Zigzag Idiot

Leo’s brief entry into his blog about psychopathic stage orange CEO’s reminded me of a recent study I encountered. I’m absolutely the least qualified to have an informed opinion on this matter, but the experiments described by Ralph Losey I found to be very interesting and encouraging. There seems to be hope for a appellate court system that would move at a much quicker pace eliminating back logs and with what seems like a very ethical oversight.

Leo’s brief entry into his blog about psychopathic stage orange CEO’s reminded me of a recent study I encountered. I’m absolutely the least qualified to have an informed opinion on this matter, but the experiments described by Ralph Losey I found to be very interesting and encouraging. There seems to be hope for a appellate court system that would move at a much quicker pace eliminating back logs and with what seems like a very ethical oversight.

Nanotechnology Artificial Intelligence Robotics Quantum Computing There are so many areas of our life that are undergoing a paradigm shift. Wonderful, beneficial advances,,,, At the same time just consider how vulnerable we become through loss of privacy. Are you a bit shy or self conscious in some areas of your life? What would you do if you saw images of yourself having sex being displayed on an electronic billboard or through a website and then disseminated by email. Think how people in politics have to consider these possibilities. Because of the strong opinions involved and potential vindictiveness of political adversaries. Our opinions are affected considerably through advertising, varieties of news sources, deep fakes in cheap tabloid news with its paparazzi on the prowl, computer hackers for hire, etc.,,, Pubic opinion is swayed so easily. People who are in politics, legislators, law enforcement, judicial posts, teachers who have to answer to administrators or school board meetings. How important is personal privacy to you? How free are you? To do as you wish or to say what you really think,,,, Look at how identified we all become over different issues. Being gaslit in today’s world or in the near future could be very vicious. Stop and consider with brutal honesty your own psychological integration. Are you individuated enough that you could withstand public ridicule? For arguments sake, can you admit to having parts of your life that you would not on public display? Strong opinions given to a spouse or close friend while in an angry rant. How long has it been since you had freaky sex? What if you were to realize that you were being monitored and were unsure how long it had been going on? Setting aside politics for a minute. Be thankful for all people in public life that make sacrifices you’re not even aware of. No one is perfect. We are all flawed and vulnerable in some way.

The Science of Idiotism is about the hindrances to becoming a Self Realized Being, plus other stuff. The term Idiot here is drawing an the old Greek usage of it as: being oneself,,unpretentious ,,,, But it is used also simultaneously as the standard modern usage of fool because until we 'have our Being', life is experienced on the emotional pendulum connected with dualistic thinking and we are pretty much just a torture to the world, of some kind or other. I used to be an a epic complainer in addition to Alcoholic and coward. After that, I went around depressed and with a long sad face because I couldn't drink alcohol and party it up forever. Some people can but I realized I couldn't. The Science of Idiotism is a little known teaching from the mystic George Gurdjieff. Bruno Martins - The Realized Idiot - is about the only book written solely about The Science of Idiotism. It's very good. I recommend it. You can find a little here and there with a google search. Zigzag idiot is #9 on the Ladder of Reason. Of all the Idiots, I thought this one made the best screen name. I've been working on my self for a few years doing self inquiry. Keeping this Journal out here in front of God and everybody meshes well with the Gurdjieff work of Self Observation and Self Remembering. The whole lot of us are just bad full of bullshit, says Gurdjieff. Justifying,,, self deception,,, Kundabuffer he called it in his book Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson. I really like AH Almaas's The Diamond Approach. It's Gurdjieff,,, modernized plus psychological explanation of things like our defenses against inadequacy. Is it a schizoid splitting off and sticking ones head in the sand? or do we employ a Grandiose self to shield against inadequacy. This work which includes, very much processing our shadow material can be very painful and destabilizing. Being light hearted can amount to good strategy if it can be sincere and natural. This Work teaches we project any repressed guilt we may have out onto others. I've observed this in myself over time. Also, we don't have to be negative. The practice of not expressing negative emotions has shown me the existence of my own spiritual sleep. We wake up and although might never sleep as deeply again, spiritually, we take naps as E.J. Gold put it. It's very difficult sometimes to just simply feel , without repressing negative emotions and not give expression to them. It pays out big dividends in 'spiritual coin' though. Remind me of this, if, in later post, I go off on a angry emotional rant.

