Zigzag Idiot

I tore the rotator cuff in my left shoulder in the winter of 2012. Sometime around 2019 the right shoulder rotator cuff experienced a similar tear. But not as severe. Gonna have to plan a surgery for this sometime in the next year. A new acquaintance informed me that she got hers fixed with just an out-patient surgery . That sounds hopeful. I’m tired of the chronic pain and lack of mobility with my arms.

The Science of Idiotism is about the hindrances to becoming a Self Realized Being, plus other stuff. The term Idiot here is drawing an the old Greek usage of it as: being oneself,,unpretentious ,,,, But it is used also simultaneously as the standard modern usage of fool because until we 'have our Being', life is experienced on the emotional pendulum connected with dualistic thinking and we are pretty much just a torture to the world, of some kind or other. I used to be an a epic complainer in addition to Alcoholic and coward. After that, I went around depressed and with a long sad face because I couldn't drink alcohol and party it up forever. Some people can but I realized I couldn't. The Science of Idiotism is a little known teaching from the mystic George Gurdjieff. Bruno Martins - The Realized Idiot - is about the only book written solely about The Science of Idiotism. It's very good. I recommend it. You can find a little here and there with a google search. Zigzag idiot is #9 on the Ladder of Reason. Of all the Idiots, I thought this one made the best screen name. I've been working on my self for a few years doing self inquiry. Keeping this Journal out here in front of God and everybody meshes well with the Gurdjieff work of Self Observation and Self Remembering. The whole lot of us are just bad full of bullshit, says Gurdjieff. Justifying,,, self deception,,, Kundabuffer he called it in his book Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson. I really like AH Almaas's The Diamond Approach. It's Gurdjieff,,, modernized plus psychological explanation of things like our defenses against inadequacy. Is it a schizoid splitting off and sticking ones head in the sand? or do we employ a Grandiose self to shield against inadequacy. This work which includes, very much processing our shadow material can be very painful and destabilizing. Being light hearted can amount to good strategy if it can be sincere and natural. This Work teaches we project any repressed guilt we may have out onto others. I've observed this in myself over time. Also, we don't have to be negative. The practice of not expressing negative emotions has shown me the existence of my own spiritual sleep. We wake up and although might never sleep as deeply again, spiritually, we take naps as E.J. Gold put it. It's very difficult sometimes to just simply feel , without repressing negative emotions and not give expression to them. It pays out big dividends in 'spiritual coin' though. Remind me of this, if, in later post, I go off on a angry emotional rant.

The following was a part of my mornings reading. Practical advice for dealing with oneself and others when there are discordant energies present. From - I Ching The Oracle of the Cosmic Way Retreating from Conflict or Opposition Retreating means withdrawing inwardly from all argumentative attitudes: with yourself others, the Cosmos, Nature, Fate, life, etc., The idea of opposition has no Cosmic validity. Everything in the nature of the Cosmos is based on the principle of harmony. There fore, when you see anything or anyone as your opponent, enemy, or adversary, it is a sign that you have separated from the Cosmic Harmony and are engaging in an inner war. Continuing always leads to humiliation. (see Hexagram 6, Conflict, Line 1) Withdrawal from conflict first requires relinguishing the demands of the ego in yourself by saying No to seeing anything as an opponent. Second, ask the Sage in your presence for help. If your confictis with another, also ask the Sage in that person's presence to intervene with the ego in him. (Doing this is helpful in all situations and group meetings.) Calling on the Sage in a person's presence is one thing the [Ching means when it counsels us "to see the great man." Retreating into an attitude of reserve is the correct response to any ego display in others (vindictiveness, temper, etc.). This begins first by retreating from the ego in yourself by saying the inner No to indulging in any anger or annoyance. You next disengage from eye-to-eye contact (the ego in a person derives its energy from being recognized in another's eyes) until the person returns to humility. The need to retreat can be either inner or outer, such as: when you watch an evil deed with your inner eye and make a judgment that the other person doing it is evil; when you argue inwardly with another's statements or ideas; when you fasten on a subject or person with worry, or anticipate possible negative consequences. Retreat does not mean you smother natural feelings of dissent. It means to first say the inner No, when there are clear feelings of wrong-doing, and then to ask the Sage and Cosmic Helpers to take care of it. This means that you also give your anger over to these Helpers. When the retreat is done sincerely, there is no need for it to be noticed by the other. Sulking is not a retreat, but a display intended to make a point. It only shows that the ego is still attached to the confict. A retreat has only one aim: to end the conflict and the exchange of energy that conflict creates. If the other persists, it may be necessary to signalize one's determination not to participate in any further discussion. The unexpected effect of retreating is that the energies of your anger become transformed into Helpers that will show themselves in exactly the right way at the right time.

