kag101

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Everything posted by kag101

  1. wow, so nice to read that you're being able to bond with your family! btw - do you take any meds to prevent maniac episodes?
  2. "The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates hey, year's almost over. it's a good time for reflection. even if you had a bad year, i think it's good to do a postmortem every year to keep track on how your life is going. after all, as Leo says, life unfolds in chapters. here's mine: work/study: i started college, which is an important step towards increasing my odds of having a good future. it's all about strategy, after all. the college i'm going might disappoint me? yea, but if I want 100% guarantee on the things I do, then I won't do shit. emotional intelligence: it has increased. i struggle a lot with emotional hypersensibility. if I have a certain problem in my life, I oftentimes start panicking. "what if I don't find a solution???" anyway, i've gotten better at becoming aware when those emotional overreactions. and i'm able to use my resources in a wise way. i still have a lot of work to do. maybe i struggle so much with that, because at 8, i had a huge breakdown when my parents divorced. this made me stop trusting that stability is possible. so now i'm slowly recovering that. social life: i used to struggle a lot with shyness (and when I was depressed, with social anxiety). i do feel more confident now. when i'm in a group, i've accepted that i listen more than i talk, but when I want, I do talk. as with many fellow introverts, i used to fantasize being extroverted, loud, and care-free. but now, i actually like the way i am. i see that because i don't speak a lot, what I speak has greater value. relationships/sex life: it's gotten deeper. i noticed that i'm going out fewer people. it's a quality over quantity sorta thing. and now, before I sexualize a relationship, I think a lot whether it's worth it or not. i feel more self-confident in this area. family: my relationship with them is doing well. self-development/spirituality: i'm going for my second year of doing psychotherapy. i've actually written a topic here back almost exactly 2 years ago about my experience and the benefits of doing it. to me, high-quality psychotherapy is undoubtedly the number 1 action that truly improves my self-development. finances: from my standards, i was able to save a good amount of money this year. next step is learning how to invest in a safe way. physical activity/weight: i've kinda struggled in those areas. i did lose a good amount of weight in 2020. i'm in a decent shape, but I want to improve. i've been reading a very good book called "Intuitive Eating". it's a paradigm shift. and physical activity, i had some pain in my body as I was doing it, so I didn't do it as much as I would want it. hobbies/habits: • chess. it is an awesome game. it's something i never imagined i'd be interested in, but here I am. and I imagine i will keep playing/studying it for at least the next couple of years. my main goal is to reach a rating of 1500 on chess.com. • piano. despite being kinda demotivated, i kept doing classes. and it was worth it, because I learned a song that I've always dreamed I would be able to play since I was a kid, Rondo Alla Turca, by Mozart. • DIY. i've started experimenting with doing things myself. i'm not confident, so i'm focusing on the basics. and it's something that gives a rewarding feeling. how would you rate it 1-10? 7 it doesn't have to be so structured as the one I did (i'm a virgo lol). it would be cool to hear how you guys are doing. if you want to do the way I did it: work/study: emotional intelligence: social life: relationships/sex life: family: self-development/spirituality: finances: physical activity/eating: hobbies/habits: how would you rate it 1-10? i hope you guys have a great 2022! ?
  3. lol, you're right. i'd also add that a lot of people pretend like they're listening, but in reality they're just waiting for you to finish so they can say what's already on their mind. when i notice that is happening, i simply don't waste my energy. i stop speaking and as soon as i can i end the conversation in a polite way. i've learned that i shouldn't argue so that others hear what i have to say. if i have some intimacy with the person, then i might say something like, "hold on, i'm not finished", but i only do that if it's worth it. I agree. These wannabe-alpha approaches are not effective irl. It'll quickly become a competition, and no one's gonna listen to anyone.
  4. idk about that... in my experience it has been the contrary. it has to be a good psychologist thou. nice! im glad to hear that sounds like a plan! do you have any idea where can you find new people? just be careful to not "overprepare". this can quickly turn into a self-sabotaging perfectionism. i've been going to a good therapist over the past 2,5 years, and it's been changing my life. it goes to the core of the problem. it's not a quick-fix psychedelic trip that doesn't last. it's a gradual and reliable process. ???????? i got goosebumps at this part. btw - are you currently going to a psychiatrist? i can really relate to what you wrote. i think you're on the right path! i accepted that i needed medical help in 2018. i got stabilized in December of 2019. then in 2020, i was able to work on maintaining some basic routine and i also started some hobbies. then in 2021, i started college. so it's a gradual process of fixing my life. and i have to say that going to a psychologist helps me tremendously. the fact that my mood is stabilized (thanks to medication) allows me to navigate through life without feeling like i had a 100-lbs weight on my shoulder. but the thing is, because i havent had many experiences in my life (because I was in zombie-mode for many years), im still imature in some areas. and my therapist helps me a lot to accelerate my healing. id say it amplifies 10x. it's like a calibration. me too! health problems is such a pain in the ass
  5. that makes sense. the book i'm reading talks about that. it also suggests to ask myself some questions such as: "how hungry am I?", "do I really want to eat that?"
