allislove

Feeling my way through the darkness Guided by a beating heart I can't tell where the journey will end But I know where to start ... Life's a game made for everyone And love is a prize

"Give and feel LOVE for my living. This is the last thing I've got to check out before I checkout."

Haven't read forum for a while (except this forum section), look what I found (golden words from Leo): Do you see how many wisdom in these words? Lately I started to respect Leo much more. Not for his youtube videos, but for what he went through. Of course it's pure speculation on my side, but I can imagine what he went through with his psychedelic trips. Respect and hat off.

I had a thought that I need to help people close to me to progress on their path. No, fucking no, help yourself first. Everyone has their own path, don't interfere. I had a thought that I need to find this non dual state. No, fucking no, it's all here it's all Now. Just do what feels good, love environment, love yourself, love everything. "Reach for the robe of God".

So, yesterday I've been in a place where there is a lot of people who do meditation and all this stuff. I have a thought that spirituality is a trap. In the same way religion or science. People do meditation or other practices just for running from the Truth, just to keep their image about themselves. "I do meditation, so I am more developed than that person who don't" or "If I meditate I'll be happier than those guys, what fools they are". Almost nobody wants to see the Truth. Truth that this is all Love, this is all giant Game. I am writing it to not blame this people, but just put light on it. Everyone has their own path, nothing bad to be in trap, just do whatever fuck you want.

Took a large microdose of acid (20+ ug) and went to ecstatic dance. Golden place to be when you are a little high. Danced as I wanted, so much, connected to a few people, danced with one girl by connecting to palms, lost feeling of time a bit ahaha. Grateful for the experience.

By help I mean just asking the questions and be present. It's really that simple. The challenge is to not interfere the conversation by judgments, for that - be present.

Heh, I started to love listening to people. Helping them to switch focus from what they don't want to what they want. Helping them to figure out by themselves what they want, feel through it. It feels good for me too. It's like by helping them I help myself. This is of course true in some sense.

Pay close attention to your feelings. By feelings you create worlds. So, if something bothers you look into it but not touch. What I mean is it's okay to do contemplation using direct experience related to the issue but do not overthink about it, do not push it away. It's enough just to look into problem closely. Just see it as it is without judging, love it, then shift attention to what you really want to have, feel how good it is, then let go, do not think about solution. Just do anything what makes you feel a tiny better. Done. "Awareness alone is curative".

It's you who creates synchronicities because you give some meaning to it. Say, I was seeing 666 a lot because I was thinking that this is my Higher Self shows me some signs that I am on the right track. When I stopped putting my attention to it, giving meaning to it, synchronicities stopped. It's fine to have synchronicity, it's fine to not have it. Do whatever fuck you want, create consciously.

I am grateful for having good work-life balance I am grateful for having enough money for a living I am grateful for having good health so I can do any activity I am grateful for talking to wife yesterday in a positive way I am grateful to live in a beautiful city I am grateful for conversation with Nahm I am grateful for having few grams of shrooms ?

I actually happy with my current work situation. I have enough money for everything I want (even 5$ for Leo monthly lol). I have really good life-work balance - it's amazing thing. But having 500 millions $ on my account, so I can be fully fluent with my time feels a little better.

I was playing with 3D printer yesterday till 4am, so I waked up at 10am. After this experience I realised I want to have more money, so I can do whatever fuck I want all the time, no need to go to office. No need to have schedule at all. Everything is spontaneous based on feeling. It feels good to have enough money to not officially work.

Really cool video, happy to have you on the forum. That's the amazing part of this work of self-actualization. You basically listen more and more to your heart, what you really want, rather than to be a people pleaser.

I live in one place for a few years but I never experienced such thing in a bus to home. I see a street neighbor staying in the bus, the man 45-55 years old. I was talking to him before, maybe few sentences, it was half year or year ago. So, I just smiled to him. He comes to me and sits near to me (I had a free place in bus near to me). He asks: "We saw each other before?". I say: "Yes, we live on the same street". And he remembered me.. He starts like that... I am a genius philosopher... This already was a red flag to me. He says: "I go to the event about importance of...." Then one guy (maybe 25 years old) joins our conversation where I mostly not talking. This older man starts to express a lot of different strong opinions in the bus... "The main problem of our country is Christianity.... There is no God. God is a toy, if there was God I would go to hell, but I am not, I am here...." At this point I was just smiling, breathing deeply and not caring what anyone says. So, it turned out the younger guy was a church guy (I don't know how to call him properly, the people which go on the street and asks to join their churches). I felt it was really insulting to hear for younger guy. Tension was quite high in this situation. I felt older guy was so holding to these beliefs. And I was just not reacting at all. So, then on the next bus stop older guy left the bus for joining the event which he talked about. I happily wished good luck to him. Then younger guy asked me about my opinion on this situation. I happily said, I don't want to share my personal opinion in public and said nothing, just listened to the younger guy. Then, younger guy went to someone else to ask to join their church. I felt like this was a micro examine for my personal development. And I can happily put the highest score for myself. You are good Dima. I love You. Seems like I haven't reacted at all. I was just smiling, breathing, with understanding it's all me, they just on their own path. And I really happy that I don't hold to the beliefs at this point that much. Thank you Leo and everyone else. Love You.

Just start to be grateful for everything and things will start to work out well. Today, grandmother and wife wrote to me after a short break.