The following is a poorly worded, bullshit statement from the previous journal entry. - It’s been said we have to have a healthy functioning ego before further progress can be made. “ To have your being” as it’s referred to in the New Testament and the equivalent in other traditions. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzxxzzzzx In the Abraham Maslow model of human development it is expressed that in the first tier we have “survival or deficiency needs” . Moving into 2nd tier there are “being needs” to be fulfilled and expressed through our healthy individuality. To have your being is mentioned in the New Testament. Acts 17:28 I should have gave the equivalent of this scripture found in other traditions’ but it would require more work than I care to do. I looked at the possibilities of this translating across into Buddhist and Hindu texts and it seems very possible,,,,, enough said,,,,, My journal is full of half baked ideas, possibilities, castles in the air, bad music, questionable ideas, confusing statements but also some decent crunched analogies and valuable quotes from a variety of people.

The self esteem that many therapists work their patients towards seems to be,,,,, egotistical. Sure it is. It’s been said we have to have a healthy functioning ego before further progress can be made. “ To have your being” as it’s referred to in the New Testament and the equivalent in other traditions. Concerning folks who are in therapy. To get relief from psychological and emotional torment can mean everything. You never know who has experienced a trauma of some kind that placed them in a hell of sorts, There are many different kinds of hell. To escape any form of Hell is its own reward. Two excerpts from Almaas online glossary- What is Hell? Diamond Approach Teachings About: Hell https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/hell Attachment is the Pure Substance of Hell Itself Do you remember what we said attachment was? It is the pure substance of Hell itself. It is pure, unadulterated anguish. The anguish is exactly what is produced by the movement of attachment. The movement of attachment always occurs in one of two ways, either a movement away from pain or a movement towards pleasure. Regardless of how you might try to get out of this dilemma, you won’t. If you have either of these two attitudes – which are actually one attitude – you are in the dilemma. You can’t get out of a sticky situation by becoming stickier. You can’t get out of a swamp by going further into it. No matter how many times I say this, how many times I read the stories, you will not get it unless you make that principle of understanding your practice every minute, as much as possible. Diamond Heart Book One, pg. 225 Seeing that the Ego Ideal Doesn't Work When someone achieves the ego ideal and sees that it doesn’t work, the attempts to fill the hole from then on are generally not effective. The person either tries to find another, similar ideal, or he simply modifies it. The ego ideal is always based on some kind of positivity—its aim is to give you a positive experience. It is a defense against a negative identity, a negative sense of self. There was a state of harmony that was lost, and the ego ideal is an attempt to regain that harmony. However, the loss of the state of harmony means the presence of negativity. The ego ideal is, in a sense, a way to deal with that negativity by retaining the hope for regaining a positive experience. If a person sees through the ego ideal, he will begin to experience a negative state, which is the absence of the original harmony. He will have to deal with the negative part of the self that is angry and hateful, and will have to see his self-hatred and self-rejection. In other words, you were in paradise and you were then thrown out of it into hell. You then try to build a certain ideal based on a hope of getting back to paradise, so you won’t be suffering in hell. You have this fantasy in your mind while you’re in hell, believing that if you work hard enough at being a certain way, you’ll get back into paradise. The moment you give up that hope, you find out you really are in hell, and you experience the depth of the negativity of self-hatred and self-rejection. When you recognize the ego ideal, there will be all kinds of defenses against it. I’m not trying, by the way, to tell you what will happen in your process; we’re just trying to understand the process. If you’re trying to anticipate what will happen, you are already motivated by the ego ideal. You want a result; the result you have in mind can only be a product of your ego ideal. You’re still caught in it, ensnared by it. The best approach is simply to understand it. Then you’ll see what will happen. It will not happen exactly the same way for everyone. Diamond Heart Book Three, pg. 61 This guy states it well in this YouTube short.

One minute and 30 seconds- Jessica Britt gives a good reminder about an intrinsic condition that relates to one’s ability remain ‘present’ or the inevitable Self- forgetting.