  6. Haha, good one cool! why do you think it was enough? i wouldn't worry about that. most people who had those grandiose experiences only had them because they were using psychedelics. i enjoyed reading it =) thats awesome, man! have you talked with a professional? it reminded me of my 2016. what do you mean by "i wont resist no more"? you'll try to accept whatever happens to you? i think thats the right mindset. the goal is to have fun. ive never been to one tbh. i want to go at least once next year. good! i can relate to that lol. thats my goal lol
  7. I agree. Being part of a group that has a shared interest in one of the best ways to make new friends.
  8. Yes! This idea some people have of being unconditionally happy is ludicrous. I'd also add that an enlightened person goes through the grieving process, but just stay there as long as it is necessary.
  9. hello! first of all, congrats for questioning whether what you're feeling is mental illness or not. i fell into the trap for years to "spiritualize" my mental breakdowns. that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. it ends up being a rabbit hole. i thought all that madness was part of my awakening process -- nothing could be farther from the truth! i've been going to a great psychologist and psychiatrist over the past two years, and now i have something that no cathartic spiritual experience would give me: stability. without that, it is impossible to build anything in life. i hate the feeling of not knowing whether i will wake up the next day on cloud 9 or in hell. from what you're describing, it does look like bipolar disorder. have you ever had those types of mood swings before? has anything happened in the past two months that might have triggered what you're feeling? i think it would be positive to get checked by a doctor. try doing some research to find a good one. would you feel okay taking medication (at least for a while)? even if you don't go there, my two cents would be to at least take a break from spiritual practices and stay close to people you like. good luck! ???? if you want, feel free to PM me. i'd really like for you to keep me posted. i really hope you feel better soon!! i know how scary wild mood swings can feel.
  10. if you keep rating women like that, probably not
  11. when i'm obsessively thinking about how i need to do something, i set a timer on my phone for like 1 hour and tell myself: "ok, i'm not going to think about X for 1 hour." this helps a lot. it's a deliberate choice, as you say. it works well to neutralize thoughts like, "you have to do it, man!!! come on, get out of this bed". because then i can say to myself: "i will think about that when my phone beeps". and when the time is over, i have better chances of actually doing what i'm supposed to do. another example is when i'm desperately trying to figure something out. like, finding a solution to a problem or something. but thing is, sometimes the most productive thing to do is to do nothing. i might need to let the thing marinate on my subconscious. then, when i'm focused on a different thing, the answer might come. btw - i have a suggestion on your writing: maybe it'd be better to have more paragraphs. i think it'd be smoother to read. but anyway, it's an interesting and counter-intuitive subject
  12. in my experience, contemplating about existence can be fruitful up to a certain point. after a while, it becomes a sterile mental masturbation. it's a rabbit hole. also, ive found that my existential crisis always get worse when other areas of my life are not doing well (especially when i'm not emotionally bonding with others) .
  13. loneliness is hell. people who have never experienced it in high degress have no idea how much suffering it can bring. i hope you make some good friends you can hang out with and have relaxing moments together. you seem like a nice person. btw - do you have a cat? they can help
  14. practice a little bit every single day. the road to mastery is not a 100m race, but a marathon. if you manage to commit to practice/study a certain amount of time every day, you'll get momentum. and the snowball effect will kick in. i recommend the book "Mastery" - George Leonard. btw - nice killua picture
  15. Taking for granted Apparently I've managed to fix my problem with using the mouse. I made an adaptation to my table. So that's good. It's really unpleasant to feel pain while I was playing chess. And I know that I figured things out, I'm like. "Yeah, whatever". I try to be mindful of the tendency of taking things for granted. 1) There is a problem that I'm really worried about. 2) I get a fear of whether I'll be able to solve it or not. 3) I eventually find a solution. 4) I take it for granted, and start to focus on a new problem. Gratitude is important. In-person classes My college is slowly starting to give in-person classes, and that has been good. I feel like it's good for my mental health. Plus, I was simply not watching the online classes. And I was sorta panicking if I was going to be able to "endure" the in-person lectures. I got into overanalyzing mode, and I was calculating how many hours I would have to spend there. But in reality, it was much more enjoyable than I was expecting. Problem with my sleep I've got a problem with my sleeping schedule. Seriously, there are days that I go to bed when the sun has already risen. It's depressing. I was trying to brute force my way into sleeping earlier, but it was simply not working. So now I'm experimenting with changing in a more gradual way. So here's my initial plan. Go to bed at: 1st week: 4-4:30AM (Oct 25th ~Nov 1st) 2nd week: 3:30-4:00AM (Nov 2st - Nov 7th) 3rd week: 3:00-3:30AM (Nov 8th - 14th) 4th week 2:30AM-3:00AM (Nov 15th - Nov 21st) I'll start with that. A very modest expectation. I'll consider a new week every Monday. So I hope it works well. The only thing that I definitely don't want is to sleep past 5AM. It's just way too depressing. That said, I do enjoy the late night. And since I'm studying in the evening, I don't have to worry about waking up early. I'm in a phase of my life that I don't really want to wake up early. Ideally, i would go to bed at 2-2:30 AM. Chess it's been good. i sorta hit a plateau lately, but thats okay. I played with a Grandmaster that I follow on Twitch. It was fun, but it was kinda humiliating lol. but anyway. My growth has been gradual and steady. One day I went berserk and started playing really wild moves. And I was winning a lot of matches. But it was a black-and-white sorta thing. I would either crush my opponent or get crushed myself. And I know that this doesn't work on higher levels. Sometimes random moves throws people off because they're not used to them. But after a certain level, it doesn't. I'm starting to focus on learning some basic theory about the most used oppenings. It's useful, and it's something very minimal. My dream is to reach 2000 one day, but that's unlikely. 1500 is a more realistic expecatation. I think I can get there in 3 years, idk. The danger with underestimating simple solutions When I spend too much time by myself, I start to think about overly deep stuff. It's like a rabbit hole. And my spiritual ego refuses to accept that somethign as simple as hanging out with a friend can do wonders. it's like "somehitng of utter simplicity can't help with the ugly complications of my life". and sometimes the simplest things are the ones that work the most.