This guy is pretty funny. Here are my picks of his short vids- I’ve been remodeling an older house. All new flooring. Installing carpet and linoleum planks. Painting walls, plumbing repairs etc.,, This has been keeping me fairly busy as well as doing some welding repairs on a steel corral. Finally got a windshield put back on my pickup. I’ve been driving it around for the last 8 months without a windshield. I mostly drive a 2015 Subaru and work out of it. Blah, blah blah. I haven’t meditated in a long time. Two days ago I prayed. A short petitionary. It felt good. Perhaps a layer of cynicism was shed. I SHOULD return to doing centering prayer meditation like I did in the past. I was a lot more efficient in work and accomplishing tasks. That “SHOULD”, is, sometimes the voice of the superego. It keeps you from truly individuating. But it also coincides with one’s inner truth or conscience. I find it both paradoxical and ironic that Freud’s delineation of the superego or inner critic can be a barrier to one’s own awakened conscience. But from my experience and understanding, the dang thing goes back to sleep. Us humans do that. We nap. I I’ve got an excellent podcast to share maybe next time I post. It’s about emotional purification. It’s just great. Very reaffirming ,,,, There’s a part or two in it that makes me feel like a complete phony. Well shoot,,, Here it is,,,

@UpperMaster Good suggestion. To humble brag. I assume you’re thinking of spiritual materialism. People who take on a role in which they think they are very “spiritual” , compassionate, realized or enlightened. But when faced with the everyday problems of the world,,, they rage or fall apart. @Santiago Ram I believe your heart is in the right place. Admiting unflattering things about yourself takes courage. Some people who think that they know more than you do and see you admit your pride are likely to challenge you. Because they themselves have deep insecurities and pretend that they don’t. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Consulting the I CHING this morning I got hexagram 13. No changing lines,,, 13. Associating with People Ch'ien Li The Judgment: Associating with people in the open. Success. It furthers to cross the great water and to be firm and correct. In this hexagram, the Sage addresses the Cosmic Principle of Re-lating, which principle is observable in a person's relationship with the Sage, and which relationship is defined in Hexagram 4, Youthful Folly. The Cosmic Principle of Relating is defined by one single limitation: "no relationship with the ego." Through firmly refusing to relate to the ego in himself and in others, a person follows what is correct. In this way the "great water," which is a metaphor for the gulf standing between the way of the collective ego and the Cosmic Way, is crossed. "Associating with people in the open" means that one's openness is restricted to another's true self only. We relate openly to others when the ego in them is absent, and withdraw into caution and hesitation when the egos become active. Reserve and caution prevent the predatory and parasitic appetite of the ego from gaining the sustenance (our chi energy) it seeks to stay alive. Observing this restriction also aids, nourishes, and strengthens others' true selves. This is the way the Sage retreats the instant the ego in us is present, and returns the moment we have reached a true humility. When a person observes this limitation in relating to another, he is in harmony with the Cosmos. He also creates duration in his relationships by ensuring that they are based on the attraction that always exists between people's true selves. The retreat of the Sage in the presence of the ego gives the example of how to retreat from others. The Sage, in retreating, calls out to our true self to rally itself to stand up to the ego, to affirm its leadership of the personality. Thus the Sage does not "give up" on us. When the ego in another is dominating, we say the inner No to it, and call on their true selves. This activates the Sage in their presence (which has been shut out) to displace the ego's dominance. Just as we experience hindrances in our relationship with the Sage when we put the Sage up as "special," or higher, or in an opposite way see ourselves as the judge of the Sage, we erect similar hindrances when we relate to others in these ways. The Sage also points out the problems connected with the ideals of fellowship and brotherhood traditionally associated with this hexa-gram. These ideals are the basis of the attempt to create a humanistic society where "men are brothers," as a remedy to the evils caused by factionalism as, for example, during the historical era of the "warring states" in China. Such ideals of a universal order designed to create a "lasting unity among men" are bound to fail because they are man-centered, and thus fail to take into account the Cosmic Order on which all unity is based. They also rule out the Helpers, which are necessary to make unity possible.