Ted Nottingham’s delivery of this message and his wording creates a springboard for useful self observation and, perhaps, subsequent Self remembering. Emotional purification means facing one’s own reactivity. When your agape’ flavored actualizer personality suddenly goes away and you hear another self saying “I want to pluck out your eyeballs and eat your liver you goddamned motherfucking daughter raping shit-ass. Old timers in the Work would say about this- “It’s hot in the kitchen “ or That’s some good cooking,,,,. It’s lunar coating. If the one who was reacting verbally with all the violence contained in spoken word. Power of spoken word!!! If they had not spoken and held their tongue. After a time. An increase in energy and consciousness will often happen. This is solar coating. I’m writing to my self. There’s a place between lunar and solar coating. That’s when you wave to yourself as you go over the waterfall of reactivity. That’s better than nothing, Very high stress and intense emotions. That’s where real work and real growth occurs. I have had to watch myself fail so many times that ,,,, it’s hard to describe. My every-which-way-ness was encountered there,,,, Bootcamp in the military is a good example. These folks are ground down to exhaustion and mental distress and then built back. It’s a proven method that has a history of instilling the capacity of greater discipline in young adults. My point being, military bootcamp and do-it-yourself actualizing have similarities but provides a good contrast. Discipline matters but which lines of development are important to each separate individual. People in the actualizing community can have vast differences when looked upon by others.

"Life without foolishness would be unbearable," - Carl Jung

Reasons to be optimistic about the near future. Brain droppings- I wonder if what’s referred to as Artificial General Intelligence is synonymous with what’s called the “Singularity” ? Maybe this could also be viewed as the Rapture” or resurrection from another perspective. Maybe they could be viewed as set points on a multidimensional scale. The term quickening was used a couple of decades ago,,, If the physical and metaphysical bridge were completed to a more through understanding,,, Should we be expectant of clear vision and understanding of what awaits us after the death of the physical body? Or a more certain spectrum of possible existences,,,? This clip came to mind-

It doesn't matter what genre. It doesn't have to be inspirational. It doesn't need to be explained. Everything is welcome. Sad, goofy, angry, happy, inspirational, weird, profound, profane, etc.,,,,

In actualizing one’s potential. I’m looking at elements of that process. In the Almaas’ work, the Diamond Approach. Sitting with “the psychological/emotional hole one feels”, the deficient emptiness. One’s fracturedness, parts of my shadow that I’ve been able to confront. Almaas was a student of the Gurdjieff literature (fourth way or esoteric Christianity) which has self observation and self remembering as two main pillars within the work. Some modern psychotherapists describe it as self-inquiry. To take all this into a pile. A rhetorical question- How do you discover and admit to different elements of your very own biases and self deceptions? https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/holes-theory This blends great with what I’ve encountered with Emeralds lectures in which she steps down jungian psychology in an understandable way. I’ve also encountered a channel that find very enjoyable and informative with a ‘stepping down’ of Jung’s writings on integration, individuation, the shadow, and archetypes.

I’ve been busy refurbishing a rent house, working on a John Deere square baler, installing vinyl plank flooring in my own house, and, among other things,,,,, pondering. I lost a good friend two weeks ago. She was just 60 years old. This weighs on me. I could have been a better friend. Getting the call that she had left her body. The permanence of this. What happens after the physical body dies? I don’t know. Reincarnation,, or some kind of eternal existence ,? I don’t know. What’s the reality of the astral or energy body. Some people claim the realization of infinity or ‘God realization’. I haven’t had either of these experiences. Maybe minor mystical experiences that I would call inner seeing-knowing. But I’m not sure of the complete accuracy of these experiences. Helpful information and understanding have come about but when weighed against the scope of infinity or eternity,,,,, shatters any confidence. I know that the more people I lose that are close to me,,, it makes death a little less scary. To say that I keep these loved ones in my heart may seem to sound like an empty cliche at first. I’ve short changed everyone I’ve ever known in some way. I’m a selfish human being. I try to observe this with ruthless honesty. The felt sense of being forgiven as well as forgiving others is encountered in my inner world, tempering the pain of my mistakes from out of the past. The heart’s feeling capacity, with all of its changeable characteristics, leads me forward into the unknown.