Amazing guitar play

Somebody putting me lower energetically when I am not that high. Say, on psychedelic comedown nobody can put me lower. I am so high, because I am Source. I just understand that this is all play of Love, this is all me, I listen to people better, I have compassion to everyone. But when I am not fully align with my higher self some people who feel not that good about themselves can influence my mood. So, the solution is as always understanding. Understand, it's not someone else who is putting you down, it's your reaction on what someone says or does. It's your feeling about Yourself putting you lower since you think you are not Source which is not true. Say, somebody said what you don't like. Rather than to feel let's say guilty, investigate the feeling. Say, okay, now I feel guilty. This is right here is guilt. Then, try to understand what is guilt, does it exist at all? If we are all one, if everything is Love, is there guilt? Let guilt go, zoom out, breath deep and just feel love.

@Raptorsin7 happy be of help.

I want to share something which Nahm helped me to understand, grateful for that. Here's the Maslow's hierarchy of needs: So, the pyramid is quite simple. If your lower needs are not met it's harder to think about higher one. Say, if you don't have water to drink, it's hard to think about good employment. How many people on the Earth had an awakening experiences through psychedelics or meditation, self-inquiry? Let's say 1%. In other words the very top of pyramid has been reached by very little number of people around. So, if you suggest to someone go meditate for solving the issue, it's like saying nothing to other person or even worse, they just think you are insane. Everyone wants to be heard, rather than to have a solution from you, specially girls want to. So, to listen to somebody, breath deep, relax, create space for conversation, talk less, make a long pauses in conversation, even like a minute, two minutes pause is completely fine. Ideal ratio of talking you when you want to listen somebody is 10%. And when you listen somebody they tend to say from their heart. It feels really good. There is a difference between needs and wants. Try to contemplate what other people need if you want to improve conversation with them. Show that you understand their needs, you are with them with their needs, with their obstacles. That's the way of perfect conversation. And if you are experienced the top of the pyramid, you know that the pyramid is one, there is no difference between levels. But I find it useful as a relative knowledge for listening to people.

I wanted to start the appreciation practice for some time. I think I start in now. I am grateful for my health so I can do any physical activity I want. I am grateful for my wife for every caring she did, for every intimate experience with her. I am grateful for my parents for helping me to grow in a good environment. I am grateful for my kid which is healthy and happy. I am grateful for living in the place where I live. I am grateful for having enough money for a living. I am grateful for friends, for people around me, for environment. I am grateful for having access to psychedelics, for doing meditation. I am grateful for this forum. I am grateful for every experience. I love You.

I want to change focus of this journal. Shift focus from trying to share wisdom for the reader to contemplating my life, open up a bit, take responsibility for everything I create around, put thoughts to public, let them go, look into them and throw it away in a sense. This is a better approach for my personal growth I think. Help yourself first in other words. It's harder for me to contemplate in English, I use not that much words while writing/speaking English. It's way easier for me to contemplate in Russian. But I still think I can go deep with English too, put light on some beliefs, to let them go. Something was keeping me back from opening up here. I have a friend in real life in the forum. But I think that's even better. I don't need to care how other think. I think I don't need my friend at all, in the same way friend doesn't need my friendship, so I believe this is a really good basis for friendship. So, if you are reading it Max, I just show you a big fuck and I love you, you are me, grateful for our friendship. So, I am just going to throw what is in my head, what bothers me, what holding me back, what I resist to face in a sense. I want to post much often, so often so only I read this shit ahaha. I have a free time, need to use this opportunity, enough of preliminaries. Few weeks ago I faced loneliness again. It always was hard to me to be alone. In the past I was trying to run away from myself if I am alone, go live to friends, go to parents, find a girl as fast as possible, spending hours in social networks, having a mess in a place where I live as a result. Now it's a little different story. I enjoy my environment now. It's relativity clean since I have my robot vacuum "Monica". Sometimes I spend also hours online, but not for finding somebody to be with me in real life, just for talking with somebody, listening to the story, struggles of other people. I found amazing online Russian speaking resource for that. So, I want to feel fully complete by myself, love environment, myself, everything while living alone. I think I have a good opportunity to actualize it. My mother stopped talking to me few days ago saying it's better to not talk with me for my own good. I also stopped talking to my wife for a week or so. Mother wants me to do what she wants and I really not going to do anything unless it feels really good to me. With wife it's a little different story, I was too clingy in a time, so I wanted to make a break for some time, to give her time to rest. I also said to myself it's fine to masturbate once a week or two with no porn, otherwise I can't think about anything except to fuck some girl. I have quite serious disease with skin. It's not visible if I am with my clothes. But I think with the Path and work which I do now I know the reason why I created it to myself and it's okay for me to accept this disease, this is part of my journey as everything else. I think I feel quite happy now. Sometimes I feel lack of sex and lack of spending time with kid. I think what is really important to me is not spending time with kid but to know that kid is happy. I am pretty sure kid is happy in environment where she is now, so all is good. Few weeks ago I had one of the deepest trips so far, grateful for that. It's gonna be all good, it's all good now, it's all good always. I started to enjoy origami, making home made cappuccino in the morning (thanks friend for inspiration!), 3D printing, improving home environment. I realised I love measurement tools for solving the task in ideal way for some things, like making a tea. I went to 18km hiking this weekend, was quite nice trip, grateful for that. "giving love, feeling love... this is last thing I gonna check out before I check out"

It's been seven hours and fifteen days Since you took your love away... Song about going down after deep psych trip ahaha

Happy for you my friend. Best wishes ?❤️

♥️ ?