Addiction This is one part in how I go about healing an addiction. This may sound like bullshit to some. It may not work at all with some essence or personality types. It’s my addiction and with it my self deception,,,,, and other stuff. Don’t shame a person. Don’t divide them against themselves. It may be the job of parents to see their children through the ability to feel shame. I’m only guessing because I’ve never been a parent. Only a child. Perhaps in arrested development. To be brutally honest. When does shame become a hindrance? Children have a brutal honesty at times which is perplexing and stubborn. Perhaps when shame limits innocent curiosity that stifles growth or understanding does it interfere with higher stages of growth. Are my actions actually malicious? Is there a gray area here between right and wrong that has so many variables in this area that one’s personal sense of propriety require metaphorical binoculars and time for pondering,,,,,? Humans who understand the difference between shame and remorse or regret are being contacted by conscience. Cultivated conscience is different from awakened conscience. The yo-yo of being energy and the fluctuations in awakened conscience are something to be considered. We awaken and then we nap, so to speak,,, Somehow connected with that brightly glaring vision of hindsight,,,,😮 SATIATE, SATE, SURFEIT, CLOY, PALL, GLUT, GORGE mean to fill to repletion. SATIATE and SATE may sometimes imply only complete satisfaction but more often suggest repletion that has destroyed interest or desire. years of globe-trotting had satiated their interest in travel readers were sated with sensationalistic stories SURFEIT implies a nauseating repletion. surfeited themselves with junk food CLOY stresses the disgust or boredom resulting from such surfeiting. sentimental pictures that cloy after a while PALL emphasizes the loss of ability to stimulate interest or appetite. a life of leisure eventually begins to pall GLUT implies excess in feeding or supplying. a market glutted with diet books GORGE suggests glutting to the point of bursting or choking. gorged themselves with chocolate Timing- The individual themselves have to decide this. This decision is connected with a willingness to endure suffering. Having gone through periods of being completely satisfied, an organic, inner will is stimulated to see this through. In chronic depression, the ability to remember the felt sense of happiness is lost in a fog of sorts. That’s been my experience in the past. To satiate with intensity allows one to build a storehouse of fullness in satisfaction that you can contact again through memory. It can be a rather seemingly bland place you contact in the future but nonetheless, it can give you the faint memory that the indulgence you need to get past is a practical necessity to move onward in life.

Two steps forward. One step back. This typifies our growth both collectively and individually. From our mistakes and experiences in learning from them, we gain a more solid understanding. Along the way we may experience our every-which-way-ness. You may find yourself tongue tied trying to explain it to others. Everyone you encounter in life is a teacher. There is no one-time across the finish line enlightenment experience, in actualization. This is true, yet it is not true. But it is more true than not true. In other words, we have small earthquakes.

I’m complaining and it helps nothing. I was arc welding on a corral yesterday and got my eyes burnt from being careless. The effects came on about midnight and are just now starting to recede enough that I can tolerate some daylight. When you have these effects. It feels like the inside of your eyelids are sandpaper,,,, Blinking feels like the pupils are having sandpaper drug across them! I had this condition a few years ago and it’s very uncomfortable. I really shouldn’t be looking at this screen,,,,

Good morning Two YouTube shorts for ya

@Apparition of Jack Here’s another bit from a Joe Rogan interview 3 days ago.

https://m.jpost.com/archaeology/archaeology-around-the-world/article-847207

You know what? I’ll tell you what. That’s James Watt. He was President Reagan’s Secretary of the Interior. That’s what I know now and I’ve known it before this moment also. Here’s what else. I’m a quiet person but I express myself in the oddest of ways in this Journal. Almost like I do with close friends after we’ve been sitting around for a while and it’s too quiet. Just out of the blue say something completely screwy just to see if they have a sense of humor. To laugh is a fairly common reaction from people but how in the hell could I discern if they were to ‘guffaw’ or ‘chortle’? And if they did. I would feel uncomfortable to verbally distinguish whether or not they did guffaw or chortle,,, That’s enough of that. There are many different people on this forum and they are vastly different in ways. Some relate about issues that are of a sober nature,,, Their concerns about different issues and some of them are very personal.. I’ve learned to not disturb these people. Just read what they need to write about and love them from a distance. It may not be love either that I feel but the need to not argue with them may be what I have to wrestle with. For the most part. The way I express myself in this journal is so foreign to how I am in daily life with people in my community,,,, I would almost say this journal would disturb or piss-off a good number of acquaintances or family members. On the other hand, there are a very few people who know me better than others. They would enjoy a part of what I say here or maybe how I express myself. For the most part,,, it’s all lighthearted.

It doesn't matter what genre. It doesn't have to be inspirational. It doesn't need to be explained. Everything is welcome. Sad, goofy, angry, happy, inspirational, weird, profound, profane, etc.,,,,

I like animals. I like human beings sometimes. I appreciate honesty.