Hey @MuadDib, the video was too weird for me, but thanks anyhow,,, I'm, trying to practice at being independent minded and opinionated without being obnoxious. In examining and trying to explain my bluntness, an extensive self-referential element surfaces which highlights my neurotic insecure psychological stance. Sounds worse than it really is and translates as more,,,, really is less. --------------------------------------------------------------- I've lost credibility in my community. People take my words, and they get fed back to me with a slightly different intent/context. It seems there is a great deal of suspicion about me. I've chosen a lifestyle which has more freedom. My hyperbolic remarks, at times, have been taken as serious remarks which equates as a ridiculous attitude on my part. A completely different meaning and intention than what was begun with,,, ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ And now some Castenada- The very first principle of stalking is that a warrior stalks himself. He stalks himself ruthlessly, cunningly, patiently, and sweetly. Stalking is the art of using behavior in novel ways for specific purposes. Normal human behavior in the world of everyday life is routine. Any behavior that breaks from routine causes an unusual effect on our total being. That unusual effect is what sorcerers seek, because it is cumulative. The sorcerer seers of ancient times, through their seeing, first noticed that unusual behavior produced a tremor in the assemblage point. They soon discovered that if unusual behavior was practiced systematically and directed wisely, it eventually forced the assemblage point to move. The real challenge for those sorcerer seers, was finding a system of behavior that was neither petty nor capricious, but that combined the morality and the sense of beauty which differentiates sorcerer seers from plain witches. Anyone who succeeds in moving his assemblage point to a new position is a sorcerer. And from that new position, he can do all kinds of good and bad things to his fellow men. Being a sorcerer, therefore, can be like being a cobbler or a baker. The quest of sorcerer seers is to go beyond that stand. And to do that, they need morality and beauty. For sorcerers, stalking is the foundation on which everything else they do is built. It is the art of controlled folly. Sorcerers say that the fourth abstract core happens when the spirit cuts our chains of self-reflection. Cutting our chains is marvelous, but also very undesirable, for nobody wants to be free. What a strange feeling: to realize that everything we think, everything we say depends on the position of the assemblage point. The secret of our chains is that they imprison us, but by keeping us pinned down on our comfortable spot of self-reflection, they defend us from the onslaughts of the unknown. Once our chains are cut, we are no longer bound by the concerns of the daily world. We are still in the daily world, but we don't belong there anymore. In order to belong we must share the concerns of people. And without chains we can't. What distinguishes normal people is that we share a metaphorical dagger: the concerns of our self-reflection. With this dagger, we cut ourselves and bleed; and the job of our chains of self-reflection is to give us the feeling that we are bleeding together, that we are sharing something wonderful: our humanity. But if we were to examine it, we would discover that we are bleeding alone; that we are not sharing anything; that all we are doing is toying with our manageable, unreal, man-made reflection. Sorcerers are no longer in the world of daily affairs because they are no longer prey to their self-reflection. And now some Castenada-

Perhaps you are misunderstood, and I'm misunderstood. Others are misunderstood as well and they misunderstand us and each other somewhat? We're all dangerous. I appreciated your expression, and I probably projected in some way which resulted in me being an annoyance. That was not intended. I wish you well.

Have we come to life on this planet in order to be only disciplined ascetics? Denying oneself all pleasures? You can't enjoy orgasms, fried foods, alcohol, sugar, narcotics, or chocolate after your die. Can't you see? It requires a physical body!! Some Buddhists speak about the realm of hungry ghosts. My limited understanding interprets this realm as a place of unhealed addictions. Gluttony is a danger. But also a life not fully lived is a danger as well. For me, sometimes, the road through is the road out. Yet, sometimes not. Ambiguity is that gray area between the absolutes of black and white. The foundation which enables us to be competent liars. It's a necessity for survival on this pain factory planet. Ambiguous subjectivity allows us the experience of our justifications, excuses, and self-deceptions. We all lie to ourselves and other people. We begin this early in life. It's natural and you see it in other people easier than you see it in yourself. This blaming keeps the inertia of subtle or blatant fault finding in the outer world and away from our inner world. A truly mature human being has to see through all this in its many forms. It doesn't disappear all at once. Not even close. You have to encounter it in yourself so many times that it just wears you down through exhaustion. The effects of this seeing result in the degree of understanding that remains. This is something that fluctuates as well. Practicing ruthless self-observation without self-criticism. It's very difficult to let the action of quiet remorse awaken our conscience. Self-recrimination keeps one on the merry-go-round of guilt and turning away into the shadows of repression and forgetting or some form of self-justification. We have to bear the burden of our actions in the world. When you can see your own bullshit. Forgiving others becomes so much easier. Surprisingly, my forward progress in the last 5 years has been in the action and paradoxically the felt expression of unbridled hatred. I'm not as repressed as I used to be, carrying around a burden of low-grade guilt and cynicism. The experience of fully feeling deep hatred has allowed it to burn up cleanly. It is something I never expected. I can feel a peace and inner quiet that is fresh. It does not last and that's okay as well. It's not supposed to. There are so many different states of consciousness and degrees of being that are possible. Repression is a counterforce that that shuts one off from experiencing different aspects of life. Human beings have more subtle energy centers, (chakras) than other mammals who have no neocortex. We have many more possibilities than hamsters and dogs. Though, we have possible discoveries yet to be made concerning dolphins and whales. Human beings are quite varied. Multilayered evolution as individuals and as a collective species is in progress. There seems to be a quickening in this unfolding evolution as well if you look at the speed of new knowledge acquired and new technologies advancing the human potential. Have a nice day.

