ivory

@ertopolice Meetup is free if you're a normal member. You only pay a fee if you organize your own group.

It's hard to tell what your problem is but perhaps a book on setting boundaries will help.

Me and my friends meet in parks, hike, and camp. We pretty much stick to the outdoors to minimize risk. That said, for those who don't have friends this is a really tough time to meet new people. However, meetup.com is still a decent option for meeting people. Some meetups gather outdoors or use zoom to congregate virtually. Some of my friends are still doing online dating to meet potential partners but I hear that many are cautious about meeting in person.

That's how you deconstruct concepts!

@Toadie2018 I'd start with high level concepts in summary form and read the news consistently until you start seeing patterns and familiarize yourself with terminology. Some suggested that you start by digging deep but I disagree with that approach. Start simple then follow your curiosity to deepen your understanding of the topics that interest you. If I could go back in time I'd use a road-map that looked something like this: Left vs Right-wing politics (liberal vs conservative) Socialism vs Capitalism Limitations and issues relating to health care, education, economics, equality, environment USA vs European politics Nordic politics

@commie Heya! I was just playfully making reference to the fact that the poll was anonymous. Thanks for stepping out of the shadows!

@Tim R I appreciate you being bold enough to start this thread. Leo can be condescending and arrogant which I find off-putting an unnecessary. Sometimes I take breaks from the forum because I get tired of his attitude. However, I keep returning because I've learned a lot here and have grown as a result. I've yet to find any other resources that offer anything close to what you can find here. That said, I take everything Leo says with a grain of salt. His antics prevent me from trusting him fully.

@tezk My meditation teacher told me to notice how posture tends to weaken as one gets lost in thought. I don't do it every time, but I check in with my posture when I catch the mind wandering.

@K Ghoul Assuming we live till 80, you're almost half way there. Make the rest of this journey count ?

@Elisabeth I used to have a struggle with indecision. It's hard to know which way to go when it's brand new territory. I personally make a pros and cons list based on whatever experience and research I've done. From there I make a decision and hope for the best. Truth is we learn from out mistakes and get clearer on our direction as we wander into new territory and try new things. That said, chronic indecisiveness has roots that trace deep into the psyche. Insight into the mechanics can help put it to rest. You can read more about that here.

If any of you are brave enough to step out of the shadows, I'm curious to see who else falls in the 35-45 age range. I just turned 40 myself.

@AtheisticNonduality I was initially drawn to shadow work but ended up becoming obsessed, confused, and exhausted. I used to date a therapist and she told me that many people fall into the same trap. She also mentioned that shadow work was really only suitable for creative types such as artists. I'm not sure why, but whatever. In any case, I have yet to find anyone that has a solid understanding of shadow work in order to apply it effectively. I personally believe that modern western psychology is more effective and straight forward. But, people don't want simple, they like to make things difficult. @cigologic Wow, it's awesome to meet someone else who was impacted by Peter's work. It's really helped me understand deep rooted unconscious beliefs, my tendency towards passivity, and how the critic operates. And yes, it's not exactly shadow work, but it is related in the sense that it focuses on the unconscious. But as I said previously, it's much more straight forward than the Jungian alternative. Depth psychology is by no means comprehensive. It doesn't help you clarify personal values or address existential concerns like CBT or ACT does. Nor does it incorporate a mindfulness or body awareness practice. I'm not sure if there is a comprehensive system out there, but if one were to experiment with different modalities in a skillful manner, one could tailor a set of skills and practices to meets the individual needs.

Cool dude, nice work!

One more thing I want to clarify, what most people don't realize is that there is no separation between life and spirituality. Spirituality should be ingrained in everything you do. The problem on this forum is that most people think that life isn't spiritual, and that spirituality is something you do when you renounce life. And that is what leads to dysfunction.

@Akemrelax You are exactly right. Nice observation. It varies from person to person. Introversion extroversion is a spectrum. We all have different needs. I think most need to focus on spending more time with friends. I suspect very few here spend too much time with friends as a means to avoid stuff. The way I personally manage is that I hang out with friends until I feel full. Then I go back to my cave to recharge.

@Keyhole At least you are honest about it

@Keyhole Do you have any interest in working through some of those issues? You miss out on a lot living in isolation and it's far from a healthy lifestyle.

I wouldn't necessarily equate a value to an attachment. And I disagree that all relationships are filled with turmoil. All relationships come with varying challenges. Buddhism does not preach anything about turmoil. But it would say that there is suffering in relationship. All of life has some suffering built into it. You can't escape it. Sounds like you have some pretty crappy friends. Not all are that way. They are more common than you think, but it takes time to build up a stable of friends with those qualities.

Actually, in most (not all) monasteries you will notice that they are highly community oriented. They recognize relationships as valuable resources and essential parts of the human experience. People do it for a number of reasons. I've noticed a few common traps, some of which I fell victim to. Some avoid the challenges a relationship brings. Others pretend to renounce relationships as a means of denying their inability to connect with others. Others are simply reckless and neglect relationships because they believe they're a distraction from enlightenment. All of them have sever mental health consequences. Good for you. Glad to hear that you're coming around.

Authentic friendships are much more healthy and fulfilling. And they aren't as elusive as you might think. I admit, they are difficult to find if you are young or live in a conservative or crime-ridden area. Just out of curiosity, what kind of qualities might that rare friend have? And why live a mediocre life when you can have one that's more fulfilling?

@Eph75 I get what you are saying but I think interpret the word "need" a bit differently. I equate needs to things necessary for survival and a basic level of mental health. If you cut out the mental health part of the equation, I might agree with you. We have very few needs, but man, life can really suck when you're dealing with depression, anxiety, and confusion. @Preety_India I get your point, and I agree. Neediness is an unhealthy dynamic.

I think there is some disconnect. Neediness and having needs are two different things. We need food, shelter, clothing, relationships, etc. All I am saying is that we are responsible for ensuring that our needs are met.

@Thestarguitarist14 This post was written just for you. You may feel good now, but beware, isolation will come back to haunt you.

@Preety_India You lost me there. When your needs aren't met it's time to get off your ass and take responsibility.

@Preety_India Thanks for chiming in. I certainly agree. I might elaborate by saying, though, that you can't transcend neediness unless your needs are met.