kag101

Wow, i'm so glad to see that you're also experiencing this. Have you read the book?

in my experience, ego backlash happens when i try to make too many changes too fast and too rigidly. is that your case as well?

did they ditch you because of your obsession with PD/pick up?

hey, sorry for being overly aggressive yesterday. i just edited my reply. btw - i think you responded me in an elegant way. you did not get all offended -- but instead you stated your point of view with humor anyway, yeah, with a proper context and with social calibration, as you said, it can be a valid strategy. idk if commenting on her appearance is the best way to go. maybe a more natural way would be to make a random comment about something in the environment. let's say she was picking Brazilian nuts, then you could say something, like "i really like Brazilian nuts. do you add them to any specific food?". and then you see how it goes from there. what do you think about that?

what about you? how's your life going?

this simply does not work. it will either backfire really bad, or you'll lose pleasure in the eating experience. and you'll become one of those people who lose a bunch of weight, and it seems like they lost their soul in the process as well. lol.

careful to not get neurotic about that. i did some pretty hardcore cold approaches in the past, and they made me look like a freak. this is bullshit.

do you feel like you overdo masturbation? if yes, why do you think this is happening? sometimes it can be a way to make up for an unmet need (e.g., having intimacy with a romantic partner).

what does that cause?

exactly. some people think it's possible to completely transcend their humanity. good luck with that lol

Careful to not fall into the trap of using solipsism to bypass your loneliness. It will not work (especially in the long run). Bonding with others is a need.

ur anthropomorphizing god lol

i want my life to be in stabilized and evolving positively one fear i have is the economy breaking down big time

context we are not super close. but i do talk with him from time to time. we sometimes have some enjoyable conversations, but his mental state is off the rails. three weeks ago he attempted suicide. then the other day he called me when he was in the middle of a crisis. and two days ago, he simply sent me, out of nowhere, a picture of his wrists covered in blood. he had cut himself. he said he had a relapse because of his ex. i was in shock. i only send him something like: "i'm not the right person to help you in this moment. you need specialized help asap." this made me realize that i have to distance myself from him -- for my own mental health. my plan i thought about distancing myself in a gradual way. but especially after that picture he sent, he crossed a line that i don't think i should tolerate. so basically he's a person that i don't want to have any contact in my life anymore. so maybe it'd be better to send him a text explaining respectfully -- yet firmly -- why i decided to distance myself from him. and if he insists on interacting with me, i might take more serious measures (e.g., blocking). any thoughts? thanks!

yes, i am considering just distancing myself. on the other hand, i just want to get this over with. i have no interest in maintaining any sort of contact with him. I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands nowadays i'm more conservative in terms of cutting down people. i only do so if it's really necessary. because if i do it impulsively, i might regret afterwards. have you ever tried to be a friend of someone who is struggling with mental illness? it's very exhausting. and what i'm coming to the conclusion is that my emotional support isn't really helping him. he needs a good therapist and psychiatrist, and an inner true desire to recover. without that, maintaining an emotional bond with him will sooner or later become unbearable. but anyway, thanks for you input thanks for the recommendation!

do you have friends? i notice in myself that when i'm overstimulating myself is due to lack of bonding with others.

i have had bad results. i'm an above average guy. it's really frustrating. i feel like the app doesn't show my profile to them. i installed inner circle recently, and it's been sorta better. i've met an interesting girl there.

current worries: college - are you F kidding me? I had found a hybrid version of psychology, but my college is going to change all of that. FUCK. seriously, that pissed me off really bad. it was going to be great. i would get the benefits of going to in-person classes, but also would not have to go there everyday. dad has lost his job he told me he's trying to become an entrepreneur, but i don't think that's going to work. on the one hand, the job he was at was too stressful, but i do worry about financial stability politics in my country there'll be presidential elections where i live this year. and the scenario doesn't look good at all. dang =( getting bald well, i know this is already happening. it just sucks. i wanna start making money so i can do a hair implant eventually. i used to love my hair. i feel like this is a big lesson on letting go. no wonder why the Buddha shaved his hair... getting fat my weight is decent. it just that i'm stagnated in it. i've been reading a book called "Intuitive Eating". it's very interesting. it's against diet mentality. it's a more intutive approach getting neurotic on this journal i have a tendency for getting too methodical. OCD type of thing. things that are going well: relationships i had a stop urge a few months ago to cut a lot of people off of my life. this was a really dumb decision. fortunately, i was able to get in touch with those people. and i'm glad i've recovered these bonds overcoming hypochondria i start getting some sort of pain? OMG! this is going to get chronic!!!! i've been able to spot these thoughts, and have been able to calm myself down. not taking the burden of other to myself i still am a sponge, but i've gotten better at not overwhelming myself with the pain of others. for instance, i worry that my lil brother is going to have psychological problems, because my dad scolds him too much. i used to get really affected by that, but now i feel like it's in a normal intensity. anyway, obviously there are other things, but i will write more in the future. thanks for reading.