Thank you for helping me to realize that the world is a nicer place than it was before Courageous yet benign expression of individuation Communicating from your hara *Makes my heart soar like a hawk You are a human being and know where the center of the Earth is *- Paraphrasing quotes of Chief Dan George

I liked listening to this fellow. He trained himself with Robert Monroe and the Monroe Institute in development of out of body experiences. I’ll listen to this again because I was letting this play as I worked one day last week. To say the conversation was far reaching would be an understatement. I get enjoyment in watching this monkey, below,

I liked the movie,,, I very much agree.

My YouTube shorts picks- This first one is sobering. Victims of war. I went through Moab a couple of times but didn’t get to spend much time sightseeing. I plan on visiting again.

ESSENCE TYPES This YouTube on essence or body types was put together in a very interesting way.

I’ve been thinking about how embarrassing this journal is for people who THINK they know me. I’m not embarrassed at all and that’s a lie. Aren’t we all multidimensional Beings? Some will contend that we’re not. I don’t wish to argue with anyone. Blah , blah, blah, I erased some, blah , blah, blah….. ,,,,,,,a starter kit for undoing the twist in ourselves which perpetuates our misery. Letting go,,,, Finding peace through non-attachment. We can leap out of our graves. “If you could float above the earth and become aware of all the negativity that is going on, you would never laugh again. The world is ruled by negative emotions."

Skillful Means Ken Wilber is the originator of Integral Theory, a comprehensive philosophy. Skillful means, a concept related to Wilber's work, recognizes paradoxes and the need to liberate others... Hey people. When someone starts outing themselves for ---------? whatever it may be,,,, Keep your words of wisdom to yourself. Or, at least, REALLY observe yourself. I used to be pretty bad about offering unsolicited advice. It's a terrible blind spot for many of us. You'll notice in the reaction of those who you are trying to "help",,, a rather cool response, sometimes. This happens quite a bit here in the actualized forum and it gets pointed out fairly often as well. Maybe more than i realize. I don't interact with others here on the forum as I used to as. I'm a fitful contributor and sporadic in my approach to actualizing. Not engaging in self criticism is a part of my approach as well. This allows me to backslide with wild abandon from time to time and dispense with all that self flagellating that goes along with being a rather insecure introvert. I'm a terrible speaker and don't give a damn about that inability. Rather being fascinated with states and stages of consciousness, essence or endocrine types and things of that nature,,,, Perhaps a surface level look at Freud and Jungian psychology as well. I like watching Emerald's video's. She's a good teacher for me. Time to crash out and crawl into bed.

People talk about their story of awakening. The story of awakening isn't really special. No one's really is. They're all somewhat the same. And we also have many different kinds of awakenings. For. the most part, when people start to tell you about their story. You can watch them go into identification and their need to be seen in a certain way. It's a huge trap that turns them into a certain kind of Idiot. Perhaps a squirming Idiot or a round Idiot. It doesn't really matter. I'm no different. I've done the same damn thing. We all have these episodes and it's not that we're in complete delusion but rather,,, How do you translate a really moving transformational experience that has no distinct place in one's timeline with markers, time stamps, and foot notes. Something fundamental in one's perception changed which translates into a broader understanding, But the new perspective is so all encompassing,,,, it's difficult to relate it to another human being linguistically. That's just one way of framing it. An awakening experience could be framed in a completely different way. Like Nisargadatta's statement - "Nothing is wrong anymore". The more one talks about it, the more one can envision the needle moving on the bullshit detector. Be careful and try to catch yourself next time it happens. if you avoid that identification of needing to tell your story. Your world may become a bit larger in a sense, because all at once, your understanding grows, people are a little more predictable, and your humbled through seeing your own foolishness. The whole tone of this message is somewhat arrogant and sarcastic. My bad,,, but still,,,

Leo’s brief entry into his blog about psychopathic stage orange CEO’s reminded me of a recent study I encountered. I’m absolutely the least qualified to have an informed opinion on this matter, but the experiments described by Ralph Losey I found to be very interesting and encouraging. There seems to be hope for a appellate court system that would move at a much quicker pace eliminating back logs and with what seems like a very ethical oversight.

Leo’s brief entry into his blog about psychopathic stage orange CEO’s reminded me of a recent study I encountered. I’m absolutely the least qualified to have an informed opinion on this matter, but the experiments described by Ralph Losey I found to be very interesting and encouraging. There seems to be hope for a appellate court system that would move at a much quicker pace eliminating back logs and with what seems like a very ethical oversight.