Arman

If that's true, no wonder he talked so goddamn slow.

The problem is that there are so many lower state of consciousness that are cheap mimics of higher consciousness. That's why people can take some 'lite' spiritual truths, meditate a little bit and think they've reached enlightenment, when all they've reached is a state of ineffective apathy. From the outside it looks almost just like someone who is genuinely enlightened. That's what you call a zen devil.The naive can even be tricked into thinking these people are high consciousness enlightened beings. People think MDMA brings you into a space of unconditional love, when at best it is a cheap mimic. Real unconditional love doesn't come with an exhausting crash and create craving. People think they have stumbled onto all kinds of spiritual truths and have broken through the matrix with entheogens - perhaps it is a step up from the usual experience but these experiences often cause people to become so attached to their 'new' reality and this much attachment does more harm than good. It makes letting it go for a higher paradigm more difficult. It is possible to take psychedelics and take great use from them with far less risk if you are at a certain level of awareness, consciousness and self mastery, but the irony is that when you are that point, they aren't that useful for you anymore anyway. Psychedelics also create a lot of impact on the energetic system and can cause people to become unbalanced. It is true that meditation and any consciousness work can have negative effects anywhere from mild discomfort to full blown psychosis, but my observation has been that those who engage in consciousness work and meditation generally seem to become more effective in life, where as those too heavily invested in psychedelics talk a big game, but on the whole I personally observe that there is no reliable increase in the more important barometers of spiritual growth: being emotionally grounded, being effective in the world, being genuinely loving in your basic actions a not just your preaching. etc. That's my two cents. I become concerned with those freely promote psychedelics like candy - but I don't discredit the use of them entirely either. I also think that sometimes certain souls are just meant to have certain experiences or tremendous shifts and this can come through psychedelics or similar experiences, as the life changing transformations of some through ayahuasca, iboga or other substances can't be denied. Some drugs are just better than others, too. I don't have experience in 5meo, it's possible that it is an exception to the discussion.

I want to be unrestricted in my creative expression.

This may help

I'm also enlightened now... feels like... a bag of sand.

When you examine most arguments (and actually most discussions) from a less emotionally biased perspective, you'll discover that much of our talk is completely frivolous, at least in regards to the things we think conversations are useful for. People think it is about right and wrong, about knowledge, about objectivity; for the most part that's all horseshit and we're mostly just monkeys trying to arm-wrestle each other, but we've discovered so many subtle ways to do it. (edit: like this post for example is me secretly trying to feel good about myself by trying to be 'right' about something) I don't think 'not taking a side' in an argument is a bad thing unless you're doing it from a place of fear or in-authenticity. Sometimes taking a strong stance is only you giving into your ego because you hope to have something to gain, and then lie to yourself in saying that it's the 'right' thing to do. So much discussion, debate, arguments, and entire social movements are built upon the grounds that it is 'right' and that if it is the truth, humanity must hear it, for the betterment of all! If you ask me, people are just jerking themselves off. Right and wrong become catch phrases used as excuses to be angry, fearful, or to put down others to make ourselves feel safe. This behavior is born out of dysfunction and only serves to create more social dysfunction. The more you become less invested in approval seeking and needing people to see you in a certain way, the more these responses will become your best friends: "Yeah, maybe." "Haven't thought about it that way." "That's interesting." "I don't know." And if anyone faults you for not obliging by social convention and picking red or blue, use it as an opportunity to be strong in yourself. The reason they're upset and trying to trigger you into taking a stance is because if you're not playing the game, they can't get their fix and dopamine kick by having someone to agree or disagree with.

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They're also fun as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Not much, you?

I have no experienced these kind of hardships so I am not in much of a position to give advice, but supposedly boundless energy and joy are not products of our environment, but of our inner condition and willingness to meet life. Maybe it is possible to be very, very happy even under circumstances that would crush others. Perhaps these challenges will serve as your opportunity to explore and see if it's true. Maybe it is true, maybe it isn't, but if your family circumstances are not going to change soon, then I hope you find the courage and strength to find out.

Check out Thomas Campbell. He has lots of talks and lectures on youtube - he is also author of the book/trilogy 'My Big Toe' (Theory of everything). He'll be right up your alley if you have the sufficient passion and patience.

Without drugs it is impossible, unfortunately. fortunately for you I am offering a 20% discount for seekers and first purchase is free

I've always figured that above a certain level of development/consciousness and you probably wouldn't be spending time on a forum lol. So this is mostly a collection of seekers.

