Arman

Not much, you?

I have no experienced these kind of hardships so I am not in much of a position to give advice, but supposedly boundless energy and joy are not products of our environment, but of our inner condition and willingness to meet life. Maybe it is possible to be very, very happy even under circumstances that would crush others. Perhaps these challenges will serve as your opportunity to explore and see if it's true. Maybe it is true, maybe it isn't, but if your family circumstances are not going to change soon, then I hope you find the courage and strength to find out.

Check out Thomas Campbell. He has lots of talks and lectures on youtube - he is also author of the book/trilogy 'My Big Toe' (Theory of everything). He'll be right up your alley if you have the sufficient passion and patience.

Without drugs it is impossible, unfortunately. fortunately for you I am offering a 20% discount for seekers and first purchase is free

I've always figured that above a certain level of development/consciousness and you probably wouldn't be spending time on a forum lol. So this is mostly a collection of seekers.

There are certain muscular contractions or blockages/areas of tightness in our bodies, usually due to emotional and developmental traumas. It's possible that this is what you are experiencing. For the most part they are unconscious but meditation can bring them to the surface. Tightness and awkwardness in the breathing is not uncommon. There is no quick fix - these things are dissolved slowly through awareness. Takes some time. It may be challenging on your meditation, but challenge is not necessarily a bad thing. By being with these sensations, you are undoing long-held physiological programming and it has far reaching effects on well-being. In regards to difficulty sleeping, meditation can be very energetically stimulating. I personally cannot meditate before sleeping or I have trouble falling asleep, and then when I do sleep, it will be a very uneasy experience through the night. The most simple solution and the advice that was given is to simply make do your evening practice earlier in order to allow the temporary 'buzz' of the practice to subside. Try late afternoon. I also suggest that after you do your meditation, you lay down for ten minutes to rest. This might seem funny as meditation in itself can be seen as restful, but it can also be highly stimulating. Ten minutes of laying down in an unfocused and gentle way can help relax these energies and prevent being sensitivity later. If you're finding it difficult to practice earlier because of work constraints or otherwise, you may also have to experiment with shortening the practice to find a balance that works. If you're having difficult sleeping, there's probably already a lot shifting within.

If you're god, then how many fingers am I holding up right now?

The traditional explanation is that pain and suffering are not one in the same. For example if you were to stub your toe, then you would feel physical pain, but how much it will cause you to suffer, if at all, is up to you. One person stubs his toe and screams to the heavens. He punches a door, and spends the next hour complaining. The next day he tells his co-workers about it, even though the physical experience has long since subsided. He is still choosing to suffer from the experience long after it has occurred. Alternatively, the same person may stub his toe, and because he is well practiced in mindfulness, his reflexive response is to still his body and mind and allow the experience to arise. He feels the pain as it radiates through his toe into his foot, stays with it and allows it to subside. Was it really so bad? He goes about his day. Generally speaking, most of the suffering in life is not 'inherent' so much as it is resistance to something that is occurring. This can be discovered by taking note of the things that trigger you and cause you suffering, and by injecting mindfulness into the experience the next time it occurs. It is by pushing against the experience that suffering and attachment arise, and this experience of resistance can compound upon itself the more mind energy is placed into it. Eventually one believes that the object of suffering is outside when really it is the attitude, focus and resistance that is being unconsciously chosen that causes the suffering. Initially when engaging in meditation and mindfulness practice, it is possible that one becomes more aware of the suffering that has been suppressed, but that very awareness begins to unravel it. As a general rule, when clear focus/awareness is placed on love and happiness, the happiness increases, and when it is placed on suffering, the suffering releases. The dynamics of why it should be this way become clearer as you practice. It is one of the miracles of life.

Love is real, Real is love

Yeah my post was a bit assumptive. My bad.

I'm guessing your hesitation is because the retreats are saying 18+ ? Try e-mailing the centres, state a bit of your history and declare your willingness to commit and ask them if they can make an exception with the permission of your parents (which I'm guessing they would need).

It's good that you're putting consideration into the issue. You have narrowed your options to the following: 'wait till life puts it in your lap' 'settle for less' perhaps there are other approaches and ways of thinking. You are clever so you will find a more fruitful perspective.

