kag101

Is there anybody who you have a good emotional bond with?

first of all, i'm in my mid twenties, so i'm not old. my body is either overly sensitive or i have some sort of OCD regarding physical pain. maybe both lol i find it incredible how almost any activity that i start doing more regularly, BOOM. some sort of physical discomfort kicks in. it's really tiresome. i tried in the past to use a "macho" approach to that, so i'd simply try to ignore the pain signals. didn't work at all. activities that i feel some discomfort: driving → ankle. because i have to lift it relatively high, it gets sorta painful after a while piano → pinkie finger gets tired soon writing→ my index finger starts to feel weird mouse → either my wrist or my elbow (probably because of the height of the table) cellphone → my tendinitus kicks in especially in my forearm. (when i hold the phone in the most ergonomically correct way) playing soccer → my feet, especially if i'm shooting the ball too much. my knees, if i start running a bit. speaking → my throat gets really dry. then, it starts to get painful to talk watching lectures → i always have to sit in the middle of the class. otherwise my neck starts hurting. my biggest fear is that it becomes something chronic. so after any sign of discomfort, i usually get hyperaware of it and i stop the activity. my strategy nowadays is this: 1) self-negotiate. for example, regarding soccer i bought a lighter ball. regarding my phone, i'm thinking of selling my big-ass iPhone and buy an iPhone Mini. 2) do longer experiments with things that i think that causes me pain. for example, the thing about my pinkie finger while playing the piano. instead of stop playing as soon as i feel the slightest discomfort, i set a longer period of time for doing the activity. this helps to differentiate true pain vs psychological pain. because then i don't jump into conclusions after just a small evidence. 3) i do not try to correct my "technique" --> focus on natural form when i get overly focused on having a perfect form, it ends up backfiring. example: a few years ago, i was doing a bunch of vocal exercises to stop my throat pain. result? my voice got extremely breathy, which made matters worse. i started to lose my voice really quickly. 4) do more fun things when my day is full of fun activities, then i usually don't think about the pain. but when i have too much free time or if i'm stressed, then the pain gets amplified. i don't lack any vitamins. i considered going to a rheumatologist to see if it helps somehow. anyway, i feel like i've improved with dealing with this by 40%, which is good. but i was curious to see if anybody has gone through a similar thing. i'm more interested in psychological strategies than health tips (such as going to acupuncture). but anyway, feel free to say whatever is on your mind. thanks

I agree! Emotional bonding with others is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

don't like the title of this journal maybe just Emotional Intelligence Training or something would be better. i like to reframe challenging situations in my life as an emotionally intelligence game. this way, i stop getting overly identified with the problem and i see it more in a neutral-playful way. playing too much chess! i have to diversify my hobbies a bit. i was trying to play checkers online, but almost nobody plays it other things that i thought of doing: - download & play crash bandicoot 3 warped - play (and record) the piano more - express myself artistically (maybe painting) - find a book to read (i will start the book "Speak". it sounds interesting and not too difficult to read) - make 10 minute session of organizing (deliberately short so that i actually do it) - stretching & gentle yoga so things like that. two things that i used to care that now i choose to alienate myself from: politics & soccer. both of which were just pissing me off. reflecting about my experience in this forum it's crazy to think that i use this forum for over 6 years. i went through a big transformation. back in 2016-17, i was in a state of deep confusion, as if i was lost in a dark forest. i thought psychedelics & spirituality were the answer to my problems. nothing could be farther from the truth. >> the freaking power of premium psychotherapy + premium psychiatric sessions is unbelievable << it's really expensive, but it's the best investment i could ever do in my life. i finally feel healthy once again. i feel like my true me again. just working my way up the hierarchy of needs. it's really easy to forget about the foundation and try to reach the top. but without a solid base, everything's gonna fall apart college's been good i've been able to make some friends in my class, which is really important. because if i were to go to the classes just because of the classes per se, then it'd be depressing. in a way, it's good that it took me more years to get into college. i'm 25, and i'm in my second year. i feel much more prepared to go through the college experience. i'm doing it because I want it. not because society tells me so. and also, because my mental health is being taken care of, i can experience the challenges as for what they actually are, and not get amplified by 100x because of depression. there are some other older students in my class but i don't feel like them tbh. i relate much more to the ones that are in their early 20's. but i do like to diversify the groups that i interact with. regarding social groups, i'm polygamic lol. i hope the hybrid modality continues! there's been protests against this. my college basically wants that about half of the course will be through online real-time classes. to me, that's great. i feel no desire to go to the college every single day. i feel like by going there fewer times, when i actually go, the experience is heightened. i hope this doesn't change, because it's been comfortable for me.