Excerpts from - Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky INNER TALKING III “In this Work you cannot go far with pleasing self-made pictures of your own nobility or value. When you begin to observe yourself deeply enough, these pictures, these fantasies, begin to change. You know that you yourself are just as bad or worse than the other person. Then I am quite sure from my own experience that a great deal of your inner talking will stop. You do not seek to justify yourself.” V. 2, p. 776 49 YOU HAVE A RIGHT NOT TO BE NEGATIVE’ “Now the Work says you have a right not to be negative...To be able to feel this draws down force to help you. You stand upright, as it were, in yourself, among all the mess of your negativeness, and you feel and know that it is not necessary to lie down in that mess. To say this phrase in the right way to yourself, to feel the meaning of the words: ‘I have a right not to be negative,’ is actually a form of self- remembering, of feeling a trace of real ‘I,’ that lifts you up above the level of your negative ‘I’s which are all the time telling you without a pause that you have every right to be negative.” V. 1, p. 161 BEARING UNPLEASANT MANIFESTATIONS “One sign of Being is the capacity to bear the unpleasant manifestations of others. Why is this a sign of greater Being? The answer is that you cannot do this unless you have seen in yourself what you dislike in others...When you have just criticized someone, go over what you said carefully and apply it to yourself. This neutralizes poison in you.” V. 1, pp. 168, 176

Leo wrote a good piece on self deception. Actualized Quotes #140 By Leo Gura - March 8, 2025 A short while back pondering on the notion of everyone having a psychological blind spot that is mostly seen better by others and particularly that mine was more extensive than people who are more socially functional. In an imaginative conjecture, I posited my self as an expert on the subject of self deception. An inward mirth arose with the realization of the probable ironic loss of credibility. Do you taste the paradox here? With this insight/understanding around self deception there can also be the felt experience of being free from some of the constraints of cultural expectations to varying degrees. But within that also exist traps like justifying or being blinded by one’s own clarity. The landscape is sticky. Similar to the phenomena of guilt and shame, but different. Within our fears and some of the resultant shadows our inner world reflects outwardly the same small worldview. At the present, this notion is mostly an abstract concept more than a particular definite understanding. The I-CHING encourages letting remorse of conscience do its work instead of being trapped by guilt. Forgive yourself. Self criticism can be a bad habit. The stickiness of guilt often perpetuates itself. Forgiving others or letting go of grievances can be accomplished more easily if one can forgive oneself for one’s inevitable mistakes. Just wanted to spontaneously share a little bit here. I may reread this later and comment more.

Here are a few of my picks of random YouTube shorts,,,,, I waste too much time watching YouTube shorts. Oh well,, it’s not THAT bad. I had a good productive day. Tomorrow it’s supposed to rain.

Mars is in retrograde Everyone who reads this is a Liar. 🔥We are all liars. 🔥 Don’t kid yourself. All men are dead, except those who know. All those who know are dead, except those who practice. All those who practice are dead, except those who act. All those who act are lost, except those who act with righteous intent. And those who act with righteous intent are all in grave danger. Remorse will bring conscious suffering, which is seeing and feeling your own mechanical behaviour or negativity and seeing that you cannot do anything about it. Conscious suffering will bring the Work deeper into you and therefore will increase your Being so that Conscience can speak. It will give a constant and unflagging need to work and pass the first threshold. Conscious suffering is the medicine to make the automaton surrender to the permanent witness. - from Higher Being Bodies; Ocke de Boer.

Reading this journal you would think I’m somewhat extroverted. Not really. I’m rather introverted in addition to being rather non-expressive with my speech. Talking just wears me out. Most of the time. Here is my I-ching reading/consultation I got for today- Line 5. Childlike folly brings good fortune. In its positive meaning, "childlike folly" refers to the person who has an innocent attitude in which he sees the good that is possible in all situations. The key ingredient here is allowing things to be transformed after having said the inner No to what is incorrect. This attitude always draws the Helpers that bring good fortune. In its negative meaning, it refers to the view of the collective ego that for his spiritual development, a person needs to seek out a human leader or master. The line can also refer to viewing the I Ching as a "sacred text" that can only be approached if one observes the taboos that have been placed around it. Among these taboos are: that one can only consult it for "important" matters; that one needs to understand the interrelationship of the trigrams; that it is only a book for telling the future; that it is a compilation of ancient wisdom; that it is a binary code or ancient set of mathematical principles (making it into a mechanical system); that it was written by wise humans (denying the influence of the Sage); that it is to be seen as one of "man's great achievements"; that one is not meant to question any part of its text; and that one needs a trained human sage to interpret it. These ideas present the I Ching as complicated, distant, and forbidding, inspiring the person who approaches it with awe and fear. They cause him to miss the fact that the I Ching is meant to connect with him through his ordinary experience. This is the opposite of the innocent (childlike) and simple way a person is meant to approach the I Ching, meaning free of preconceived ideas.