Hi Martin. Congratulations on having meditated for a month. Yes, posture does indeed have effects on consciousness and awareness and therefore our meditation because it changes our bodies energy. This is however not a big issue, especially for beginners. I suggest that comfort and sustainability are more important factors for establishing long term meditation practice. Some believe that pain and discomfort should not be avoided in meditation, but this should not be at the cost of body and joint health. In time as you meditate more, it will become more obvious how posture effects your consciousness. If in the future you want to experiment with new postures, then do so. For now, pick a posture that is comfortable and sustainable for you. I suggest using back support as a general rule. If you wish to lay down, that is ok too. Position your hands where they are most comfortable. For you it seems the hangup is not so much the postures themselves, but the worry that you will do it incorrectly or ineffectively; overcome this by choosing a comfortable posture and sticking to it. The difference between meditating lying down and sitting cross-legged is not worth your worrying over. Set your intention to stick to a posture and release opposing thoughts and doubts into awareness. All the best in your practice.

Are you putting yourself in a situation where you need to rely on others to reach your goals?

When life is holding you back from what you want, perhaps it is because there are far greater things in store. I have heard this idea and have found it to be true. There have been periods of great discontent or suffering and one can wonder why you are seemingly barred from what you desire or what you believe will make you fulfilled - but that is when breakthroughs to greater landscapes occur. Part of the realization in this is understanding that if you had received what you thought you desired, the attachment to would have created would have limited you a lot and hindered much progress. When you do see why you were being 'held back' then you realize it wasn't even possible for you to perceive the next 'greater thing', because it was beyond your imagination. If you could have imagined it, then you wouldn't have bothered with the desires you had because they don't compare. Life leads you to far more beautiful and fulfilling states. Think of every desire and state of possible fulfillment that you can imagine, and then pray you don't receive it, because it will distract you from the real joys that life is delivering. Accelerate this process by being content now. Just a thought I wanted to process.

It's hard to stay alert, alive and happy doing something we don't like, are not passionate about, and/or don't believe is truly beneficial for us. Perhaps this accident occurred for a reason? I heard it stated recently that our environment and people around us are not so much responsible for our state of energy, so much as they are a reflection of it. Do you love what you do? If not, what does this mean for you now?

Excerpt from the book 'Levels of Energy' by Frederick E. Dodson

if you love us so much why don't you marry us?

I think it is about what the mind, brain and body are energetically trained with. The states that we are most often experiencing become more and more magnetized and they become our baseline. For most of us, that baseline is the feeling of discontent and seeking - so even if we shift into something else temporarily such as the experience of satisfaction or happiness, then it is short lived because the energetic state that we've practiced most is that of unhappiness, powerlessness, desire, etc, and it pulls us back to its center like a magnet automatically because that is how the brain and energetic system has been grooved as the path of least resistance. This is the heartbreaking reality of the masses who are taught to desire and work hard until they have what they want. Therefore I think it is useful for one to practice happiness regardless of circumstance. To learn how to sit and cultivate contentment and happiness by simply sitting. That way you learn that happiness is created within and not without. Then we can cultivate the experience more and more often, and consciously bring it into life so often that it becomes more and more magnetized. Eventually when we stop feeding the other reality of powerlessness, it loses its momentum and the body and mind become habituated to another experience that can become the baseline. Then, instead of being unhappy most of the time, then temporarily happy, and automatically drawn back into unhappiness - we are instead happy most of the time, then temporarily unhappy, and automatically drawn back into happiness, because that is the most practiced state.

If you are concerned, then just don't push your practices or take on any new ones for a while. Eat clean, stay hydrated and rest. Beyond that, just don't worry about it too much. It's unlikely something is just going to explode within you - sometimes initial experiences are just signs of good things to come or signals that you are doing well and that there's no need to push too much. There is no advantage to worrying. These energies unfold with a higher intelligence. The primary advice under all circumstances is to relax.