  16. i plan to write freely here throughout this year
  17. Yes, as long as it is something authentic. That is, not something she's doing because she wants to play hard to get, but because she genuinely wants to wait. I think this is also a good test to see if the guy is worth it or not. If he gets too irritated or frustrated, then i consider that a red flag. the guy probably just want to have sex.
  18. hey first of all, i'm not looking for spitiritual answers, such as "You're not your body. You're Consciousness." i'm talking about a more basic self-development stuff. so not objetive Absolute Reality, but the subjective (human) one. you know, sometimes i don't like that i'm just a stupid animal who thinks he's above every other specie. i'm not pure. i have to take shit. i have to eat otherwise i feel like crap and eventually die. i have to sleep. i gotta have emotional bonds with others all this sound so lame. i don't even have to start talking about how ridiculous sex is, right? i think i'm too immature to accept that i'm flawed. i'm no angel. i'm just a monkey. even though there is this side in me that thinks the material world is pathetic; there's also a part in me that see how infinitely awesome all of this is. of how from a single cell we evolved to become this highly complex beings. of how my body is like a servant that is working 24/7 to keep me alive. etc maybe it's one of those things that i will never find a definitive resolution, and that the best thing to do is to not think too much about it, and just keep taking care of my human needs. i'd appreciate if you could share your thoughts on this. thanks
  19. That makes sense. sometimes the solution is much simpler than it appears. i often go into these long questioning of my own existence when i'm spending too much time by myself also. thanks for the help yeap. it's a process... exactly. i think it takes real maturity to come to the terms with that. thanks, that gave me a good laugh
  20. it always amazed me how the mind is wired to take granted good things that have worked out. example, i was nervous if it would be possible to change my college to a hybrid version. seriously, i worried a lot about that over the past few months. and then, when it worked... i don't celebrate it. why? because the mind is already scanning for other problems to worry about. it's sort of an addiction that i have. i ended up buying this guy. it's much more ergonomical. the only problem with this type of mouse is that it creates tension on a different part. but fuck i'm trying to make some new adaptation lol. one important thing to keep in mind when something is aching is this: how bad is it? because if i'm going to worry about every single discomfort, then i'm in for a disaster. one common trap is to get obsessed about the pain. so instead of resting and let my body recover by itself, my stupid ego starts panicking and then i start doing things to get rid of the discomfort, but that it only worsen the problem. my birthday was last week. it was good. getting older isn't freaking me out that much anymore thankfully. i feel like, because i'm in a good direction in my life, then i don't feel like i'm wasting my time. i'm really grateful for having found my psychologist. seriously. i've tried with many before, and she's the real deal. i used to think that therapy was too soft, slow, and ineffective. i wanted a quick-fix. but all of the marketing in self-help was just that... marketing. some techniques can help, but they are not a panacea. neither is meditation nor psychedelics. going to therapy feels like i'm calibrating my inner tires. i think that therapy sort of have a bad-rep, because the overwhelming majority of therapists are terrible. getting in touch with other human beings is key. whoever says that they don't need anybody. they can be perfectly happy with no human contact whatsoever is full of BS. the quality of the people i interact is pivotal. interacting with unpleasant people doesn't help. anyway, i was feeling so stressed out two weeks ago. i had gone on a date that didn't go so well. the political situation in my country is really bad. i started to get all sorts of pain in my body. and then what truly helped was doing simple things with other people. like hanging out with a good friend of mine. oftentimes when i'm really caught in my own head, i think that seeing others is a waste of time. but actually it is an outlet for stress. i'm an animal one danger of getting too much on spirituality is to dismiss one of our most important needs: belongingness. it takes courage and maturity to fully embrace my humanity. the fact that i'm an animal. "i'm not my body. i'm the eternal soul" >> stop fooling yourself. I just don't want to admit that I'm a freaking animal, just like a chimpanzee. the only big difference between me and it is the complexity of my brain. i don't want to admit i'm flawed. that ihave to poop. you know, that disgusting stuff comes out of my body. i'm not pure. but i have a feeling that when i fully accept that Imperfection, then true enlightenment happens.
  21. i dont really get tbh. how would you define "higher consciousness"?