of the Gaps”, I suppose it also reminds me of Godel’s incompleteness theorem. https://www.gornahoor.net/?p=6514

I didn't mean to stir up such a stink. Even the I CHING Oracle said that today I was innocent ?

6-26-2019 17. Following. Line 6 25. Innocence. Not Expecting/Not Projecting

What is the total of the combination of your known typologies? Or maybe simply, I'm Virgo, or whatever your type is, as a part of Inquiry. Im also a counter phobic type six in Helen Palmers specs.Its behind why I never learned the Briggs-Myers typology because as a counterphobic type 6, I'm overcompensating anti-authority. My type six-ness isn't gonna bother with that "conventional baloney". Being an adrenal essence (body) type I can work more towards giving my energy to Self observation or right action instead of belligerent attitudes. But it's easier said than done. I can observe the results of my efforts either way. share a little, share a lot,,,,

@tsuki I'm so glad you're reading Meditations on the Tarot. With your focus and intellect, whatever you share will most likely be a benefit for a particular few if not at times for all.

Altough I consider manirfetations of sexual fetishes an ordinary occurrence, possibly coinciding with elements of conditioning and development of the personality. The obcessiveness which drives these can be consciously worked with to remove the compulsiveness of them. I mean what's the great harm if two people want to takes turns peeing on one another. Ive never really been one who's much into that or ass play, though. When I was about 10-11 I developed anal polyps which had to be cut out and being at that awkward age I carried a lot of shame about it. Maybe that's why I'm so anal retentive. I see a lot of people who seem to really go for the ass play business but I don't have any judgements about it because I have my own fetish to deal with. Im against sexual fetishes which are violent or involves children, violence, small animals or others who participation is somehow forced. I think that sexual fetishes are sometimes just riddles to be worked through regarding psychological integration. In the post above I quote, you may have been just making a joke. So I'm not accusing you or suggesting that you have anal fetishes at all. Butt, if you did, no judgements. We should all be allowed our privacy and personal space which is crucial for psychological integration. Im just being a certain kind of Idiot.

If I have no aim, I become an unguided projectile. If I'm propelled by the emotions found in unnecessary suffering, I become an unguided Golum.

In Gurdjieff's writings he stressed the importance of Intentional suffering. John Bennett, a student and friend of Gurdjieff gave some commentary on this subject. In Talks on Beelzebub's Tales, Bennett distinguishes four types of suffering - Unnecessary Suffering, Unavoidable Suffering, Voluntary Suffering and Intentional Suffering. The first is Unnecessary Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that we incur because of our unreasonable attitudes and expectations towards others, from our ill-will, hatred and rejection of others, from doubt, possessiveness, arrogance and self pity. In other words, suffering arising from our self-importance. The second is Unavoidable Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that comes to us by accident or from events beyond our control, such as interpersonal conflicts, war, disaster, disease or death. Third, we have Voluntary Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that we take upon ourselves in order to accomplish a personal aim, such as an athlete who disciplines himself to win a race, or a student who labours to get good grades. And finally we have Intentional Suffering. According to Bennett, this would be the kind of suffering that we take upon ourselves in order to accomplish an impersonal or altruistic goal, one that is directed more towards service to others or to the Work, and not for any personal gain. Bennett assumes that this is what Gurdjieff meant by Intentional Suffering. The quotes here were taken from this web page which expounds more around this. https://www.endlesssearch.co.uk/philo_is_talk_ae2005.htm

@Zweistein I agree. It's an extremely relevant topic. I liked the video and appreciated the guys groundedness and sense of humor. ? Like a moth to a flame, most of us, before we do significant work on ourselves, are drawn to negativity of different forms. Observe the entertainment industry and news media. In his Psychological Commentaries, Maurice Nicoll makes some interesting assertions. A fully Conscious/Awake person is incapable of committing violence. All negativity and expressions of negative emotion, if followed, lead to violence. 'What makes the world go around' isn't sex, rather, it's the unconscious feeding on negativity. Such as egoic 'pecking at others', scapegoating and Schadenfreude. A person who has been purified of negative emotions and reactivity possess a curious power others don't have which makes them invulnerable in a sense.

I don't recommend it. It's a horrible thing to get through with any understanding. ? I read it in 2004 just trying to infer the meaning of all of Gurdjieff's specially invented words and didn't get a lot out of it. With all the different websites that give definitions and Concordance, it's now a different situation and much more do-able. Especially with all of it on You tube where one can read along while it's being narrated. He begins the book with an over the top bombastic, grandiose style which will turn many off. He also mixes in pure bullshit with profound truths. He also writes contradictory statements throughout. Whatever one's worldview is, there will be something included in the book to offer offense. Gurdjieff admitted writing it to where it would be a difficult read which he refers to as " burying the bone deep". I spent more than 10 years reading books by advanced students about the Fourth Way in general as well as books that gave interpretations of Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson. This last year with a small online group I read it again but with much more study as I went along. At the beginning of the book he writes his intention -- "To destroy, mercilessly, without any compromises whatsoever, in the mentation and feelings of the reader, the beliefs and views, by centuries rooted in him, about everything existing in the world." My takeaway is that Kundalini is actually mankinds worst problem by the fact that most people don't have what he calls Fulasnitamnian awareness or what modern students refer to as 3 Centered Awareness, to ground it. So I boiled down my takeaway to the following: Chi = Kundalini = Prana = Kundabuffer = imagination Chi = Kundalini + 3 Centered Awareness = Holy Prana Only Holy Prana will be beneficial for those who go through a Kundalini Awakening. or rather only a Kundalini Awakening utilizing Holy Prana is beneficial.

@Natasha Agree @ajasatya Me too Gurdjieffs -"Kundabuffer" = Unrecognized pollution from one's own imagination = Bullshit

Get out of your head Most who are reading this will be primarily in their head, if not actually stuck there and clueless to what I'm even saying. That sounds arrogant but it is what it is. If you're sitting, sense the physicality of knees to feet and also the whole chest area. If you're standing, sense the physicality of your feet, with all its nerve endings. Primarily the sensation of pressure and also sense the Hara at the same time, if standing. Observe you're own Schadenfreude in a brutally honest way. Then forgive yourself. Have a good day,,,