Annoyingly long post incoming: I can't say for sure what is occuring within you, but I can share with you my own experience and the framework of understanding that I've developed to make sense of this phenomena. I have had, and still have similar sensations in various areas of the body. Some of the primary ones seem to be similar to the area's you described; lower torso or a bit lower than the bellybutton, as well as chest and back. The experiences manifest as tension, resistance and discomfort of various degrees from a light humming to a sensation of emotional distress, and something a dull or sense pain or pressure. My understanding is that these are blockages within our personal energetic system (Look up the Meridian system for reference). For assistance, imagine the body as a series of threads through which light or energy move. When the body is healthy and balanced, then this energy moves freely through the system. Different aspects of this energy system correspond to the activity of the nervous system and organs, as well as our emotions, expressiveness and how we operate in the world. When the various centres of flow are open, then we are said to be effective, light and loving, and when the various centres of flow are blocked, then we are said to be ineffective, contracted and dense. As different areas of the system are 'lit up' by energy flow, it activates different aspects of our being which comes into awareness. Focus and intention are one way to channel this flow of energy. This can be discovered experientially by focusing on various energy centres and seeing the way in which this effects consciousness and the body. For example, by breathing into the perineum to create a sense of grounded stability, or by meditating on the heart and chest area and seeing what effect this has on our emotions and how we relate to ourselves and others. When blockages occur, then the energy flow of particular centres or channels of energy (meridians) become stifled. This stifled movement manifests itself as the experience of resistance, recurring and exaggerated negative emotions, neurosis, thoughts, feelings, belief systems, selfishness, destructive behavior, bad luck, and an endless variety of physical symptoms and ailments. The theme in which a particular blockage manifests itself depends on the area in which the energetic system is stifled/restricted. There are a few different ideas as to why these blocks or restrictions in flow occur. Some say it is partly due to what we put in our body. Some who follow new age or religious beliefs may say that it is a karmic inheritance from a soul level that is descended or reflected into our earthly vessel. I suspect that the primary factor (and especially the reason for which these more intense blocks that you described) is traumatic experience of our youth. Here is my unrefined theory on this subject: When we are young (from birth to maybe very early teenage years) we are essentially energetic sponges and our brains are not yet operating in the way they do for us now. When we are young, we are constantly being imprinted by the energies of our environment (parents, language, emotions, belief systems, etc). This is a life function that makes sense because it's how we learn and adapt to our world. This causes issues because not everything imprinted is useful, but that is another discussion. We are healthily able to process and integrate much of this energy, but at some point in a child's life, we come upon an experience that we are simply not equipped to process and integrate. This can come in the form of abuse, emotional distress, confusion, discontinuity of experience, or quite anything, really. Even the most seemingly benign, innocent and mundane thing can be potentially highly traumatic for a child. When an innocent child is met with such an incomprehensible tension that he or she can neither interpret, process or deal with, then this triggers the mechanism of contraction/resistance; So as not to be overwhelmed by this energy, the child reflexively tenses, either physically, psychologically or otherwise, as a means to sedate the experience and protect him or herself. The greatest way we seem to do this is by contracting muscles and shallowing the breath. The energy of that experience, instead of flowing and being integrated like other experiences, is then pressed (or IMPRESSED) into the subconscious. Because this imprint has a higher degree of magnetic charge than other experiences, in time, it reoccurs within us and is always attempting to return to the surface of our awareness in order to be integrated. Like a cork in water, when we are not expending the energy to push it down, it floats to the top. Now, in an ideal world, this child would grow and learn to integrate and release these imprints as they arise, but we don't live in that world. Rather, when these magnetised charges of suppressed energy return to our experience and awareness, we instead develop and act out countless means to avoid, sedate and suppress what is arising to be integrated. This escapism is one of the primary forces behind unconscious, neurotic and destructive behaviors. In order to avoid having to experience these charges, we either consciously or unconsciously restrict energy flow within our body so as not to 'activate' or light up the imprint. Therefore, there is a tremendous degree of unconscious contraction being held within our bodies at all times in the form of muscular micro-tensions or what Wilhelm Reich refers to as 'muscular armouring' (For more information on this topic in general, read Bioenergetics by Alexander Lowen). So to be clear, there is not really anything 'real' blocking energy flows, but rather it is our unconscious effort to not want