Wow, i'm so glad to see that you're also experiencing this. Have you read the book?

in my experience, ego backlash happens when i try to make too many changes too fast and too rigidly. is that your case as well?

did they ditch you because of your obsession with PD/pick up?

hey, sorry for being overly aggressive yesterday. i just edited my reply. btw - i think you responded me in an elegant way. you did not get all offended -- but instead you stated your point of view with humor anyway, yeah, with a proper context and with social calibration, as you said, it can be a valid strategy. idk if commenting on her appearance is the best way to go. maybe a more natural way would be to make a random comment about something in the environment. let's say she was picking Brazilian nuts, then you could say something, like "i really like Brazilian nuts. do you add them to any specific food?". and then you see how it goes from there. what do you think about that?

what about you? how's your life going?

this simply does not work. it will either backfire really bad, or you'll lose pleasure in the eating experience. and you'll become one of those people who lose a bunch of weight, and it seems like they lost their soul in the process as well. lol.

careful to not get neurotic about that. i did some pretty hardcore cold approaches in the past, and they made me look like a freak. this is bullshit.

do you feel like you overdo masturbation? if yes, why do you think this is happening? sometimes it can be a way to make up for an unmet need (e.g., having intimacy with a romantic partner).

what does that cause?

exactly. some people think it's possible to completely transcend their humanity. good luck with that lol

Careful to not fall into the trap of using solipsism to bypass your loneliness. It will not work (especially in the long run). Bonding with others is a need.

ur anthropomorphizing god lol

i want my life to be in stabilized and evolving positively one fear i have is the economy breaking down big time

context we are not super close. but i do talk with him from time to time. we sometimes have some enjoyable conversations, but his mental state is off the rails. three weeks ago he attempted suicide. then the other day he called me when he was in the middle of a crisis. and two days ago, he simply sent me, out of nowhere, a picture of his wrists covered in blood. he had cut himself. he said he had a relapse because of his ex. i was in shock. i only send him something like: "i'm not the right person to help you in this moment. you need specialized help asap." this made me realize that i have to distance myself from him -- for my own mental health. my plan i thought about distancing myself in a gradual way. but especially after that picture he sent, he crossed a line that i don't think i should tolerate. so basically he's a person that i don't want to have any contact in my life anymore. so maybe it'd be better to send him a text explaining respectfully -- yet firmly -- why i decided to distance myself from him. and if he insists on interacting with me, i might take more serious measures (e.g., blocking). any thoughts? thanks!

yes, i am considering just distancing myself. on the other hand, i just want to get this over with. i have no interest in maintaining any sort of contact with him. I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands nowadays i'm more conservative in terms of cutting down people. i only do so if it's really necessary. because if i do it impulsively, i might regret afterwards. have you ever tried to be a friend of someone who is struggling with mental illness? it's very exhausting. and what i'm coming to the conclusion is that my emotional support isn't really helping him. he needs a good therapist and psychiatrist, and an inner true desire to recover. without that, maintaining an emotional bond with him will sooner or later become unbearable. but anyway, thanks for you input thanks for the recommendation!

do you have friends? i notice in myself that when i'm overstimulating myself is due to lack of bonding with others.

i have had bad results. i'm an above average guy. it's really frustrating. i feel like the app doesn't show my profile to them. i installed inner circle recently, and it's been sorta better. i've met an interesting girl there.

current worries: college - are you F kidding me? I had found a hybrid version of psychology, but my college is going to change all of that. FUCK. seriously, that pissed me off really bad. it was going to be great. i would get the benefits of going to in-person classes, but also would not have to go there everyday. dad has lost his job he told me he's trying to become an entrepreneur, but i don't think that's going to work. on the one hand, the job he was at was too stressful, but i do worry about financial stability politics in my country there'll be presidential elections where i live this year. and the scenario doesn't look good at all. dang =( getting bald well, i know this is already happening. it just sucks. i wanna start making money so i can do a hair implant eventually. i used to love my hair. i feel like this is a big lesson on letting go. no wonder why the Buddha shaved his hair... getting fat my weight is decent. it just that i'm stagnated in it. i've been reading a book called "Intuitive Eating". it's very interesting. it's against diet mentality. it's a more intutive approach getting neurotic on this journal i have a tendency for getting too methodical. OCD type of thing. things that are going well: relationships i had a stop urge a few months ago to cut a lot of people off of my life. this was a really dumb decision. fortunately, i was able to get in touch with those people. and i'm glad i've recovered these bonds overcoming hypochondria i start getting some sort of pain? OMG! this is going to get chronic!!!! i've been able to spot these thoughts, and have been able to calm myself down. not taking the burden of other to myself i still am a sponge, but i've gotten better at not overwhelming myself with the pain of others. for instance, i worry that my lil brother is going to have psychological problems, because my dad scolds him too much. i used to get really affected by that, but now i feel like it's in a normal intensity. anyway, obviously there are other things, but i will write more in the future. thanks for reading.

I had some similar experiences like that when I was neurotically trying to get enlightened through psychedelics & strong determination meditation. I pushed it more and more, as if eventually I'd have a breakthrough and embody Truth. Then, one day it happened. I cracked open the fabric of reality. I was in that state 24/7. I had transcended the Matrix. And I wasn't even using anything nor meditating anymore. I felt like I was everything. I reached a point where I thought I could read people's minds, because I was so attuned with the field of energy. Biggest BS of my life, and that lead me to some of the most cringest situations of my life. Bottom line is, the only thing I attained was madness and had to go on antipsychotic medication. Nowadays, whenever I start feeling disconnected from my body, I go do something else. That's why I also don't meditate anymore (I do Tai Chi instead). My questions are: If you feel like you're losing your mind, then why do you keep doing those practices? Do you think it's healthy?

my advice would be to have real-life experiences. install tinder or something, and eventually you'll find someone you feel comfortable exploring sexuality. no amount of reading (especially on the internet) nor thinking will solve this aspect of your life. i've noticed that as soon as i started to have experiences, intrusive sexual fantasies stopped popping in my head.

maybe you're the perfect embodiment of spiritual ego lol