. My description was inaccurate above. When anger is experienced. There is a specificity in the cause. An identification of some kind,,,, In times of depression or apathy everything seems off. There is a heaviness and the expression “deficient emptiness” fits very well with the felt experience. After rereading what I had written. It occurred to me that the expression of “having a monkey on your back” related more precisely to episodes of working through an addiction. Specifically withdrawal from whatever the substance was. It’s difficult for me to say which addiction was more difficult to overcome, alcohol or cigarettes,,, in a way, cigarettes were more difficult because of the frequency of use and also the accompanying habits of coffee or mechanical habits of the instinctive/ moving center. I always reached for a cigarette after meals or after sex or whenever I got into vehicle. With alcohol the feeling of self-hatred was often present when I started in the direction to go drink. Having decided in a capitulation of sorts to satisfy the craving. Alcohol was definitely a coping mechanism. It took years before I didn’t crave alcohol. A number of years of binge drinking. I attended some AA meetings a few times. It’s a good organization. When you’re alone and hurting the meetings can help you ‘stay on the wagon’. My last binge drinking was in February of 2005. It began with drinking some mouthwash. Followed by a 12 pack plus. I didn’t drink mouthwash and beer together,,,,,. That would probably cause heartburn. You know,,, What’s wrong with being lighthearted?? I quit cigarettes in the year 2000. There are a lot of substances that can be addictive. Alcohol, tobacco,and narcotics are addictive in different ways. Shaming people who are addicts doesn’t help. In my opinion, the addict should be the one who decides when and how to initiate the intentional suffering necessary to reach the end of their addiction. Don’t divide a person against themselves by shaming them. Psychedelics are not physically addictive but people can use them in a reckless way. Such as simple dissociation from life. That makes them appear to others as an addiction of sorts,, It discredits the psychotherapeutic use of psychedelics. Being what they are, though, psychedelics can be useful for ‘getting the monkey off your back’ for those who are trying to quit a physically addictive substance. Using a crutch to quit an addiction is usually frowned upon by conventional attitudes but I’m all for it,,, It worked for me in quitting cigarettes,,,,

Gratitude Of all the “passions” in the enneagram or the 7 deadly sins, I view anger to be one of the most intense and difficult to work with, besides fear, which is my chief feature or stumbling block. In the past, a state of deep anger produced with it the general feeling of, everything is wrong. There was an unsettled quality present. Similar also to another period in my life which was one of chronic depression. The expression of- ‘having a monkey on your back’ seemed to describe it, to a degree. The point I’m trying to make is the difference found between two states of consciousness witnessed from a distance or the profundity of what a shared hindsight can bring. In the unbalanced state of consciousness whether dominated by apathy or anger I was unable to have any peace. Depression or apathy was a much more difficult condition to get out of. Usually anger was more of a transitional state of consciousness while, at the same time, more intense and unsettling. Deficient emptiness is a good description of how life is felt to be during these episodes dominated by depression or anger. The sensation of having peace is a good description that highlights the difference, contrasting between an unbalanced state of mind and a healthy one. There seems to be an entanglement that produces an amnesia of sorts in the shift between healthy and unbalanced state of consciousness. The following is one of my favorite quotes from Cynthia Bourgeault which well describes a part of the transitional experience between angst and peace of mind. “The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.” - from Cynthia Bourgeault's book- This has been a rambling discourse about a path described in hindsight. Nuanced clumsily about finding the miraculous hidden within the mundane. What is forgiveness? Do you need forgiveness? Can you forgive yourself? Do you need to forgive yourself? Can you slow down? Terrence McKenna’s term -“Fardow”. The uncomfortableness yet empathy felt when someone else fucks up. When someone else messes up. Do you see you yourself in their making mistakes and does this understanding make forgiveness unnecessary because understanding is complete. Good morning. I need to roll out of bed and start the more active part of my day.