GroovyGuru

The last couple videos that Leo has posted have been huge. The one about survival and the one about relativity were absolutely mind blowing and perhaps two of his very best videos in my opinion. I've begun noticing how everything that is done, every action that is taken and every emotion and thought present in both myself and other people boil down to the need to preserve the ego and sense of self. I have been examining why it is that I'm even pursuing spirituality and why it is one of my biggest interests in life. There are definitely some genuine reasons I am interested in this work. I can sort of intuit that the only thing in life I can be certain of is that I am certain of nothing, and that there lies a very deep truth that can be realized that will shatter all suffering and attachments to this illusion I have created. However, there are also many selfish and egoic reasons that drive me to continue this pursuit. I'm a bit ashamed and embarrassed but I think it is important to realize these things. For example, I have this image of myself being a 20 year old man who possess knowledge and wisdom that the vast majority of people don't even know exists. I feel like having these awakening experiences and beginning to tap into the Absolute will give me a sort of image unlike any other person my age and will make me stand out and seem unique, and this sounds very nice to my ego. Also, I feel like beginning to awaken to the ultimate truth will result in the dissolving of all of my fears, anxieties, and worries, which of course is very selfish in itself. A specific example would be the fear I have about what I'm going to do with my life, as the degree I am soon going to earn is of little interest to me and will not lead anywhere that matches my values and what I appreciate and love most in life. I feel that pursuing spirituality will resolve these issues I have, however I am also aware that upon actually having awakening experiences, there will no longer be a self to try to protect and preserve. How should I go about pursuing spirituality after realizing my selfish reasons for pursuing it in the first place? Perhaps the answers I seek can only be understood after having some awakening/non-dual experiences, of which I have had none to this point. This is my main goal as of now, is to actually have a direct experience. I felt I have came close several times when mediating after smoking weed, which I have found to be MUCH more intense than sober meditation. Anyways, Thank you for anyone who bothered to read and respond.

I am 20 years old and have never yet had any sort of enlightenment or awakening experience. I try to meditate daily for at least 30 minutes every day and have begun contemplating with a journal. I know this is not enough, I am currently trying to battle distractions, excuses, and my own laziness but that is another topic. This summer, I am planning on taking some psychedelics in hope of having my first awakening, however minor it may be. I'm really just craving that first taste because although I can sort of intuit just how deep this sort of work is, I know my understanding through the mind can only take me so far. However, a part of me is terrified of taking psychedelics whether it be psilocybin or LSD because I just fear what I will see. It's strange because part of me is incredibly curious and eager to have this experience, but another part of me is thinking "I have no fucking clue what I'm really getting myself into." I have taken mushrooms before, on two separate occasions last year. However, I believe that they were of very poor quality because my friends and I took about 2.5-3 grams each and hardly experienced anything that profound. Just kind of a mysterious, strange, and unfamiliar state of mind with no crazy visuals or deep insights. I also fear that the fear I have itself may lead to an unpleasant experience, even though I was just as nervous my first time and it wasn't bad at all but rather enjoyable. How do I get in the right state of mind before trying them again? Thank You

Hello, I am a 20 year old college student with only 2 and a half semesters left in my pursuit of a finance degree. I hate it. I am extremely scared and uneasy about the thought of becoming a wage slave. The absolute last way I want to spend my life is in some cubical doing boring and repetitive work that will only get in the way of my consciousness work. This work has become my passion, mostly thanks to Leo. I have begun taking meditation and contemplation work very seriously and I've been reading about 3 books every month mostly from his book list. I have been putting off looking for an internship for quite a while now and it's beginning to catch up with me. My parents are always on my ass about it and I just can't get myself to accept the reality of the situation i'm in. I don't want to work a 9-5 job where all I do is kiss ass and work my tail off all for the benefit of someone else. It is completely unfulfilling. I am not lazy by any stretch of the imagination, I always work hard and do well in all my classes and endeavors but I desperately want to enjoy whatever it is I end up doing. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm still so young and have a lot to learn but I just feel so lost and a little bit scared. Do I have to just bite the bullet and join the typical labor force until hopefully I start to figure it out in the future? It's so difficult because when you begin to realize just how deep and meaningful pursuing enlightenment is, everything else seems so petty and not worth my while. I would rather spend my time becoming aware of what my existence means than crunching numbers for some bullshit corporation! Please help, any advice is appreciated

Although I have yet to have my own enlightenment/non-dual experience, based on what I have learned from Leo's videos, some books I have read, and other sources I've come across, apparently I am God, while simultaneously also being a part of God (part of the generation and re-generation of Teotl). Now I may ask, why am I already not directly conscious of this truth? To which the answer may be: The ego is getting in the way of me having this realization, so I must transcend the ego. Then I may ask: why does the ego even exist? To which the answer may be: It is an essential part of my survival. It needs to exist for me to survive. But the question remains (for me atleast) why is there a need for survival to begin with?

@Knock Thank you for your response. What drew me to studying finance was that I've always known working a 9-5 corporate job was not ideal for me. However, finance is something that will always be in demand and will always provide a good salary. So, it's sort of a back up plan in that I truly hope to continue figuring life out as I get older and go through new experiences and perhaps one day start my own business or figure out an alternative way to make it on my own, but if for whatever reason I don't, I have a great degree that will always be able to supply me with a good job and income.

@7thLetter Thank you, your response was very helpful. Option 2 is the obvious answer, and I already knew that. I think I just needed to hear it from someone else.