I had some similar experiences like that when I was neurotically trying to get enlightened through psychedelics & strong determination meditation. I pushed it more and more, as if eventually I'd have a breakthrough and embody Truth. Then, one day it happened. I cracked open the fabric of reality. I was in that state 24/7. I had transcended the Matrix. And I wasn't even using anything nor meditating anymore. I felt like I was everything. I reached a point where I thought I could read people's minds, because I was so attuned with the field of energy. Biggest BS of my life, and that lead me to some of the most cringest situations of my life. Bottom line is, the only thing I attained was madness and had to go on antipsychotic medication. Nowadays, whenever I start feeling disconnected from my body, I go do something else. That's why I also don't meditate anymore (I do Tai Chi instead). My questions are: If you feel like you're losing your mind, then why do you keep doing those practices? Do you think it's healthy?

my advice would be to have real-life experiences. install tinder or something, and eventually you'll find someone you feel comfortable exploring sexuality. no amount of reading (especially on the internet) nor thinking will solve this aspect of your life. i've noticed that as soon as i started to have experiences, intrusive sexual fantasies stopped popping in my head.

maybe you're the perfect embodiment of spiritual ego lol

wow, so nice to read that you're being able to bond with your family! btw - do you take any meds to prevent maniac episodes?

"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates hey, year's almost over. it's a good time for reflection. even if you had a bad year, i think it's good to do a postmortem every year to keep track on how your life is going. after all, as Leo says, life unfolds in chapters. here's mine: work/study: i started college, which is an important step towards increasing my odds of having a good future. it's all about strategy, after all. the college i'm going might disappoint me? yea, but if I want 100% guarantee on the things I do, then I won't do shit. emotional intelligence: it has increased. i struggle a lot with emotional hypersensibility. if I have a certain problem in my life, I oftentimes start panicking. "what if I don't find a solution???" anyway, i've gotten better at becoming aware when those emotional overreactions. and i'm able to use my resources in a wise way. i still have a lot of work to do. maybe i struggle so much with that, because at 8, i had a huge breakdown when my parents divorced. this made me stop trusting that stability is possible. so now i'm slowly recovering that. social life: i used to struggle a lot with shyness (and when I was depressed, with social anxiety). i do feel more confident now. when i'm in a group, i've accepted that i listen more than i talk, but when I want, I do talk. as with many fellow introverts, i used to fantasize being extroverted, loud, and care-free. but now, i actually like the way i am. i see that because i don't speak a lot, what I speak has greater value. relationships/sex life: it's gotten deeper. i noticed that i'm going out fewer people. it's a quality over quantity sorta thing. and now, before I sexualize a relationship, I think a lot whether it's worth it or not. i feel more self-confident in this area. family: my relationship with them is doing well. self-development/spirituality: i'm going for my second year of doing psychotherapy. i've actually written a topic here back almost exactly 2 years ago about my experience and the benefits of doing it. to me, high-quality psychotherapy is undoubtedly the number 1 action that truly improves my self-development. finances: from my standards, i was able to save a good amount of money this year. next step is learning how to invest in a safe way. physical activity/weight: i've kinda struggled in those areas. i did lose a good amount of weight in 2020. i'm in a decent shape, but I want to improve. i've been reading a very good book called "Intuitive Eating". it's a paradigm shift. and physical activity, i had some pain in my body as I was doing it, so I didn't do it as much as I would want it. hobbies/habits: • chess. it is an awesome game. it's something i never imagined i'd be interested in, but here I am. and I imagine i will keep playing/studying it for at least the next couple of years. my main goal is to reach a rating of 1500 on chess.com. • piano. despite being kinda demotivated, i kept doing classes. and it was worth it, because I learned a song that I've always dreamed I would be able to play since I was a kid, Rondo Alla Turca, by Mozart. • DIY. i've started experimenting with doing things myself. i'm not confident, so i'm focusing on the basics. and it's something that gives a rewarding feeling. how would you rate it 1-10? 7 it doesn't have to be so structured as the one I did (i'm a virgo lol). it would be cool to hear how you guys are doing. if you want to do the way I did it: work/study: emotional intelligence: social life: relationships/sex life: family: self-development/spirituality: finances: physical activity/eating: hobbies/habits: how would you rate it 1-10? i hope you guys have a great 2022! ?

lol, you're right. i'd also add that a lot of people pretend like they're listening, but in reality they're just waiting for you to finish so they can say what's already on their mind. when i notice that is happening, i simply don't waste my energy. i stop speaking and as soon as i can i end the conversation in a polite way. i've learned that i shouldn't argue so that others hear what i have to say. if i have some intimacy with the person, then i might say something like, "hold on, i'm not finished", but i only do that if it's worth it. I agree. These wannabe-alpha approaches are not effective irl. It'll quickly become a competition, and no one's gonna listen to anyone.

idk about that... in my experience it has been the contrary. it has to be a good psychologist thou. nice! im glad to hear that sounds like a plan! do you have any idea where can you find new people? just be careful to not "overprepare". this can quickly turn into a self-sabotaging perfectionism. i've been going to a good therapist over the past 2,5 years, and it's been changing my life. it goes to the core of the problem. it's not a quick-fix psychedelic trip that doesn't last. it's a gradual and reliable process. ???????? i got goosebumps at this part. btw - are you currently going to a psychiatrist? i can really relate to what you wrote. i think you're on the right path! i accepted that i needed medical help in 2018. i got stabilized in December of 2019. then in 2020, i was able to work on maintaining some basic routine and i also started some hobbies. then in 2021, i started college. so it's a gradual process of fixing my life. and i have to say that going to a psychologist helps me tremendously. the fact that my mood is stabilized (thanks to medication) allows me to navigate through life without feeling like i had a 100-lbs weight on my shoulder. but the thing is, because i havent had many experiences in my life (because I was in zombie-mode for many years), im still imature in some areas. and my therapist helps me a lot to accelerate my healing. id say it amplifies 10x. it's like a calibration. me too! health problems is such a pain in the ass