to deal with something within us. Meditation, other practices and spiritual experiences can increase energy flow, and naturally as we release unconscious tensions, there is more light and energy being moved throughout the body which causes increased energy flow in areas which we had been previously restricting this flow. This in a sense 'lights up' those suppressed traumas and that is why you suddenly feel them, or why you may feel them at some times and not others. (Smoking, for example, is one way to restrict energy flow.) This phenomena is part of the reason why meditation can make us happy for a while, but then seems to throw the practitioner into great distress! - this is because unconscious imprints are no longer being hidden from ourselves in the way they previously were. We can only suppress so much of this energy for so long. All this contraction limits a great degree of our life energy and manifests itself in undesirable ways. These energies are more obviously seen as emotions like fear, anger, etc. Even these emotions, however, are usually only the surface level of the imprint, and may only be further reflexive resistance to the deeper aspect of the imprint, which can be an abstract sensation that unlike many emotions, is more difficult to describe in words. Once the surface level emotions are released, then the deeper, more abstract aspects of the suppressed energies can also be experienced and released. The deeper root energies of the charges are usually not as bad as the resistance that we were holding towards them. As children we resisted the experience, but as adults we resist the resistance, which perhaps compounds the energy. The real boogie monster isn't scary when you shine the light on him and discover he was only ever a shadow on the wall. The way in which these blocks are released and healed is through the light of unconditional awareness. The basic idea is that these stagnant energies will simply and automatically release themselves when we stop 'doing' anything else. This means allowing them to arise and allowing them to be as they are without wanting to change or judge them. We stop being afraid of what is inside us, and instead we greet and embrace it as a catalyst for our growth and maturation. Being with experience unconditionally is a skill that developes with meditation practice. Once an imprint is held within awareness, then the higher intelligence of God or your body knows what to do. We can only resist what we don't understand, and within the light of awareness is pure understanding and intelligence. The experience arises, unravels, and releases. It is that simple. Is it easy? Perhaps not, but it is simple. I think that about sums up my understanding. Id be interested to hear your own insights on the experience. ---- I'll provide an illustration of an experience I had and the effects it had on me as a real life example of this subject. When I was more active in trying to heal, I would devote a lot of sitting time to the release of emotional energies and I was used to sitting with them for extended periods of time. One day something triggered anger within me and so I instinctively sat down in my room to try to allow it to dissolve. This particular charge, however, didn't want to go anywhere any time soon. As I sat with it, I got angrier and angrier and it was like a rage in my chest. As the anger slightly subsided, it was replaced by a stinging pain and tightness in my lungs as I would reach the end of each breath. I sat for hours and the discomfort in my lungs and feelings remained, so feeling overwhelmed, I gave up and decided to nap on the floor in order to not have to go through it anymore. I woke up half an hour later and within a few moments the experience was back, so I returned to the sitting. About a half hour after that, the tension was still there but something within it gave way. As I breathed in deeply, there was a very odd sensation in my lungs when I would reach the end of my breaths. It is like a tight tension was released and although it was very, very tight, I find myself being able to force breath into a deeper part of my lungs that I had not been able to breathe into before. After a few minutes of trying to pace myself breaths in a way to get every single last drop of air in so as to expand my lungs further, I would get to the end of my breath feeling all this pressure, then suddenly it was like a new place opened up and I could inhale even more. As I breathed into this seemingly extended range, an increased energy flooded me and I felt indescribably alive and vital. It was really incredible. I spent the next hour pacing around my room as it became more comfortable to breathe into that part of my lungs because it felt so good. The experience stabalized and my lung capacity increased. It went from feeling wild to breathe into that range, to feeling natural. From that day forth, my breathing was permanently improved to be more relaxed, natural and deeper than before. I still get angry, but not quite to the same degree of intensity of that period of life. My resistance, in the form of long held muscular contractions in the chest (in order to shallow the breath and sedate something) had loosened and dissolved, allowing a breakthrough of life energy, and this was the result of releasing only part of that particular imprinted energy.

I've heard this recommended a few times. I wonder how bald people feel when the idea of shaving your head is thrown out as an ego-annihilating exercise

If fapping makes you enlightened then my 14 year old self should have been enlightened a thousand times over sometimes multiple times a night

Do you mean you experience it in dreams or you speak and act while asleep, similar to sleepwalking?