There are certain muscular contractions or blockages/areas of tightness in our bodies, usually due to emotional and developmental traumas. It's possible that this is what you are experiencing. For the most part they are unconscious but meditation can bring them to the surface. Tightness and awkwardness in the breathing is not uncommon. There is no quick fix - these things are dissolved slowly through awareness. Takes some time. It may be challenging on your meditation, but challenge is not necessarily a bad thing. By being with these sensations, you are undoing long-held physiological programming and it has far reaching effects on well-being. In regards to difficulty sleeping, meditation can be very energetically stimulating. I personally cannot meditate before sleeping or I have trouble falling asleep, and then when I do sleep, it will be a very uneasy experience through the night. The most simple solution and the advice that was given is to simply make do your evening practice earlier in order to allow the temporary 'buzz' of the practice to subside. Try late afternoon. I also suggest that after you do your meditation, you lay down for ten minutes to rest. This might seem funny as meditation in itself can be seen as restful, but it can also be highly stimulating. Ten minutes of laying down in an unfocused and gentle way can help relax these energies and prevent being sensitivity later. If you're finding it difficult to practice earlier because of work constraints or otherwise, you may also have to experiment with shortening the practice to find a balance that works. If you're having difficult sleeping, there's probably already a lot shifting within.

If you're god, then how many fingers am I holding up right now?

The traditional explanation is that pain and suffering are not one in the same. For example if you were to stub your toe, then you would feel physical pain, but how much it will cause you to suffer, if at all, is up to you. One person stubs his toe and screams to the heavens. He punches a door, and spends the next hour complaining. The next day he tells his co-workers about it, even though the physical experience has long since subsided. He is still choosing to suffer from the experience long after it has occurred. Alternatively, the same person may stub his toe, and because he is well practiced in mindfulness, his reflexive response is to still his body and mind and allow the experience to arise. He feels the pain as it radiates through his toe into his foot, stays with it and allows it to subside. Was it really so bad? He goes about his day. Generally speaking, most of the suffering in life is not 'inherent' so much as it is resistance to something that is occurring. This can be discovered by taking note of the things that trigger you and cause you suffering, and by injecting mindfulness into the experience the next time it occurs. It is by pushing against the experience that suffering and attachment arise, and this experience of resistance can compound upon itself the more mind energy is placed into it. Eventually one believes that the object of suffering is outside when really it is the attitude, focus and resistance that is being unconsciously chosen that causes the suffering. Initially when engaging in meditation and mindfulness practice, it is possible that one becomes more aware of the suffering that has been suppressed, but that very awareness begins to unravel it. As a general rule, when clear focus/awareness is placed on love and happiness, the happiness increases, and when it is placed on suffering, the suffering releases. The dynamics of why it should be this way become clearer as you practice. It is one of the miracles of life.

Love is real, Real is love

Yeah my post was a bit assumptive. My bad.

I'm guessing your hesitation is because the retreats are saying 18+ ? Try e-mailing the centres, state a bit of your history and declare your willingness to commit and ask them if they can make an exception with the permission of your parents (which I'm guessing they would need).

It's good that you're putting consideration into the issue. You have narrowed your options to the following: 'wait till life puts it in your lap' 'settle for less' perhaps there are other approaches and ways of thinking. You are clever so you will find a more fruitful perspective.

Hi Martin. Congratulations on having meditated for a month. Yes, posture does indeed have effects on consciousness and awareness and therefore our meditation because it changes our bodies energy. This is however not a big issue, especially for beginners. I suggest that comfort and sustainability are more important factors for establishing long term meditation practice. Some believe that pain and discomfort should not be avoided in meditation, but this should not be at the cost of body and joint health. In time as you meditate more, it will become more obvious how posture effects your consciousness. If in the future you want to experiment with new postures, then do so. For now, pick a posture that is comfortable and sustainable for you. I suggest using back support as a general rule. If you wish to lay down, that is ok too. Position your hands where they are most comfortable. For you it seems the hangup is not so much the postures themselves, but the worry that you will do it incorrectly or ineffectively; overcome this by choosing a comfortable posture and sticking to it. The difference between meditating lying down and sitting cross-legged is not worth your worrying over. Set your intention to stick to a posture and release opposing thoughts and doubts into awareness. All the best in your practice.

Are you putting yourself in a situation where you need to rely on others to reach your goals?

When life is holding you back from what you want, perhaps it is because there are far greater things in store. I have heard this idea and have found it to be true. There have been periods of great discontent or suffering and one can wonder why you are seemingly barred from what you desire or what you believe will make you fulfilled - but that is when breakthroughs to greater landscapes occur. Part of the realization in this is understanding that if you had received what you thought you desired, the attachment to would have created would have limited you a lot and hindered much progress. When you do see why you were being 'held back' then you realize it wasn't even possible for you to perceive the next 'greater thing', because it was beyond your imagination. If you could have imagined it, then you wouldn't have bothered with the desires you had because they don't compare. Life leads you to far more beautiful and fulfilling states. Think of every desire and state of possible fulfillment that you can imagine, and then pray you don't receive it, because it will distract you from the real joys that life is delivering. Accelerate this process by being content now. Just a thought I wanted to process.

It's hard to stay alert, alive and happy doing something we don't like, are not passionate about, and/or don't believe is truly beneficial for us. Perhaps this accident occurred for a reason? I heard it stated recently that our environment and people around us are not so much responsible for our state of energy, so much as they are a reflection of it. Do you love what you do? If not, what does this mean for you now?